lazygood4nothinbum
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
- Joined
- Feb 27, 2006
- Messages
- 3,895
when haha posted www.findagrave.com in another thread i saw an option to search for the famous dead. out of morbid curiosity, i checked to see if my uncle was listed. i found him buried here along with judy garland, ed sullivan, john lennon, malcolm x et al. findagrave even has a picture of my uncle’s mausoleum crypt. but best of all, someone who already “left flowers” turns out to be my 2nd cousin and his entry included an email address.
though i am in regular contact with many and know most of my mom’s cousins (down to 2nd cousins-once-removed), i didn’t even know my father had family until he told me of them the last we spoke some 13 years ago. i’d made periodic contact with my father ever since i was a teen but he has never initiated contact with me in over 30 years. not a call, not a card. the last time i tried to find him i found only that he had moved without a fowarding address. i do not know if he is dead or alive.
being gay and not particularly partial to adoption (i’m not that responsible), it is unlikely that i will ever start my own family. still, i have always been family-oriented. so now that i have buried mom, i feel driven to find out if my dad is alive, if only to find out if i’m next.
through the haha-referenced website i contacted my newly found 2nd cousin and we have been emailing. we are both excited to have found each other. so far i have found seven 2nd cousins i never knew existed and two 1st cousins-once-removed. if my research is correct to date i might also have three 1st cousins, and 8 more 1st cousins-once-removed and i have no idea how many 2nd cousins out of all that. i feel like a little kid who has just discovered a cache of new friends.
i’m putting out word to these new found playmates that if anyone knows the whereabouts of my father, they should have him contact me. but so far it seems like none of this family ever even kept in touch with each other. i am hopeful but hesitant on pursuing this.
suppose i find my 80-year-old father alive and living a destitute life. do i suddenly become financially responsible? ordinarily i wouldn’t question it for a second. but he hasn’t called me in 30 years. not that he was a bad guy. i think he simply lived life the best he could, only his best maybe wasn’t so good. my brother suggests that if i even question how i feel about taking care of my father that i shouldn’t even look for him. though when we explored that further it seems his main concern was he doesn’t want more burden placed on him. he’s already got wife, three kids and two quickly aging inlaws.
emotionally i feel i would want to take care of dad if needed. morally i could argue either way. intellectually, boy, would that screw up my e.r. plans. though for now i’m just spinning my wheels; maybe he would not need my help. seems to be doing just fine without me for the last 30 years. still, i can’t help but to wonder, just what would i do?
though i am in regular contact with many and know most of my mom’s cousins (down to 2nd cousins-once-removed), i didn’t even know my father had family until he told me of them the last we spoke some 13 years ago. i’d made periodic contact with my father ever since i was a teen but he has never initiated contact with me in over 30 years. not a call, not a card. the last time i tried to find him i found only that he had moved without a fowarding address. i do not know if he is dead or alive.
being gay and not particularly partial to adoption (i’m not that responsible), it is unlikely that i will ever start my own family. still, i have always been family-oriented. so now that i have buried mom, i feel driven to find out if my dad is alive, if only to find out if i’m next.
through the haha-referenced website i contacted my newly found 2nd cousin and we have been emailing. we are both excited to have found each other. so far i have found seven 2nd cousins i never knew existed and two 1st cousins-once-removed. if my research is correct to date i might also have three 1st cousins, and 8 more 1st cousins-once-removed and i have no idea how many 2nd cousins out of all that. i feel like a little kid who has just discovered a cache of new friends.
i’m putting out word to these new found playmates that if anyone knows the whereabouts of my father, they should have him contact me. but so far it seems like none of this family ever even kept in touch with each other. i am hopeful but hesitant on pursuing this.
suppose i find my 80-year-old father alive and living a destitute life. do i suddenly become financially responsible? ordinarily i wouldn’t question it for a second. but he hasn’t called me in 30 years. not that he was a bad guy. i think he simply lived life the best he could, only his best maybe wasn’t so good. my brother suggests that if i even question how i feel about taking care of my father that i shouldn’t even look for him. though when we explored that further it seems his main concern was he doesn’t want more burden placed on him. he’s already got wife, three kids and two quickly aging inlaws.
emotionally i feel i would want to take care of dad if needed. morally i could argue either way. intellectually, boy, would that screw up my e.r. plans. though for now i’m just spinning my wheels; maybe he would not need my help. seems to be doing just fine without me for the last 30 years. still, i can’t help but to wonder, just what would i do?