Waited Too Long... How to Convince Spouse We are OK to Retire

[cfran]

Nope, negotiations will be an ongoing process.

Small but pretty major progress on the negotiations (still to be completed). I have an acknowledged "there is enough" in the accounts but that working through 2021 is best due to CV19. Now the negotiation focus turns to 2022 and the topic of "but I'd like to pad".



Not at all, middle to upper middle class. Crazy, right? Thank you for the wishes, as well.

Sorry to be blunt but these kind of threads are less about financial questions and more about marriage and relationships. Sadly this group is not qualified, especially with very little insight as to how to help you navigate what may be a dysfunctional relationship, at least as it pertains to this topic. We wish you the best of luck but no matter what we tell you this is really between you and your spouse, and it’s not about how large your bank account is, your burn rate, taxes or anything else related.

 

[ivinsfan]

Sorry to be blunt but these kind of threads are less about financial questions and more about marriage and relationships. Sadly this group is not qualified, especially with very little insight as to how to help you navigate what may be a dysfunctional relationship, at least as it pertains to this topic. We wish you the best of luck but no matter what we tell you this is really between you and your spouse, and it’s not about how large your bank account is, your burn rate, taxes or anything else related.

The OP knows this but whipping out the word dysfunctional is over the top. I don't know if you have a partner, but if you say you and your partner agree on everything I call baloney.

By all accounts these two people have a pretty wonderful committed life together. They have managed to work for and acquire a bunch of money, persevered through thick and thin, somehow I think they will be fine.

 

[cfran]

The OP knows this but whipping out the word dysfunctional is over the top. I don't know if you have a partner, but if you say you and your partner agree on everything I call baloney.

By all accounts these two people have a pretty wonderful committed life together. They have managed to work for and acquire a bunch of money, persevered through thick and thin, somehow I think they will be fine.

Dysfunctional with respect to this topic, read again. And don’t be overly sensitive, not throwing stones at anyone or poking fun. These are real issues, but they have Little or Nothing to do with actually having enough money. It’s two partners that have opposing views that likely need an unbiased third party to help bridge their differences.

 

[cfran]

Furthermore, take all the OP’s dollars and put it under the mattress. That money will last over 70 years at their burn rate, not including SS or Pension. That is why this topic is perhaps a bit deeper/complex for an internet solving session.

 

[ivinsfan]

Dysfunctional with respect to this topic, read again. And don’t be overly sensitive, not throwing stones at anyone or poking fun. These are real issues, but they have Little or Nothing to do with actually having enough money. It’s two partners that have opposing views that likely need an unbiased third party to help bridge their differences.

This is exactly what I said in post 48.. I did manage to avoid using the word dysfunctional


I put on my MN nice hat...

 

[ivinsfan]

Furthermore, take all the OP’s dollars and put it under the mattress. That money will last over 70 years at their burn rate, not including SS or Pension. That is why this topic is perhaps a bit deeper/complex for an internet solving session.

As a new member you would be surprised how often this issue does come up. Posters will offer ideas and tips about how they managed to work it out with a partner, we can't solve things but can offer personal experience.

 

[RetireBy90]

Take advantage of any free or one time financial planning at whatever brokerage you use, or just pay a fee-only CFP for a one time plan. Getting a 3rd party validation that you have more than enough might convince her. Vanguard’s service has been key to getting DW and me on the same page. Good luck.

I didn’t really have the same, but I took DW to a couple free FP seminar/dinners and then had 2 sit downs with our Fidelity planner. After the dinners I made the follow up appointment and we went in to hear only, but asking questions about the plan to retire. All agreed we were more than ready and financial plan was sound. Fidelity rep was very helpful in making DW comfortable. FP asked her questions before passing judgement like what di d she want to do, how she saw our life changing. I think getting pros to confirm helped a lot.

You definitely have more than enough so maybe there is something else besides finances that is giving your spouse some pause. Do you have anything to retire to?

Have you talked about what life after work should look like ? It is often overlooked and different dreams caused my parents to split after retirement. Forgive me for brash comments if you are already talking about this. It took more work for me than amassing the funds. DW was fine, I needed the work

 

[Music Lover]

Dysfunctional with respect to this topic, read again. And don’t be overly sensitive, not throwing stones at anyone or poking fun. These are real issues, but they have Little or Nothing to do with actually having enough money. It’s two partners that have opposing views that likely need an unbiased third party to help bridge their differences.

As I said earlier, there is nothing wrong with one partner wanting to work longer, but that doesn't mean that the the OP has to stay working just because their partner doesn't want to retire.

My GF and I are both retired but before we met I told potential partners that I was retiring in XX years regardless of when they planned on retiring.

 

[Out-to-Lunch]

Nope, negotiations will be an ongoing process.

Small but pretty major progress on the negotiations (still to be completed). I have an acknowledged "there is enough" in the accounts but that working through 2021 is best due to CV19. Now the negotiation focus turns to 2022 and the topic of "but I'd like to pad".


Not at all, middle to upper middle class. Crazy, right? Thank you for the wishes, as well.

Sorry to be blunt but these kind of threads are less about financial questions and more about marriage and relationships. Sadly this group is not qualified, especially with very little insight as to how to help you navigate what may be a dysfunctional relationship, at least as it pertains to this topic. We wish you the best of luck but no matter what we tell you this is really between you and your spouse, and it’s not about how large your bank account is, your burn rate, taxes or anything else related.

WADR, the post that you quoted (as did I, for context) was NOT a request for help. The OP was doing as another poster requested, and gave an update. At this point, we are here just as an audience to lend an ear.

 

[oiseux]

Update: 100 days to go!

We are at the 100 day mark! The finish line is in sight....

The signs of waffling referenced two years ago have diminished.... (although my personal anxiety probably has grown)

Of course, we all wish the economy and market were cooperating, but we just held a financial review and have a tax optimization review next week. We're looking at health care decisions, looking to maximize 401K, and other things to get ready.

We have not given notice, just in case one of these random early retirement packages shows up. It is hard not to say anything when having a career development discussion.

 

[old medic]

I would retire, and every morning ask DW what Saturday is it before you go out to play and she goes to work.

 

[finnski1]

We are at the 100 day mark! The finish line is in sight....

The signs of waffling referenced two years ago have diminished.... (although my personal anxiety probably has grown)

Of course, we all wish the economy and market were cooperating, but we just held a financial review and have a tax optimization review next week. We're looking at health care decisions, looking to maximize 401K, and other things to get ready.

We have not given notice, just in case one of these random early retirement packages shows up. It is hard not to say anything when having a career development discussion.

Unless you have some contractual reason to give notice I would wait as long as possible myself.

 

[Sunset]

Unless you have some contractual reason to give notice I would wait as long as possible myself.

+1
I've seen people get "fired" the day they say they are retiring in X days.

 

[COcheesehead]

Depends upon your relationship with the company. Personally I would go out on a good note rather than a 2 week “see ya”. If they are going to fire you for retiring, then you get to collect unemployment benefits. LOL.

 

[oiseux]

Thanks all... I'm taking the happy medium.... getting past Jan 1st for tax cashout purposes but giving a bit more notice. I'm at the level that I'm supposed to have a succession plan in place.

 

[oiseux]

I'm updating my own thread, once again. Well my intended date is upon me and I'm going to be missing it. I attempted to join a layoff in the works and was rejected by my boss! Now I'm strategizing how to get the best exit possible.

 

[Exchme]

I'm updating my own thread, once again. Well my intended date is upon me and I'm going to be missing it. I attempted to join a layoff in the works and was rejected by my boss! Now I'm strategizing how to get the best exit possible.

Maybe I'm not getting the gist of this. You told your boss you wanted to retire and wanted to take the package and were refused the package? Any reasonable boss would let you take the package since that means one less tough decision for them and would make you happy. Or did you not tell them of your intent to retire and were just hoping? If you haven't told them you want to retire, now's the time, maybe you can get a package anyway.

If you did notice of retirement and Scrooge refused to let you take the package, just leave, you don't owe loyalty to that kind of management.

 

[oiseux]

Maybe I'm not getting the gist of this. You told your boss you wanted to retire and wanted to take the package and were refused the package?

Yes, I volunteered to be cut and was rejected.

 

[Amethyst]

I'm with Exchme. You're in the driver's seat here, not your boss. Your motivation is key. If you want to go, give notice and then git!

Once you depart, I promise, your boss will find somebody else. Meanwhile, perhaps after a couple of nervous days, the company waters will close over your exited space, as if you'd never been there.

Yes, I volunteered to be cut and was rejected.

 

[Dtail]

Yes, I volunteered to be cut and was rejected.

Time to go. The layoff decision would have just been gravy.

 

[pacergal]

I don't get it. You originally posted two years ago that you were ready to retire, then posted your exit choice, blew past it and now are waiting for an "exit package"?

Retire already! You have the finances.
Go enjoy life! Travel, play, have fun.
Retirement is wonderful.

 

[oiseux]

All, understood and acknowledged. It is time to finalize it all, however late it may be.

 

[MarieIG]

All, understood and acknowledged. It is time to finalize it all, however late it may be.

Barring a contractual obligation, I suppose you could give two weeks notice, and if they want you to stay longer, you could negotiate a package?

 

[cnocmmz]

OP - you should retire.
Let your spouse work.

You have PLENTY already saved.

You do need to figure out where you will pull money from (taxable accounts) until you are 59.5 so you avoid the 10% penalty in IRA withdrawal too early.

Ditto, it seems you have plenty, unless we’re missing something RETIRE!!!!