Waited Too Long... How to Convince Spouse We are OK to Retire

[oiseux]

I've been lurking for a while and haven't posted my intro post. I'm 54 and my spouse is 57 (DINKs). In my view, we've waited too long to pull the trigger as we move past the FIRE window. When we had our first formal, detailed analysis they said we could go at any time (that was like 7 years ago -- pre 50 would have been great). However, my spouse still believes that we are not in the position to go and wants to wait two more years+.

We have $8.7M in various accounts forms (not including another 1.4M in primary+secondary equity), plus a pension with cash out option that is worth 50K/yr. Our minimum expenses are 120K now, even factoring in health care, and will drop as a mortgage rolls off and pension medical kicks in. In a HCOL area, with a second home overseas.

So any ideas to convince the spouse to pull the trigger? I think it would be after COVID hopefully dies down. Every year we wait the accumulation rate grows by big chunks, with over 250K of new savings each year. That is somewhat of an attraction to keep going, but for what? I've shared various online tools, with various scenario analyses that show 100% success with conservative assumptions.

 

[marinauser]

Retire and let the spouse see that life can be enjoyed.

 

[Montecfo]

Retire and let the spouse see that life can be enjoyed.

Ditto.

What is her logic? Usually information solves this, unless other issues are at work.

She may still want to work despite FI. I consider that to be ok. Mine considers her work a calling but it won't last forever.

 

[Mook1e]

I believe you're more than ready.

You say we. Are you both working?
If you are both working, and you want to retire. Retire.
If your spouse wants to continue to work, let them.
As long as your retirement isn't a detriment to you both financially, and their working isn't, do what you want to do.

 

[Sunset]

OP - you should retire.
Let your spouse work.

You have PLENTY already saved.

You do need to figure out where you will pull money from (taxable accounts) until you are 59.5 so you avoid the 10% penalty in IRA withdrawal too early.

 

[Dtail]

Why not show her the results of retirement calculators, plus you can set up a meeting with one of the large brokerage companies and have an independent account rep show her that retirement is good to go.
Time is more valuable than money at this stage.

 

[RunningBum]

If I were in your shoes I wouldn't wait for COVID to end, depending on what you do and how you do it. If you have any interactions with people, including co-workers, you are more at risk. I'd retire ASAP to reduce that risk.

That "formal, detailed analysis", was that prepared by a professional, or you? If it was you, maybe you could hire an hourly-rate CFP to review your situation and confirm that you are ok.

I am single so I had no spouse to convince. Maybe someone married can share how they convinced their spouse, but with little info to go on about spouse's objections, it's hard to give advice to you.

 

[EastWest Gal]

Ideas:
1. Make a pros and cons list for retire now, retire later
2. Run Firecalc with different spending scenarios. I did with your numbers and found you could spend >$280K per year for 40 years and not run out of money.
3. Discuss after retirement plans with spouse-travel, etc.
4. Have your spouse check out this forum. It is exciting to discover real retirement, not pundit and market driven retirement articles and books.

Most of us here retire with much less than what you have.

P.S. You didn't wait too long. The most common age to retire early is in one's 50s.

 

[EastWest Gal]

Better to get out of the workforce now so you aren't exposed to COVID.

 

[Brat]

You have more than adequate financial resources.

Were I you I would put together a plan of what you would do if retired. Think about it from her point of view. Is there something that SHE thinks is worthwhile? Maybe teaching in your area of expertise at the local community college or university. Take a look at class offerings and reach out to the faculty member, you could make presentations - that might be a win-win without a huge commitment on your part.

Usually the household is the wife's territory. You need to assure her that you will respect that.

 

[finnski1]

I've been lurking for a while and haven't posted my intro post. I'm 54 and my spouse is 57 (DINKs). In my view, we've waited too long to pull the trigger as we move past the FIRE window. When we had our first formal, detailed analysis they said we could go at any time (that was like 7 years ago -- pre 50 would have been great). However, my spouse still believes that we are not in the position to go and wants to wait two more years+.

We have $8.7M in various accounts forms (not including another 1.4M in primary+secondary equity), plus a pension with cash out option that is worth 50K/yr. Our minimum expenses are 120K now, even factoring in health care, and will drop as a mortgage rolls off and pension medical kicks in. In a HCOL area, with a second home overseas.

So any ideas to convince the spouse to pull the trigger? I think it would be after COVID hopefully dies down. Every year we wait the accumulation rate grows by big chunks, with over 250K of new savings each year. That is somewhat of an attraction to keep going, but for what? I've shared various online tools, with various scenario analyses that show 100% success with conservative assumptions.

After you subtract your pensions you only need a wr<1%. Go enjoy life.
You also have a tremendous buffer for bad times at that rate.

 

[Montecfo]

Mine will sometimes say she is working as we need for healthcare. Not true as I remind her.

Some misconceptions can take time to dispel.

 

[Markola]

Take advantage of any free or one time financial planning at whatever brokerage you use, or just pay a fee-only CFP for a one time plan. Getting a 3rd party validation that you have more than enough might convince her. Vanguard’s service has been key to getting DW and me on the same page. Good luck.

 

[statsman]

Keep working for two more years. If the past seven years hasn't been enough to convince your spouse to retire, might as well keep going. Pretty solid shot you'll end up in the top 1% of net worth after those two years (if you aren't there already). Hopefully that goal will be enough for your spouse.

 

[anothercog]

You definitely have more than enough so maybe there is something else besides finances that is giving your spouse some pause. Do you have anything to retire to?

 

[MarieIG]

Age 55 and post Covid seems like a sweet spot.

Just saying "we have enough money" doesn't necessarily calm a spouse down.

Find out exactly what spounse's concerns are - and don't belittle them. Does spouse want to wait to 59 1/2 due to the amount of funds in retirement accounts?

Get spouse involved and educated in fincial planning, expenses and income, so she/ he understands all aspects of it.

Address each concern one at a time.

Would a "guaranteed" income covering your base expenses make spouse feel better.

Would paying off all debt including the mortgage make spouse feel better.

When do pension and medical kick in; and does the age of retirement effect either? Does one spouse make significantly more money/ have greater benefits than the other? Is spouse's identity tied into his/ her career? From the initial post, we don't know enough about the spouse, spouse's concerns or spounses interests. This may not be all about the money.

It seems to me, it will be coming for you both sooner rather than later.

 

[mistermike40]

Just curious, quite a few replies refer to the spouse as "her"... any reason for this assumption?

 

[MarieIG]

Just curious, quite a few replies refer to the spouse as "her"... any reason for this assumption?

I did not assume the spouse was a her. Also considered a single sex couple; spouse being male; and spouse being the bigger earner, or not.

 

[Montecfo]

Just curious, quite a few replies refer to the spouse as "her"... any reason for this assumption?

Most posters here are male. Absent clarity that is usually my assumption. I find it awkward to refer to someone as "the spouse", but perhaps that is just me.

 

[timo2]

My DW decided she could retire after I linked our retirement accounts to our Banks' on-line dashboard. So she would see the amounts in the retirement accounts whenever she looked at the checking account. She did a little math, said I had to keep working while she retired.

 

[Markola]

I smell trouble brewing if the OP really wants this but the spouse does not. The math is obvious and they’ve had professionals run the plan. This is beyond “tips and hints” and is something deeper here that even well-meaning strangers on the Internet are going to be able to resolve. If the OP and spouse are at an impasse, marriage counseling is necessary to excavate the spouse’s insecurities and concerns about the other spouse FIREing. Otherwise, resentment and distance between the two develops. Good luck.

 

[RetiredAt55.5]

I've been lurking for a while and haven't posted my intro post. I'm 54 and my spouse is 57 (DINKs). In my view, we've waited too long to pull the trigger as we move past the FIRE window. When we had our first formal, detailed analysis they said we could go at any time (that was like 7 years ago -- pre 50 would have been great). However, my spouse still believes that we are not in the position to go and wants to wait two more years+.

We have $8.7M in various accounts forms (not including another 1.4M in primary+secondary equity), plus a pension with cash out option that is worth 50K/yr. Our minimum expenses are 120K now, even factoring in health care, and will drop as a mortgage rolls off and pension medical kicks in. In a HCOL area, with a second home overseas.

So any ideas to convince the spouse to pull the trigger? I think it would be after COVID hopefully dies down. Every year we wait the accumulation rate grows by big chunks, with over 250K of new savings each year. That is somewhat of an attraction to keep going, but for what? I've shared various online tools, with various scenario analyses that show 100% success with conservative assumptions.

I'll relate a story to you, just one data point -

My oldest brother retired 4 years ago at age 59. In 2020, he had a stroke and ended up in the ER with an emergency operation to stop the bleeding on his brain. They found brain cancer. It was very aggressive. He fought it for 6 months and then passed.

You can work 2 more years. But none of us know how much time we have left. Every year is precious. Use your time wisely.

 

[SnowballCamper]

I smell trouble brewing if the OP really wants this but the spouse does not. The math is obvious and they’ve had professionals run the plan. This is beyond “tips and hints” and is something deeper here that even well-meaning strangers on the Internet are going to be able to resolve. If the OP and spouse are at an impasse, marriage counseling is necessary to excavate the spouse’s insecurities and concerns about the other spouse FIREing. Otherwise, resentment and distance between the two develops. Good luck.

+10

 

[Aerides]

Most posters here are male. Absent clarity that is usually my assumption. I find it awkward to refer to someone as "the spouse", but perhaps that is just me.

When the OP clearly and carefully avoids gender, and goes with they/spouse, I think it's respectful to do the same vs. assume one or the other. True, most posters here are male, but not by nearly as large a margin as many might think.

OP, you and your spouse are in need of some very long deep conversations. This isn't about their needing more money or more time - the basic math makes retirement a no brainer, financially.

There is something deeper that needs to be explored. No spreadsheet is going to give them an "aha" moment.

 

[Montecfo]

When the OP clearly and carefully avoids gender, and goes with they/spouse, I think it's respectful to do the same vs. assume one or the other. True, most posters here are male, but not by nearly as large a margin as many might think.

I can see your view , but I do not think I said anything disrespectful. I saw responding to the question as the key element.

I'm very comfortable the posters here are overwhelmingly male. If you have statistics that show differently I'm all ears. There is no way to know what "many may think".

Meanwhile, I think the OP has been given some good input in the thread.