Christmas blues

[NW-Bound]

At my age, my Dad had 8 grandchildren. I have one, and I sure am glad for her!

My mother-in-law has 12 grandchildren, but only 1 greatgrandchild. And it looks like that is going to be it.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Our friends are very important. Not just my local friends but long time ones that live a long way away. We make a point to get together with the long distance friends every 2 years because with the kids grown we have the time and money.

 

[scrabbler1]

Also remember that not everyone is Christian. I was born Jewish but have been an atheist since I was 13, 42 years ago. So, I went from something which doesn't celebrate Christmas to something else which doesn't celebrate Christmas. For me, December 25th is merely the day after the 24th and before the 26th.


I am single and childfree, so I have no immediate family which celebrates the holiday, either. I have had a steady ladyfriend for the last 14 years. She is Christian but does little to observe the holidays. Her family lives out of town, but she exchanges cards with others and sends her adult daughter and 3 grandkids some presents. She knows my basic indifference to Christmas.


I don't get any Christmas blues but I probably contribute to hers, unfortunately. She has also had in the last few years some sad events happen this time of year. In late 2014, she had just lost her mom and her dad was dying; he would pass away in January. In 2015, she was still recovering from an awful injury in September which broke both her wrists. I don't like seeing her so sad but I can't do much about it.


I just wait until January when hopefully things get better.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

Remember the holidays you see on TV are not reality. The reality of many extended family holidays are more like this -

We used to travel for the holidays to see extended family, often go to Disneyland at peak times, spend a lot of time at airports and things were always pretty hectic and very busy. We try to have simple, local holidays now with green gifts and dinner reservations. We invite the adult kids and the SOs. The restaurants book up well in advance and I always see many tables with two - three people so that seems like more of the reality holiday celebrations for many than the big extended family celebrations we see on TV. Also unlike the the TV commercials, I don't buy luxury cars for people for Christmas gifts. Usually it is more along the lines of a nice bottle of wine and a box of chocolates.

 

[steelyman]

Thanks everyone for the replies and wishes! Many good suggestions. As mentioned, it's the circle of life and for me I think it's a matter getting used to it and being a little proactive.

Best wishes to all for a good Holiday!!

That sounds like a positive viewpoint, good for you!

It seems to me that, for a lot of people, holidays can also be stressful times with lots of commitments, expectations, and so on.

So if you find yourself free of that, you could appreciate having some personal peace on Earth.

 

[Red Badger]

Once DS was in his teens, Christmas just seemed too much of a commercial industry that caused me stress and angst. It remained like that for several years. But I found a place where a few hours a week makes a world of difference.

As I and others have shared here, volunteering can bring a special joy to your life. This is particularly true at Christmas time. We had our children's Christmas party on Friday. About 200 kids and thousands of toys, big and small. Today, Christmas lunch and then free turkeys and care packages to take home (and small gift baskets for both young and young at heart).

The sheer joy and happiness we observe, and the profound gratefulness of our guests is heartwarming beyond measure. It's hard for us to thank the thousands in our community that make us successful, but we do try.

So for me, it's the local soup kitchen. DW still does an occasional mission trip. I've read blogs here of folks who do disaster deployments.

Whatever your skill or vocation, there is a charity nearby that needs you. And you'll make new friends with like minded thoughts and goals. Consider going with a friend or SO.

Anyway, if there's a hole in your heart or soul, volunteering might do wonders. It certainly did for me.

OP, I really hope you find a way to turn the blues away. Christmas best wishes that it passes swiftly.

rb

 

[Sunset]

It can be a tough time.

I find I'm suffering the blues and I'm trying to not let DW know.
It helps that we visit some of her relatives locally.

I have thought, maybe next year we should travel the weeks around Christmas, as being in a new place will mean zero expectations of the Christmas time, and lots of distractions of new sights/sounds/people.

 

[easysurfer]

I totally switched my way of thinking about Christmas after I retired. I used to be one of the folks who was about the hustle and bustle and getting into the holiday festivity. Now, I've toned things down a lot and prefer a nice, quiet Christmas. A few Christmas wishes and presents to ones closest but not trying to make everyone happy in the holiday spirit. Takes away a lot of the pressure of having to "be happy".

 

[Floridatennisplayer]

Well I guess we are the complete opposite of this thread. My side of the family and my wife’s side of the family all live here. Last Sunday we got together with my wife’s side of the family and rented out a room at a restaurant for five hours and had a blast. Last night was church and then dinner at our house and then Christmas this morning with all the grandkids it was so wonderful I loved every single second of it. I love it this way but with my faith I would also be fine being alone knowing the true meaning of Christmas. Here are my two silly grandkids before church last night...

 

[MRG]

It can be a tough time.

I find I'm suffering the blues and I'm trying to not let DW know.
It helps that we visit some of her relatives locally.

I have thought, maybe next year we should travel the weeks around Christmas, as being in a new place will mean zero expectations of the Christmas time, and lots of distractions of new sights/sounds/people.

I can relate. I finally shared with DW how I was feeling. She did her best to cheer me up.

 

[MBAustin]

I can relate. I finally shared with DW how I was feeling. She did her best to cheer me up.

Being honest and open with sad feelings is generally helpful for both the speaker and the listener. Good for you both!

DH and I inadvertently had one of these discussions recently, about a place so special to me that I want some of my ashes to be scattered there, but that has very bad memories for him (one of which was my fault). We didn’t resolve anything but now understand each other’s perspective much better I think. Very emotional but very helpful.

 

[gretah]

I am not Christian so I duck the Holidays. I spend a lot of time at the library, enjoying books hugely. (Currently rereading Louise Penny's books.)

I pick up a few gifts in early Nov for Christian friends and relatives. I mail a few out before Nov 15 to avoid post office mayhem.

Last summer a friend was in hospital for 3 weeks. I learned the cafeteria there has very good food for little cost. And the main waiting room is quiet with lovely views of the lawn and garden.

So I sometimes go there for lunch and a quiet read on weekends to get out of the house and away from the computer.

I'm so glad I have no interest in buying cheap stuff no one really wants to own for more than a few days. No shopping at big box stores. No fighting over parking spaces.

Today I went out to lunch with my two closest friends (who are also not religious). We had a marvelous time and laughed until we cried. A perfect day.

 

[Floridatennisplayer]

Wife is at her sisters after a long day with my side of the family. I have opened one of the numerous bottles of Cabernet I got for Christmas. Relaxing watching the Tennis Channel. Mind you, at 10 o’clock reruns of TJ Hooker come on. Yes, seeing cars from the 1980’s and scenes from where I used to work are fun for me.

Merry Christmas Everyone.

 

[michelek]

Cute little pups and kittens are also alone in shelters on the holidays. You can bring joy to yourself and some adorable needy animals by volunteering to be their caretakers for the holidays!

 

[gerntz]

My DW lost her husband in October

So you died in October?

 

[timo2]

I get it. DW and I do not have children either, and the rest of the family is far away. We have had the 'Christmas blues', but not at Christmas, off and on over the last couple years. We mostly ignore the holiday. There are things we have to oblige with family, but we quit overthinking it. Christmas is just another day. And we feel better about it.

 

[travelover]

If you like to travel, the holidays can be a good time to get out of the USA. One of my best Thanksgivings was spent touring Tikal in Guatemala. Pick a country that doesn’t celebrate the holiday that you are dodging.

 

[Scuba]

I grew up in a small family and have never spent many holidays celebrating with family as an adult. DH and celebrated Christmas Eve with close friends, and spent today at home alone. We chose to do this despite a few invitations to celebrate with others.

Friends are one of the two main reasons we stayed in So CA for our retirement. Our families are far away. I can envision getting lonely if friends pass away or relocate, but I like the idea of volunteering on holidays.

 

[DFDubb]

No kids and neither my or my wife's family is nearby. I'm not christian and think xmas is for kids. We don't buy anyone or ourselves gifts, send cards, travel to see family, etc....No blues here, I'm happy to get the couple of days off of work, but I'm not about to venture out into the xmas shopping madness, much less travel. It's crazy that people will go into debt, put on weight, drink excessively (I'm a fan), etc.....all in the name of what again exactly? 25th is just another day to me, except nothing is open (not a fan).

 

[Chuckanut]

It's crazy that people will go into debt, put on weight, drink excessively (I'm a fan), etc.....all in the name of what again exactly? 25th is just another day to me, except nothing is open (not a fan).

Mr. DFDubb, there are two Christmases.

One is the merchandizing blitz that we see starting months ahead of time and can be an abomination if one gets sucked into all the nonsense it requires. You see this one because a lot of money is spent to shove it in our faces.

The other is a more spiritual event that has different meanings to different people. Nobody is paying big-bucks to shove this in our faces.

FWIW, the Christmas season used go from December 25 to January 5 (Remember the song The 12 Days of Christmas?), so there is plenty of time to celebrate. It's a shame we let group #1 take that away from us.

Don't let group #1 define the season.

 

[NW-Bound]

I am not religious. I do not get all hyped up by the merchandising either.

I used to enjoy Christmas, because I got time off work. Now, I enjoy it because my children and nieces and nephews are off work or off school, and we can have nice family get-together with food and drink. And we are fortunate to have many still in town and not moved away.

My daughter volunteered to host Christmas yesterday. My son stepped up and will host the NYD lunch party. I will try to remind everyone that there's no way we can eat all the food that everybody brings, so we would better cut back, cook less, and have a more relaxing time prior to the party.

 

[mamadogmamacat]

Mr. DFDubb, there are two Christmases.

One is the merchandizing blitz that we see starting months ahead of time and can be an abomination if one gets sucked into all the nonsense it requires. You see this one because a lot of money is spent to shove it in our faces.

The other is a more spiritual event that has different meanings to different people. Nobody is paying big-bucks to shove this in our faces.

FWIW, the Christmas season used go from December 25 to January 5 (Remember the song The 12 Days of Christmas?), so there is plenty of time to celebrate. It's a shame we let group #1 take that away from us.

Don't let group #1 define the season.

+1000

I saw your post just as i was about to accept an invite to a "3rd Day of Christmas" party with my Bible study group

 

[W2R]

I didn't get the Christmas blues this year, but despite that, I am so happy to have gotten through the holidays!

The New Year lies ahead, and I am thrilled to be putting 2018 behind me. A half dozen friends, relatives, esteemed colleagues, and loved ones happened to die in 2018 for various reasons. Seemed like every time I turned around yet another dear person had kicked off. So tragic and all these deaths pretty much ruined my opinion of 2018 forever.

Honestly, let's hear it for 2019!!! I have great hopes and I think it will be a wonderful, amazing, and much happier year, at least for me.

 

[Sue J]

W2R,

We can look forward to Dec 31/Jan 1 when we can close out our 2018 spreadsheets and open new ones for 2019!

I'm sorry you had so many sad events and I hope 2019 is easier in that aspect.

Like some others here I am not a Christian so Christmas was always someone else's holiday. I could stand aside and watch all the angst and chaos (and the joy) of others.

We lost our last parent, DH's mom, but we also gained our first grandchild in 2018. The whole holiday season brings on sadness and extreme happiness over our new little one.

Gift wise, we stopped gift trading many years ago. With our adult kids it had turned into gift cards or cash and one kid could afford to give gifts and the other could not so we just ended it which was fine to all involved.

So this year I'm a grandma, isn't grandma supposed to buy all the impractical clothes and noisy toys that the parents will hate? Rather than doing that we asked our son and DIL if they would like cash or a gift card for them to buy the things they know their baby needs and that they will have space to store. Instead they asked for cash to go toward the baby's passport and visa for their trip to China in February. He needs to meet his Chinese family. So we doubled what we would have spent on stuff to go toward his travel expenses.

And we also started a 529 plan for him. We are so glad we can do these things!

 

[W2R]

W2R,

We can look forward to Dec 31/Jan 1 when we can close out our 2018 spreadsheets and open new ones for 2019!

Thanks, I forgot that fun aspect of the new year! I have already been having fun setting up my 2019 spending and financial spreadsheets and I am excited at the prospect of finding out my spending total for 2018. This is my idea of fun anyway.

And thanks for the sympathy. I don't know why so many of my friends, relatives, and loved ones died in 2018 but I sure hope that's the end of it for a while. Meanwhile Frank and I are fine and hope to have a very nice 2019 together.