Just gave my notice... and feeling sad

[pdxgal]

It’s normal to have mixed feelings about retiring as everyone has noted. But I didn’t pick up why you’ve chosen to retire? Having enough money alone is not a reason to retire.

Good point I'm quitting my j*b to have the time and opportunity to do other things: get back into playing music, live in France, travel to other places. socialize more, write a book, maybe pursue something entrepreneurial.

I thought about trying to find a PT job so I could keep doing the stuff I enjoy but have time for other things. The process seemed so daunting though, especially during COVID: spiffing up the CV, applying and interviewing. And though I've tried to keep my skills up I have the sense they've fallen behind a bit. Technology moves so fast these days, and younger folks now have degrees for the kind of work I do (which wasn't the case back in the day). Just the thought of trying to find something new was exhausting, so I took that as a sign it was time for FIRE.

 

[pacergal]

Drive to the coast(Love the Oregon coast!), walk along the ocean, B-R-E-A-T-H-E in the fresh salty air, let the waves gently wash over your feet and dig your toes in the sand. Stop and get some fresh crab cocktail. Relax and allow yourself to grieve, and begin to plan your new life.
Change is difficult, but inevitable. You can now do what you want to do, when you want to do it. Live life and Enjoy!

 

[Bamaman]

Work is a big part of most people's identities, so it's quite common to feel you've lost a part of yourself after you leave the work world behind.

I (foolishly) made the mistake of letting my work become "most" of my life. We don't have kids, and my wife worked as well. Both of us in very demanding, super high stress jobs. Woke up one day, and more than 25 years had passed. Most of those years were 99% work, 1% everything else.

Like another poster up-thread, work became SO overwhelmingly toxic that I "had" to leave to protect my remaining health. And I was working far too many hours most weeks (70-80+) to have any remaining energy to find something else. Plus, I wasn't convinced there WAS any "greener grass" anyway. So I bailed at 55, after convincing myself that I could pay our way in the remaining years with a high degree of confidence.

That said, I can totally relate to the sadness / sense of loss part. I'm in year 3 of ER and while COVID totally wiped out year 2 [2020] for us (we're high risk so intentionally became "COVID hermits"), I do still frequently feel that sense of giving up such a huge part of my identity and perceived "value" that I brought to my job. And that to this day does get to me at times.

In addition to that, the whole financial part of the change can also be overwhelming - no matter how good your plan is. We went from some pretty comfortable W-2s to a MUCH more limited income. Adapting to that change is probably a topic for a whole different thread ..

Bottom line is that it's perfectly normal to feel some amount of discomfort and even fear about leaving work behind, given what a big part of our lives it's been up to that point.

This is my favorite posting of all. We all just have X days on this earth, and no one knows what the X is.

Retirement is different things to different people. I just happened to work in a job and a company that sucked the life out of employees. I had a 40 hour a week job--and 1,000 miles to drive weekly too. My body was in constant motion.

But 12 years after ER, I do love to start my day with two positive things: Let's Make a Deal and Price is Right. There's still plenty of time left to do the things I need to do.

Congratulations on your reaching this point in your life--while there's plenty of life left in you. Now, start your first day in retirement by sleeping late and staying in bed all day.

 

[Dean56]

...I came back to a work assignment where the BS buckets were overflowing -- like in "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" in Fantasia, with the water flowing into the buckets nonstop and flowing down the stairs. THAT validated my reasons for leaving.

Great analogy!! I can totally relate. I've worked for a Megacorp for a longtime and my BS buckets are getting pretty full. Looking forward to ER.

 

[EastWest Gal]

A friend and I just did take a two week trip to Hawaii (Big Island). Had a fabulous time. I came back to a work assignment where the BS buckets were overflowing -- like in "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" in Fantasia, with the water flowing into the buckets nonstop and flowing down the stairs. THAT validated my reasons for leaving.

A similar analogy is the infamous I Love Lucy candy factory episode.

 

[scrabbler1]

For me, it wasn't a toxic work environment but an awful commute I had to rid myself from. My only moment of sadness was near the end of my train ride home, when I was realizing that I would never, ever, have to make that awful trip to or from the office ever again. I felt myself tearing up a little so I knew I had to keep it together at least until I got off the crowded train. When I entered my apartment, I could finally let go and yell, "I'm Free!!"

As for my transition into retirement, I had been working on that for 7 years because I had switched from working full-time to part-time 7 years earlier, allowing me to regain control of my personal life. By the time I left, I had been working only 2 days a week, so going from 2 days to zero days wasn't much of a change.

 

[Dean56]

A similar analogy is the infamous I Love Lucy candy factory episode.

True, that scene never gets old.

 

[FLSUnFIRE]

Hedonic Adaption will kick in soon enough. I remind myself and knowing this tendency of us humans gives me comfort as I make my leap. Even if I screwed up royally, I'll get used to it pretty fast as my new baseline reality!


Fortunately, I have never had any of my identity wrapped up in my career and only like and respect a few of my coworkers but only interact with them through work. My favorites have moved on long ago (good for them, they were too good to waste their talents!). Friend them on social media and make a point to keep in touch, some will drift off and some will remain.



I wish you luck, we all have our own journey and I'm sure it will work out!


Me, I'm getting happier everyday now that I put in notice! I am smiling more and more, am kinder and a better person, and generally feel SO ALIVE... Sort of like the way I was told to feel when I graduated and kept getting told I have so many opportunities. I didn't then but now I get to choose my own adventure! I hope you can find this same place I find myself (and also dread the day hedonic adaptation takes this feeling away from me).

 

[KingOfTheCheapos]

OP Great post. Thank you for sharing.

Your comment: " I'm sad about giving up the parts of my j*b that I enjoy, about seeming old and washed up in the eyes of society (though 59 isn't so old!) and that I didn't live up to my potential or take on more challenging roles. I suppose it's grief."


That really hit home for me as its how I feel now, particularly the bit about not living up to my potential.

 

[stephenson]

I hope you're kidding ... 59 is NOT old at all!

So much to do, so many places to go and see, so much wine to sample, people to help, advice to provide, paths to walk, cars to drive, boats to buy - wow - just so much to do.

So much to do!!!!!

 

[Skyward1]

This is a timely post for me. I turned in my notice on Friday and I was surprised about the mixed emotions I felt. I had been dreaming of this moment for years and now it's here it's a little bit of a let down. High pressure/stress career that I have grown to hate in the recent years so I was surprised at my reaction. Good to hear from many posters it is a normal feeling.

 

[EastWest Gal]

OP Great post. Thank you for sharing.



Your comment: " I'm sad about giving up the parts of my j*b that I enjoy, about seeming old and washed up in the eyes of society (though 59 isn't so old!) and that I didn't live up to my potential or take on more challenging roles. I suppose it's grief."





That really hit home for me as its how I feel now, particularly the bit about not living up to my potential.

I think many of us feel that way. One of my medical school roommates went into a subspecialty, studied in Switzerland for a year, wrote two best sellers, raised 4 kids, skis competitively, and many other things.

I cannot hold a candle to her accomplishments.

But she also FIRED last year.

 

[marko]

OP, I wonder if you had similar emotions when leaving high school or college.

As you undoubtedly learned back then, there's a whole other world out there to explore!

 

[pdxgal]

Thanks again to everyone for hearing me out and sharing your own experiences, feelings and advice. Very helpful, as always. This weekend I started telling friends and family and they were all happy and excited for me. I am still alternating between excitement and sadness. It's a process, for sure. Now I get to start the fun of refining my draw down strategy. That will keep my analytical chops working for a bit longer, at least

 

[KingOfTheCheapos]

So I'm curious. What advice to you think you will use? I could be working for another six years and I'm guessing my feelings (same as yours) will only get more pronounced.

It's an interesting feeling. When you are young, we and others see the great potential in us. But when we hit 50 we and others see the lack of great success.

Note I used the term "great success" because we all have had successes.

Thanks again to everyone for hearing me out and sharing your own experiences, feelings and advice. Very helpful, as always. This weekend I started telling friends and family and they were all happy and excited for me. I am still alternating between excitement and sadness. It's a process, for sure. Now I get to start the fun of refining my draw down strategy. That will keep my analytical chops working for a bit longer, at least

 

[pdxgal]

So I'm curious. What advice to you think you will use?
.... But when we hit 50 we and others see the lack of great success.

Just knowing that one's feelings are normal and to be expected helps a lot. And the validation from folks who've already ERd that things are great 'on the other side'. Thinking about all the things I've been wanting to do but for lack of time helps too.

The concern about not living up to one's potential is very common. Google it and you'll see I suspect many of us who grew up relatively privileged have internalized "to whom much is given, much is required".

Funny enough, what's helped me with that recently is watching Grace and Frankie on Netflix. There's an episode where one of the characters is asked to give a eulogy at a funeral. He's certain there's been a mix-up, as he can't even remember the deceased (he only came because his partner insisted it was the polite thing to do). Someone with a similar name had saved the deceased's life by pulling him from a burning ship during VietNam. The character is sure that's who they really wanted to give the eulogy. Afterwards he finds out there was no mix up -- the "hero" who'd saved the deceased's life "never let him forget it", according to the widow, and was a PITA. Meanwhile, the G&F main character had one day shined the deceased's shoes because it bugged him they were dirty. Turns out that random act of kindness was part of a chain of events that led to the deceased meeting his wife, getting married, having a family, and having a happy life. So the family were forever grateful.

It was a good reminder that we all benefit the world in different ways, sometimes without even realizing it. I'm trying to keep that in mind as I enter this new life chapter.

 

[Dawg52]

Fourteen years retired and it seems more like four. Amazing how time flies when you're having fun.

Pdxgal.....enjoy your retirement.

 

[pdxgal]

Meanwhile, the G&F main character had one day shined the deceased's shoes *when they were in boot camp together* because it bugged him they were dirty.

Added some context, otherwise it doesn't make sense!

 

[prudent_one]

I'm a little envious but I'm happy for you. I cannot bring myself to check out from work. I know logically we have enough to be OK but not enough to quit then do a bunch of costly things. But I can't overcome my emotional reluctance after growing up poor. "Yes, but what if..." coupled with no one to back me up keeps me working. I know I'll get there eventually.

 

[pdxgal]

But I can't overcome my emotional reluctance after growing up poor. "Yes, but what if..."

The challenge of the emotional, mental shift to RE has been surprisingly difficult (hence my post).

As a woman there's more of that "Yes, but what if..." concern, I think. Because women have been (and continue to be) marginalized economically, yet we live longer so the prospect of running out of money is greater. The "what if" fear is real and justified IMO. That's where the various retirement planning calculators can be helpful. I always put in that I expect to live to 100, just to be on the safe side finance-wise. My FA told me 4-5 years ago I was ready financially to RE, and it's taken me since then to finally be able to do it. The pandemic was a good reminder that life is short, and Time >$.

Don't beat yourself up about overcoming emotional reluctance. It's a process. You'll get there when you get there.

 

[Gumby]

I'm a little envious but I'm happy for you. I cannot bring myself to check out from work. I know logically we have enough to be OK but not enough to quit then do a bunch of costly things. But I can't overcome my emotional reluctance after growing up poor. "Yes, but what if..." coupled with no one to back me up keeps me working. I know I'll get there eventually.

Those are the exact reasons that kept me working a few years longer than actually necessary. But it feels good to have a cushion now in retirement, and my work was not bad. You will find the comfort zone that is right for you. Doesn't matter what others do.

 

[Koolau]

Since I'd been FI for several years, it was just a matter of time until I was handed something to do that I didn't want to do. When it happened, I left almost immediately. SO immediately, that a couple of layers of mgmt. beyond my boss stopped by to see "why" I was leaving. I simply said I've been given "this" to do and I don't want to and I no longer have to, so, I'm not mad, I'm just gone. I got sort of a stunned look, but I do think they understood.

Now, I'd admit to a bit of (sweet) sorrow at leaving behind a bunch of folks I'd gotten used to seeing everyday. I had only one close friend in the bunch - and have stayed close for all these years since FIRE. Still, it's quite a change NOT to see folks you know every morning. YMMV

 

[KingOfTheCheapos]

I think the what-if issues you raise apply to people who had careers that helped defined how they were. For me being an academic I have regrets about not inventing anything that has my name on it. Or getting elected to professional society x or only having 30,000 citations to my work not 100,000 etc.

Now if I worked in some career where it was just-a-job I don't think I'd have those feelings.

The challenge of the emotional, mental shift to RE has been surprisingly difficult (hence my post).

As a woman there's more of that "Yes, but what if..." concern, I think. Because women have been (and continue to be) marginalized economically, yet we live longer so the prospect of running out of money is greater. The "what if" fear is real and justified IMO. That's where the various retirement planning calculators can be helpful. I always put in that I expect to live to 100, just to be on the safe side finance-wise. My FA told me 4-5 years ago I was ready financially to RE, and it's taken me since then to finally be able to do it. The pandemic was a good reminder that life is short, and Time >$.

Don't beat yourself up about overcoming emotional reluctance. It's a process. You'll get there when you get there.

 

[RetireeRobert]

I retired early at age 54 when my three kids were then ages 7, 11, and 17. Took me about 20 minutes to adjust. I spent my early retirement giving my wife a well-deserved break from chauffeur duties as I ferried the kids to schools, and music lessons, and recitals, and activities. Also spent early retirement taking the family on a cross country train trip and return via rental car, a cruise, trip to Disneyland, and so on.

Later, with kids out of high school/college, my wife and I got to take a few international trips just her and I, sans kids. I treasure those times.

I never looked back and never regretted my decision one bit. I had prepared and was well prepared financially, and now after 21 years of retirement I am at my highest ever income level and highest net worth level. I also got all my kids through college (two at Masters or higher degree level) with no debt (them or us), got them each a car, and got each started with funded IRA accounts.

If I had it to do over again, I would do the same thing.

 

[DangerDad]

I’m retiring the end of this year and can’t wait. I agree with others—it’s not surprising to have some complicated (mixed) feelings. I wonder if the language you use might add to the complexity of emotions. You refer to it as “quitting” which often carries a negative connotation. Consider thinking of it as retiring (finishing!) rather than quitting..? Give yourself space and time to adjust. Good luck to you.

DangerDad