Move for support or stay for familarity

[bobbee25]

Move or not to move. Can't decide.


Early 70s and in reasonably good health, familiar with the current area, doctors etc. Very few friends, no support system.



or


move to another location close to family and grand kids.

 

[aja8888]

Question, does the family and grandkids want you nearby?

If not, find some new friends and chill out.

 

[bobbee25]

definitely want us closer.

 

[ivinsfan]

This is kind of an odd thread. If you don't really have an opinion one way or another, what can we add to the discussion? There is no right answer.


You have your good health no matter where you live and so the only pluses for where you live now is that you know the area and medical care? You indicate medical care isn't a big issue anyway.

You going to have to throw us a few more bread crumbs.

 

[gwraigty]

definitely want us closer.

Then move while you're still in good health.

 

[gwraigty]

Just to add, it's easier than ever to find out about an area before making the decision to move. With Google Maps, locations of restaurants, hospitals/medical facilities, shopping, grocery stores, libraries, theaters, etc. are right there for you to see. Pull the little guy onto a street and you can "walk down the street" virtually, to scope out quality, though the images might be a few years old.

 

[Scuba]

For me, being close to people important to me is far more important than anything else. Especially as one ages, I think the value of being close to family is hard to overestimate, unless you don’t have a good relationship with them.

 

[gretah]

One thing to consider is where the person who has Power of Attorney for Health and PofA for general/financial for you lives.

Example -
A gal I know just had a stroke followed by 2 weeks in the hospital. She lives on an island with mostly retired people. Medical resources are on the mainland. Fastest time to get to the doctor (not by emergency helicopter) is 1.5 hours and sometimes much longer. But now she can no longer drive or tend her garden.

Her son has PofAs for her. He lives 1,000 miles away. He's divorced with sole custody of his 11 year old son. Very difficult for him to go to Mum unless school is out for the summer or break.

She wants to stay in her house. But there are few working age people on that lovely island so I don't see where she is going to find people to hire to help her. The workers are already booked solid.


I never had children so my plan is to move into a Continuing Care Retirement Community when I'm around 80 - or sooner if my knees warrant it.

 

[Lukeee]

This is what I would do.....I figured that moving would cost me 4+ % of the cost of the house plus moving costs at minimum..so not a cheap proposition. So I would do a test drive.... rent a place in a neighborhood i would consider buying into (Airbnb or similar) for 1-2 months, do a dry run, live life as a local then reevaluate. If it’s everything its imagine it to be or better, start looking for a home/long term rental property.

 

[Dash man]

It’s a choice only you can make, but I’d want to be near family.

 

[trumpeting_angel]

Social support is a significant predictor of happiness AND health. What's it like near the family? Decent housing options and COL? Do you enjoy yourselves when you visit? Is there something to do besides hang out with family? Is there a decent hospital/medical center nearby?

My family is 4 hours away; wish they were closer.

 

[Seagirt]

I met someone recently who moved from her home in the UK to Canada to be with kids & grandkids, but then job opportunities drew the kids far away. Now she is stuck in a strange place, and IMO very unhappy.

I would make sure I was moving to a place where I would be happy if the family moved elsewhere.

 

[Koolau]

Move or not to move. Can't decide.

Early 70s and in reasonably good health, familiar with the current area, doctors etc. Very few friends, no support system.

or

move to another location close to family and grand kids.

Are you certain the family/grand kids are going to stay put? Between our 3 kids, they have moved 6 time in the past 10 years. The grand kids (all with one of our kids) have moved 3 of those times. I've known way too many folks who have moved to be close to their kids/grandkids only to have those kids pull up stakes and move elsewhere (primarily for empl*yment opportunities.)

If your family DOES move away from you, it's very expensive to follow - and there is no guarantee they will stay put a second time (or third.)

I try not to give advice but my suggestion would be to make friends/develop support systems where you are (think social clubs, churches, block associations, etc.) Naturally, YMMV.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Of our 5 kids only one lives here. We have built a good life the past 21 years and I would never move. We have lots of great friends. We were mobile for jobs which is why my folks didn’t follow us. I wouldn’t follow any of the kids for the same reason.

 

[Brat]

One thing to consider is where the person who has Power of Attorney for Health and PofA for general/financial for you lives.

Example -
A gal I know just had a stroke followed by 2 weeks in the hospital. She lives on an island with mostly retired people. Medical resources are on the mainland. Fastest time to get to the doctor (not by emergency helicopter) is 1.5 hours and sometimes much longer. But now she can no longer drive or tend her garden.

Her son has PofAs for her. He lives 1,000 miles away. He's divorced with sole custody of his 11 year old son. Very difficult for him to go to Mum unless school is out for the summer or break.

She wants to stay in her house. But there are few working age people on that lovely island so I don't see where she is going to find people to hire to help her. The workers are already booked solid.


....

Does she live on Bainbridge Island?

To be relatively near family is important but as others have observed they may not stay put.

 

[DrRoy]

I would do a test drive.... rent a place in a neighborhood I would consider buying into (Airbnb or similar) for 1-2 months, do a dry run, live life as a local then reevaluate. If it’s everything I imagine it to be or better, start looking for a home/long term rental property.

+1 I totally believe in a dry run. Then you have the info you really need to decide.

 

[Crewer]

Eventually we'll have to move to be near our daughter but we're in no hurry to do it and anyway she will definitely be moving again -maybe several times. The reality is when we start to get infirm we'll need an adult child near us to help with all the rigamarole and it's more likely to be our daughter than our son.

My parents were in their late 70s when we made them move to be near my brother and were in their 80s when we made them move to be near me. Near my brother was good until their health really deteriorated, which is when we made them move back to Ohio even though my mother didn't want to be in a cold-weather climate. When I say made them move I mean just that. We were making so many trips to take care of the aftermath and realized the aftermaths would have been much less dire if we'd been there in the first place. I think I've learned the lesson and hope to make the decision to move to be near my daughter before things get that bad. I've even told her that I hope she picks a place I'd like to live.

 

[HawkeyeNFO]

Should I stay or should I go now?
Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go, there will be trouble
And if I stay it will be double
So come on and let me know

Maybe start a poll?

 

[Chuckanut]

Move. A good support system consisting of loving relatives and good friends makes it less likely you will need a professional support system.

I thought of selling my home and moving to a sunny retirement part of the country. Then my oldest child reminded me that since all my children have to work for a living, if I wanted to see them I would have to constantly make trips back to where I am now.

So, the thought of moving went bye-bye while I stay home. And over the years, I figure I really live in a very nice place even if it isn't 75 degrees and sunny all the time.

 

[Katsmeow]

Move or not to move. Can't decide.


Early 70s and in reasonably good health, familiar with the current area, doctors etc. Very few friends, no support system.



or


move to another location close to family and grand kids.

In a somewhat similar situation -- we moved.

DH and I had lived in the same area for many years. I had been there since my mid-20s and he had been there since his teens.

DH is 70 and I am 64, both in good health. He has kids from a prior marriage. We have 3 kids together. Kids are scattered with 5 of this state and one who recently moved away. Our kids don't yet children so I have no grandkids. DH does have grandkids (mostly grown now) but, again, scattered all around.

He no longer had much close family where we were living ...most had died off. He had one brother maybe an hour away. We had changed some of our interests over the years and didn't have a lot of good friends in the area. I had one close friends...but she was an hour away.

We realized that we really had no particular reason to stay in the area except just inertia and familiarity. We were familiar with the area and that was a big factor. We considered moving to an area closer to amenities but in the same general area.

One of the things I did think about was what about later. At the time I was thinking about this my mom was starting to struggle with having outlived most of her close family (she was 94). I was the only child but a couple of hundred miles away. I saw how difficult it was to be alone with little support.

Anyway -- we ended up moving to the same general area where I grew up. None of my kids live here. But, one of DH's daughters is in this area. I do have other family in this area however. While I don't exactly want support from them or need it, I do think it will be helpful to be in an area where I do have at least some family that would at least give some help.

I also have a couple of good friends in this area so that is also a big bonus.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I never would make my parents move. The 3 of us took turns traveling and I intend to not burden our kids.

 

[Oz investor]

Then move while you're still in good health.

but might i suggest planning for future bad health ( things like wheel chair access and good medical facilities nearby )

helping to resist forced relocations later

 

[Oz investor]

Move or not to move. Can't decide.


Early 70s and in reasonably good health, familiar with the current area, doctors etc. Very few friends, no support system.



or


move to another location close to family and grand kids.

plan for the worst and hope for the best , perhaps ??

in my late 40's i would joke that i only had 3 fully functioning body parts left , but i can't remember what they are ?

15 years later i am on a pension for chronic heart disease , .. so can i count a sense of humor as a body part .... i kind of dread the thought of a 'fitness stock-take.
so far the doctors have only tested 3 body parts ( heart , lungs and blood ) and all have dismayed my GP ... i can foresee a visit to even more medical specialists .

the question about the family likely to 'spread out ' seems to be relevant though , i note j*b stability is decreasing ( in Australia as well )

 

[gretah]

Does she live on Bainbridge Island?

Good guess, Brat!

She lives on one of the San Juan islands.

 

[Brat]

We lived on BI for 15 years and saw several evacuations by helicopter. One nice benefit of living on BI is free ambulance service - the ferry will wait for a transport in-route if you are headed for Seattle and there is ALWAYS space for an ambulance on the car deck. Amazing how quickly they can offload an ambulance on the Seattle side. Anyone who lives on an island on Puget Sound would be wise to subscribe to Life Flight