Sensing resentment from working people, how to respond?

[HFWR]

“Well bless your heart!”

 

[Oakster]

Maybe a reply that says I worked very hard and enjoyed my career. I also enjoyed investing and managing my money, which allowed me to retire and spend my time in any manner that suits me.

This type of response may generate interest and belief in the ability to create your own wealth and be financially independent in America. I am shocked by the amount of people that do not understand (their choice) or believe that this can still be done.

 

[scaubie]

Tell them you highly recommend retirement and they should try it. Then smile ?

 

[brewer12345]

Is one spouse still working and one "retired"?

I think it is semantics, but I don't think one is retired when the spouse/significant other is not retired.
.

I am pretty sure most of the housewives I have met are completely retired.

 

[Old Microbiologist]

braumeister - I feel your pain. I had a surreal experience which exemplifies what you are saying. I was flying back to Texas from Asia in Class "A" uniform in 1972 and was connecting through LAX. There is a weird tunnel connecting the terminals and I was walking through the tunnel passing a group of people who attacked me with name calling spitting, throwing bottles etc. It was all I could do to get out of there without getting into a major fist fight which I would have lost against the roughly 20 people attacking me. I was a SPC-5 back then but much later I was travelling from a scientific conference in San Francisco again back to Texas and was again in uniform and again Class "A's" but now as a Major (with far more rows of ribbons and devices being almost 20 years later) and went through that exact same tunnel and encountered a similar group of 20 or so people but this time I was thanked and they shook my hands etc. This was during Gulf War I in 1991. It was really weird and I was freaked out completely. I had expected another similar confrontation and had gotten myself ready for an attack and was stupefied when they grabbed my hands to shake them. Ironically, I had recently picked up as my secondary MOS Psychological Operations (PSYOPS). I was SF when enlisted and that brought me back into the SOF arena but only in my secondary MOS which actually I never served in being more important as a research scientist. Anyway, I was acutely aware of the very different use of propaganda for the Gulf War as clearly the government had discovered the benefits of selling idiotic wars to the US public. Being particularly cynical by then I was chuckling about it and the next numerous wars how PSYOPS (now referred to since 2010 with a new less scary title Military information Support Operations [MISO]) is used targeting the American public in support of our never-ending wars. This continues on today.

Back on point though I run into this retirement embarrassment issue periodically. Most people are jealous about it and that can be uncomfortable for them. But, related to this is the relative wealth issue which we try and hide as best as possible as that is really the root cause of some serious problems. It is even difficult among other early retirees, particularly Brits who retired here to Hungary. Here in Hungary very few people ever actually retire so they have a lot of trouble understanding it. Among my peer groups which is lawyers and doctors it is even worse. Most people here believe we are here to escape prosecution or something nefarious and can't wrap their heads around Americans retiring early to Hungary. Worse, our standard of living is way past "normal" Hungarians. But, we do hire a lot of local people and also have a permanent staff who are respectful of us and we have helped them out of hard times whenever necessary.

I still putter about doing some light research and building many small projects which keep my brain occupied and keep dreading the day I might get recalled to active duty which so far is getting more remote as I get older but one never knows. I am in a very narrow field of biological warfare (defense) but I was never a very compliant officer so am very low on the list for recall. I was a GS-15 (in reality a DB-IV step 10 under the "new" civil service ranking system) when I actually finally retired and a complete PITA to any "superior" I felt was incompetent which was most of them. My last OER before I retired from active duty I was told by my senior rater that my problem was that I still thought like a Sergeant and I thanked him for the compliment. I was a SFC when I was commissioned so it was a weird thing to go through and I never really changed at all just the uniform.

 

[PoorOldCountryBoy]

Hi there,

So DW retired at 45 from being a nurse. She often gets the question, "Why aren't you still working as a nurse?" and it's quite annoying to her. I know there isn't much to be done about it.

For any others out there that get comments like this, especially if you worked in a medical field, or teaching, or similar professional service type field... how do you react?

For myself, I get annoyed by the "thank you for your service" mantra that is heaped on the veterans nowadays. When I'm on my toes, I reply that they should thank a Vietnam Vet, because they got the shaft when they returned to the U.S.

Maybe there is a similar reply for my DWs situation that isn't as snarky as, "Well don't you wish you could retire too?"

Thanks

"Good Planning"

 

[mickeyd]

My response to such inquiries "Well the army keeps sticking money in my checking account each month. In addition, the VA, SSA, Teachers Retirement System and a corporation I worked for years ago also insists on sticking more cash in my account on a regular basis. It's enough to make me not work. So I don't."

 

[sunnyca]

I am one of those that usually thanks veterans for their service. Didn't realize until I read this that it could cause offense. I must be lucky that the veterans I've met seem to accept it with grace and usually say thank you in return or perhaps I'm too stupid to realize they're being sarcastic.

 

[Montecfo]

Had my first experience with ER "resentment" yesterday. It was a get-together in someone's home and there were about 15-16 people, mostly couples around our age or a bit younger.

i have not "publicized" my retirement (why would I?) but family and close friends are aware. A friend at this event asked me jokingly "Are you still retired?" Before I could answer another heard and asked "ARE you retired?" These are good guys and do not seem envious. But a 3rd overheard (Do not know well but seemed like a good and relaxed guy) and asked rhetorically "How is he retired?" I kind of ignored it as the other two were talking to me about various adventures.

A few minutes later I was rejoining the larger group, and realized there was still conversation going on about this that I has missed, and that same dude continued to ask "How is he retired?"

DW told me later she was answering him "well, he is a financial person and he made a plan". We are not super-young. I retired in May at 59. DW does not look her age but i assume folks know our approximate ages.

Was disappointing as while we do not know this couple well, we have enjoyed getting to know them in this social group. He seemed rather agitated.

I do not really feel we owe any big explanations. But i hope this does not happen a lot.

 

[brewer12345]

After all the crap I have taken for decades for being a saver, the imprudent lumpen can suck it.

 

[LarryMelman]

But a 3rd overheard (Do not know well but seemed like a good and relaxed guy) and asked rhetorically "How is he retired?" I kind of ignored it as the other two were talking to me about various adventures.
A few minutes later I was rejoining the larger group, and realized there was still conversation going on about this that I has missed, and that same dude continued to ask "How is he retired?

I would not have ignored it. I hate it when people intentionally gossip about me behind my back. I would have stopped my conversation, and told the guy "if you have a question about me, you can ask _me_." Not in an argumentative way, but just to make the point clearly.

He seemed rather agitated.

I would have been curious to know why. The only reason I can think of, is that perhaps he got the notion in his head that you retired on disability. Which is absolutely none of his business of course, but I can see where a lot of people simply can't grasp that it's possible to save enough to retire early.

 

[JDARNELL]

After all the crap I have taken for decades for being a saver, the imprudent lumpen can suck it.

+1

I get tired of apologizing for success the longer I am retired. I was thinking tonight how it would be in this pc world if I was still working. I would have told someone to pound sand.

 

[Old Microbiologist]

sunnyca - It is actually a difficult issue. You have to consider that veterans come from a varied experience base and none of it has been good. The misadventures of the US foreign policy look one way to the public in the US and far different to the grunt serving at the observation point with his butt hanging in the wind. Once the first rounds shoot past your head, and that is a sound you will never forget, you begin to realize what is happening. When you notice that everyone in country sees you as an evil invader it gets solidified and many of them are actually your real enemy. Of course every veteran has a different experience and it can run from one extreme to another but I think in the main this is the big problem. In Afghanistan for example, there are no actual safe zones. In Iraq many Americans have been killed by Iraqi police or military so you can't even trust them. It is this sense of complete insecurity that wears you down. It even affects those not physically serving in theater. Take as an example the percentage of drone pilots committing suicide. These guys are working from comfortable places in the US but see exactly what they are doing real time and it again wears you down. Imagine the guys last week who fired the missile that killed 30+ people attending a wedding including many women and children. Those missiles have a camera that tracks right down to impact and you see in high definition exactly who is being killed. Many of those pilots are actually fighter jocks who were forced to switch over to drone piloting against their will and as a result don't get promoted as quickly so it is double whammy.

None of the wars we have been involved in since WWII have had anything to do with US National Security and in fact most we have lost. But, they have everything to do with getting some people rich. I think every veteran knows this well. There is a tribal phenomena that happens in the zone where you fight to protect your team mates and the larger picture disappears. It is very intense and you get no real sleep for your entire deployment. This wears you down. You worry all the time about your comrades and yourself and can't wait to rotate back. When you rotate back to the world no one is even aware of what is happening in the many endless wars we are fighting much less give a damn. The US population has been conditioned to thank servicemen for their service not actually having a clue what is is all about and the veterans know this well. It is this disconnect that causes cynicism. Worse, the actual treatment of veterans, particularly wounded ones, by our government is atrocious. Add in the frequent repeated combat tours and the deployment pace it is a horrible experience with no end in sight. The military is a paradoxical place to work in. Many if not most, are able to handle it with no problem. But, there is a sense of shame for what the US is doing and I think this plays on your mind over time.

 

[Cattusbabe]

I bailed from the nursing profession at age fifty. Best move I could have made. People do not realize (or care) just how physically and mentally taxing the job is.

My standard response to the question that your wife is getting is this, "Because I could."

 

[FREE866]

I so relate to a few comments on here. Yeah, I've gotten strange responses and I honestly don't think it's "jealousy" per se, but more of the fact that early retirement is really defying cultural norms. I really feel that people are so deeply conditioned in many areas of their life that the concept of early retirement is just baffling to many people.

 

[2soon2tell]

I don't get angry when someone thanks me for my service. I know the phrase has become overused but I am glad some people make the effort. Saying it might help some folks that feel a little guilty that they never served.

2soon2tell USN 69-72

 

[Montecfo]

I would not have ignored it. I hate it when people intentionally gossip about me behind my back. I would have stopped my conversation, and told the guy "if you have a question about me, you can ask _me_." Not in an argumentative way, but just to make the point clearly.



I would have been curious to know why. The only reason I can think of, is that perhaps he got the notion in his head that you retired on disability. Which is absolutely none of his business of course, but I can see where a lot of people simply can't grasp that it's possible to save enough to retire early.

He was not talking behind my back. He was within earshot. I asked DW about it as she heard more of the conversation (and was involved in it) and she thought he was just incredulous because he couldn't imagine himself possibly being retired now, financially.

i know he took a new job recently. He is an IT guy and the job is with a big defense co. So as far as the income piece of it, I think he is doing well. Perhaps that is what drives some of his feeling also.

 

[JDARNELL]

sunnyca - It is actually a difficult issue. You have to consider that veterans come from a varied experience base and none of it has been good. The misadventures of the US foreign policy look one way to the public in the US and far different to the grunt serving at the observation point with his butt hanging in the wind. Once the first rounds shoot past your head, and that is a sound you will never forget, you begin to realize what is happening. When you notice that everyone in country sees you as an evil invader it gets solidified and many of them are actually your real enemy. Of course every veteran has a different experience and it can run from one extreme to another but I think in the main this is the big problem. In Afghanistan for example, there are no actual safe zones. In Iraq many Americans have been killed by Iraqi police or military so you can't even trust them. It is this sense of complete insecurity that wears you down. It even affects those not physically serving in theater. Take as an example the percentage of drone pilots committing suicide. These guys are working from comfortable places in the US but see exactly what they are doing real time and it again wears you down. Imagine the guys last week who fired the missile that killed 30+ people attending a wedding including many women and children. Those missiles have a camera that tracks right down to impact and you see in high definition exactly who is being killed. Many of those pilots are actually fighter jocks who were forced to switch over to drone piloting against their will and as a result don't get promoted as quickly so it is double whammy.

None of the wars we have been involved in since WWII have had anything to do with US National Security and in fact most we have lost. But, they have everything to do with getting some people rich. I think every veteran knows this well. There is a tribal phenomena that happens in the zone where you fight to protect your team mates and the larger picture disappears. It is very intense and you get no real sleep for your entire deployment. This wears you down. You worry all the time about your comrades and yourself and can't wait to rotate back. When you rotate back to the world no one is even aware of what is happening in the many endless wars we are fighting much less give a damn. The US population has been conditioned to thank servicemen for their service not actually having a clue what is is all about and the veterans know this well. It is this disconnect that causes cynicism. Worse, the actual treatment of veterans, particularly wounded ones, by our government is atrocious. Add in the frequent repeated combat tours and the deployment pace it is a horrible experience with no end in sight. The military is a paradoxical place to work in. Many if not most, are able to handle it with no problem. But, there is a sense of shame for what the US is doing and I think this plays on your mind over time.

Spot on!

 

[urn2bfree]

And I hope you have it in your heart to give back like my oncologist friend that has been on 58 mission trips out of the U.S. His last trip was to northern Brazil where he had to be approved by a tribe's medicine man who had never met a white man. They saw 600 patients in one week. You guys are still needed in this world.

I realize a few others have weighed in on this, but as a retired oncologist myself I can't let this go without further "piling on/ripping/strongly objecting." Nobody could object or take issue with someone using her or his talents in service to others IF she or he CHOOSES to do so out of whatever motivation they have. BUT it cannot be called giving "back."

(Ok Rant begins now)

Give back? GIVE BACK? What in the f&$% is being given back?
Time? Money?

Because doctors who devote 4 years undergrad, 4 years of medical school, (all often extremely expensive) then 3 or more years of residency (at slave wages) and then more years as fellows (also at markedly lower wages) before finally beginning their careers in their 30’s in a position which may start at low wages and long hours as they prove their worth to their new practice, and most of whom don't stay in their first position so they have to start over again in a couple of years have not given enough in time or money yet?

Give BACK?

Doctors are well compensated. Eventually.
Because they have earned it.
And continue to earn it with:
continued education, long hours, (not including being available at many more hours), high degrees of stress, large liability risks, all while providing vital services.

Give BACK?

They gave up their youth, their first 10+ years of earning, often while accumulating large debt, (ever heard of the power of time and compounding? They missed out on some of that too) and now you expect or hope they give BACK?

This attitude that whatever doctors have - money, talent, knowledge - that they "owe" something is prevalent.
It is seen in the attitude that doctors should not only not retire early, no, no. They should NEVER RETIRE! And if somehow they do retire, they should find it in their hearts to "give back."

If that is the deal, then have it clearly stated before people give up their lives to medicine. Good luck getting enough doctors when you add on that stipulation.

Surveys demonstrate many (and in some surveys most) doctors are unhappy, would not encourage their children to enter medical fields, and would retire if only they could. There are many reasons for this unhappiness to be sure, but a lot of them are related to doctors being told what they SHOULD do by other people who don't know what they are talking about.

File "giving back" under that same heading.

 

[Gumby]

Thankfully, most of the time when people have told me what I should do, it was anatomically impossible.

 

[Dtail]

I realize a few others have weighed in on this, but as a retired oncologist myself I can't let this go without further "piling on/ripping/strongly objecting." Nobody could object or take issue with someone using her or his talents in service to others IF she or he CHOOSES to do so out of whatever motivation they have. BUT it cannot be called giving "back."

(Ok Rant begins now)

Give back? GIVE BACK? What in the f&$% is being given back?
Time? Money?

Because doctors who devote 4 years undergrad, 4 years of medical school, (all often extremely expensive) then 3 or more years of residency (at slave wages) and then more years as fellows (also at markedly lower wages) before finally beginning their careers in their 30’s in a position which may start at low wages and long hours as they prove their worth to their new practice, and most of whom don't stay in their first position so they have to start over again in a couple of years have not given enough in time or money yet?

Give BACK?

Doctors are well compensated. Eventually.
Because they have earned it.
And continue to earn it with:
continued education, long hours, (not including being available at many more hours), high degrees of stress, large liability risks, all while providing vital services.

Give BACK?

They gave up their youth, their first 10+ years of earning, often while accumulating large debt, (ever heard of the power of time and compounding? They missed out on some of that too) and now you expect or hope they give BACK?

This attitude that whatever doctors have - money, talent, knowledge - that they "owe" something is prevalent.
It is seen in the attitude that doctors should not only not retire early, no, no. They should NEVER RETIRE! And if somehow they do retire, they should find it in their hearts to "give back."

If that is the deal, then have it clearly stated before people give up their lives to medicine. Good luck getting enough doctors when you add on that stipulation.

Surveys demonstrate many (and in some surveys most) doctors are unhappy, would not encourage their children to enter medical fields, and would retire if only they could. There are many reasons for this unhappiness to be sure, but a lot of them are related to doctors being told what they SHOULD do by other people who don't know what they are talking about.

File "giving back" under that same heading.

I agree with you and I was on the finance side.

So far in my 2 years of retirement, I have not volunteered yet, although thought about it, but feel no external pressures to do so from anyone.

 

[HadEnuff]

One can sense (usually accurately ) resentment for many reasons.

I have sensed it from others, among other times, when:

I graduated from Dental School at the age of 23. Some were acquaintances, others were patients who resented being "advised" or billed, by someone who looked like he should be in high school

When I was able to buy a few nice things now and then, like a nice new Chevy Suburban, while still so young looking.

When I retired. I wasn't that young, (62) but some people just seemed to be irritated that I had saved enough, and planned well enough that I could stop working.

When I sold my house in town and moved full time to a lake.

Some folks just resent seeing other folks do well.

When I sense it, I just downplay it. If they want more information like, "How much did that cost?" Or "How did you swing that?", or particularly nosey "how much do you have saved?", well, I just play that by ear. That last question I'd never answer, but some of the others I might, depending upon how I feel about the person.

I don't know who gets credit for saying this originally, but somewhere among a bunch of quotes I once saw "I'd rather be envied than pitied."

 

[swakyaby]

I realize a few others have weighed in on this, but as a retired oncologist myself I can't let this go without further "piling on/ripping/strongly objecting." Nobody could object or take issue with someone using her or his talents in service to others IF she or he CHOOSES to do so out of whatever motivation they have. BUT it cannot be called giving "back."

(Ok Rant begins now)

Give back? GIVE BACK? What in the f&$% is being given back?
Time? Money?

Because doctors who devote 4 years undergrad, 4 years of medical school, (all often extremely expensive) then 3 or more years of residency (at slave wages) and then more years as fellows (also at markedly lower wages) before finally beginning their careers in their 30’s in a position which may start at low wages and long hours as they prove their worth to their new practice, and most of whom don't stay in their first position so they have to start over again in a couple of years have not given enough in time or money yet?

Give BACK?

Doctors are well compensated. Eventually.
Because they have earned it.
And continue to earn it with:
continued education, long hours, (not including being available at many more hours), high degrees of stress, large liability risks, all while providing vital services.

Give BACK?

They gave up their youth, their first 10+ years of earning, often while accumulating large debt, (ever heard of the power of time and compounding? They missed out on some of that too) and now you expect or hope they give BACK?

This attitude that whatever doctors have - money, talent, knowledge - that they "owe" something is prevalent.
It is seen in the attitude that doctors should not only not retire early, no, no. They should NEVER RETIRE! And if somehow they do retire, they should find it in their hearts to "give back."

If that is the deal, then have it clearly stated before people give up their lives to medicine. Good luck getting enough doctors when you add on that stipulation.

Surveys demonstrate many (and in some surveys most) doctors are unhappy, would not encourage their children to enter medical fields, and would retire if only they could. There are many reasons for this unhappiness to be sure, but a lot of them are related to doctors being told what they SHOULD do by other people who don't know what they are talking about.

File "giving back" under that same heading.

Can’t disagree with anything here. Because all of this was my experience too.

 

[FreeBear]

We've been fortunate to not see much resentment. It just doesn't seem to register with younger folks, same below 30 something, or maybe early retirement is discussed so much online these days that it's somewhat normative, even if few have don't it for real. Older folks, say late 60's and 70's just see us as younger folks with flexible schedules, ready for fun on short notice.

The 50 and 60 somethings seem to have the strongest opinions. Surprisingly, a few of these folks are proud of us and even brag that we are retired to their friends. True, we have had a few confused looks and, always from women, "you are too young to retire", maybe because we surprised their expectations.

Overall, more indifference than anything else. Most folks are more concerned about their own lives than ours. On the other hand, we've never told extended family about our retirement, although everyone else knows. We know better than that!

 

[Dtail]

Just went to the doctors office and the P.A. stated we looked too young to be retired.
Now that I like. lol