easysurfer
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
- Joined
- Jun 11, 2008
- Messages
- 13,177
Agreed.
This was brought home for me when I had both my father and brother dying simultaneously, in different states. When my dad was first dx'd with multiple myeloma he made sure his medical directive was up to date and that my sister and I and his "domestic partner" (my step mom) were fully aware of his wishes. No extreme methods. Unfortunately, his health took a left turn and sniffles turned into septic pneumonia in less than 24 hours. He was intubated and in a coma 2 days after we'd had a nice family party. But when the organs started failing we knew what his wishes were. We declined the surgery to install shunts for dialysis, etc... He passed quickly and on his own terms.
My brother's wishes were the exact opposite. He wanted EVERY method, no matter how extreme, to be used even though "cure" was off the table. He did not do well with chemo... and the cancer kept growing. He was referred to a specialist in Denver who was willing to do surgery on his inoperable tumor. That started the 7 surgeries in the last 3 weeks of his life. I'm sure the costs were through the roof. (But covered since we'd kept up his COBRA payments.) His quality of life was awful. Those last weeks were in and out of surgery and the ICU... Intubated, on heavy pain meds but still in pain, having his hands tied down so he wouldn't extubate himself. But he was insistent, and had made clear in his medical directive, that ALL measures should be taken. It was hard for my sister and I to watch, and reiterate, his choices... but they were his choices.
It comes down to the individuals choice. Not those around them.
Your post is inspiring, that you were able to honor both the wishes of your father and brother with their end of life choices.
I'm sure in both instances there were difficult decisions. But that you knew their choices ahead of time made the decisions more bearable.