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Old 11-27-2012, 06:45 PM   #21
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An old patriarch unites for his birthday all members of his family. But the group of people is full of personal and social problems. There was a Twilight Zone episode like this. It ended badly for the children.
One of the greatest films every made with this theme is The Sea.

The Sea (2002) - IMDb

Ha
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Old 11-28-2012, 01:59 AM   #22
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Some tough comments here without really knowing what his children have done or what types of issues are affecting the grandchildren.

Easy for me to say, since I have no kids. But I have seen many people make poor decisions for sure.
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Old 11-28-2012, 02:29 AM   #23
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I liked the term "copulation driven".

When Nick wrote that he + DW hear about happy and successful life stories about their friends' kids, does he realize that these stories might not give the full picture but are made up?

He did not mention that the kids are moochers. So they are able to live on their income.
Does he really have an objective view on their professional life? "Success" or not is highly subjective. What are the facts here?
He may have expected "more", but that does not make the kids failures.
What would be a success or achievement in his eyes?

Overall, I am torn:
The kids might be struggling in professions out of Nick's field of experience.
In most marriage problems, the responsibility is on both sides IMO.
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Old 11-28-2012, 06:53 AM   #24
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"...each of you has contrived to avoid even moderate achievement". (Sound of a whiplash).
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Old 11-28-2012, 08:27 AM   #25
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Another look at the letter:
Nick Crews 'I'd be mortified if they ever needed benefits': Father whose frustrated email to his adult children went viral says he cannot regret voicing his views | Mail Online
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Old 11-28-2012, 08:31 AM   #26
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A bit surprised a military officer would not have made known his expectations/values much earlier in their lives. Perhaps he was a totally detached father or simply said, do what I say, not what I do.
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Old 11-28-2012, 01:01 PM   #27
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How many of us ae fulfilling our "greatest possibilities"? Surviving in Megacorp or the government or some business until we can squirrel away enough money to retire. We expect nothing more of ourselves, and others should not expect more of us either. Every thread that has asked, "do you feel you are letting down society(parents, children, the state) has always said no, it's our business.

Looks to me like his kids are doing fine, by their goals, if not his. Are any of them dead? Are any of them addicts? Have any of them had children taken by the state, or sent children back home to be raised by Grandma and grandpa?

I reiterate, he and likely his wife are out of touch, self indulgent idiots who did not deserve to have children.

Did his kids want to go to private schools? Not likely. More likely he sent them for his purposes, and now he is mad because he feels he did not get the bragging rights he expected. This was personal bargain of his, unknown to the children.


Ha
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Old 11-28-2012, 02:10 PM   #28
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How many of us ae fulfilling our "greatest possibilities"? Surviving in Megacorp or the government or some business until we can squirrel away enough money to retire. We expect nothing more of ourselves, and others should not expect more of us either. Every thread that has asked, "do you feel you are letting down society(parents, children, the state) has always said no, it's our business.

Looks to me like his kids are doing fine, by their goals, if not his. Are any of them dead? Are any of them addicts? Have any of them had children taken by the state, or sent children back home to be raised by Grandma and grandpa?

I reiterate, he and likely his wife are out of touch, self indulgent idiots who did not deserve to have children.

Did his kids want to go to private schools? Not likely. More likely he sent them for his purposes, and now he is mad because he feels he did not get the bragging rights he expected. This was personal bargain of his, unknown to the children.


Ha

Soooooooo......... You don't completely agree with the outlook of the letter writer?
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Old 11-28-2012, 02:25 PM   #29
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How many of us ae fulfilling our "greatest possibilities"? Surviving in Megacorp or the government or some business until we can squirrel away enough money to retire. We expect nothing more of ourselves, and others should not expect more of us either. Every thread that has asked, "do you feel you are letting down society(parents, children, the state) has always said no, it's our business.

Looks to me like his kids are doing fine, by their goals, if not his. Are any of them dead? Are any of them addicts? Have any of them had children taken by the state, or sent children back home to be raised by Grandma and grandpa?

I reiterate, he and likely his wife are out of touch, self indulgent idiots who did not deserve to have children.

Did his kids want to go to private schools? Not likely. More likely he sent them for his purposes, and now he is mad because he feels he did not get the bragging rights he expected. This was personal bargain of his, unknown to the children.


Ha

I guess you do not have or have not seen kids get into trouble and then go to the parents for 'help'

I know (our should I say knew as I have not seen them in years) a lady who had a good education, a good job who always would get into money problems... she has been married twice to losers.... she has lived with many other losers... she has had at least two homes forclosed and I know of 4 cars repoed.... she is a teacher, so should have a good pension, but I heard recently that she withdrew all of the money and spent it...

At every one of these problems, she has gone back to her mother and asked for help... I think her mom helped the first couple of times, but stopped doing it... there was about a 5 year timeframe where she was not welcome in her mother's house as she was living with a drug addict and crook....

So, under your definition, she is doing fine as she is not dead, a drug addict or had her kids taken by the state.... under my definition, she is not doing fine, but will not change her ways.... and if I were the dad, I would say the same to her that this dad said to his kids....


Just sayin......
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Old 11-28-2012, 02:50 PM   #30
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Some tough comments here without really knowing what his children have done or what types of issues are affecting the grandchildren.
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Old 11-28-2012, 03:17 PM   #31
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I guess you do not have or have not seen kids get into trouble and then go to the parents for 'help'
While I do not have children in this situation, and I am thankful for this, of course I have seen what you refer to. Some of my relatives have their share of family drama. This however does not apply in this guy's case. All these children are doing fine on their own. His daughter is a mother, married to a surgeon, and his sons have jobs and places to live. I know that children can present very difficult situations, as can fathers, mothers, husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends et cetera. Any relationship at all exposes you to pain and worry and other uncomfortable feelings. Most reasonably normal people either avoid relationships, or grow up and get over it.

In any event, a rant like this damages the adult child, and permanently impairs whatever relationship the parent might hope to have with him or her. It is simply bad parenting, no matter what the circumstances. Can any person imagine any situation made better by a son or daughter hearing what a disappointment they have been? Doesn't this guy realize that they already know he is not happy with them? Which in today's world is really no one's fault but his. Disappointment is owned by the disappointee, not the one who allegedly created the disappointment.

Ha
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Old 11-28-2012, 03:25 PM   #32
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Again, I'm so delighted to be childfree.
And the daughter in France published it, with her dad's permission, and conceded that they all deserved what he wrote.
I don't blame him at all.
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Old 11-28-2012, 03:57 PM   #33
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A totally self indulgent idiot, who did not deserve to have children.
Agree with this.
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Old 11-28-2012, 04:01 PM   #34
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Again, I'm so delighted to be childfree.
And the daughter in France published it, with her dad's permission, and conceded that they all deserved what he wrote.
I don't blame him at all.
I am glad to hear that the daughter took it constructively. While depending on the circumstances the frustration could be understandable, my concern was that the letter would not make things better...
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Old 11-28-2012, 04:13 PM   #35
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Again, I'm so delighted to be childfree.
And the daughter in France published it, with her dad's permission, and conceded that they all deserved what he wrote.
I don't blame him at all.
I also don't have children but this didn't make me happy with my choice. Nor did it made me regret my decision. Perhaps I'm reflective because I just spent a few days with one of my oldest, dearest friends and her adult son. I took care of him for a couple of weeks after he was born because she was deathly ill after his birth. Lots of love between us three. I know I missed out on some good stuff. Also realize I missed out on some potential heartbreak.
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Old 11-28-2012, 04:20 PM   #36
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That provided some good background. It does change my opinion some knowing that they'd never hit him up for financial support, or taken public welfare.

Interesting that the oldest daughter now understands why he wrote it. And that the mom (wife) is in total agreement with the letter.
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Old 11-28-2012, 05:00 PM   #37
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Was this the one with the masks?
Yes!
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Old 11-28-2012, 05:03 PM   #38
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One of the greatest films every made with this theme is The Sea.

The Sea (2002) - IMDb

Ha
Sounds like a good one though you could not tell by the scantily clad lady in the cover picture. Marketing types will be the death of our morality. Have to see the pic.
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Old 11-28-2012, 05:34 PM   #39
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I would tend to give the dad (letter writer) the benefit of the doubt.

My guess is that the dad is spot on since his wife agreed to him sending it and the eldest daughter seems to confirm that it was not totally out of line. Sounds like the kids are slackers/underachievers who were provided the opportunity but failed to grasp the golden ring and made some pretty bad decisions and the grandparent's concern is more with the impact of their children's behavior on their grandchildren.

Reading between the lines it was NOT the letter writer who made the email public, but the eldest daughter.
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Old 11-28-2012, 05:38 PM   #40
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I would like to know what his kids have done exactly. Maybe alcoholism, prostituting, doing hard drugs, putting their kids at risk every day, maybe even abuse going on.... Who knows? I still believe some of the comments here are very harsh without knowing the facts.

My brother was a piece of sh!t towards my parents. He made them cry for years and his kids suffered a lot from his very nasty divorce. Did I send him angry emails ? Yes. Did he deserve them ? Yes. Would I be happy for these emails to become public? No.
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