Retirement ??

[Retire52]

When we bought our current home, I had no idea our adult children would end up coming back to live with us. We have a guest house and an apartment on our property, so they both live there since COVID started. They both work and we havent asked for any money as long as I see them saving money for their retirment accounts. Its been great to have them with us, and i know my two oldest daughters are safe and glad we can help them. When i was in my late 20s i moved in with my parents for the two years I was assigned in the Army at my home town. We all had a wonderful time and within 2 weeks of my departure, my father passed away unexpectedly. I count myself fortunate to have been there for those two years.

 

[Koolau]

When I was in university, I lived at home. My parents offered that as "their share" of financing my education. I paid for tuition, books, transportation and spending money. When I graduated, the "deal" remained the same except that I paid rent for my old room/board. I also (just because) ran my little sister to high school each morning on my way to w*rk. We had a very symbiotic relationship within the family.

When our kids went to university, they had no interest in living at home. Their grandparents had left them enough money in trust to allow them to move out to their own apartments. We were fine with that and it w*rked out pretty well all around.

 

[jollystomper]

We do not plan to have our adult kids move in with us... but we are flexible based on the situation. For example, Our youngest son is currently living with us as he is between rentals. His old lease expired, but he has 2 good friends sharing a house, and one of them is getting married in a few months and moving out. The other friend wants our son to move in, and it would be cheaper than other rentals my son is looking at. So we suggested he just move in with us until then. While it means more clutter for certain parts of the house, it is temporary and not a big deal. We are not charging him rent for this period, he is working full time and also taking classes to finish his degree.

 

[street]

When we bought our current home, I had no idea our adult children would end up coming back to live with us. We have a guest house and an apartment on our property, so they both live there since COVID started. They both work and we havent asked for any money as long as I see them saving money for their retirment accounts. Its been great to have them with us, and i know my two oldest daughters are safe and glad we can help them. When i was in my late 20s i moved in with my parents for the two years I was assigned in the Army at my home town. We all had a wonderful time and within 2 weeks of my departure, my father passed away unexpectedly. I count myself fortunate to have been there for those two years.

Sounds like a good arrangement every situation is different.

 

[DJRR]

Took the opposite approach and downsized so they can't all come back

I always wanted to be independent and raised my kids that way. I lived at home after college, but my dad charged me 30% of my salary as rent to reinforce the "real" world. I got a roommate and moved out after about 8 months and my dad gave me back my rent payments for first month rent/security deposit/small emergency fund. Thought it worked well.

Daughter #1 I put through esthetician school but covid shut things down a week after her first job. She saved ~ $10k in unemployment and moved out with roommates a few months after being allowed to work again. She is now married and we have a grandson. We try to watch grandson once a week because child care is outrageous.

Daughter #2 is still figuring things out. She is going to community college part time and working part time. She hustles as a server and made over $60k last year, so a pretty good part time job. I pay for 1/3rd of her car and major vet bills, but she pays for everything else she wants and is saving up to move out. Expect her to be out in the next year or so. She has very high tastes, but works for it, so I don't complain. She is a foodie and goes to restaurants that I have heard of but never wanted to spend the money For ex. she took her boyfriend to a famous French restaurant here on Valentines day for ~ $550.

 

[Major Tom]

It's called multigenerational living. It is the norm in other cultures and is becoming common in the US.

I dated a Filipina-Canadian woman for many years. Her family were a great example of how well multi-generational living can work out. 3 generations living under one roof was quite normal. Although not a given, kids could remain living in the family home after marriage until they were able to move out. Everyone contributed, both financially and with work and effort, to the household. If a family member needed financial help to buy a house, others would kick in, and the favor would be returned when they in turn needed help.

I had never had such a close-up view of how this sort of living worked - and it worked very well for this family. They were all hard workers and good earners, and ended up owning nice houses in good neighborhoods, and enjoying a good material standard of living. I feel fairly sure that my ex-girlfriend will most likely live with her kids after she retires, probably dividing her time between the households. It will not be because of lack of money, but because she will want to be with them and help them however she can. They just like being together.

It's probably the main reason we never got married. As much as I admired the way they lived, and how close they all were, I gradually had to accept that it wasn't for me. Because of the way I was raised, and also because I am a massive introvert, living this way with them would have been very stressful for me. It's a shame, because they were (and still are) a wonderful family.

 

[RetiredHappy]

In my culture, and I grew up overseas, children only move out when they get married. Then it the oldest male child's responsibility to have the parents move into his home later when all the other children have married off. When there is no male child, the oldest daughter usually takes on this responsibility. It gets interesting when an only male child marries an only female child. Usually one set of parents will not move in.

If the parents have 5 kids and none marries, then all the children remain living in the home. I don't see anything wrong with this picture.

 

[Koolau]

The diversity of family dynamics is amazing - and wonderful (usually.)

 

[Joseph]

Just my 2¢ but I think it is the best thing to do for many reasons. However, it may be the norm these days but see issues with doing so. We all love our children and want the best for them, but I think trying to make everyone happy turns into failing.

Maybe for a noted time frame for an emergency stay but not having a time limit, is setting them up for the easy way out and not teaching.

Agreed
My wife’s daughter ( both our second marriage) moved in with us after college. She had a job lined up so that was fine by me. After a full summer sitting in her room watching TV ( thinking summer vacation still exists) I let her know she should be looking for apartments since she had a job that made as much as I made. Fast forward 6 yrs, we are living across the country and she needs a change of scenery from her job. We encourage her to move out to stay with us as she recalibrates and looks for new job. Again, she thinks it’s summer vacation and this nothing. I hand her an apartment listing booklet and let her know same things is happening again. Now she is moving in with a roommate at 38 yrs old. Already let wife know if that falls apartment no way she is coming back. She has the funds that she doesn’t need to. Truthfully, she doesn’t want to live with me anyway

 

[razztazz]

In my culture, and I grew up overseas, children only move out when they get married. Then it the oldest male child's responsibility to have the parents move into his home later when all the other children have married off. When there is no male child, the oldest daughter usually takes on this responsibility. It gets interesting when an only male child marries an only female child. Usually one set of parents will not move in.

If the parents have 5 kids and none marries, then all the children remain living in the home. I don't see anything wrong with this picture.

Brief comment on an American motif. It is "the way" here to be convinced you are constantly being somehow ripped off. Even by your children. Even by your parents.

 

[Joseph]

Brief comment on an American motif. It is "the way" here to be convinced you are constantly being somehow ripped off. Even by your children. Even by your parents.

That’s not necessarily true. I do believe the job of parents is to get kids ready to launch. The world out there is complicated. Getting away from the family dynamic helps growth. JMHO
My wife’s family kinda had the expectation that we would take them in. They also lost all their cash gambling In now way was I interested and thank god my wife wasn’t either. We do give them monetary “ gifts” along with a couple other family members to help them out some.

 

[razztazz]

That’s not necessarily true

Of course. It cannot be true all the time in every instance. I didn't imply it was.

 

[RetiredHappy]

The difference between what is defined as family values between cultures.

 

[Joseph]

That’s not necessarily true

Of course. It cannot be true all the time in every instance. I didn't imply it was.

Well of course. But you implying “ it is the way here” makes one think it’s more often than not. I think there are way to many layers to think that
Again, JMHO

 

[pb4uski]

I'm pretty sure that my mother and aunts all lived with my grandmother long after high school until they each got married. I know that for a fact for my younge aunt as I remember her and my gramdmother living together when I was a kid.

 

[Romer]

I considered it my responsibility to house them until after they graduated College, got their first job and had a bit saved up to start on their own. That is what my parents did for me. They came home from school during the summers and were away during the school year. I and my inlaws helped them with their first down payment and they bought their own homes. When they were teenagers I got them started on getting a good credit history as that results in better loan rates. Credit cards, Student/car loans (quickly paid off), etc. So when they graduated college, got their first jobs they also had excellent Credit to get their first mortgage.

The younger one lived with us for 7 months after graduating and bought her first house. She was always frugal and had a nice down payment with her savings and what we helped with.

The older one took a bit longer as she moved back home after moving out of state and decided she didnt like it and came back unemployed. We didn't help her with the down payment until after that as we didn't think the out of state gig was going to work. Some things they have to learn on their own.

They both have been on their own since then, married with kids of their own now. Helping them out I think set them better off than I was by about 5 years financially at the same age. Each has bought a nicer home since then and are doing well.

Every family is different. I have always had a great relationship with my girls. They call us now to apologize for what they did when they were their kids ages They are very appreciative of us and all we have done for them.

I do know some people whose kids are still living at home with no education doing a service type job. That is a different situation and I don't know what I would have done there. While they were growing up I tried to teach them about the difference of an education relative to job and salary and quality of life. One is an Engineer and the other a Nurse so they have the income and long term financial path to a successful life.

 

[DrRoy]

Our sons can afford to be on their own by sharing an apartment.

 

[Koolau]

Brief comment on an American motif. It is "the way" here to be convinced you are constantly being somehow ripped off. Even by your children. Even by your parents.

Where did you get that? Maybe it's my circle of friends, but I don't see that attitude at all. I've seen the occasional toxic relationship within a family, but certainly no general tendency toward what your "motif" would suggest. Do you have a citation or study to quote? Just wondering as YMMV.