When Going Out to Eat in a Group, How Do You Settle the Bill?

[RobbieB]

When I was working, I was out helping the sales guys a lot. If we didn't have a customer (entertainment, Co pays) then we would rotate.

I still do it like that.

 

[donheff]

I selected divide and conquer since that is what we normally do. Once in a while one or two in a group don't drink while the others knock off a few bottles of wine. In those cases we make adjustments.

 

[mystang52]

I learned a long time ago that the drinkers are the ones that want to pay by equal division of the bill. I refuse to pay for people's drinks, not because I object to drinking, but because I don't drink and often their drinks exceed the cost of their meals.

We meet one couple for dinner every few months. They don't drink. We get to the restaurant a bit earlier than our scheduled meeting time, and get (and pay for) a drink at the bar before they arrive.

 

[lemming]

With family we typically pick up the bill unless one particular brother in law is there, then it's whoever gets the check first. It's an ego thing with him even though he knows we're financially more comfortable. He's refusing to go on a family cruise because we're paying for it. Other family members usually treat us to home cooked meals to contribute their share in the big picture.


Enjoying life!

Maybe the family member that didn't make as much money as you doesn't want to be told that every fricking time that you see them.

 

[Music Lover]

Here in Canada the servers always ask how the bill should be split when there is a group of people. Unless I'm with a small group of friends where we normally take turns picking up the tab, I take care of my own bill and let others worry about theirs.

 

[LauAnn]

Separate checks. If the restaurant does not allow that, then everyone estimates. Usually everyone estimates high, so the wait staff ends up getting a better than average tip.

 

[Dash man]

Maybe the family member that didn't make as much money as you doesn't want to be told that every fricking time that you see them.

Wow, a master of the obvious!
This BIL has rarely held a job for more than a year at a time. My SIL works her rear off to keep the family together and above water. We usually do the invite.


Enjoying life!

 

[Gumby]

How about if we all play nice? Thank you.

 

[RetireAge50]

Separate checks if possible otherwise do the math from the itemized bill (no estimate needed use actual amounts).

 

[easysurfer]

I wasn't a regular watcher of Friends. But this is an appropriate clip.

 

[Philliefan33]

With family we take turns picking up the tab. We only go out with friends a few times a year, and on those occasions we either pick up the tab or just divide equally. (Around here that's called a "New York split")

The only time I spoke up against a New York split was when eating out with DD's youth basketball team and families. We travelled to an out of state tournament, and the four of us grabbed sandwiches at the beginning of our drive. Upon arriving at the hotel, we learned that everyone else was next door at dinner. We went over to socialize. Because we were a little hungry, and to not be awkward sitting with the group while everyone else ate, we ordered and split two soup & salads for the four of us. Each soup & salad was about eight bucks, we only had water to drink. The bill comes, and the team mom says "it's $20 per person". So she wants $80 from me for the $16 of menu items we ordered! I gave her $40 and told her that was almost double what we would've paid had we had separate checks. Some others were a little disgruntled to have to dig in their pockets again, but too bad.

 

[fh2000]

15 of us went to lunch after graduation ceremony. The waiter seemed to know the drill. He asked if we are doing 3 bills since obviously there were 3 families. So, 3 bills, 3 fathers paid. Seem fair.

 

[pb4uski]

We used to always just split the bill, but more recently we get separate checks... it makes things easier, fairer and the waiters/waitresses don't seem to mind at all.

 

[kcowan]

We do all three. Sometimes we give the bill to a non-drinker and she figures out what we all owe. Often I pick up the cash and put it on my card. Sometimes it is too much and other times it is short. It seems to balance out. Mostly there are differing ideas for what the service is worth. We seldom find anyone short on the bill except for the odd math-challenged person. Usually it is the tip.

 

[Midpack]

I've had group meals where payment was by each of the poll options. However, lots of people are capable of calculating exactly what each person owes, it's not rocket surgery - surprised that wasn't a poll option. These days we just split evenly or ask for separate checks. Allowing people to estimate is our least favorite option - for whatever reason some diners "forget" or underestimate taxes and tips.

 

[Music Lover]

Restaurants must be the only business in existence where splitting a bill is considered "normal", and where providing people with separate bills for what they actually purchased is frowned upon...in some places, at least.

 

[easysurfer]

I've had group meals where payment was by each of the poll options. However, lots of people are capable of calculating exactly what each person owes, it's not rocket surgery - surprised that wasn't a poll option. These days we just split evenly or ask for separate checks. Allowing people to estimate is our least favorite option - for whatever reason some diners "forget" or underestimate taxes and tips.

Looking at the poll I created, guess there were several "other" options I didn't think of. Like the one you mentioned about someone else doing the figuring.

Reading articles, some say the best thing is at the beginning someone mentions to ground rules upfront (like we are going to pay separately or some other method). But that always doesn't happen. So, it's kind of funny when the check arrives and their is that silence. I think either the check stops and someone starts calculating, or like donations when the basket collection goes around in church, folks start putting in what they estimate is right.

 

[easysurfer]

Another look at the paying for dinner situation according to game theory. I like how the author summarized the pros/cons of the typical methods of pay:

“We’re going to split the bill,” said the organizer at my friend’s ninth grade birthday party. I didn’t think much of it until I ended up paying $40 for a $10 entree. I felt cheated because I didn’t order a drink like most others. I was afraid to ruin the party mood, so I concealed my own anger, and that ended up ruining the night for me.

If you’re like people I know, I’m sure you’ve had similar horror stories. The overall feeling is that everyone seems to pay too much and no one is happy.

Thinking about an ideal outcome

What’s an ideal outcome? I think it would have three elements: that each person orders properly, each person pays what is owed, and the money is collected quickly.

How do the three methods compare on these criteria?

Splitting the bill –>Over order, over pay, quick collection
Pay what you ordered–>Order correctly, a few overpay, moderately fast collection
Separate checks–>Inconvenient for sharing, pay correctly, slow collection

So each method is the best at exactly one trait. Perhaps that’s why there’s such disagreement over what to do–each method has its unique merit.

Splitting the bill at restaurants using game theory – Mind Your Decisions

I personally prefer if possible, separate checks. If not then, pay for what you ordered, but don't whip out a calculator and ask who ordered what as IMO, that kind of defeats the hopefully, pleasant dinner. I like the idea of one person just putting the tab on a credit card. That way, there is some anonymity, plus, in theory, if everyone paid their "fair share", then everything should be equal and no complaints.

 

[Music Lover]

Splitting the bill –>Over order, over pay, quick collection
Pay what you ordered–>Order correctly, a few overpay, moderately fast collection
Separate checks–>Inconvenient for sharing, pay correctly, slow collection

So each method is the best at exactly one trait. Perhaps that’s why there’s such disagreement over what to do–each method has its unique merit.

Of course, people will weight each of those "inconveniences" differently. I don't like subsidizing other people's more expensive meals or liquor consumption...it's not so much the money as a matter of fairness. I don't pay for an oil change by chipping in for someone else's brake job.

It takes little to no extra time to create a new bill for each customer. Then when it comes time to pay, hand me my bill and a portable card machine and I'm done paying in 20 seconds. Restaurants that refuse separate bills fail at customer service.

 

[easysurfer]

Of course, people will weight each of those "inconveniences" differently. I don't like subsidizing other people's more expensive meals or liquor consumption...it's not so much the money as a matter of fairness. I don't pay for an oil change by chipping in for someone else's brake job.

It takes little to no extra time to create a new bill for each customer. Then when it comes time to pay, hand me my bill and a portable card machine and I'm done paying in 20 seconds. Restaurants that refuse separate bills fail at customer service.

Restaurants have the incentive to place on one bill as there is the tendency what that happens, people order more. Maybe that's the feast now, worry about the bill later psychology.

 

[audreyh1]

I'm not interested in eating out with people where I have to "play games" when the bill comes. And I don't. I guess the retirees I eat out with are well off enough that they are proactive about covering their part of any bill - and at requesting separate checks, or taking turns treating, or whatever.

And I can't remember the last time I ate out at a place that wasn't perfectly happy to separate out checks even after the fact if needed.

 

[MichaelB]

Reading articles, some say the best thing is at the beginning someone mentions to ground rules upfront (like we are going to pay separately or some other method).

I agree this is best.

I'm not interested in eating out with people where I have to "play games" when the bill comes. And I don't. I guess the retirees I eat out with are well off enough that they are proactive about covering their part of any bill - and at requesting separate checks, or taking turns treating, or whatever.

And I can't remember the last time I ate out at a place that wasn't perfectly happy to separate out checks even after the fact if needed.

Same here on both counts. Many restaurants ask upfront if we want separate checks, but it hasn't been an issue yet for us.

 

[youbet]

Restaurants must be the only business in existence where splitting a bill is considered "normal", and where providing people with separate bills for what they actually purchased is frowned upon...in some places, at least.

I've noticed, at least at the places I frequent, the resistance of restaurants to provide separate checks is diminishing. The most push-back I've experienced recently was quickly dispersed when each of three couples sitting together simply asked to be seated at separate tables in order to receive seperate checks. The waitress disappeared for a moment and quickly returned, a big smile on her face and a extra friendly tone in her voice, and announced that "of course we could sit together and still get separate checks."

One place we used to frequent had a policy of no separate checks for groups of 6 or more and automatically added a tip of 18% to the single bill. The last time we went there (4 couples and a single = 9 people), we asked for an exception and they refused. No problem. We handled it OK but left no additional tip beyond the 18% on the table, told the manager in a friendly tone we wouldn't be back and we haven't. It's a nice place but not nice enough to not have things "our way." Unless a restaurant is extremely popular, I don't think they can afford to not listen to the desires of their customers.

 

[Music Lover]

I've noticed, at least at the places I frequent, the resistance of restaurants to provide separate checks is diminishing.

Up here the servers almost always ask "together or separate cheques". I can't recall a place that refused to do so when asked.

One place we used to frequent had a policy of no separate checks for groups of 6 or more and automatically added a tip of 18% to the single bill. The last time we went there (4 couples and a single = 9 people), we asked for an exception and they refused. No problem. We handled it OK (thanks to the calculator function on my smart phone) but left no additional tip beyond the 18% on the table, told the manager in a friendly tone we wouldn't be back and we haven't.

I'd never return either. I want my bill, and mine only, and if it's a mandatory 18%, then it's not a tip...it's surcharge.

 

[aaronc879]

I almost never put myself in the position to be in a large group at a restaurant unless I know someone else is paying. Otherwise, separate checks is the only way i'd do it.