Poll: Gravesite or not?

[66Sally]

Timely topic for us

My father passed 2/13/21 and no plans had been made. It was difficult for my mother and I to plan everything in the fog that grieving can cause. He was buried in a rural church cemetery in the town where he and mom grew up.

Last month DH and I went to our local cemetery which is managed by Dignity Memorials and planned and paid for our burial. We purchased spaces in a mausoleum that overlooks the Smoky Mountains. If we decide to be buried elsewhere, we can transfer to other Dignity Memorial sights. FYI - we are late 50's but you never know when you may be called home.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

May I ask how it was transporting ashes out of the country? Our son is supposed to mix my ashes & my late wife's ashes & spread them in Little Cayman. "Little" was one of our best vacations ever. IDK if our boy is going to have trouble transporting ashes

Not a big issue at all. For some reason, some folks associate cremains with "biohazard" or something similar but that's only fear mongering. TSA even has a blog post about it:

https://www.tsa.gov/blog/2018/07/10/ways-travel-cremated-remains

https://www.tsa.gov/travel/security-screening/whatcanibring/items/cremated-remains

 

[athena53]

May I ask how it was transporting ashes out of the country? Our son is supposed to mix my ashes & my late wife's ashes & spread them in Little Cayman. "Little" was one of our best vacations ever. IDK if our boy is going to have trouble transporting ashes.

I've done it all "under the radar" with very small quantities. I had a travel-size Gold Bond Medicated Powder bottle in the medicine cabinet- DH used it. It's small (maybe 1/2 cup capacity), it's opaque and even if a curious inspector were to open it, the contents might appear to be Gold Bond Powder at a cursory glance. I put it in checked luggage. I've quietly deposited small amounts when no one was around, except for the Ganges at Varanasi (that's considered honorable to your loved one and the guide even brought a Hindu priest on the boat, who chanted from the Vedas- wow) and a centuries-old native burial ground on Molokai where I asked the guides if it was OK.

A friend who has also deposited cremains of a HS buddy all over the world reports the same results but, as usual, YMMV.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

Last month DH and I went to our local cemetery which is managed by Dignity Memorials and planned and paid for our burial. We purchased spaces in a mausoleum that overlooks the Smoky Mountains. If we decide to be buried elsewhere, we can transfer to other Dignity Memorial sights. FYI - we are late 50's but you never know when you may be called home.

Not directed at the poster, but just wanted to let others know that the "Dignity" moniker is actually SCI (Service Corporation International), the largest "death care" company in the country. With revenues of $3.2 BILLION in 2019, I would say they are the closest thing to the "Wal Mart" of death that I can think of. There are a LOT of funeral homes/cemeteries that maintain the original names after they were bought by SCI to maintain the illusion that the provider is small and family owned. Here is an example of one that was near our home in ATL. The Patterson Family hasn't had ownership of this funeral home in many, many years.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

I've done it all "under the radar" with very small quantities. I had a travel-size Gold Bond Medicated Powder bottle in the medicine cabinet- DH used it. It's small (maybe 1/2 cup capacity), it's opaque and even if a curious inspector were to open it, the contents might appear to be Gold Bond Powder at a cursory glance. I put it in checked luggage. I've quietly deposited small amounts when no one was around, except for the Ganges at Varanasi (that's considered honorable to your loved one and the guide even brought a Hindu priest on the boat, who chanted from the Vedas- wow) and a centuries-old native burial ground on Molokai where I asked the guides if it was OK.

A friend who has also deposited cremains of a HS buddy all over the world reports the same results but, as usual, YMMV.

Or mistaken for an illicit material that requires additional screening and an inevitable delay.

 

[jfn111]

The wife and I have both decided to be cremated. My daughter can then dispose of us any way she chooses.

 

[MBAustin]

Other. We both plan to be cremated and have our ashes buried in our church's memorial garden (names on a wall plaque in the garden). I have asked that a small amount of my ashes be reserved and scattered at the lake back east where we spent many wonderful summers.

 

[wyecrabber1]

Scattered my wife's and son's ashes in Tangier Sound that our condo overlooks. Beautiful sunsets. I will either donate my body to science or be cremated with my ashes scattered over the water. When I'm gone, my closest family and friends are to have one hell of a crab feast.

 

[LRDave]

I chose natural, but it is not that simple in the rural south especially. The funeral home lobby has a long reach.

I'd like to be buried in a minimal biodegradable container on our property. No marker.

 

[38Chevy454]

I always thought that using up land for burying caskets seems like such a waste of that land. It can not longer be used for anything else.
Cremation for DW and me, scatter the ashes in a favorite place.

 

[braumeister]

I was impressed when I asked my parents about their wishes. Dad looked at me like I had three heads and said "Why would I care? I'll be dead."

I pressed him a bit and he finally told me to scatter his ashes in Jamaica Bay where he used to fish. Much later when Mom was going, she had the same reaction, then finally told me to put hers in the same place.

They had both grown up during the Depression, so I thought they would have a more traditional attitude, but I felt they made a good choice.

 

[Silver]

I voted "other". I have had many much loved pets, and have had them all cremated. I keep their ashes in a large marble urn.

I want to be cremated and my ashes mixed together with theirs. Then....I don't really care what happens to us.

 

[brett]

Do not care. I will not be there. It will be cremation. No need to plant the jug anywhere. Scatter the ashes wherever.

Both my parent arranges their own. It was the same for them. Straight simple cremation. End of.

I certainly do not want my loved ones making the trip to a plot in the ground or a hole in the wall to talk to what is a bunch of nothing.

Same the time, expense. Go out for a slap up meal at a first rate restaurant. Have a glass of red wine for me.

 

[pacergal]

Wasn't able to vote, have two choices--cremation or green burial.
Prefer cremation and scatter ashes at the beach. One child not ok with the scattering part, so maybe a green burial. I don't care as long as there are minimal costs and the kids don't argue.

 

[Sue J]

I have told DH and our sons that I would like any usable parts to be donated if possible. Then I want to be directly cremated. No embalming, no viewing. Keep me around in an urn if you feel the need but eventually put the ashes in The Cuyahoga River. I've spent my entire life near the river and feel like that would be the place to end up. I've made it clear that I don't want to be taking up space for an eternity.

My parents and grandparents are all buried in the same cemetery. I have visited and taken pictures. Yes, it's a comfort and the history of their lives is important. But after my generation and my kid's generation who is going to visit more than once? I just don't feel the need to be preserved and saved in a plot.

We all refer to "ashes" after cremation. In my 30's a friend died of cancer and her husband invited all of us to be there when he scattered her cremains in a river. As he poured it all out of a box I was surprised at how little of it was ashes. Most of it was pieces like small gravel and some were bigger pieces that almost looked like small bones. It didn't scatter. It was a little shocking. But I still believe in cremation.

 

[braumeister]

As he poured it all out of a box I was surprised at how little of it was ashes. Most of it was pieces like small gravel and some were bigger pieces that almost looked like small bones.

My understanding is that what you get is almost entirely pulverized bone.

 

[MichaelB]

There’s always Willie Nelson’s request, expressed in a song.

 

[friar1610]

Haven’t decided for sure on burial vs. cremation. But final location will be the Mass. National Cemetery on Cape Cod. It’s close to where we live and a very nicely maintained cemetery likely to remain that way. Don’t really care about the military pomp which is an option there. Besides, we’ve always thought it would be nice to spend more time at the Cape.

 

[ShokWaveRider]

Both Our wills say "Cremation, with immediate disposition with no fanfare". Yes Bolded! Definitely no ceremony, service or wake of any kind. They can do what they like with us when we have both Karked it. If one of us dies before the other, things are a little different as DW want to keep my ashes in a pot. I would prefer scattering in the ocean but one picks one battles. I will probably scatter hers if she goes before me.

 

[athena53]

My understanding is that what you get is almost entirely pulverized bone.

It depends on how well they processed what was left. I got some chips and also found DH's dental implant! I thought that was pretty interesting- so did our dentist and our oral surgeon when I asked if they wanted to see it (sealed in a plastic bag).

Both Our wills say "Cremation, with immediate disposition with no fanfare".

Wills typically aren't read till after the funeral. Make sure those instructions are someplace your loved ones can find them immediately, and let them know now if possible. I've already told DS that if he stages a "Celebration of Life" with a balloon release (very bad for the critters) instead of a proper Requiem mass with incense I'm going to come back and haunt him.

Disney plays an important part in people's lives and no surprise their final resting place is at the happiest place on earth.

Note to self: Notify DS of one OTHER farewell practice which will motivate me to come back and haunt him.

 

[Beldar]

DW & I have chosen cryonic suspension, with certain exceptions. At the very least, we may be mentioned in a National Geographic article in a hundred years.


_B

 

[Nick12]

WDW really frowns on this and if the spreader is caught, they will likely be banned from the parks FOR LIFE.

Personally, plan for DW and me is a "green" burial on family land a little south of where I live in a simple burlap sack or one box. Truly old school.

I am NOT a fan of modern day funerals including embalming and the processes that are involved in embalming. I know I will be dead and shouldn't care...but the whole process is nauseating to me.

That's a broad assumption banned for life. Disney plays an important part in peoples lives and no surprise their final resting place is at the happiest place on earth.

 

[ShokWaveRider]

Wills typically aren't read till after the funeral. Make sure those instructions are someplace your loved ones can find them immediately, and let them know now if possible.

Our will has a separate "Final Disposition" instructions section. I thought all well prepared wills had this. Ours certainly has.

 

[SheitlQueen]

Traditional cemetery burial. After my husband died I bought the plot next because who knows if it will be available in the future. Cremation isn't allowed in our religion or I might have considered that option.

 

[Amethyst]

That is true. Very, very small bits, but recognizably bone. My Dad's went into the garden of the house we used to own, because he thought the garden was terrific. Probably the new owners have had it plowed under and turned into grass, a swimming pool or some such.

My understanding is that what you get is almost entirely pulverized bone.