I "made" $65K today. Why am I having a hard time donating to charity???

[rmcelwee]

This is probably common around here so I am asking for advice. I have been frugal for my entire life. My DW and I beat the game, FIRE'd and are sitting in the cat bird seat. We haven't bought each other Christmas presents for the last 30 years but this year I said we needed to BTD and each choose five expensive presents. We probably spent around $8K total on those. We have been saying we needed to up our spending to $120K per year (it was usually around $40K) and we are finding ourselves at maybe $90K total YTD.

Last week we donated our time to a friend's church (we are atheists) to help build beds for kids who have none. My wife and I were really touched when a pair of 5-7 year old sisters told us that they have been sharing a crib sized mattress. We built a bed for a mentally challenged kid who said his neck and back hurt every day from sleeping on the floor. Last night my wife told me she wanted to spend $200 per month for bedding for six of these little beds. That is ~$2500 per year (72 beds). I could feel my blood pressure go up, not sure why, when she told me that and I felt nervous. We've also always wanted to go to Waffle House (or similar) a couple of times per month and leave a $100 tip (another $2500 per year). The $5K per year would not affect our networth at all so I don't know why I have been so "stingy".

I watched the market go up today and looked at my "earnings" - $65,000. Why am I having such a hard time giving? How can I change? I'm finally learning to spend money on myself (i.e. clicking on "Buy It Now" on Amazon instead of looking for an hour trying to save $0.37 on a better deal) so maybe I can actually make the transition.

FWIW, you can learn about "SHP - Sleep in Heavenly Peace" here:
https://youtu.be/KcbLNOQEnUQ?si=QZ93obTSXIys_X0h

 

[FREE866]

Sounds like a mental thing, but I will say I applaud you for building those beds for those kids. It's fantastic you're in the position to do that!

 

[TheWizard]

You made $65k today but could lose $75k tomorrow.
That's why you're nervous...

 

[GrayHare]

You can get used to charitable gifting by starting small then ramping up, which it sounds like you have already begun.

 

[O2Bfree]

I think about how I'll feel facing death with a small fortune, a portion of which will then go to charities. Meanwhile, all those years I was alive I didn't spend near what I could have, and some of that money could have been put to good use during those years. Giving with a warm hand lets me enjoy knowing I've helped someone or some cause.

How about watching some version of "A Christmas Carol"? It has the right message for you and 'tis the season!

 

[flyingaway]

I would spend some good time at a Mexico beach with that $65K. In that way, I would indirectly support other people who may need to make a living. I don't like to give money to charities. I do give money to my parents and my children even they do not need it.

 

[Calico]

This is probably common around here so I am asking for advice. I have been frugal for my entire life. My DW and I beat the game, FIRE'd and are sitting in the cat bird seat. We haven't bought each other Christmas presents for the last 30 years but this year I said we needed to BTD and each choose five expensive presents. We probably spent around $8K total on those. We have been saying we needed to up our spending to $120K per year (it was usually around $40K) and we are finding ourselves at maybe $90K total YTD.

Last week we donated our time to a friend's church (we are atheists) to help build beds for kids who have none. My wife and I were really touched when a pair of 5-7 year old sisters told us that they have been sharing a crib sized mattress. We built a bed for a mentally challenged kid who said his neck and back hurt every day from sleeping on the floor. Last night my wife told me she wanted to spend $200 per month for bedding for six of these little beds. That is ~$2500 per year (72 beds). I could feel my blood pressure go up, not sure why, when she told me that and I felt nervous. We've also always wanted to go to Waffle House (or similar) a couple of times per month and leave a $100 tip (another $2500 per year). The $5K per year would not affect our networth at all so I don't know why I have been so "stingy".

I watched the market go up today and looked at my "earnings" - $65,000. Why am I having such a hard time giving? How can I change? I'm finally learning to spend money on myself (i.e. clicking on "Buy It Now" on Amazon instead of looking for an hour trying to save $0.37 on a better deal) so maybe I can actually make the transition.

FWIW, you can learn about "SHP - Sleep in Heavenly Peace" here:
https://youtu.be/KcbLNOQEnUQ?si=QZ93obTSXIys_X0h

The video is extremely heartwarming - the smiles on those little faces!

 

[dmpi]

You made $65k today but could lose $75k tomorrow.
That's why you're nervous...

+1

 

[razztazz]

This is probably common around here so I am asking for advice. I have been frugal for my entire life. .....

Last night my wife told me she wanted to spend $200 per month for bedding for six of these little beds. That is ~$2500 per year (72 beds). I could feel my blood pressure go up, not sure why, when she told me that and I felt nervous. We've also always wanted to go to Waffle House (or similar) a couple of times per month and leave a $100 tip (another $2500 per year). The $5K per year would not affect our networth at all so I don't know why I have been so "stingy".

I watched the market go up today and looked at my "earnings" - $65,000. Why am I having such a hard time giving? How can I change? I'm finally learning to spend money on myself (i.e. clicking on "Buy It Now" on Amazon instead of looking for an hour trying to save $0.37 on a better deal) so maybe I can actually make the transition.

FWIW, you can learn about "SHP - Sleep in Heavenly Peace" here:
https://youtu.be/KcbLNOQEnUQ?si=QZ93obTSXIys_X0h

This has been me most of my life. I remember two "old sayings." 1) First do well, then do good. And 2) If I not For Me who will be? If I am only for me, what am I? I'll admit when I was younger I used them as sort of an excuse to be stingy. I never made a lot of money but always made steady money. Only the past < 10 yrs have I been able to open up.

My layman's explanation/excuse is, if ya'll will excuse the possible "TMI" psycho-babble: When I was growing up I was acutely aware of the fact that if I ever needed help with anything it would always fail to be there. If I ever needed anything I would have to be the one to get it or do without it. I don't know what your upbringing was like but if it involved any kind of deprivation or sociological/psychological discounting you're still saving up to buy yourself out of the trouble you know will come.

 

[HI Bill]

Giving now, or giving later? A large gain (if $65K qualifies as large) could easily disappear tomorrow when the markets wane.

My spending plan currently uses VPW to spend as much as possible now without incurring too many taxes or significantly risking depletion while in my earlier years of FIRE. When we hit 70+ and travel, remodeling, etc., has peaked and is on its way down, and I have everything I need/want, my plan is to see where the portfolio sits, and possibly start giving. But my main intent is to give it away posthumously. That way, there's little likelihood of running out of $, and it's much more likely that 1-3 charities will be the recipient of millions. Giving while you're still alive may make you feel good, but it also may (may not) aid in the risk of your running low on $ in the event you need LTC, encounter unforseen issues, or there's a global issue (that even deferring spending may not help).

 

[Dash man]

Our stocks went up $89k today, and that’s after ~$74k earlier in the week. It could go back down tomorrow, or not. It doesn’t matter. We help where we can throughout the year. Right now so many people are struggling with food prices so high, rents going up, insurance skyrocketing. Helping build those beds meant the world to those kids. There are many ways to help kids and others in need. Set a budget for a year and donate it or use it for good where you see a need. It’s all part of loving one another.

 

[rmcelwee]

You made $65k today but could lose $75k tomorrow.
That's why you're nervous...

We lost $1M "on paper" in calendar year 2022. I actually didn't sweat it because I knew it would come back. It set us back on our house build (we are living in a single wide trailer on our new property waiting to build our "big house" when the market recovers) but I am not stressing. I'm thinking we made it through a tough year and I believe we have very good times for the next few years. I would like to think the prospect of spending $1.4M building a new house would be the reason I don't want to donate money but I've actually always been like this. At this point I am feeling pretty bad about my lack of compassion.

 

[pb4uski]

You made $65k today but could lose $75k tomorrow.
That's why you're nervous...

You couldn't lose $75k tomorrow if you sold $65k today. You can sell some, realize the gain and use the gain for good deeds for a decade.

 

[audreyh1]

I think you just have to set aside X amount each year and not worry about it. Sounds like your wife can run the gifting. DH does that for us.

In years past when it was tax favorable we made donations to a DAF and every year we gift from that.

 

[rmcelwee]

You couldn't lose $75k tomorrow if you sold $65k today. You can sell some, realize the gain and use the gain for good deeds for a decade.

My stock is at $47 right now. Our sell level is $85 (that was it's high 2 years ago). When it gets back up there we will start selling large chunks of it. I am worried about selling it now and watching it go up 100%. I am completely comfortable selling it at $85. No problem paying the taxes on it then (cost basis is maybe $10).

 

[rmcelwee]

I think you just have to set aside X amount each year and not worry about it. Sounds like your wife can run the gifting. DH does that for us.

In years past when it was tax favorable we made donations to a DAF and every year we gift from that.

I am just now learning about DAF.

 

[MarieIG]

. . .


At this point I am feeling pretty bad about my lack of compassion.

So, there is a spark.


Possible reasons are financial insecurity (on an emotional level) - and - you're just not used to it.


Start by putting a bit for charity into your budget - and then look for charities where you can see the result of your efforts.


And once in a while - eventually - instead of clicking "buy it now" for a completely discretionary item - try giving that same sum of money away (again - where you can see the results of your gift).


Baby steps.

 

[dmpi]

If you buy stuff you're producing jobs for others and giving them the privilege of being useful and productive and you might actually enjoy the stuff you buy. If you have money I'm all for spending money.

 

[FlaGator]

You couldn't lose $75k tomorrow if you sold $65k today. You can sell some, realize the gain and use the gain for good deeds for a decade.

+1

And if you're really overfunded for any reasonable scenario, just do it guilt-free.

 

[COcheesehead]

At the top, people think it will continue.
At the bottom, people think it will continue.
Both are wrong.

 

[FlaGator]

This is probably common around here so I am asking for advice. I have been frugal for my entire life. My DW and I beat the game, FIRE'd and are sitting in the cat bird seat. We haven't bought each other Christmas presents for the last 30 years but this year I said we needed to BTD and each choose five expensive presents. We probably spent around $8K total on those. We have been saying we needed to up our spending to $120K per year (it was usually around $40K) and we are finding ourselves at maybe $90K total YTD.

Last week we donated our time to a friend's church (we are atheists) to help build beds for kids who have none. My wife and I were really touched when a pair of 5-7 year old sisters told us that they have been sharing a crib sized mattress. We built a bed for a mentally challenged kid who said his neck and back hurt every day from sleeping on the floor. Last night my wife told me she wanted to spend $200 per month for bedding for six of these little beds. That is ~$2500 per year (72 beds). I could feel my blood pressure go up, not sure why, when she told me that and I felt nervous. We've also always wanted to go to Waffle House (or similar) a couple of times per month and leave a $100 tip (another $2500 per year). The $5K per year would not affect our networth at all so I don't know why I have been so "stingy".

I watched the market go up today and looked at my "earnings" - $65,000. Why am I having such a hard time giving? How can I change? I'm finally learning to spend money on myself (i.e. clicking on "Buy It Now" on Amazon instead of looking for an hour trying to save $0.37 on a better deal) so maybe I can actually make the transition.

FWIW, you can learn about "SHP - Sleep in Heavenly Peace" here:
https://youtu.be/KcbLNOQEnUQ?si=QZ93obTSXIys_X0h

IMO, there are few things more important for our future than kids having the best possible environment growing up. Irrespective of religious beliefs.

Having more than you need provides options, no reason to be uncomfortable about the option you have chosen. Keep it affordable, and no worries.

Thank you for committing the time and effort for this. It will make a difference. Maybe not all of them, but some, and they will remember it

 

[mrfeh]

You made $65k today but could lose $75k tomorrow.
That's why you're nervous...

+1

Although I really don't like the whole "make"/"lose" terminology that people use. What actually happened was that the value of the investments increased/declined.

Unless something was bought or sold, the number of shares remained the same.

 

[Musica40]

Time to loosen up. You've done well and I will not judge you. When you pass and we all will pass, where will the money go? There is no mention of any kids on this thread. If you can help someone or an organization, do it! You will feel better. My wife and I have blessed many waiters with larger than normal tips. Makes us feel good. We also have three kids, two are married and we have two grand kids. We oftentimes gift them things because it makes us feel good to be able to do so with affecting our net worth in any way. Recently we purchased airline tickets for our daughter and her husband to join us in Colombia. We then gifted our son and his wife a $1000 just cause. This past week we purchase a bed, mattress and bedding for our middle son costing almost $800. We do this because we can and it brings us joy to give to them when and if we can. I do like the cause that you volunteered for. The wife and I are looking into something similar. Enjoy life my friend.

 

[Helen]

Sounds like a mental thing, but I will say I applaud you for building those beds for those kids. It's fantastic you're in the position to do that!

I also love that the OP is helping out the working poor with the very generous tips!!! Those waitresses could be the ones whose kids are sleeping on the floor.

 

[jollystomper]

Whether you made 65K in day, or lost 65K in a day, should not influence your desire or guilt about giving. If you considering giving, give at a level you feel comfortable and cheerful about, regardless of your financial circumstances of the moment .