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Old 08-10-2007, 05:28 PM   #21
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I am much happier having a few very close
friends (mostly female) than trying to navigate the minefield of relationships blind, at
night, and wearing clown shoes.
I have found Birkenstock Londons to take care of the shoe aspect perfectly.

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Old 08-10-2007, 07:31 PM   #22
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I am 54 and will be married for 35 yrs in Oct. I can not imagine trying to go on a date again. I had a hard enough time dating in my teens.

I am going to a wedding tomorrow of a friend who is 60 and who has been widowed for the last 9 years. She is an "old fashioned kind of gal" as she phrased it and agreed to a short engagement, since she does not believe in sex before marriage. Her first spouse was a college professor who also became a lawyer. She has always been nice, but seemed kind of prissy (not quite the word I am going for, but can't think of it) yuppie type. The guy she is marrying is retired Navy and works I believe in security type of work. She has been on a tractor, 4 wheeling, fishing and many other things that were not things she participated in in the past. She seems deliriously happy now and she was also very very happy when married to her first spouse. It is funny how becoming involved with a different person can change your entire life around.

I hope that I don't ever date again, since that would mean that I outlived my DH, but would hope that I would have the courage to do so. I automatically think of all of the negative situations and don't think of all the blessings that could be gained. I need to change my way of thinking regarding this. I am usually a pretty optimistic type of person on most things.
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Old 08-10-2007, 07:46 PM   #23
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Wow Dreamer DW and I are also 35 years married in Oct. on the 28th to be exact.
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Old 08-10-2007, 08:53 PM   #24
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[ trying to navigate the minefield of relationships blind, at
night, and wearing clown shoes.[/quote]

I prefer expensive sandals for that job !
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Old 08-10-2007, 09:03 PM   #25
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I too was widowed at the ripe old age of 51. After resolving my grief I decided I did not want to live the rest of my life alone and started to date again after 30 plus years. My how things had changed in that period of time!

Due to work constraints and my lack of available time (working 14 hour days doing two jobs) I chose to go the internet route to dating to provide a more efficient way to "meet" as many women as I could in my locale without having to spend hours in bars, clubs, grocery stores, social clubs, etc. to do so. It was a wonderful way to sort through hundreds of "potential" dates before actually contacting them for a face to face meeting.

I talked with many women and dated several before being smitten by my now current wife. She had also been dating for some time on the internet and our meeting there was quite by accident (long story). During my dating experience I was also very active on a number of widow/er internet sites and had many female friends with whom I corresponded on a regular basis. I had one very close friend that helped me through some very rough times and helped me understand the female side of dating. She was wonderful in that respect and we are still very good friends even after we both have remarried after being widowed. There is a bond between widowed folks that is hard to describe.

Anyway, dating at 50+ is not the same as dating at 20 or 30 or 40. The basics are similar but age and wisdom provide a better basis for understanding what you are REALLY looking for in a potential mate. The experience was more complex but at the same time less painful.

Good luck.
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Old 08-10-2007, 11:14 PM   #26
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As a hermit and a geezer (age 56) and an introvert, I don't want to date or live with anyone ever again.

It's just not worth the trouble.
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Old 08-10-2007, 11:33 PM   #27
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Yikes! I am having a hard time dating at 32!!! I can just imagine what it'll be like at 60!

I agree with you Ha....after a certain amount of work and time, you want someone you can click with initially....not someone you have to mold.
I have been on a few dates.....it's easier to be single!
Don't sweat it, you're 32 and a LBYM kind of woman, which makes you hot..............
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Old 08-11-2007, 08:04 AM   #28
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That's what I'm asking for Ha Am I wrong to suspect that there ARE men out there who are actually looking for a partner? (not solely in the bedroom ) Who can accept that there are "good girls" out there (meaning not hopping in the sack right away or without an "exclusive" relationship) ?
Yes, you are wrong.
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Old 08-11-2007, 08:23 AM   #29
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Don't sweat it, you're 32 and a LBYM kind of woman, which makes you hot..............
Only on this forum! I have tried to share my dream of ER on a couple of dates, they looked at me like I had three heads.

As for the comments of building an interesting life and working on yourself....I have been doing that the last couple of years and I am in a place where a guy is not necessary....but would be the icing. I have watched too many friends just let a guy define them....I'm not doing that.

I have dated older men and men my age...most of them are still out in the playing field, not wanting to get serious.

As for the internet sites....my few experiences were not that good, but they make great stories!
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Old 08-11-2007, 08:53 AM   #30
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I was widowed at 51 so I was forced to get a new life . I joined any clubs that looked interesting .I took classes and I joined a gym .I met some nice guys and had some fun .Rather than looking for another guy I'd advise anybody who's single to fix up your life and make it interesting .If you meet someone great if not you still have a great life .Don't look at a guy and imagine him married to you ,look at him and imagine just having fun with him.
I think this is a great idea! I have no personal experience with this, being married over 30 years and still going, but I have seen this work. And it is work. You have to get out and get involved with activities that can take a lot of time.

For those with kids, Parents Without Partners also looks like a good idea. At my university there was a University Singles group that was all adults. Go for groups that organize outings and activities. Universities usually have interest groups of all kinds. You will quickly find out which ones are most promising with respect to age group and unattached folks.

It won't help to join same-sex groups, such as a quilter joining a quilting group.

Oh, and I would be very, very careful about giving out even hints of financial situation. There are predators out there.

Good luck to all in this situation. Sooner or later we marrieds will either lose our spouse or they will lose us.
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Old 08-11-2007, 09:02 AM   #31
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Only on this forum! I have tried to share my dream of ER on a couple of dates, they looked at me like I had three heads.
I can understand that, at 32! As you get older, it will become easier to find a partner with similar dreams of retirement. Although I am 59, Frank (my steady date) is only 52. He plans to retire at about the same time as I do, though, so that aspect of our lives meshes beautifully.

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As for the comments of building an interesting life and working on yourself....I have been doing that the last couple of years and I am in a place where a guy is not necessary....but would be the icing. I have watched too many friends just let a guy define them....I'm not doing that.
That's very advisable. Most men I have met do not seem to want to date a reflection of themselves, or to rule over every aspect of a woman's life. Besides, we only live once so I think a woman should live her own life, not his.

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I have dated older men and men my age...most of them are still out in the playing field, not wanting to get serious.
Most men do not want to get serious with someone they have just met. Also I think that when a woman gets too serious, too fast, it connotes a degree of desperation that men do not find attractive. But then many women do not want to get very serious right away, either. We want to build friendships, first. The conflict (to me) is that the non-serious man wants to have casual sex, and the non-serious woman wants friendship.

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As for the internet sites....my few experiences were not that good, but they make great stories!
LOL!!! Most of my experiences from those sites were awful. But since I don't drink, and I am not religious, I can't really meet men at bars or at church. I refuse to date men from my work (too complicated), so internet dating sites are helpful. This method requires great patience, though, because a lot of screening is necessary.
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Old 08-11-2007, 09:48 AM   #32
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Only on this forum! I have tried to share my dream of ER on a couple of dates, they looked at me like I had three heads.
Although I am a 51 year old male (divorced over 20 years ago), I have had a similar experience with the women I have dated recently. I have also found that many women say they are looking for a long-term commitment (and maybe they are) but also seem interested in a sexual relationship before really getting to know someone. So, the playing the field thing is not reserved just for men. I would love to find a life partner but so far no success. Women that I work with claim I am "too picky" or set the bar too high, but I would prefer to live my single life than "settle".
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Old 08-11-2007, 10:09 AM   #33
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I have also found that many women say they are looking for a long-term commitment (and maybe they are) but also seem interested in a sexual relationship before really getting to know someone.
I'm sure that certain single men on this board would like to know how/where you are meeting these women! Me too, since I want to be sure not to ever search there (if I am ever back "on the market").

Inquiring minds want to know.

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Women that I work with claim I am "too picky" or set the bar too high, but I would prefer to live my single life than "settle".
That is an excellent outlook on dating. Good for you.
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Old 08-11-2007, 11:29 AM   #34
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I'm sure that certain single men on this board would like to know how/where you are meeting these women! Me too, since I want to be sure not to ever search there (if I am ever back "on the market").

Inquiring minds want to know.



That is an excellent outlook on dating. Good for you.
So, you are saying that most women have a much higher moral standard than men in general? Not sure I agree with that thought. I was talking about internet dating and not just in my current location. Of course, I did not say all women I have dated were that way (by any means) but surely you cannot think women are above that.
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Old 08-11-2007, 01:00 PM   #35
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That's what I'm asking for Ha Am I wrong to suspect that there ARE men out there who are actually looking for a partner? (not solely in the bedroom ) Who can accept that there are "good girls" out there (meaning not hopping in the sack right away or without an "exclusive" relationship) ?
If I were looking, I would claim to be one such man.

A woman hopping in the sack right away would be appealing in the short term but repulsive in the longer term sense.

Oh, and frugal is hot, too, to a guy with similar opinions.

2Cor521
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Old 08-11-2007, 01:08 PM   #36
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A woman hopping in the sack right away would be appealing in the short term but repulsive in the longer term sense.
As much as I'm inclined to agree with such a sentiment, I feel obligated to support the effort to conduct additional research...
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Old 08-11-2007, 07:48 PM   #37
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Dating at 55 is interesting. My perspective on plenty of things has seriously changed over the years. More than once in the last year I have asked, "What would I talk to her about?" when some third party is trying to arrange a blind date. An intelligent, mature mind seems to be taking precedence over youth and firmness.

There is little more fun than asking for the senior discount while on a dinner date. It give good insight into the date's mindset.
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Old 08-11-2007, 08:07 PM   #38
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The Science of Insulting Women - Freakonomics - Opinion - New York Times Blog

Pro. geared towards a younger crowd, but the comments are kind of interesting.. they definitely run the gamut.
(signed, someone who has never figured out a real productive balance between modern m/f)
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Old 08-11-2007, 08:11 PM   #39
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As much as I'm inclined to agree with such a sentiment, I feel obligated to support the effort to conduct additional research...
Having conducted extensive research, I'd be pleased to share my findings for the reasonable sum of two dollars.
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Old 08-11-2007, 08:14 PM   #40
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Having conducted extensive research, I'd be pleased to share my findings for the reasonable sum of two dollars.
I think most researchers would agree that it's reasonable to provide access to the raw data for peer review, so to speak...
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