(Venting) About Family

[ivinsfan]

I have no idea what you are talking about! Look at my post! I simply stated what a normal process for an insurance company is!

I'm not looking for an emotionally charged discussion.

Me either it was the OP that made the point about asking for insurance being the same as getting sued..Sorry about that.
I was actually agreeing with you.

 

[MRG]

Me either it was the OP that made the point about asking for insurance being the same as getting sued..Sorry about that.
I was actually agreeing with you.

Thank you. I'm thinking I'm getting sick. Things are not making too much sense right now..

 

[ivinsfan]

Thank you. I'm thinking I'm getting sick. Things are not making too much sense right now..

I hope it's not the flu...Take care of yourself

 

[Chuckanut]

Great! Tell obnoxious SIL that you have some belated Christmas presents for the little darlings! A couple of puppies (not housebroken) and many noisemaking toys to take home with them!
.
.

I remember a sign I saw in a local coffee place:

Unsupervised children will be given a double shot of espresso and a puppy.

 

[brewer12345]

I remember a sign I saw in a local coffee place:

Unsupervised children will be given a double shot of espresso and a puppy.

The sign in the nature center where DD2 and I volunteer reads "unattended children will be given a pocket of live crickets and an energy drink."

 

[brett]

Fortunately for us, all of pesky ones live 2000 miles away.

 

[gretah]

I only have a couple of nutty relatives left and they live far away.

A hidden benefit of aging, I guess.

Years ago, people would invite me to join their family holiday dinners. It was usually odd seeing people getting their old family buttons pushed, pushing back, telling old stories (some stories were good). So now I just duck and go to a Chinese restaurant on the day. I love the peace.

 

[Teacher Terry]

If you are having a wine/cheese party it is obvious that it is adult only. Most events in our family included the kids but not all. We used to like to put our kids to bed at 7 and then invite friends at 7:30 for an adult late dinner. It was fun and much cheaper then going out and getting a sitter. Our kids were well behaved and had a strict bedtime and knew that unless they were sick they had better not be getting out of bed when we were having a party. My sister who had no kids thought it was terrible that we did this occasionally. Definitely say no kids period. Even if the kids are older and would not disturb a party it changes the atmosphere to have kids.

 

[Badger]

Our combined families are fairly small. I am fortunate that I like all my wife's family because they are considerate and good people. Unfortunately the closest ones are about 30 miles away and the rest are a 2 days drive. My sister who is a sweetheart lives a couple of days drive too. That leaves my older brother who lives close by in town but he is such a jerk that I already told him in other words to go pound sand. Haven't seen him in over 6 years now. If my luck holds out I never will. You may not be able to choose your family but you can certainly choose to kick them to the curb. I don't understand people who after being screwed over by a relative say, "but but but they are family and I luuuvs them." Not this buckaroo.

Cheers!

 

[imokurok]

Great! Tell obnoxious SIL that you have some belated Christmas presents for the little darlings! A couple of puppies (not housebroken) and many noisemaking toys to take home with them!

.

.

Ha ha, I’ve often thought about writing this book: Presents for children of obnoxious family members and acquaintances. Um, finger paints, bongo drums, squeaky toys (works great with dogs, too), any game with load noises or chatter, anything in box with assembly required, back in the day there were jarts the lethal lawn darts; this could be its own thread...

 

[flintnational]

Everyone in our family is charming and perfect. And, I am the most perfect of them all! I am sure the rest of the family will agree. Just don't ask my SIL.

 

[PoorOldCountryBoy]

OP, My 2 cents:


These antics you describe are called control dramas. There are a couple in every family and they look for people to act like doormats so they can feel in charge. I put some of the ones in my family in their place and don't hear from them much (not missing them at all). You don't need to use hurtful words, just be firm. Usually these people are rather lacking in self confidence so they take it out on family if you let them.


We even tell people with sick kids to stay home! It's amazing that people will endure a week in bed with the flu just to "keep the peace".

 

[CoolRich59]

These antics you describe are called control dramas. There are a couple in every family and they look for people to act like doormats so they can feel in charge.

I've never heard this term, but it describes my mother perfectly. For most of my life she would throw temper tantrums (no other way to describe it) whenever she didn't get her way, didn't like something, etc.

A few years ago (in my early 50s), I decided I'd had enough of dealing with someone in their 70s who acted like a spoiled child. I said "Mom, I'm done with this. The next time you throw a fit, give me the 'silent treatment', etc. I'm not going to put up with it. I will leave and not visit again until you decide you want to grow up and act like an adult."

Of course this triggered another outburst, but I held firm. I left and did not call or visit. About a month later she called and apologized. As amazing as that was, after that (for the most part) she behaved herself.

Even my sisters were amazed at the change in her behavior.

 

[lwp2017]

My DW's brother brought their three large dogs to a family outdoor gathering at our house once. Two dogs proceeded to growl and snap at the guests.
The third dog had bad flatulence supposedly from the car trip.
The gassy dog must also have been in heat.
BIL was oblivious to their darling dogs' antics
My DW had to put a muzzle on me I was so livid.

.....

Fast forward about 2 years.
We were at a birthday party at DW brother's home, everyone was outside having a good time in spite of the 3 mutts.
One dog chewed through the air conditioner freon line releasing a noxious cloud of gas into the party.
BIL was furious at the dog.
I laughed so hard.

 

[hilltide]

Wow. I thought I was alone and then I found this thread. However , its My family that is a hot mess. I feel sorry for my wife. She is a trooper. Just started reading a book called boundaries that is pretty good.

 

[ikubak]

Where I live, there is a radio commercial for an auto repair shop I believe. At the end of the commercial, the guy says...”We don’t treat you like family, we treat you better!” I laugh every time I hear that.

 

[PoorOldCountryBoy]

I've never heard this term, but it describes my mother perfectly. For most of my life she would throw temper tantrums (no other way to describe it) whenever she didn't get her way, didn't like something, etc.

A few years ago (in my early 50s), I decided I'd had enough of dealing with someone in their 70s who acted like a spoiled child. I said "Mom, I'm done with this. The next time you throw a fit, give me the 'silent treatment', etc. I'm not going to put up with it. I will leave and not visit again until you decide you want to grow up and act like an adult."

Of course this triggered another outburst, but I held firm. I left and did not call or visit. About a month later she called and apologized. As amazing as that was, after that (for the most part) she behaved herself.

Even my sisters were amazed at the change in her behavior.

Yes, it's often with people who have to use emotional extremes to influence others. It happens with good intentions when dealing with young people, then the patterns stays there. The other source for many is middle school social drama llamas who figure out "this works!".

Good for you and I'm sure your family thanks you. It's tougher if the family has business together or lives next door, but it can still be done in most cases.

 

[rmark]

As university employees my wife and I went to student parties pretty often (we weren't far out of college ourselves) and our daughter would be the only child there - however this mean't she knew how to mix drinks by about age 10.

We're lucky that both our close families get along with no drama, we've even had a distant relation through my wife comment how nice it is to visit our reunions, they need security at weddings and funerals to stop the cousins from fighting.

 

[skipro33]

In response to OP's post, when it's my house, it's my rules. If asked, then reply. How hard is it to say no anyways?
I know; you feel put out to have to say no... that it makes you out to look like you're the bad guy for not letting them bring kids. To that I say RUBBISH!
I love it when I get an opportunity to tell people no.
"can I bring the kids?"
NO
"they can play with their cousins"
Are you stupid or something? I said No.

See? Easy
And fun! I love being master of my house. The rule maker. Lord of my domain.

Your sister-in-law has a history of doing this stuff because no one ever tells her no.

 

[Danmar]

In response to OP's post, when it's my house, it's my rules. If asked, then reply. How hard is it to say no anyways?
I know; you feel put out to have to say no... that it makes you out to look like you're the bad guy for not letting them bring kids. To that I say RUBBISH!
I love it when I get an opportunity to tell people no.
"can I bring the kids?"
NO
"they can play with their cousins"
Are you stupid or something? I said No.

See? Easy
And fun! I love being master of my house. The rule maker. Lord of my domain.

Your sister-in-law has a history of doing this stuff because no one ever tells her no.

I agree totally. I like to have control-especially in my house(s). The only way to have control is to set the rules and enforce them. I actually like to say no from time to time.

 

[Aerides]

When one spouse routinely caves/sides/supports their family over the desires of their spouse, putting spouse in the role of the rule-maker, no-sayer, jerk, etc., that's not being overly good-natured.

That's being passive aggressive towards their spouse.

 

[Danmar]

When one spouse routinely caves/sides/supports their family over the desires of their spouse, putting spouse in the role of the rule-maker, no-sayer, jerk, etc., that's not being overly good-natured.

That's being passive aggressive towards their spouse.

Agree. Spouses need to be on side with each other, I do compromise sometimes with my spouse’s family but we are generally in agreement. We always agree in the “4 day rule”.

 

[Chuckanut]

OP, My 2 cents:


These antics you describe are called control dramas. There are a couple in every family and they look for people to act like doormats so they can feel in charge.

Yup!

Another name for these people is 'Crazy Makers'. They are masters at manipulation and responsibility transfer to other people .

Control dramas is a good name for it. Like my old grand pappy used to say "You get the behavior you tolerate".

 

[Yarnstormer]

Buy some alcohol free wine and insist your sil and bil drink only that because they are “on the clock” and your homeowners can’t take another hit!

If you are looking for backup - yessir very messed up sil for sure!

 

[Texas Proud]

In response to OP's post, when it's my house, it's my rules. If asked, then reply. How hard is it to say no anyways?
I know; you feel put out to have to say no... that it makes you out to look like you're the bad guy for not letting them bring kids. To that I say RUBBISH!
I love it when I get an opportunity to tell people no.
"can I bring the kids?"
NO
"they can play with their cousins"
Are you stupid or something? I said No.

See? Easy
And fun! I love being master of my house. The rule maker. Lord of my domain.

Your sister-in-law has a history of doing this stuff because no one ever tells her no.

This kinda reminded me when one of my DWs friends came over with her dog!!! REALLY!!! We have CATS!!! Who in their right mind would bring a dog to someone's house without asking.... I would have said NO if asked, but I was not asked.... I was mad at DW for not letting me kick them out right then and there...