Just gave my notice... and feeling sad

[Vincenzo Corleone]

...I thought about trying to find a PT job so I could keep doing the stuff I enjoy but have time for other things. The process seemed so daunting though, especially during COVID: spiffing up the CV, applying and interviewing. And though I've tried to keep my skills up I have the sense they've fallen behind a bit. Technology moves so fast these days...

Emphasis added.

I realize this comment was made way up-thread, but it struck me and I had to comment.

I spent 20 years doing software development professionally, and I have a master's degree in computer science. I voluntarily resigned from my last j*b prior to having secured employment elsewhere, fully aware of the risks. I was prepared to walk away from the field had I not found something. I embarked on my job search and secured a few interviews. There were one or two that I thought were promising but was rejected with the pretext that I didn't have experience with this one particular technology (a silly framework) that only comprised a fraction of all the technologies they were using (all of which I did have experience with).

Having spent 20 years in software development and a masters degree, I had to laugh. One does not survive in this field for that long without having the ability to learn new things in a short period of time. I seriously doubt that was the true reason I was rejected, but rather because they saw the grey hair on my head.

Ageism in software development is very real, and, unfortunately, being over the age of 35 in this field is considered "old". I'm glad I'm out of this god forsaken field.

So, in short - I don't know you from Eve but I doubt that you couldn't pick up whatever it is you think you fell behind in.

 

[pdxgal]

Ageism in software development is very real, and, unfortunately, being over the age of 35 in this field is considered "old". I'm glad I'm out of this god forsaken field.

So, in short - I don't know you from Eve but I doubt that you couldn't pick up whatever it is you think you fell behind in.

Thanks for the encouragement. We'll see. I was most recently a 'data jockey' doing business reporting and analysis. Not software development, but still a quasi-technical field. Nowadays for this type of work you find people with degrees in data science and business analytics. I've got an MBA and 20+ years of work experience but ageism is a thing, as you noted.

The good news is that analytics is one of the top careers now -- companies are awash in data and need people to make sense of it all.

Funnily enough, one of the analytics tools I've used a lot -- SAS -- is considered sort of a dinosaur, yet still used by many megacorps for processes set up years before. Because many younger folks aren't familiar with it, my sense is that there are some opportunities for those of us who do. Sort of like during Y2K when companies scrambled to find people who knew COBOL.

 

[RetirementNinja]

You are human! And a caring person to think about the relationships you will / do miss. But don't forget the people you work with were never really "friends". Work relationships are due to circumstance and fact that we like to interact with those around us. Rarely are they any "long term" relationships. So as much as you think this is a loss, realize that there was never something to lose! I will be retiring in next few months at 52 after 15 years and know only 1 person I truly expect to stay in touch with.

To the contrary, you can now meet more people in your situation (like us ) as well as others that you can now have a lot in common with. Enjoy YOUR life, don't let the mirage of "work as family" confuse you.

Well, I did it. Just gave my notice after 19 years with my current employer. No issues with my manager, he said he'd do the same thing if he were in my position (he's much younger). Instead of feeling excited and happy I feel down, so many conflicting emotions. Find myself tearing up. I'm sad about giving up the parts of my j*b that I enjoy, about seeming old and washed up in the eyes of society (though 59 isn't so old!) and that I didn't live up to my potential or take on more challenging roles. I suppose it's grief.

If a friend were telling me this I'd say "well, you can try freelance, or volunteer. Lots of people need folks with your skills." I worry though about ageism. I do have a host of things to retire to (read the Ernie Zelinski and Nolo Press books and have a list!)

The "do I have enough money?" question is also there albeit irrationally, given that all calculators and analyses give me the green light (including my own independent advisor). It's still a bit scary.

I keep telling myself something I read years ago on a t-shirt: "I know when one door closes another opens, but man, those hallways are a b**ch" . Right now the mental image in my mind is of me having closed a door and now I'm standing outside in the dark looking around and feeling a bit lost. I know it will pass, but dang, I didn't think quitting would be this hard.

Thank to the E-R community for offering a place to share my feelings and experience and find great advice and support.

 

[Aramis]

Do not listen to Like a Rock, Bob Seger, then. More often than not I find myself reaching for the box....

OP Great post. Thank you for sharing.

Your comment: " I'm sad about giving up the parts of my j*b that I enjoy, about seeming old and washed up in the eyes of society (though 59 isn't so old!) and that I didn't live up to my potential or take on more challenging roles. I suppose it's grief."


That really hit home for me as its how I feel now, particularly the bit about not living up to my potential.

 

[Aramis]

I understand. Best wishes. You will find the peace you want

Lot's of stories and good advice here. I wish I could contribute in a positive way. I retired after 42 years of police work. We then moved off the farm we had built to be closer to the only two grandchildren we have. The transition has not gone well for me. My advice is to find something that interests you if possible and cultivate that interest. It's been a real struggle for me. Good luck..

 

[Aramis]

That is awesome and cool.

Then, we do too. Thanks for keeping us safe!

 

[CindyBlue]

Lot's of stories and good advice here. I wish I could contribute in a positive way. I retired after 42 years of police work. We then moved off the farm we had built to be closer to the only two grandchildren we have. The transition has not gone well for me. My advice is to find something that interests you if possible and cultivate that interest. It's been a real struggle for me. Good luck..

Your post really struck a nerve with me. We occasionally think about moving from our family property, but despite all the good reasons we can find to move, we are not sure that we would like any place else any better.

Even thought we haven't moved, we are having struggles with finding people to interact with after retiring from our workplace of 46 years two years ago. I know the people we worked with aren't family, or friends in the traditional sense, but they were people we had a long standing relationship with, that we connected with - we were "...all in this together." We are trying to maintain a relationship with a few of these people, but, you know, we aren't there anymore, and their lives move on...sigh...

Still not sure how to go about finding people to hang out with.

We are trying pickleball, and we enjoy it, and are fairly good at it, but we are beginners, and the other players we see on the courts are much better players, and play with their own group, and we can't find a way to find someone else to play with. We can finally go back to church, but we weren't very involved there, either, because we spent almost all of our free time doing work things. And the few times we tried to get involved at church, the people who spend their time there seem to have everything all locked up - it's almost like a closed society, where if you haven't been involved for the last 50 years, they are nice to you, but you aren't really welcome to get involved unless they can "boss you around" (smile!)

We volunteer at a food bank, but everyone is working so hard that no one really says anything more than hello/goodbye - no real opportunity to interact.

We are lucky in that we really like hanging out with each other, and do a lot of things together. We have a few close friends (couples) that we do things with sometimes, but we seem to feel the need to be more social - it would sure be nice to have more people to do things with.

Anyone have any ideas about how we can go about meeting people?

 

[Lewis Clark]

Anyone have any ideas about how we can go about meeting people?

Try meetup.com and search for activities in your area. People have created meetup groups for all kinds of interests. Or consider starting a new meetup group if you have a particular activity you really enjoy.

Many newspapers have "things to do" sections that list activities open to the public. Try looking there.

Consider volunteering for a cause you care about.

 

[CindyBlue]

Try meetup.com and search for activities in your area. People have created meetup groups for all kinds of interests. Or consider starting a new meetup group if you have a particular activity you really enjoy.

Many newspapers have "things to do" sections that list activities open to the public. Try looking there.

Consider volunteering for a cause you care about.

Good idea to try Meetup. And we've read the newspaper "things to do" section but never tried any of them - we should do this!
Thank you!

 

[old medic]

Try meetup.com and search for activities in your area. People have created meetup groups for all kinds of interests. Or consider starting a new meetup group if you have a particular activity you really enjoy.

Many newspapers have "things to do" sections that list activities open to the public. Try looking there.

Consider volunteering for a cause you care about.

We have met a bunch of like minded folks thru Meetup.... Camping Hiking and Kayaking. but as noted there are tons of areas of interest.

 

[CindyBlue]

I got onto Meetup yesterday, and so far, there aren't any groups we can join, except hiking, because we are either too old, or not single, or not interested in religious meetings. I'll keep searching!

 

[Lewis Clark]

I got onto Meetup yesterday, and so far, there aren't any groups we can join, except hiking, because we are either too old, or not single, or not interested in religious meetings. I'll keep searching!

Might be worth expanding the search radius, if your initial search was relatively small.

If even one group works out for you it may be a good start!

 

[Breedlove]

When I was a kid my father would repeat a story to us . A story about cowboys traveling across the Texas desert at night . When the Cowboys went to sleep at night a voice came to them . The voice told them to pick up sand and put it in their pockets . In the morning they would be both happy and sad . The first cowboy scoffed and put 2 grains in his pocket , the second laughed and put a handful . The third filled all his pockets with sand and they all went to sleep. When the woke in the morning the first cowboy reached into his pocket and found two pieces of gold , the second had a pocket full and the third all pockets were full. My father always said what ever you do in life go all in. We work and people who retire know what it is to give their all . Now retirement is just another game , give it your all and enjoy it . Fill your pockets and let nothing hold you back .

 

[Amethyst]

Meetups seem to be primarily female, each with its queen bees who, just as in grade school, will shut out people whom they deem not to fit in. I've noticed the same thing about "support groups."

Any groups I've belonged to, were a natural development of things I do anyway, such as hobbies, going to the gym, or doing DIY projects (or this group, for that matter). No effort necessary to "fit in," because I already did, and others were glad to have me. Such situations are not common, but I'm used to that.

I got onto Meetup yesterday, and so far, there aren't any groups we can join, except hiking, because we are either too old, or not single, or not interested in religious meetings. I'll keep searching!

 

[CindyBlue]

Meetups seem to be primarily female, each with its queen bees who, just as in grade school, will shut out people whom they deem not to fit in. I've noticed the same thing about "support groups."

Any groups I've belonged to, were a natural development of things I do anyway, such as hobbies, going to the gym, or doing DIY projects (or this group, for that matter). No effort necessary to "fit in," because I already did, and others were glad to have me. Such situations are not common, but I'm used to that.

I've sure noticed that about groups and "queen bees" (smile!)

I agree, meeting people as a natural development of things I do anyway is much better. I have lots of interests, and have met some nice people that way, and could be quite social through those interests, but these are not things that hubby is interested in...sigh... I'm trying hard to find ways to meet people that we can do things with together.

I'll keep hacking at it...

 

[Breedlove]

Go buy Ford Mustang , join Mustang Club America and. A local Mustang club .You will stay busy ....lots of retirees.