Aramis
Recycles dryer sheets
- Joined
- Sep 9, 2017
- Messages
- 60
It has been almost 4 years since I, far too optimistically it seems, slotted myself into the Class of 2021. Today was my last day. Happily, it was still my choice and I wasn't forced. I imagine many have you stories of finding yourself well in arrears of your hoped for date. Life has a way of both throwing things at you and permitting you to get in your damn emotional way, doesn't it?
I am not concerned about finances. I have been running the numbers and simulations for years and we have both 25% more money and perhaps 15% less lifespan, now, than we did when we first started thinking we could make it. And we got here with my wife having retired 5 years ago. I expect it will take me some time to decompress and switch from saver to spender but the motivation (extensive travel) will provide the push.
Right now (its been 3 hours since I walked out the door for the last time - lol), I am feeling a kind of sadness that such a significant part of my life is over. I spent 40 years working, largely enjoying what I did (but not enjoying the associated deadline stress), and I have always held very tightly to the idea that a stable job I enjoyed was a very important thing and was to be treasured, and protected. It just feels so strange to have walked away, or separated myself from those long held beliefs, just hours ago.
This is not a feeling of fearing I may lose my identity without my career, I do not think I will feel diminished, or bored. I just feel like I have let something important go and I wonder how long I will feel the dissonance.
I really enjoyed much of my work but the imbalance between that pleasure and my perceptions of the time I had left time left finally became too great. It feels like the breakup of a personal relationship that I wanted and initiated, despite the sense of loss that would come from it. Did some of you feel that way? Should I expect to grieve this like a relationship that was very important but that I knew had to end because it was holding me back?
So, tomorrow looks to be an amazing spring day. I will get out and do some fun things, and start planning some chores that I and the weather have been putting off since last fall. I will probably spend too much of the day ruminating.
She was a very nice and pretty girl and we remained very close even as the years took their toll on our relationship. But I have to move on. I hope she finds someone new. I will always be grateful I was able to say goodbye on good terms.
I am not concerned about finances. I have been running the numbers and simulations for years and we have both 25% more money and perhaps 15% less lifespan, now, than we did when we first started thinking we could make it. And we got here with my wife having retired 5 years ago. I expect it will take me some time to decompress and switch from saver to spender but the motivation (extensive travel) will provide the push.
Right now (its been 3 hours since I walked out the door for the last time - lol), I am feeling a kind of sadness that such a significant part of my life is over. I spent 40 years working, largely enjoying what I did (but not enjoying the associated deadline stress), and I have always held very tightly to the idea that a stable job I enjoyed was a very important thing and was to be treasured, and protected. It just feels so strange to have walked away, or separated myself from those long held beliefs, just hours ago.
This is not a feeling of fearing I may lose my identity without my career, I do not think I will feel diminished, or bored. I just feel like I have let something important go and I wonder how long I will feel the dissonance.
I really enjoyed much of my work but the imbalance between that pleasure and my perceptions of the time I had left time left finally became too great. It feels like the breakup of a personal relationship that I wanted and initiated, despite the sense of loss that would come from it. Did some of you feel that way? Should I expect to grieve this like a relationship that was very important but that I knew had to end because it was holding me back?
So, tomorrow looks to be an amazing spring day. I will get out and do some fun things, and start planning some chores that I and the weather have been putting off since last fall. I will probably spend too much of the day ruminating.
She was a very nice and pretty girl and we remained very close even as the years took their toll on our relationship. But I have to move on. I hope she finds someone new. I will always be grateful I was able to say goodbye on good terms.