Finally feel bad about not having a bigger house

N

novaman

Recycles dryer sheets
Joined
May 12, 2007
Messages
444
Like most everyone here, I try to live reasonably below my means. Back in 1996 I did what many hardworking professionals do and I bought a big house (4,000+ sf) in a wealthy part of town....and I hated it....so I moved three years later to a smaller (3000+ sf), cozier house in a less wealthy part of town.

For the first time, I have felt bad about not living in the other house or something like it, which I could easily afford. You see my middle child is now involved in a youth group at church, and I wanted to help out as a host family, hosting the kids' meeting at my house once a week. Well, we gave it a go, but halfway through the year, the church has had to switch to another house....because mine is just too small.

I feel bad because I feel like I let my daughter and family down, especially since we could easily afford to live in a bigger home but I chose not to.

Anyone else ever have regrets like this?
 
:confused::confused::confused::confused:??

Rent a hall if you feel that bad.
 
my house is about 3200sf and I can host some pretty large gatherings here. Maybe you just need to get creative with moving some furniture around.
 
I feel bad for all of the people with big houses, though....you know not getting to share in the wonderful housing downturn with them and paying high insurance and upkeep....but I hear you man, it is always about the kids...;)
 
My house was much smaller than either of yours. I briefly felt that it would be wothwhile to have a larger one, for entertaining and visits.

Then I remembered that the best parties of my life were in tiny apartments crammed to the gills with drinking, talking dancing people.

Too much space just makes a dull gathering.

Ha
 
3000 is small?

All about perspective I guess. The house we're planning is going to weigh in about 1200 sq feet and we're worried that might be too large.

I agree Ha, the best parties at our townhouse have been when we make sure people get sort of stuck in the same area.
 
Our house is a 2 bd 1 ba 1,000 SQ ft and we raised two boys OK there. DW & I often talked of getting a larger place or adding on, but she didn't get on well with her mom and I simply pointed out that she would come and stay with us if we had the room. End of discussion.
 
novaman said:
You see my middle child is now involved in a youth group at church, and I wanted to help out as a host family, hosting the kids' meeting at my house once a week. Well, we gave it a go, but halfway through the year, the church has had to switch to another house....because mine is just too small.
I feel bad because I feel like I let my daughter and family down, especially since we could easily afford to live in a bigger home but I chose not to.
Anyone else ever have regrets like this?
Click to expand...
You would think that a church group would have meetings in the... well... never mind, there's probably some perfectly good reason why that's totally unacceptable.

As to a bigger house, no, I don't feel obligated to be the neighborhood meeting hall for any groups I belong to. If it was that important then we'd rent a meeting hall. Better yet, the kid could rent the meeting hall or work something out with a school or some other organization with more square footage.

At 2400 sq ft we already feel like we're cleaning too many toilets & floors, and a multi-bedroom house is not a good thing to have when your kids leave the nest.
 
yakers said:
Our house is a 2 bd 1 ba 1,000 SQ ft and we raised two boys OK there. DW & I often talked of getting a larger place or adding on, but she didn't get on well with her mom and I simply pointed out that she would come and stay with us if we had the room. End of discussion.
Click to expand...

Yikes! Wouldn't locks on your doors be a less drastic solution than depriving yourself of a nicer house all those years? ;)
 
Yeah, I feel really deprived. My house is like yakers, 1000 sq feet. I think I would be much happier with a 1200 sq ft house and could afford one, but why go to the trouble.;) Of course all I have is a golden retriever and she's happy.
 
Second the furniture comments. I'm well under 3000 sf here and if I don't mind doing a little furniture moving can easily host 25+ kids from a youth group. I "invested" in a couple folding tables and chairs to put up when needed. With a little more work and some rented chairs, we've had 70-75 people for lectures and a concert series. Certainly with a larger place this would be easier, but should still be doable without needing a huge place. OTOH some of those huge old houses would be so great for activities.
 
I was perfectly happy in my 1850sf ranch until DW decided we needed to move. Something about her mom moving in with us or something. Turned out the MIL thing never happened, but DW got the house she wanted anyway. 3000sf two story with a full basement. It takes me over 30 minutes and a backache just to vacuum the main level. Way too much house for two and a DD who's already left the nest. Of course the lake is nice, and the eight+ acres does provide some privacy, maybe too much.

But parties work out well here. The back overlooks the lake, and there is a covered porch that runs the length of the house. It would take a LOT of people to be too small for a party. I've noticed DW has been having a lot more functions here than at the other house. I've even considered putting the place out there as an event location for weddings, board meetings, business meetings etc. Might be able to take in enough to pay health care insurance and property taxes. But it's definitely way more than two people need to live comfortably.

Now, when can I get started finishing in the basement with the bar and home theater...I just can't sit still.
 
haha said:
Then I remembered that the best parties of my life were in tiny apartments crammed to the gills with drinking, talking dancing people.

Too much space just makes a dull gathering.

Ha
Click to expand...


I remember parties in my small ( no tiny ) two bedroom one bath house that were legendary !
 
I have what I call "The Inverse Rule"
It goes like this: The need for expensive wine or an unnessesarily large house is the inverse of the level of the interesting people involved.

Example - very interesting people - jug wine - dull business people $500 a bottle wine.
Think about it.
 
We are in the process of downsizing. Our next house will be smaller than this beast as we find we don't use sections of the house except for storage or only once or twice a year. I know there will be some things we will miss about the house but the heating and AC bills won't be one of them. The next one will still be large by most standards as we desire to have bedroom space for visiting family and friends.

We have a fairly large family and most are within a day's drive of our intended new location so we expect to have visitors more than we do now. We also find we needs some "getting" away space so we don't kill each other as we are both no longer working and too much togetherness can create friction at times.

We also know the next house won't be our last house. We plan on downsizing again later on so we see this as a stage in our downsizing journey.
 
let me see if i understand this correctly. having "only" 3,000 square feet of living space means that you should feel inadequate because you can't fulfill the church's space requirements and lacking that 1,000 extra square feet means that you have failed your children.

i do not mean to judge, but it seems to me that either your church or your children or--i just don't know what but--something has failed to fulfill you if that is how this situation makes you feel.
 
Being child-free and agnostic, I have no parallel situation in my life, but in answer to your question I just have to ask, "What would Jesus do?"
Do you have to own a convention center to be a good Christian (or whatever religion) these days?
My parents had a relatively big house, but that wasn't important to me as a kid. What was important was whether or not we spent time together as a family. If you're doing that, you're doing ok, as far as I'm concerned.
Owning a huge house is wasteful and makes you a poor citizen of the world, IMHO.
 
My new condo ( biggest place i've ever lived) is 860 sqft. It's at least 200 sqft bigger than I need with the second bedroom and half bath. Never been inside a home more than half the size of your "small" 3000 sqft.
 
Well.... I am going up in size because of a bigger family later this year...

For me, I have a 2100 sq ft house, and I do not use the upstairs 700 feet at all... wasted space... and downstairs I have a pool table in the living room, dining room area... so again, it could be smaller...

But, going to have a wife and two kids, so upping the size to over 3,000.. but that is BIG... and we still 'might' have wasted space.. as we will have a permanent guest bedroom... an office and her 'studio' for her art... then a big game room for the kids upstairs...

But the real reason is that my neighborhood has gone 'downhill' and I can see it declining more in the future... so I am going to a better neighborhood that I do not think will decline in the future...

I am sure in the future when the kids are gone... we will downsize to maybe a two bedroom place with 1200 to 1500 ft like others have said... heck, I was in 750 in a high rise in NY and had plenty of space for me...
 
Boy, I don't know....it's hard for me to fathom someone thinking that a 3,000 sq. ft. home is too small....only in America, I guess.

we live in a motorhome and we have had ten people in here for potlucks without anyone having to sit on the floor, and our motorhome is less than three HUNDRED square feet.

If this bothers your kids, and it does seem to bother you, some rethinking seems in order.

One has to wonder what Jesus would think as well.

LooseChickens
 
A 3,000+ sf home seems huge to me. Our present home is 850 sf and is more space than we need, so we're downsizing to 650 sf.

I hope you will stop feeling down about your house being too small. It really is a good sized home and if others need such a large place to meet, perhaps their priorities are out of whack. Shouldn't it be more about the company than the meeting place?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

S
Selling my house with a tenant
Replies
4
Views
487
Aerides
Aerides
S
Anyone else here grow up on a farm?
2
Replies
29
Views
2K
Gallaher
G
B
Do I have Sucker on My Forehead
2 3
Replies
50
Views
5K
Slater
S
T
  • Locked
Have you experienced ageism? (non-work related)
2
Replies
38
Views
2K
Chuckanut
Chuckanut
M
Home Insurance Personal Property Values
Replies
10
Views
251
Aerides
Aerides

Latest posts

Back
Top Bottom