popntx
Dryer sheet aficionado
I retired early last year and am confident that my wife and I have a secure retirement ahead. However, there is a different situation that I am not at all comfortable with.
My daughter and son-in-law are in their mid 30's and have 2 young children. She has a good job, and she and the kids are on health insurance thru her job. My son-in-law is self employed and makes a decent income. However, I've never felt that he was a very responsible person as far as "taking care of business" is concerned. He's always behind on paying his bills, and lives off of the cash that's in his pocket. He brought some debt and very bad credit ratings into the marriage and I'm not really sure where that currently stands. I've expressed my concerns about him with my daughter, and while she agrees she seems to have accepted him for who he is. Consequently, they are trying to get their financial house in order, although they seem to be making progress very slowly. They are currently trying to save money for a down payment on a house, and my wife and I have expressed our willingness to help them with that.
Anyway, I recently found out in a conversation with him and my daughter that he had decided a few months ago to discontinue his high deductible health insurance policy (that I insisted he get several years ago). He said he never discussed this decision with my daughter (they apparently don't talk about such important issues), and he wanted to focus on saving money for the house purchase.
I came down very hard on him about his decision and told him how irresponsible it is to choose not to have health insurance. I asked why he didn't get insurance thru my daughter's job and he said it was "too expensive". I asked him what would happen if for example he had the need for expensive surgery and he said "that won't happen". I said that I knew what would happen, that my wife and I would end up "bailing the out". He said that he would not expect us to do that, but if not us who would? His family has no money to speak of. I feel like I am his insurance policy!
It would be very easy for me to say that they are adults, it's their problem, and they should fully suffer the consequences of a bad decision. But I know better than that. I've read that medical expenses are the #1 cause of bankruptcies, and my wife and I would do anything, including jeopardizing our own retirement security, to help our daughter and grandkids in any way we could.
So, what to do? Do I continue to push the issue, knowing that it may affect my relationship with them by getting too much in their business? I've even considered giving them the money to pay for his health insurance, even though they can afford it themselves. Or, do I just bury my head in the sand, drop it and hope that nothing ever happens (which is my wife's preference)?
My daughter and son-in-law are in their mid 30's and have 2 young children. She has a good job, and she and the kids are on health insurance thru her job. My son-in-law is self employed and makes a decent income. However, I've never felt that he was a very responsible person as far as "taking care of business" is concerned. He's always behind on paying his bills, and lives off of the cash that's in his pocket. He brought some debt and very bad credit ratings into the marriage and I'm not really sure where that currently stands. I've expressed my concerns about him with my daughter, and while she agrees she seems to have accepted him for who he is. Consequently, they are trying to get their financial house in order, although they seem to be making progress very slowly. They are currently trying to save money for a down payment on a house, and my wife and I have expressed our willingness to help them with that.
Anyway, I recently found out in a conversation with him and my daughter that he had decided a few months ago to discontinue his high deductible health insurance policy (that I insisted he get several years ago). He said he never discussed this decision with my daughter (they apparently don't talk about such important issues), and he wanted to focus on saving money for the house purchase.
I came down very hard on him about his decision and told him how irresponsible it is to choose not to have health insurance. I asked why he didn't get insurance thru my daughter's job and he said it was "too expensive". I asked him what would happen if for example he had the need for expensive surgery and he said "that won't happen". I said that I knew what would happen, that my wife and I would end up "bailing the out". He said that he would not expect us to do that, but if not us who would? His family has no money to speak of. I feel like I am his insurance policy!
It would be very easy for me to say that they are adults, it's their problem, and they should fully suffer the consequences of a bad decision. But I know better than that. I've read that medical expenses are the #1 cause of bankruptcies, and my wife and I would do anything, including jeopardizing our own retirement security, to help our daughter and grandkids in any way we could.
So, what to do? Do I continue to push the issue, knowing that it may affect my relationship with them by getting too much in their business? I've even considered giving them the money to pay for his health insurance, even though they can afford it themselves. Or, do I just bury my head in the sand, drop it and hope that nothing ever happens (which is my wife's preference)?
