Original consumer complaint letter: 1750 BCE

[JoeWras]

OK, normally I don't pay attention to internet memes. I apparently didn't pay attention in 2015 when this was popular. But today in a plumbing forum it tickled me.

This is not bogus, but an actual thing. In 1750 BCE, a purchaser (Nanni) tried to buy copper from Ea-nasir. It didn't go well. A letter was written. (Read about it on Wikipedia: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complaint_tablet_to_Ea-nasir). The actual cuneiform tablet is on display today in a British museum.

What fascinates me is that even 3770 years ago, letters and complaints go about the same as they do on Yelp today.

Translated letter:

Tell Ea-nasir: Nanni sends the following message: ​ When you came, you said to me as follows : "I will give Gimil-Sin (when he comes) fine quality copper ingots." You left then but you did not do what you promised me. You put ingots which were not good before my messenger (Sit-Sin) and said: "If you want to take them, take them; if you do not want to take them, go away!" ​ What do you take me for, that you treat somebody like me with such contempt? I have sent as messengers gentlemen like ourselves to collect the bag with my money (deposited with you) but you have treated me with contempt by sending them back to me empty-handed several times, and that through enemy territory. Is there anyone among the merchants who trade with Telmun who has treated me in this way? You alone treat my messenger with contempt! On account of that one (trifling) mina of silver which I owe(?) you, you feel free to speak in such a way, while I have given to the palace on your behalf 1,080 pounds of copper, and Šumi-abum has likewise given 1,080 pounds of copper, apart from what we both have had written on a sealed tablet to be kept in the temple of Shamash. ​ How have you treated me for that copper? You have withheld my money bag from me in enemy territory; it is now up to you to restore (my money) to me in full. ​ Take cognizance that (from now on) I will not accept here any copper from you that is not of fine quality. I shall (from now on) select and take the ingots individually in my own yard, and I shall exercise against you my right of rejection because you have treated me with contempt.

I like this redditor's attempt at modernizing the language:

Hey, Ea-nasir:

The last time you were over here, you sold me some high-quality copper ingots and said I could send someone by to pick them up. Boy, was that a lie! My guy went to your place and you showed him a bunch of cheap slag and said "Take it or leave it!"

​Who do you think I am, that you feel comfortable screwing me over like that? I have sent my trusted associates over repeatedly to get my money back and you screwed me over again by refusing to give it to them. And that's a journey through enemy territory, too! I have never experienced customer service like this in my entire career.

All this trouble over such a small amount of money, when I've done so well by you in the past. What thanks do I get for that good business now? You took my money and refuse to give it back, forcing my associates to repeatedly travel through enemy territory. I will not warn you again: give me a full refund right now.

You can be sure that I will never again give you the chance to cheat me like this. If you ever want to sell to me after this fiasco, you'll bring the ingots to me, and I'll tell you which ones are "high-quality", you backstabbing sneak.

—Nanni

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

What set me off on this was a joke among plumbers. If you have worked with copper fittings before you get it:

 

[MichaelB]

3770 years later and he’s still waiting for a response.

 

[JoeWras]

3770 years later and he’s still waiting for a response.

Poor Nanni.

If you read deeper, Ea-nasir had saved a few other complaint letters. Apparently, he got some sort of satisfaction of getting these things and saving them! I am convinced that some of the merchants I have dealt with get satisfaction from seeing customers suffer.

(Note: I had to edit the name because it could be offensive to 2023 readers...)

Source: https://www.forbes.com/sites/kristi...inessman-of-the-18th-century/?sh=12b61da92d5d

A man named Arbituram sends a note to Ea-Nasir, saying: "... you have given the copper... and give the silver and its profit to N*-Nanna. I have made you issue a tablet. Why have you not given me the copper? If you do not give it, I will recall your pledges. Good copper, give again and again. Send me a man."
...
A couple other people get in on the action. Appa tells Ea-Nasir: "The copper of mine, give it to N*-Nanna - good copper, in order that my heart shall not be troubled." And Imgur-Sin exasperatedly writes to Ea-Nasir: "May Samas [the sun god] bless your life. Give good copper under seal to N*-Nanna. Now you have had me issue 10 shekels of silver. In order that your heart shall not be troubled, give good copper to him. Do you not know how tired I am [of this]?"

And then even sarcasm. Just like 2023:

And another customer named Ili-idinnam sarcastically told Ea-Nasir that "the work that you have done is soooooooo good. One year ago, I paid silver in a foreign country; you shall hold back only bad copper. Please bring your copper."