Christmas blues

[Scratchy]

My partner and I do not have children and no longer have immediate family anywhere nearby. Holidays are now a difficult time for us as the days of celebrating with family are gone, realistically, for the rest of our lives. At least we have each other but if through sickness or death that changes, things will be rather bleak. We have friends, but that is not the same.

For those who have no children or younger family members, do you have similar feelings and anxieties about getting old alone? Does it get better or worse with time?

 

[nativenewenglander]

My wife and I have no family nearby, but have many close friends we consider our family as they do to us. We're going to a friends today for Christmas dinner.
Joining a place of worship or an organization you can volunteer at can help you make friends. My wife makes friends very easily, for me it's more of a process. I hope you have a nice holiday.

 

[Dawg52]

I'm single and no family remaining in my town. But I do have 2 nephews and a niece that are like children for me. Shortly I will be driving down to the Mobile, AL area to spend the day with them and other family members. And then on down to Orange Beach for a couple of days.

I can see how people could have Christmas blues with no family around. Nativenewenglander suggestions are good. A good friend invited me over to their house today if I didn't have plans. Wouldn't have been the same as being with family but would have been a nice day too.

 

[grasshopper]

We had a brunch at mi casa on Sunday with friends, for Christmas eve we had a mozzarella and antipasta giant sandwich and beers and watched NF. Cheers and Happy Holidays to all.

 

[footenote]

DH and I are childfree-by-choice and on our own for holidays.

I was forced to deal with Christmas blues 16 years ago when my mom (who adored Christmas!) died on Dec 25th. Since then it's been a tough day, so I send sincere sympathy to you today.

It has gotten less-horrible for me over time. I simply let holidays be what they are for others and enjoy the day as best I can. Focus on what you do enjoy today and hug your partner!

 

[ShokWaveRider]

DH and I are childfree-by-choice and on our own for holidays.

Us too, we had a nice Xmas Eve gathering with some friends who are also Child Free by choice. But we have always enjoyed our own company and prefer to be together during holiday season. We could go to family up in Canada but mostly choose not to.

 

[Midpack]

We’ve come to enjoy our quiet holidays, Thanksgiving and Christmas, alone together. We got together with family for decades, but now that all our parents are gone, and the five siblings and other relatives live in different states - it would be impossible to get together. We certainly don’t miss the hectic holiday travel, made unpredictable in winter. We get together with family a few at a time throughout the year, if anything we enjoy that more than we did at holidays when it could be overwhelming.

Every year a few neighbors or friends invite us to join them, but we always decline, they should be with family. If you want to spend Christmas with others, invite some friends or neighbors to join you?

 

[street]

Well, my heart goes out to all that are alone or don't have someone close for the holidays.

I called an Aunt yesterday that has no one close either and is 91 and lives alone and does all her own work around the house and yard. She told me she has seen a Lawyer and got a will started.

She talked about being alone as she gets old and how hard it is.

No blues yet for holidays but can see it happen for us, because of so little family, it will be just a mater of time.

 

[joeea]

My partner and I do not have children and no longer have immediate family anywhere nearby.

Most folks in that situation travel to be with family. Can you afford to do that, or must you remain at home? It seems from some of your other posts that you allocate a fair amount of travel money.

 

[Which Roger]

I've personally experienced and heard from others so many stories of excessive drama and stress triggered by extended family gatherings that DW and I are actually thankful that are holidays are very simple by comparison. And as others have mentioned, we have friends who are just like family. Yesterday we went for a long walk with a dear friend who needed to escape from in-laws for a while. It was the most enjoyable thing I've done in a long time.

 

[MBAustin]

Some churches have begun conducting “Blue Christmas” programs during December for those who find the holiday season difficult. You might make a note to seek one out next year. I hope you find something that brings a smile to your face today.

 

[SumDay]

Our kids "alternate" and all come one year for Thanksgiving, and the other year for Christmas, spending time with the significant others' families when they aren't with us. The first year was a little tough, and we also were invited by friends to come to their house, but also felt like we were intruding.

We go to the movies on Christmas day. I have really mixed emotions about all of it, and also thought how horrible it will be when one of us is gone and we're really alone. The dog helps, but it's not the same. I imagine I would get involved with some organization that would let me come and serve those less fortunate on Christmas day. I'd probable come home so tired I wouldn't have time to be sad.

It's just not as much fun as when we had little people here who woke us up at 5:15 a.m., screaming about the bites taken out of the cookies. It's the circle of life, I guess.

Hang in there.

 

[Silver]

It's just my DH and I also, and that's how we like it. We aren't very social (at all!) and much prefer our own company. But we always go out for a very special meal every holiday (that's our celebration) and today we are going to a big fancy hotel in Orlando that does this fabulous Christmas buffet with champagne. It's lovely and fun to see everyone all dressed up. We eat until we're sick, and then pledge to be good.....until the next holiday.

I do think about when one of us is gone, but I hope to be already living in a CCRC so there will be some ready-made distractions.

 

[Helen]

My spouse and I spent a lonely Christmas together after the last of our parents died. Then we realized we have a lot of friends who also don't have family in the area so we started hosting dinner for them. It's a lot of work, but I really enjoy it. It puts giving into Christmas for me.

 

[Scratchy]

Thanks everyone for the replies and wishes! Many good suggestions. As mentioned, it's the circle of life and for me I think it's a matter getting used to it and being a little proactive.

Best wishes to all for a good Holiday!!

 

[Teacher Terry]

When I moved 22 years ago the first few years I flew home but overtime made friends and most of them didn’t live by family either. So we hosted everyone for dinner. We have 5 kids between us and every holiday is different depending on who is home. If kids are home we get together on Christmas Eve and if not we do a movie and dinner out. On Christmas Day I always host for friends and the kids come too if they are here. We are also now the oldest generation since all our parents have passed.

 

[pb4uski]

We have a slightly different issue in that our two kids are in different parts of the country... we're a little more cognizant of DS who is single and would be alone for Christmas other than aunts and uncles about 1 1/2 away. This year we drove and DS flew to DDs so we are all together for Christmas this year but I'm sure it will be be a constant juggling act.

 

[Ready]

We have no kids and no family within driving distance. We are always invited to spend the holidays with DH's sister and brother in law who live thousands of miles away but it makes no sense for us to deal with the nightmare of holiday travel when we are both retired and can easily travel when everyone else is back at work. So we usually spend the holidays with just each other, or maybe a friend or two will join us, and then we see family after the holidays when things go back to normal.

It does get me a little down to see others celebrating holidays with big family events, but it's our choice not to travel during the peak travel periods, so I accept it for what it is.

 

[bbbamI]

Christmas blues...oh yeah. A time when everyone is supposed to be happy, but for years that really wasn't the case with me. I kept longing for the days of our families getting together at grandma and grandpa's house and having such a fun time.

But I finally realized how fortunate I was to be a part of it. Now, they are pleasant memories.

So....let's make some more memories...sing along and tap a toe with me...

 

[38Chevy454]

DW and I moved last year cross country, to be near family. We don't have kids, so the siblings and nephews and nieces are there and we all get together on holidays.


For OP I think the idea to travel to visit family seems the best choice. If that's not possible, do what DW and I did for several years when working and away from any close family - have friends over or go the their house and enjoy the time with your friends in place of family.

 

[Souschef]

My DW lost her husband in October and had to face the holidays alone for the first time in over 40 years. She told me how tough that was.
Fortunately, we found each other and will be celebrating Xmas with her family. We have been cooking for the past 2 days to bring the main course (4 ducks) and sides.
I told her we work well in the kitchen, and comment was, "remember, I am the executive chef, and you are just the souschef"

 

[tmm99]

This would definitely be the hardest time of the year for me if I didn't have my family with me. I had to spend the Christmas holidays alone a couple of times in the past, and I was miserable. If I have to do it again, I will make sure and plan something.

 

[haha]

My partner and I do not have children and no longer have immediate family anywhere nearby. Holidays are now a difficult time for us as the days of celebrating with family are gone, realistically, for the rest of our lives. At least we have each other but if through sickness or death that changes, things will be rather bleak. We have friends, but that is not the same.

For those who have no children or younger family members, do you have similar feelings and anxieties about getting old alone? Does it get better or worse with time?

I think this is a realistic appraisal. I recently read an article saying how as one ages, his family becomes more important, and friends less so. Look how many on this forum start a treasure hunt for the perfect retirement spot when they retire. If one values and counts on friends for important lifetime roles, would he pack up and leave because it is cold in winter where he has spent his life?

Wives and husbands also decide that they have had enough at retirement age. How’s that for late life joy?

I watch channel MHz 28 on uhf. There are many really good Swedish crime dramas. My Swedish is very spotty, but there are subtitles. Modern Swedes have more children than modern middle class Americans, but they are sure good at dramatizing loneliness. If you can get it, have a look at Martin Beck. Martin is an inspiration at how to survive with no wife, no girlfriend and not be a drunk.

At my age, my Dad had 8 grandchildren. I have one, and I sure am glad for her!

Ha

 

[imoldernu]

Some churches have begun conducting “Blue Christmas” programs during December for those who find the holiday season difficult. You might make a note to seek one out next year. I hope you find something that brings a smile to your face today.

+1 Whether religious or not, the place to go over the holidays and through the new year. Guaranteed to make one feel good about life. Warm, friendly and welcoming.

 

[Accidental Retiree]

My partner and I do not have children and no longer have immediate family anywhere nearby. Holidays are now a difficult time for us as the days of celebrating with family are gone, realistically, for the rest of our lives. At least we have each other but if through sickness or death that changes, things will be rather bleak. We have friends, but that is not the same.

For those who have no children or younger family members, do you have similar feelings and anxieties about getting old alone? Does it get better or worse with time?

Yes, we’ve been through this many times over the years, yet this year, for the first time, the Christmas blues seem to have skipped me. I’m not sure why this is, but I’m very grateful.

And content.