Originally Posted by MichaelB
Helping someone in need without judging is an act of great kindness and compassion and often goes unrewarded. Cancer is a terrible disease, your MIL must be frightened and your DW upset. Whether or not you choose to contribute financially, you can also help by being there and providing emotional support.
I agree with this statement.
I agree with this statement too. Am actually surprised at the judgement regarding MIL's lifestyle as the determining factor for whether to help or not. I respect the fact that you have feelings about it.
However, ask yourself if you would you feel any differently had her lifestyle been different. I venture to guess the answer is no. That makes it about money not her lifestyle choice.
Bottom line: Everyone dies of something. If it wasn't cancer it might be something else. There is a huge possibility that you would be facing this same situation regardless of her lifestyle choice.
As I see it (without more information), it is quite possibly an "end of life" issue and how "the family" is going to handle the co pays...regardless of the reasons.
Where is the compassion for what your MIL is going thru?
If you can not afford it, then it seems to me "the family members" need to have a plan and come to a consensus on how to handle things. A family meeting is a good way to at least get the conversation going.
It also says "I am not taking 100% responsibility for this so what do "we" do. When others say "they can not help" ( and it is their mother)....well...perhaps...there can be an agreement that "all" go on a personal loan at the bank with shared responsibility to pay it off (if banks would allow) or some other such "shared" mechanism. Of course only if all other mechanisms of financial assistance have been exhausted.
i.e. There will be "end of life" costs regardless so may as well address it now.