How often does the topic of retirement come up?

[97guns]

Not retirement talk with your family and friends, they already know that your retired, the question is about people you see on the street and just making small talk. It always seems the question asked is what do you do? I never ask it, I stay off that topic but it always seems to find me.

Just the other day on the poker table, the guy to my right and I started talking, come to find he lives just a few miles from my home, more small talk then he pops it, what do you do for work? I answer “I don’t work” and I see his head churning... is he a professional poker player? Here I am sitting here in flip flops and jeans with holes in it and I gotta go to work in 2 hours, what the heck? He then asks me - do you own a business or something? And at that point I have to explain my fire, seems to happen often, just the small talk of what do you do, does it happen to you?

 

[Sunset]

Yep, I was looking at some Harley bikes, really just killing time waiting for my car to be fixed up the road. The sales guy finally popped the questions
I told him I'm retired.
He asked what I do all day.
I told him I travel a lot.
Then he gives me a high five, and tells me that's what he wants to do someday!!

Usually folks are not that happy for me, more confused or jealous.

 

[urn2bfree]

It is an American thing. Very unusual in Europe where questions about what work you do are considered rude.

 

[Midpack]

It comes up, but in many ways, and it may not be as it seems. When you look young to be retired, it’s often going to draw questions. Early retirement is uncommon, so you’re catching the other party a little off guard. Many just don’t know what to say, or they’re just awkward making conversation if retirement is not an option for them. Some may be jealous yes, but some are just puzzled or curious yet not sure what to say. I always keep it light, say retirement is good and bad much as working is, and get off the subject quickly.

 

[brucethebroker]

when you look young to be retired, it’s often going to draw questions. Early retirement is uncommon, so you’re catching the other party a little off guard. Many just don’t know what to say, or they’re just awkward making conversation if retirement is not an option for them.

Yeah, we have friends without children. The topic of kids/grandkids comes up often and puts them in an uncomfortable position. That question can also be rude and NOYB.

 

[misshathaway]

This probably only works if you look near the age of retirement, but I've found that it rarely comes up if you seek out social situations with timeslots populated with the retired and/or 65+ agers. For instance I switched my gym time from 5am to 1pm. Same thing with grocery store and library. Bonus for me is that the entrepreneur/ flexible hours tech people also tend to pick the less-used time slots. I used to get "the question" at least once a month. Now, I think the last time was about 6 months ago.

When I used to get the "what do you do" question it never came to a good end if I only answered "retired". Intrusive money questions usually follow, and then a litany of how much the asker hates their job and will never be able to retire. Somehow that always makes me feel guilty.

Now I say, "I'm retired. I used to work as a programmer. I still do that at home but now I'm free to work on any project I want". Then either they start asking about the projects, or start telling me about what they would ideally like to do for work.

You do DO something in retirement. If you put that out right in the same sentence you have a chance of redirecting the conversation. "Look, shiny thing, over here!"

 

[Bigdawg]

I don't understand the "not wanting to talk about it". Are ER folks ashamed? I am FI but still working. I enjoy talking to folks about FIRE. Mostly the FI part. I am unofficially mentoring a few folks on getting their financial houses in order. It feels good. Most people are fairly financially illiterate. The thanks I have received from a few folks informing them about some basic financial subjects is gratifying. I don't seek out folks to talk to. I only engage if the topic comes up.

 

[Grabberson]

I had to pop into a bank a while back, and estimate the teller was 5-8 years older than me. While processing the transaction she made small talk "Hang in there, it's almost the weekend!". Without thinking, I trotted out my usual joke (which is a big hit with my family and friends): "I'm retired, so stick close to home on weekends because the workin' stiffs are underfoot!". Ha ha! Umm, immediately realized this joke was not a big hit with her, quite the contrary. We finished in stony silence.

Think it hit a nerve because she internalized it. She likely has no happy retirement plans or aspirations to chat about, isn't the least bit curious about it, hates her job, has a deadbeat husband, etc. etc. Is it my duty to be sensitive to that? Yeah, probably, especially if I want my jokes to work.

So, Bigdawg, I didn't feel shame about ER, but it did bring home that my situation triggers the angst already present in some.

 

[97guns]

I don't understand the "not wanting to talk about it". Are ER folks ashamed?

Not ashamed but I’m not the flaunting type, I drive a VW, wear Levi’s a T shirt and sneakers, I like to play the gray man role. On the other hand my brother drives a Benz, wears a Tag Huer and is first to bring up the fact that he’s retired in conversation.

 

[scrabbler1]

Not ashamed but I’m not the flaunting type, I drive a VW, wear Levi’s a T shirt and sneakers, I like to play the gray man role. On the other hand my brother drives a Benz, wears a Tag Huer and is first to bring up the fact that he’s retired in conversation.

I'm not ashamed of my being retired, but I don't go out of my to flaunt it or make a joke which could be taken badly by someone who is still working and may be unhappy about it. People in my neighborhood I interact with often, I want to build up goodwill with them in case I ever need some little favor from them. People like the bank tellers, those who work at my favorite pizza joint, my barber, my auto mechanic, the staff at my local library, those who run the local mini-mart, to name a few.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

I'm not ashamed of my being retired, but I don't go out of my to flaunt it or make a joke which could be taken badly by someone who is still working and may be unhappy about it. People in my neighborhood I interact with often, I want to build up goodwill with them in case I ever need some little favor from them. People like the bank tellers, those who work at my favorite pizza joint, my barber, my auto mechanic, the staff at my local library, those who run the local mini-mart, to name a few.

This x1000. I am certainly not ashamed, but still being in my early 40's...it's quite uncommon to be retired. Being in school has been a buffer since most people assume that I will soon start a second career...but that will be over in a couple of weeks. After that, I will probably do my best to avoid the subject with "folks on the street".

I did get into a bit of a "discussion" with the school career folks. They sent out a "mandatory survey" about post-graduation employment intentions. I selected "Not Employed and Not Seeking". Of course, these numbers make the school look bad, so they were pressing me for more concrete details of my post-graduation plans. After about 3rd email, I finally said, "I am NOT w*rking, and do NOT PLAN on w*rking. I call it retirement. That selection was not available on the survey. There...it THAT good enough?" I haven't heard back from them.

 

[Yarnstormer]

Ha! I had a friend that was retired - every time I saw him he’d say “every day is Saturday!” Drove me nuts!

 

[UnrealizedPotential]

I honestly think most people assume I work somewhere because maybe I don't look old enough to be retired in their minds. So the subject doesn't really come up and I never bring it up. I prefer not to talk about it. I live in a small town and maybe people know more about me than I think they do, but either way it doesn't bother me as long as I can interact with others and not having to explain anything about my situation.

Perhaps other people are more outgoing and the conversation comes up and they talk about it. That's fine. There's nothing wrong with that. I just think because of my age, 48, and maybe looking a bit younger than my age, and because I tend to be an introvert , the topic isn't really an issue.

 

[GalaxyBoy]

Yeah, we have friends without children. The topic of kids/grandkids comes up often and puts them in an uncomfortable position. That question can also be rude and NOYB.

DW and I are child-free and I find that the how many kids do you have question is very similar to the what kind of work do you do question. The answer seems to blow certain people away. I don’t mind either one.

 

[Dd852]

DW and I are child-free and I find that the how many kids do you have question is very similar to the what kind of work do you do question. The answer seems to blow certain people away. I don’t mind either one.

Yes - both are considered “safe” but meaningless questions but in our case both the answers aren’t the expected ones and you can almost see people’s heads spinning as they figure out some mid path between saying “congratulations” and “I’m so sorry” (to both/either question !) when in fact neither is wanted or needed.

 

[street]

When the question does come up I try to down play it. I do say a few things like "you cant buy back time" and "if I was dying I wouldn't be wishing I would of spent more time at the office".

Some times I will say I wish I would of retired sooner. I always hope that my answers have encouraged people to set some goals and get retired before it is to late.

 

[CaptTom]

I have a good answer to the "but what do you DO??" question:

"I've been so busy, I don't know how I ever found time to w*rk!"

Sometimes that leads to more questions, which I can dismiss by pointing out that I have an old house, AND an old boat, which keep me occupied. Sometimes it leads to stunned silence as they try to comprehend the idea of being busy in retirement. Usually it's just accepted and we move on.

 

[mountainsoft]

I'm still a few years from retirement, but I'm all too familiar with the "what kind of work do you do" question. I was a stay-at-home dad in the early 90's, back before that sort of thing was common and the term "stay at home dad" wasn't really a thing (and before there were changing tables in men's restrooms!). Real mean went to work and supported the family. I remember going to the grocery store during the day with my little baby and getting odd disapproving looks from the older ladies. Other men treated me like I was some kind of deadbeat alien or something. In our case, it was the financially wise decision as my "real" job didn't pay much, had no benefits, and wasn't reliable. My wife worked for the county, good pay, good benefits, etc. We didn't want daycare raising our kid, so it was a no-brainer, even if it was a bit unconventional. We quickly learned how financially smart it was not to spend money paying others to do things I could do myself.

Once I started my own programming business, I still didn't feel comfortable talking about work. Partly because it's a low income and I guess I don't feel comparable with "real men" who's life revolves around work. Yeah, I own my own business, but I have the flexibility to take care of things whenever I need to. That saves us money, which means we don't need to earn as much.

I think most people are defined by their jobs. They don't know what else to talk about. Except for sports, which doesn't interest me either. I'm a real joy to have at any social gathering.

 

[copyright1997reloaded]

When I was doing a lot of home brewing during the week out in the driveway after retiring, I would get an occasional question about being home during the week. I said "Have you ever watching Breaking Bad"? There weren't many follow up questions.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

When I was doing a lot of home brewing during the week out in the driveway after retiring, I would get an occasional question about being home during the week. I said "Have you ever watching Breaking Bad"? There weren't many follow up questions.

This is a great example of why I *hate* to be out in my front yard! Thankfully my garage is down a large hill and not really visible from the street, so the nosy neighbors stay away. Also, our backyard is heavily wooded and secluded, so no nosy neighbors there, either. This is good since hammock season is about to be in full swing!

 

[Winemaker]

I had to pop into a bank a while back, and estimate the teller was 5-8 years older than me. While processing the transaction she made small talk "Hang in there, it's almost the weekend!". Without thinking, I trotted out my usual joke (which is a big hit with my family and friends): "I'm retired, so stick close to home on weekends because the workin' stiffs are underfoot!". Ha ha! Umm, immediately realized this joke was not a big hit with her, quite the contrary. We finished in stony silence.

Think it hit a nerve because she internalized it. She likely has no happy retirement plans or aspirations to chat about, isn't the least bit curious about it, hates her job, has a deadbeat husband, etc. etc. Is it my duty to be sensitive to that? Yeah, probably, especially if I want my jokes to work.

So, Bigdawg, I didn't feel shame about ER, but it did bring home that my situation triggers the angst already present in some.

Under Graham-Dodd banking law, bank employees are required "to continually upgrade info on their customers and get to know them" especially if they are moving larger sums of money around. I use the ATM exclusively when depositing rent checks, and money orders. I issue receipts when paid in cash, and spend the cash out of pocket. I avoid bank tellers as they are paid to be a "nosy" sort, and when they see a checkbook balance they get all gushy and ask if we want to talk to someone in their wealth department. I always tell 'em "no", that's how I got and stay wealthy.

 

[marko]

Around here (north of Boston) we have a lot of trust funders (who claim to be artists/gallery owners) or state employees who took their pension at age 48 or so; and I've gone to school with both types.

At least in these parts, having early retirees walking about during the day rarely raises many eyebrows or beg awkward questions. When I RE'd at 53 I never ran into anyone who wondered how, why or what.

Regardless, one of the great things of ER is being able to stop worrying about what other people think.

 

[Grabberson]

So mention to someone that Peyton Manning retired and they're likely to smile, nod and bond. But mention that I retired and they'll likely feel awkward or resentful.

In people's minds, why is one okay and the other not?

 

[Dtail]

So mention to someone that Peyton Manning retired and they're likely to smile, nod and bond. But mention that I retired and they'll likely feel awkward or resentful.

In people's minds, why is one okay and the other not?

Never thought of that angle. Regular guy vs. impossible to compare to QB superstar

 

[Jerry1]

I don't understand the "not wanting to talk about it". Are ER folks ashamed?

Not ashamed, but I learned about being careful a while back. My assistant/secretary was all happy it was payday. I forget what she asked, but without thinking, I said something like “I don’t pay attention to it being payday.” No sooner was that out of my mouth and I realized, she, and many people, are acutely aware of what day is payday. It’s not a big deal, but it’s something to be aware of. We’re not like a lot of people and at some level, it can be insensitive to highlight that fact. You never know what issues or struggles someone is going through and I’m just a bit cautious since that event to tread lightly unless and until I’ve given some thought to who I’m talking to.