DD and Wedding

[folivier]

My DW wore her mom's dress which thankfully had been packed away nicely. Her 2 sisters also wore the same dress. This saved my FIL bunches!
My oldest son we paid for the rehearsal dinner and their honeymoon. Ended up paying for half of the catering when his ex-inlaws asked us to help prepare and serve the food at the reception. HUH that ain't happening, we wanted to enjoy ourselves. and did.

 

[Bestwifeever]

I would have made my wedding dress but we ended up with a rather small (six people plus DH and I) wedding so I just wore a blue minidress and DH wore his Army uniform --doubtful we would have had a bigger wedding anyway. I would have worn my mom's wedding attire but I didn't fit into her WAVE uniform (not to mention I wasn't a WAVE so probably not appropriate anyway).

I did make DD's veil which is packed away with her wedding gown; it's a very simple dress so I think one of my g'daughters might be interested in it one day, but who knows, who cares.

I love that weddings are all different and yet all the same--we hope the couple is happy, since they decided to marry, and has a good life together.

 

[Janet H]

Back in the dark ages when I married, my folks sat me down and asked "so.. what are you thinking about for a wedding" ...

Awkward...

What we finally did was a backyard wedding - in a NICE yard. With a party.

It was casual and relaxed. We had a BBQ and potluck. There was a wedding cake made by a friend, an open bar and a band. My practical mom bought me a cream colored Pendleton wool suit instead of a dress that I wore for decades afterwards.

There were tents and room for fidgety kids to run around. Bored teens played bocce ball and pitched horseshoes off to the side. We had a badminton net set up and kites, bubblewands and lots of lounge chairs. Family came from across the country, friends got pleasantly soused and everyone had a good time. It was celebratory but not fussy.

My folks supplied the bar, the BBQ and someone to cook it, the tables and tents and strong armed a friend with an awesome yard into donating the venue.

Guests brought side dishes, someone even showed up with an ice cream churn full of strawberry.

My dad still thanks me for having an event that didn't require uncomfortable shoes.

Sit her down and begin.... "So.. what are you thinking about for a wedding....."

 

[Sue J]

I just asked my friend from China who often goes back to visit family and keeps in touch with her friends from there.

She said "
Yes, I heard that in some small towns or villages some people still doing that, but not all. Not in the big cities, me & all my friends never asked money neither their kids. Ring or gifts that's all, and usually girls family will give gifts back too.

That boy must be dating a girl from poor, small place, you know we have a lot rich people in China & more poor people there too"

Of course I had to ask her: how much ?

She said "
Vary from place to place, I read from few thousands to more than 10 thousands or even more, the best way is to ask the girl, I don't know either, but if he is not Chinese then he doesn't need to do that at all.
"

My thinking is:
Maybe the girl moved to Bejing or is only using city as a reference point, rather than some small town nearby nobody would know about. Like how I use Chicago when talking to folks in other States/Countries ?

Interesting comment from her about if the boy is not Chinese, then it's not a requirement ?

Thanks for asking your friend about this. The young woman grew up in a farming village until she was 15 when her father got a government job in Beijing. She lives with them in Beijing ( we found it on Google maps) but she travels a lot in China and is currently visiting the USA and Canada for 3 months. She is educated (lawyer), self employed (not as a lawyer) very biligual and very culturally open minded.

I think the comment about the payment to parents was more about how some people handle it, not specifically her family. But nice to know that it is not required if the man is not Chinese!

They were over here last night for the Superbowl and this is looking more and more like an ongoing romantic relationship with future plans. So exciting for all of us. It's a whole new world!

 

[rodi]

Some folks get really caught up in the social expectations of a wedding and emotions run high. Fortunately about 50% don't divorce.

One funny aspect I see a lot, is the man rents his tux. The woman instead of renting (which is easy and cheap) buys one for $1,200 -> $3,000 ++ and then either trashes it, or saves it until it yellows and her future children don't want to wear it. Sometimes there are exceptions where daughter wears mother's wedding dress or rents one but its pretty rare.

My grandmother's dress was made by her mother using the fanciest fabric they had on hand - some brown velvet plus lots of hand tatted lace. It was the depression so having velvet was a bonus. Gorgeous dress (still in my attic). My mom's dress was made by my grandmother (her mother). If I'd been thin enough, I'd have worn it... very 50's, tea length, lots of tulle. Instead my BFF made my dress from a cocktail dress pattern. We chose a raw silk that was only $10/yard because it was in the upholstery section. The same fabric (literally the same) in the other part of the fabric store, was $25/yard. I have all 3 dresses stored in my attic in the proper acid free paper. I have sons, so I should probably donate these dresses somewhere...

My veil was the same one my MIL and SIL wore. So I did have some hand-me-down/re-use on my wedding look.

We made our own hand-tied bouquets and boutonnieres & corsages.

 

[athena53]

DW made her wedding dress.

A number of years ago we had the task of cleaning out DW's parent's house, as they had moved to assisted living. We came across DW's wedding dress, which had been packed away for about 25 years. DW asked 'What should we do with it?'

DB and DSIL are clearing out Mom and Dad's place so that Dad can move to assisted living (Mom died last October). DSIL found Mom's wedding dress and posted a picture on FaceBook. One good place for it, although it's for a very sad cause: there are groups that make "Angel Gowns" out of donated wedding dresses- they're for babies who were stillborn or died soon after birth. A duplicate is given to the parents as a keepsake. That's probably what we're going to do with Mom's.

Sorry for a sad digression but I think this is a great use for beautiful, expensive gowns that otherwise may never be used again.

 

[Walt34]

One funny aspect I see a lot, is the man rents his tux. The woman instead of renting (which is easy and cheap) buys one for $1,200 -> $3,000 ++ and then either trashes it, or saves it until it yellows and her future children don't want to wear it. Sometimes there are exceptions where daughter wears mother's wedding dress or rents one but its pretty rare.

DW was close to picking the option of either eloping or the courthouse wedding to escape all the family drama connected to it. For a dress, she found one she liked at J.C. Penny for ~$200 (this in 1988). Not bad.

She's a keeper.

 

[Luck_Club]

When my sister got married dad (frugal to the nth degree) offered her $5000. .

Dixie

FNL Offered $4K total in high COL area. I recall being slightly upset at distant relatives that "had to be invited" who didn't even gift enough to cover their dinner, since wife and I paid the rest. Do over cut all relatives beyond those we saw more than 1 time per year, and all "family" friends.

On the very positive side 25 years still going strong.

Time to start planting the seeds for small weddings and elopements for my on kids.

 

[NW-Bound]

My only daughter got married a bit more than 1 year ago. SIL did talk with us to ask for permission before proposing, and we kept it a secret so it was a surprise to DD.


They had planned a simple wedding that they could afford, but we had none of it. I explained that we had to invite family members, many from out of town. Relatives would gladly come, and in fact would be upset if not invited. And they would give generous cash gifts.


They did not ask us for anything, but I explained that as the family guests were ours we would pay for the wedding by giving them a fixed amount. They had good jobs, but my daughter had been a poor saver, and SIL just spent a lot of money on a new house. I could have paid for everything, but wanted them to put in some money so that they would spend more wisely. I do not think SIL's parents gave him much, but I did not expect it as they came from out-of-town, the guests were mostly ours, and our financial situation was much better.


As it turned out, the wedding worked out well, and the venue that they chose and had to wait 1 year for was wonderful. They had a wonderful time planning it together, and I hope that would give them some memories to recall and to cherish, as most relationships would eventually get into some hard times. The more good memories, the better the chance of survival for a marriage.


Back on the financial aspect, as I expected, the guests such as the uncles and aunts all gave them generous cash gifts, which added up to much more than their contribution to the costs. And so, as I told them earlier the nice wedding ended up costing them nothing. What I gave them was no big deal compared to what I spent on my children earlier for their education, and what I may leave behind for them later. I just can't turn the spigot on too wide, lest them take it for granted.

 

[athena53]

They had a wonderful time planning it together, and I hope that would give them some memories to recall and to cherish, as most relationships would eventually get into some hard times. The more good memories, the better the chance of survival for a marriage.

Wedding planning can be so stressful that I always think it's a very good sign for the marriage when the couple can work well as a team on it.

 

[48Fire]

DD1's boyfriend got me and DW together about week ago and asked permission to pop the question. Very much a gentleman, and a noble thing to do, although I thought for a minute (OK, maybe a few seconds)about saying "I'm sorry, but I just don't think so..." just to see what he would say. He popped the question last night and they both are very excited. Apparently she didn't have the same thoughts as I did.

Now, we live (grew up) in the South, and things are a little different here, just in case some of you didn't know that. The Bride's parents seem to be on tap for all but the Groom's dinner or something like that. All of a sudden, I'm not feeling so Southern any more.

We have not had conversation about this with the two of them, or his family, but just wondering what some others have done when faced with DD's weddings. By the way, there is, as is inferred by DD1, a DD2.

As far as I know, family of bride paying is common in the north as well. I just wrote our daughter a check for $20k, and told her to make all of the decisions within that, or keep the change.

 

[swakyaby]

Although a Californian not southern, it was traditional financial arrangement across 3 weddings in our family.

When my sister married, she and her fiance set their hearts on a very expensive venue, the Hotel Del Coronado on the beaches of San Diego with 150 guests. When my father received the bill at the reception, he later confided that he wanted to vomit. Fiance's family paid for the rehearsal dinner.

When my I married 4 years later, we chose a lovely Japanese owned golf course with incredible asian cuisine for 100 guests. The reception bill was presented to my father again at the reception. He thought it was a very reasonable $12,000 and said he felt "lucky." Fiance's family paid for the rehearsal dinner.

When my brother got married 2 years later, his fiancee's family offered very little toward the wedding (I had the feeling they had very little). So the reception was held in a backyard and modestly catered to a small gathering. I still thought it was lovely and my dear brother the groom looked very happy. However, at the luncheon father suddenly aspirated on a mint and began choking severely. The groom suddenly stood up and solidly thumped him on the back and out shot the mint. I think weddings can be very traumatic for dads.

 

[NW-Bound]

Wedding planning can be so stressful that I always think it's a very good sign for the marriage when the couple can work well as a team on it.

Thank you. Glad to hear that, as we never did much planning for our own wedding, which was simple because we were young and poor.

By the way, another reason SIL was broke was that he spent way too much for the ring. He told us proudly what he spent. We believed he was naïve and was taken advantage of, but did not tell him that of course.