Those scolds who keep telling us how awful it is to retire

[Pellice]

As I get closer to retirement, I am more and more amused at all those writers trying to convince us how miserable we will be in retirement. Like this gem:

If you’re over 55, take this job and love it

"People go into mourning when they retire," she said. "Your whole identity is caught up in who you are and what you did. Continuing to work provides social benefits, including feeling relevant," Hannon added."

Who are these people she refers to? By now, I know plenty of retirees. I can't think of one - not one - that went into mourning. Most are ecstatically happy, and I'm not exaggerating. They are all healthier, mentally, physically, and emotionally. They are all contributing to a better world in concrete ways.

And most are finally able to be their true selves, and LOSE the identity they had at work - and work slots us into a limited number of identities. I will NOT mourn writing reports that are not read, going to classes for new "systems" that do not work (and then trying to learn work-arounds), such as the one that had me online for 45 minutes trying to create numbers to get a broken piece of office furniture thrown away. Going back again and again and again to nail down bosses on details they just don't want to think about.

Oops, better stop, this forum is about early retirement, not work! Suffice it to say, I enter every weekend feeling energized and excited - I call them Delicious Days - and I exit leaving dozens of interesting things undone. Retirement is going to be wonderful, I hope. Mourning work? I'm just planning to slip out quietly and have it my rearview mirror right away.

 

[exnavynuke]

I plan on mourning the loss of a work identity like I'd mourn the loss of any other negative thing in life. With an extended party!

 

[IMATERP]

As I get closer to retirement, I am more and more amused at all those writers trying to convince us how miserable we will be in retirement. Like this gem:

If you’re over 55, take this job and love it

"People go into mourning when they retire," she said. "Your whole identity is caught up in who you are and what you did. Continuing to work provides social benefits, including feeling relevant," Hannon added."

Who are these people she refers to? By now, I know plenty of retirees. I can't think of one - not one - that went into mourning. Most are ecstatically happy, and I'm not exaggerating. They are all healthier, mentally, physically, and emotionally. They are all contributing to a better world in concrete ways.

And most are finally able to be their true selves, and LOSE the identity they had at work - and work slots us into a limited number of identities. I will NOT mourn writing reports that are not read, going to classes for new "systems" that do not work (and then trying to learn work-arounds), such as the one that had me online for 45 minutes trying to create numbers to get a broken piece of office furniture thrown away. Going back again and again and again to nail down bosses on details they just don't want to think about.

Oops, better stop, this forum is about early retirement, not work! Suffice it to say, I enter every weekend feeling energized and excited - I call them Delicious Days - and I exit leaving dozens of interesting things undone. Retirement is going to be wonderful, I hope. Mourning work? I'm just planning to slip out quietly and have it my rearview mirror right away.

My work efforts peaked over 15 years ago. I sort of mourned the loss of extensive travel and "feeling like I was really important" upon making that change. I'm so glad my values have changed and the quality of life is so much better than it has ever been.

Taking the "R" step later this year or early next will only enhance my quality of life. Looking , living, and paying it forward...

Michael

 

[brewer12345]

Well, I am glad that everything is all roses for you guys. Personally, I struggled with the change for the first year. It was a difficult period in my life and now that I am on the other side of it I still see it that way. Anyone who plans to pull the plug should expect this to happen. If it doesn't, great! But best to be prepared.

 

[ER Eddie]

As I get closer to retirement, I am more and more amused at all those writers trying to convince us how miserable we will be in retirement. Like this gem:

If you’re over 55, take this job and love it

"People go into mourning when they retire," she said. "Your whole identity is caught up in who you are and what you did. Continuing to work provides social benefits, including feeling relevant," Hannon added."

Who are these people she refers to? By now, I know plenty of retirees. I can't think of one - not one - that went into mourning.

Yeah, that quote is misguided, as a general statement. It might apply to some people. I will occasionally see someone post on a retirement blog that they or someone they know is struggling with retirement -- lost, regretting their decision, feeling a loss of importance, etc. Seems like a minority, though. (However, people who're unhappy or struggling might be less likely to post, so it might be an underestimate.)

She's an author of a book on how to get a job after 50. That's what she's marketing. So she's going to emphasize the value of continuing to work.

I do agree with her larger points that people often continue to work because of either the "safety net" aspect or because they get mental and social benefits from working. We've got a pretty work-negative group here, but plenty of retirees end up working in low-hour jobs, not necessarily for the money, but because they like it, they get something positive out of it. Nothing wrong with that.

 

[ER Eddie]

Well, I am glad that everything is all roses for you guys. Personally, I struggled with the change for the first year. It was a difficult period in my life and now that I am on the other side of it I still see it that way. Anyone who plans to pull the plug should expect this to happen. If it doesn't, great! But best to be prepared.

I appreciate seeing posts like this. I think it brings a little balance in. Some people do struggle with retirement. The rah-rah around retirement can sometimes create a group-think sort of process where people who are not jubilant don't feel like they fit. I'm not saying that's happening, just that I'm concerned that it might.

I like hearing people celebrate retirement. But I also like (more, because it's rarer and takes more courage, I think) hearing people talk honestly about the difficulties they had in adjusting. I think those sort of talks are helpful, not only for the people who are having the troubles, but for the people who're coming up on retirement (because it helps us anticipate, and to not have unrealistic expectations that everything will be sunshine and rainbows).

 

[REWahoo]

No two people are exactly alike and based on individual personalities, everyone reacts differently to retirement. For me it was absolutely marvelous. The only adjustment I had to make was forcing myself to sleep later the first few weeks - I was so excited that I reverted to the "kid on Christmas morning" syndrome.

 

[Chuckanut]

No two people are exactly alike and based on individual personalities, everyone reacts differently to retirement. For me it was absolutely marvelous. The only adjustment I had to make was forcing myself to sleep later the first few weeks - I was so excited that I reverted to the "kid on Christmas morning" syndrome.

I would love to see some scold go after REWahoo for retiring to early. Grab a chair, a beer, and watch the poor scold get wumped.

 

[CaptTom]

I can only relate my own experiences, coming up on 9 months since I've retired. I have not regretted it yet.

I crossed two major things off my bucket list, although it's really more of a "life list" of things I want to put behind me so I can move on. I'm leaving Saturday on a 1,200 mile boat delivery trip that wasn't planned; it just happened to come up. I'd never have been able to do that if I wasn't retired. Another, shorter gig might come up later in the spring. I've got a few ideas for how I want to spend my summer, with no firm plans yet, and I'm already thinking ahead to next winter.

I'm often telling people that I don't know how I ever found time to w*ork.

Are we a self-selecting group for positive ER experiences? Maybe. I w*rked with a guy who will be there till he drops. He enjoys the job, and enjoys the toys he can buy with the money. He's got the life he wants. More power to him. But you'll never see him on this forum.

But I suspect there are far more people who remain in the "golden handcuffs" more out of momentum or fear than any serious introspection. I knew I wanted to retire early, and I even gave myself an extra year before pulling the trigger, to be sure I wouldn't change my mind. I still think it was the right call. For me.

 

[Mdlerth]

I'm counting down TMY. If I could retire this minute, I'd gleefully endure the scolding.

 

[pb4uski]

I'm not sure I have yet met anyone who regret that they retired. I know of some who were recently retired and were flailing around as to what to do, but even in those cases they seemed to be happy not working... they just had not found their retirement niche yet. Since it takes all kinds I suspect that there are some people who retired and regret it... I just haven't run into them yet.

 

[jollystomper]

Well, I am glad that everything is all roses for you guys. Personally, I struggled with the change for the first year. It was a difficult period in my life and now that I am on the other side of it I still see it that way. Anyone who plans to pull the plug should expect this to happen. If it doesn't, great! But best to be prepared.

I can understand this. I am planning to retire from a job I mostly like, most of the time it feels like a hobby, and the pay is far beyond what I thought I could achieve when I started my career. I get along great with my co-workers, and have a number of folks who consider me a mentor. Those are the difficult aspects to walk away from. The tradeoff is spending my time as I choose, and increased involvement in a number of things that having a job limits. So I anticipate some initial struggle, but think it will work out in the long run.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I wanted to retire at 58 so I did. 7 months in I got an opportunity to teach an online college class each semester and I love it. They will have to pry it out of my cold, dead hands) My DH got laid off at 53 and could not find another job. 5 years later he has worked off and on in consulting jobs. He was not ready to retire and it is good when he has a job.

 

[W2R]

No two people are exactly alike and based on individual personalities, everyone reacts differently to retirement. For me it was absolutely marvelous. The only adjustment I had to make was forcing myself to sleep later the first few weeks - I was so excited that I reverted to the "kid on Christmas morning" syndrome.

+1

IIRC, I awakened at 4:30 AM or so on my first day of retirement. Now I sleep much later than that.

Adjustment? Zero. The first few days I had a moment or two of, "uh, er, OK, so, um, exactly what am I supposed to do now" but then discovered how delicious it is to figure out one's own schedule and activities.

From what I have seen on the forum, I do suspect it's probably harder for someone whose spouse is still working and not near retirement. Some people are just generally not happy no matter what their situation, and for them retirement would not be a bed of roses either.

 

[ER Eddie]

I read somewhere recently that 40% of people supposedly have difficulties adjusting to retirement. Here it is:

"Studies have found that as many as 40% of retirees have difficulty adjusting, and even those who claim to enjoy retirement may experience some uneasiness as they adapt to a life lacking in structure and direction."

https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/1442216182/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

I like that use of the word "claim." "Even those who 'claim' to enjoy retirement..." lol.

Anyhow, up to 40% have difficulties adjusting. Now, who knows how serious those "difficulties adjusting" are. Maybe they are relatively minor, maybe not. Guess you have to read the book to find out.

One point I'd make about this forum is that we are unlikely to hear from people who are having difficulties adjusting. Something I read early on, which I believe to be true, is that the best way to have a happy retirement is to plan and prepare for it -- not just financially, but mentally. On a forum like this, we're likely to find a lot of people who do just that: who give a lot of thought to planning and enjoying their retirement. That's the whole purpose of the forum, after all. It attracts the kind of people who do that. Those are also the kind of people who are more likely to enjoy their retirement and not have major difficulties.

However, not everyone is like that. A lot of people don't give much thought to it. They don't plan or prepare. Retirement catches them unaware, maybe through a layoff or medical illness, or maybe just by becoming aged and being shown the door. Or maybe they just don't think ahead. In any case, they haven't thought much about it, haven't prepared, and so they aren't likely to visit forums like this. Those will be the people most likely to have problems and an unhappy retirement. We are unlikely to see them here.

 

[CaptTom]

"Studies have found that as many as 40% of retirees have difficulty adjusting, and even those who claim to enjoy retirement may experience some uneasiness as they adapt to a life lacking in structure and direction."

What if the article read "Studies have found that as many as 40% of w*rkers have difficulty adjusting, and even those who claim to enjoy w*rking may experience some uneasiness as they adapt to a life filled with structure and direction."

I'd tend to believe that second quote more.

Oh, and anyone who never experiences "some uneasiness" in their life isn't living to their full potential.

I call BS on the whole thing.

 

[ER Eddie]

What if the article read "Studies have found that as many as 40% of w*rkers have difficulty adjusting, and even those who claim to enjoy w*rking may experience some uneasiness as they adapt to a life filled with structure and direction."

After a somewhat depressing, draining day at work, I was thinking the same thing. "Difficulties adjusting to retirement? How about difficulties adjusting to work?"

Oh, and anyone who never experiences "some uneasiness" in their life isn't living to their full potential.

True -- or is even conscious, for that matter. Who goes through a week without some feeling of uneasiness about something or another?

 

[street]

I would call it an adjustment in life. After spending decades at the work place and living in a rat race with deadlines schedules and the stress that comes with high profile jobs is an adjustment. Working 12 hours a day the adjustment to slow down is huge.

If you don't have a plan you will feel the after effects and withdrawals from the busy life we lead. Again I feel so blessed each day that when I get up I can do what ever I want to do. I just live life and count my blessings and am very proud to be not having to go to a job.

I have many friends that may never be able to retire before 70 or just before. Some work two jobs so when I see that day after day I don't feel bad that I gave my good job up (because I could) for what I want to do each day.

 

[chris2008]

The people she refers to might be those who (were) retired not by their own decision but because
- they just reached a defined age
- employer or co-workers pushed them out
- health reasons made them retire.

My dad was let go early and even though the money was not an issue he never became a happy retiree till he passed away in his 80s. He tried to find another job or consult but without enough success.

 

[brucethebroker]

I'm not sure I have yet met anyone who regret that they retired. I know of some who were recently retired and were flailing around as to what to do, but even in those cases they seemed to be happy not working... they just had not found their retirement niche yet. Since it takes all kinds I suspect that there are some people who retired and regret it... I just haven't run into them yet.

Well said.....

 

[brucethebroker]

During another retirement winter spent in the sun, "down south", and sitting out a (very rare) 4 hour rainstorm, I was thinking about how nice it was to not worry that a rainy day would ruin part of my "vacation" time. "Relax....It will be beautiful tomorrow, and the next, and the next...."

 

[Danmar]

Well, I am glad that everything is all roses for you guys. Personally, I struggled with the change for the first year. It was a difficult period in my life and now that I am on the other side of it I still see it that way. Anyone who plans to pull the plug should expect this to happen. If it doesn't, great! But best to be prepared.

Likewise. Took me about 3 years to "settle in". In the end, it was obviously a good move but not without issues. Doubt more planning would have helped. It was something I just had to go through. Everybody is different though. Everything great now.

 

[ER Eddie]

The people she refers to might be those who (were) retired not by their own decision but because
- they just reached a defined age
- employer or co-workers pushed them out
- health reasons made them retire.

My dad was let go early and even though the money was not an issue he never became a happy retiree till he passed away in his 80s. He tried to find another job or consult but without enough success.

Yeah, I think there are a lot of those people. We don't hear from them, partly because they feel bad about it, and partly because they aren't the type to visit these sorts of forums.

 

[HadEnuff]

Well, I am glad that everything is all roses for you guys. Personally, I struggled with the change for the first year. It was a difficult period in my life and now that I am on the other side of it I still see it that way. Anyone who plans to pull the plug should expect this to happen. If it doesn't, great! But best to be prepared.

I'm inching up on my One Year Anniversary (March1).

I remember asking my dad when he retired if it felt like the first day of summer vacation, and he said it did. Not so for me. Probably because on the first day of summer vacation I was not worried about how the bills would be paid.

I'm not sorry at all to have retired, but I have at times been a tad bored, at least during the winter. Part of what I have missed does wrap around the satisfaction that I felt from being good at what I did. I ran a small dental practice, and I was waited on hand and foot by a very competent staff who looked to me to keep things going from the top. It was, in many ways a PITA, but in some ways, good for my ego.
DW has stayed on for the "transition", as "office manager". She will retire this March1, and listening to her talk about the office, and the personality struggles reminds me very much of why I retired.

So I'm happy to be gone, but I can't say it has been 100% unbridled joy every minute. But then, what large, life changing decisions are likely to be?

 

[COcheesehead]

I have watched two retirements at close range. My FIL and my brother. One upon retirement traveled, pursued preservation projects, took classes and indulged in a hobby, all the while still hanging out with friends regularly. The other moved to a golf course retirement community on the coast where they knew no one. When a back injury made golf impossible, he sat in his "office" at home and played puzzles online. Today he eats alone after the death of his wife. No friends. Family visits when they can, but all are hours or days away. Very sad, but very true. I learn from both.