Who's Responsible for Nursing Home Payment?

[RetMD21]

What he said.

We ran into this when FIL went to a recovery place after some surgery. He was to be there for maybe three weeks or so and they tried to get DW to sign forms accepting financial responsibility if his assets ran out. I told the wench what to do with her forms. DW was a tad upset about that but I knew what she was trying to pull on us. They still admitted him.

I think a lot of people just sign. I guess that's what they're counting on. Sad.

 

[PatrickA5]

Thanks for all of the responses.

Since I started this thread, FIL's prognosis has gone down considerably and he won't even be leaving the hospital. They are going to transfer him to a hospice facility within the hospital. So, the scenerio of his wife going to long-term care before him isn't going to happen.

Unfortunately, soon we will get to see how the inheritance works out with a new late-in-life spouse. Should be interesting and stressful. DW is supposedly the Executor but we've never even seen the Will. There may or may not be beneficiaries on his accounts. He "thinks" DW and her sister are beneficiaries, but can't remember if he changed anything. His policy of not trusting lawyers will come back to bite us, I'm sure.

 

[ivinsfan]

There is a rule of law known as a common law marriage which may still view you legally as a married couple even if you are not.

This isn't as common as people and many states do not recognize common law.

 

[ivinsfan]

Thanks for all of the responses.

Since I started this thread, FIL's prognosis has gone down considerably and he won't even be leaving the hospital. They are going to transfer him to a hospice facility within the hospital. So, the scenerio of his wife going to long-term care before him isn't going to happen.

Unfortunately, soon we will get to see how the inheritance works out with a new late-in-life spouse. Should be interesting and stressful. DW is supposedly the Executor but we've never even seen the Will. There may or may not be beneficiaries on his accounts. He "thinks" DW and her sister are beneficiaries, but can't remember if he changed anything. His policy of not trusting lawyers will come back to bite us, I'm sure.

I'm sorry for your impending loss and obviously too late to change anything now. One wonders why people do this.

 

[Jerry1]

Thanks for all of the responses.

Since I started this thread, FIL's prognosis has gone down considerably and he won't even be leaving the hospital. They are going to transfer him to a hospice facility within the hospital. So, the scenerio of his wife going to long-term care before him isn't going to happen.

Unfortunately, soon we will get to see how the inheritance works out with a new late-in-life spouse. Should be interesting and stressful. DW is supposedly the Executor but we've never even seen the Will. There may or may not be beneficiaries on his accounts. He "thinks" DW and her sister are beneficiaries, but can't remember if he changed anything. His policy of not trusting lawyers will come back to bite us, I'm sure.

Best wishes to you and you and your DW go through this rough time.

FWIW, not getting married in senor years doesn't solve much, if anything. My dad had a church wedding but is not married by law. He has a contract with his partner. The problem is that my dad, in his heart (all that matters) sees her as his loving spouse. So while he's done some things that I don't agree with and don't seem in his best interest, I (the executor) have to keep in mind that she is his wife and to do anything other than his wishes goes against honoring his life and associated wishes. As I go though watching him in his later years, I have to keep telling myself, "if he were legally married, it wouldn't be any different." And that's the standard I use and will use to execute his wishes.

 

[Sunset]

Thanks for all of the responses.

Since I started this thread, FIL's prognosis has gone down considerably and he won't even be leaving the hospital. They are going to transfer him to a hospice facility within the hospital. So, the scenerio of his wife going to long-term care before him isn't going to happen.

Unfortunately, soon we will get to see how the inheritance works out with a new late-in-life spouse. Should be interesting and stressful. DW is supposedly the Executor but we've never even seen the Will. There may or may not be beneficiaries on his accounts. He "thinks" DW and her sister are beneficiaries, but can't remember if he changed anything. His policy of not trusting lawyers will come back to bite us, I'm sure.

If his will is in a safety deposit box, it would be good to go get it now, before the box is sealed shut.

Our experience with hospice in a hospital is, they kept him there, as he was too frail to move and needed care now and would pass within a week. They were correct and I'm glad it was in the hospital.

 

[Out of Steam]

To muddy the waters even more, she has a life estate in his house. DW and her sister are on the deed (with FIL). His wife has a legal right to live there as long as she wants, but not sure what happens if she goes to assisted living somewhere.

We have a friend who for some years has managed the rental of the house she grew up in to provide income to her late father's wife to help pay for assisted living. This is because of such a life estate.

While similar income could be far more easily be provided by an annuity, or paid from the house proceeds held in escrow, her lawyer has advised that dissolving the life estate would be too difficult. The ability of the wife to provide consent is questionable, but she is not clearly unable.

 

[PatrickA5]

If his will is in a safety deposit box, it would be good to go get it now, before the box is sealed shut.

Our experience with hospice in a hospital is, they kept him there, as he was too frail to move and needed care now and would pass within a week. They were correct and I'm glad it was in the hospital.

My wife is on the safe deposit box as a co-owner. Just to be safe, we won't mention his death until after she gets into the box. Of course, we have no idea where the key is.

I just got back from the hospital. He's pretty frail and is on morphine to take some of the anxiety out. I think you're right, he probably wouldn't make it to another facility. When my dad was in hospice, the hospital wouldn't let him stay so we moved him to a nursing home - for all of two days.

 

[PatrickA5]

Best wishes to you and you and your DW go through this rough time.

FWIW, not getting married in senor years doesn't solve much, if anything. My dad had a church wedding but is not married by law. He has a contract with his partner. The problem is that my dad, in his heart (all that matters) sees her as his loving spouse. So while he's done some things that I don't agree with and don't seem in his best interest, I (the executor) have to keep in mind that she is his wife and to do anything other than his wishes goes against honoring his life and associated wishes. As I go though watching him in his later years, I have to keep telling myself, "if he were legally married, it wouldn't be any different." And that's the standard I use and will use to execute his wishes.

His wishes are (and always has been) that his assets go to DW and SIL. Her assets go to her kids. He has told us this many times (including just this week). Him being married, may or may not, cause problems with his wishes. We shall see. His wife is a wonderful person. She knows his wishes and she doesn't seem to be the type to try to challenge things. But, you never know - especially since we don't know her kids at all and have heard some problems she's had with a son concerning her money. I think things will work out for everyone.

 

[pacergal]

My wife is on the safe deposit box as a co-owner. Just to be safe, we won't mention his death until after she gets into the box. Of course, we have no idea where the key is.

I just got back from the hospital. He's pretty frail and is on morphine to take some of the anxiety out. I think you're right, he probably wouldn't make it to another facility. When my dad was in hospice, the hospital wouldn't let him stay so we moved him to a nursing home - for all of two days.

I am sorry you and your DW are going through this.
As a listed co-owner, Is there any way she can go to the bank and claim a lost key to get access? Surely the banks have ways of getting into safe deposit boxes in those conditions.

 

[Sunset]

I am sorry you and your DW are going through this.
As a listed co-owner, Is there any way she can go to the bank and claim a lost key to get access? Surely the banks have ways of getting into safe deposit boxes in those conditions.

They can, it's just a pricey key. I'd look first at the house as it's probably just tucked away in a drawer, maybe in a small brown envelope.

 

[PatrickA5]

I am sorry you and your DW are going through this.
As a listed co-owner, Is there any way she can go to the bank and claim a lost key to get access? Surely the banks have ways of getting into safe deposit boxes in those conditions.

I'm sure it's probably in a file in his house somewhere. His wife said today that she doesn't get into any of his personal files, so I'm thinking she's probably more in the dark on his finances than we are.

We're letting things play out and not rush things. I'm the impatient one and always want to get going on things. After my own dad's death, I had every account split between my brother and I a day after getting the death certificates (LOL). But, I was well prepared for my dad's estate as we had been making things as simple as possible long before his death. This will take longer.

FIL told me a couple of days ago that he wanted the cheapest burial possible. He already owns a plot along side his first wife. He said he doesn't want to pay for opening/closing of the grave site, so he thought it would be fine just to drill a hole in the ground on his plot and put his ashes in it. Ha! I'm sure we'll go cheap, but not THAT cheap.

 

[pb4uski]

...Of course, we have no idea where the key is. ...

Ask him where the key is. Now.

Sorry for your situation. Been through it with both DFIL and DMIL. It's hard.

 

[PatrickA5]

Ask him where the key is. Now.

Sorry for your situation. Been through it with both DFIL and DMIL. It's hard.

Thanks.

Unfortunately, I'm not sure he's going to wake up enough to have a conversation. He's on morphine drip and is drifting in and out.

I think I know where he keeps his files. But, we really don't want to stress out his wife more than necessary, so we'll be discrete as possible.

 

[Sunset]

I think the cemetery charges about $800 to drill a hole. Actually they just dig out a very shallow square foot area for the URN to go into, probably 10 minutes of digging.

I was a little surprised and alarmed at the shallowness, considering urns can cost a lot, I thought of grave robbers digging up the urns and selling them.

 

[RetMD21]

I think the cemetery charges about $800 to drill a hole. Actually they just dig out a very shallow square foot area for the URN to go into, probably 10 minutes of digging.

I was a little surprised and alarmed at the shallowness, considering urns can cost a lot, I thought of grave robbers digging up the urns and selling them.

Interesting. It seems like a scam to me but maybe I'm just a curmudgeon

 

[Chuckanut]

You need a lawyer. Asap. Rules vary state to state.

Agreed. I had my eyes opened a few years ago helping a relative with a custody issue. I finally got him to consult a family law lawyer and he found out in the nick of time that a child’s home state for legal issues changed when he moved to another state and was a resident for 6 months. My relative kept the lid some nasty issues on for a few weeks more, and jurisdiction switched to his new state. The other side gave up at that point.