Introvert Party Hosting

[CaliforniaMan]

Maybe this is a bit off topic but this discussion has really reinforced my belief that this introvert/extrovert thing is just to simplistic to have any meaning for us complicated real-life people. Even saying we lie somewhere on the continuum between one and the other assumes that one is the opposite of the other. I think we are both, depending on who we are with, are they interesting people, blowhards, do we care about what they are talking about, have a personal connection with them. So much of this and more determine whether we are at that moment in that situation an introvert or extrovert, or both. Don't even get me started on the Briggs-Meyers or Carl Jung 16 "personality types." I have never felt the classifications made any sense, and it is even more clear in this thread that they don't.

 

[Lucantes]

I think we are both, depending on who we are with, are they interesting people, blowhards, do we care about what they are talking about, have a personal connection with them. So much of this and more determine whether we are at that moment in that situation an introvert or extrovert, or both.

+1

 

[RunningBum]

I agree that assigning labels to people and putting them in boxes is simplistic and often not helpful. It's much more like lines on a floor without walls and many of us have one foot on the line to the other side, or even pieces of us scattered all over the place.

But, I think it's helpful to know that people are different. Growing up I sometimes wondered what the hell was wrong with me that I was so uncomfortable in many crowds or meeting new people. Now I realize there are plenty of people like me and it's ok, and we have our own strengths.

I thought this was a pretty interesting thread in that it shows a way to cope and even thrive in a situation that would normally make someone like me uncomfortable. I'm at least to some degree introverted and like my alone time, but that doesn't mean I want all my time alone. It's very interesting to recognize that hosting a party can actually be easier than going to one, because of the control you have--except for being able to leave when you want.

As for those of you who say we can't be introverted because we consider or actually throw an occasional party--you might consider you really have no idea what you are talking about.

 

[HFWR]

I think the problem lies not with mischaracterizing introvert v. extrovert, but mischaracterizing what "is" an introvert...

 

[harley]

The word "introvert" and "party" do not go together in my book. Period. If you are willing to host a party, you are not an introvert IMO...

So as an introvert, you are unable to do anything outside your comfort zone? I always thought of it a personality characteristic, not a debilitating disease.

 

[kaudrey]

My DH is the same way - he likes our 4th of July party because we only invite people we like. He hates going to parties where he doesn't know at least 50% of the people. He just doesn't want to chit-chat with strangers.

 

[tmm99]

So as an introvert, you are unable to do anything outside your comfort zone? I always thought of it a personality characteristic, not a debilitating disease.

I had to give a speech in front of over 200 people one time, so if I HAD to (this was job related), I would do a lot of things, but I would rather avoid stressful situations if I had a choice. Hosting a party sounds like something I could avoid so I totally would. It would be quite exhausting and I see no fun in doing it whatsoever. I would enjoy company of a small group of maybe four or five good friends, but as for acquaintances, I'd rather not be caught with them for a long period of time. I may just be antisocial instead of an introvert but I am not really sure of the difference. (I am not shy BTW.) Like I said I won't mind hanging with a small group of people I like. The strange thing is, I can be quite an entertainer and I could even be a great host if I put my mind to it, but it is utterly exhausting for me to do that. Some people thrive on doing stuff like that and totally soak it up. Not me. So I avoid it. I was known to skip company holiday parties every year (all managers evidently showed up on such occasions) and many others throughout my career.


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[tmm99]

I myself am a strong introvert, but did whatever it took to succeed in my career. That included becoming an effective public speaker and leader. In ER I have reverted somewhat to my true self. I now realize the continual effort I had to put into "acting the part" for decades.

I can totally relate to "acting the part". It's nice that I no longer have to put myself in stressful situations for my career.


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[48Fire]

Any other introverts have successful party hosting strategies that they would like to share?

I completely understand introverts hosting a large party. Our neighbor does the same at the holidays. She includes 100 people, live music, a bartender, and catered food. She spends most of the evening just moving around, helping, greeting, and cleaning. I think the larger party keeps her so distracted that it is easier to disengage.

She is an admitted introvert, but one that forces herself to engage. I think some introverts feel that this will mitigate becoming isolated in their later years. Same reason people exercise to some degree.

A leadership instructor once told us that the best way to tell introverts from extroverts is the way they unwind after a stressful day. The introvert is likely to read, spend one-on-one time with a close friend/spouse, and the extrovert wants to do something exciting like dinner/party with a large group. Sure enough, at the end of the day, the extroverts were like, "hey where are we going for drink/dinner". The introverts just sort of stared at them in disbelief.

 

[HFWR]

I've mentioned this book before. It was an interesting read, at least for me.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quiet:_The_Power_of_Introverts_in_a_World_That_Can't_Stop_Talking

 

[48Fire]

I've mentioned this book before. It was an interesting read, at least for me.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quiet:_The_Power_of_Introverts_in_a_World_That_Can't_Stop_Talking

I find this interesting, too, thanks for sharing.

 

[gretah]

This is a fun thread. Thanks, OP, for starting it!

I like lots of alone time and I like to cook, show off my cooking and planning skills, and give presents. I consider having a great party to be a gift to my friends who like parties.

What I do -

>Hire college gals to set up and refresh buffet and clean afterward. They each get a full apron so people know who to ask for things.

>I introduce people and mention similar interests, like the poster who wrote about connecting car enthusiasts. I check around to see how I can make people comfortable.

>A fun thing happens before the party. I usually hand-make invitations that are clever and silly. When I left California, I made Burmashave-type signs directing guests to my hard-to-find condo. Guests showed up at the front door already laughing.

>Asking people to bring limericks (found or composed) always works. Only a handful will participate but that's all that's needed. "Help say good bye to the year of the monkey" was one really fun party theme.

I'm moving soon and can't wait to hostess my next party in my new home!

 

[iac1003]

I like having a mission or a role. So when I host our annual New Years Day open house, I am the hostess and I know what is expected of me. I chat a little with the 80+ guests, make sure there continues to be food on the table and that the drinks are flowing. I make sure the garbage is taken out and we haven't run out of paper plates. I do best when I have a purpose. Same as when I was the headmaster's wife, I knew my role.

Now, just being a guest at a random party like last night where whomever we might know was based entirely on DH's contacts? I'm totally lost. I've always been like that. It may be time to change since we are moving.






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[Meadbh]

This is a fun thread. Thanks, OP, for starting it!

I like lots of alone time and I like to cook, show off my cooking and planning skills, and give presents. I consider having a great party to be a gift to my friends who like parties.

What I do -

>Hire college gals to set up and refresh buffet and clean afterward. They each get a full apron so people know who to ask for things.

>I introduce people and mention similar interests, like the poster who wrote about connecting car enthusiasts. I check around to see how I can make people comfortable.

>A fun thing happens before the party. I usually hand-make invitations that are clever and silly. When I left California, I made Burmashave-type signs directing guests to my hard-to-find condo. Guests showed up at the front door already laughing.

>Asking people to bring limericks (found or composed) always works. Only a handful will participate but that's all that's needed. "Help say good bye to the year of the monkey" was one really fun party theme.

I'm moving soon and can't wait to hostess my next party in my new home!

You sound like an extrovert to me!

 

[HFWR]

This is a fun thread. Thanks, OP, for starting it!

I like lots of alone time and I like to cook, show off my cooking and planning skills, and give presents. I consider having a great party to be a gift to my friends who like parties.

What I do -

>Hire college gals to set up and refresh buffet and clean afterward. They each get a full apron so people know who to ask for things.

>I introduce people and mention similar interests, like the poster who wrote about connecting car enthusiasts. I check around to see how I can make people comfortable.

>A fun thing happens before the party. I usually hand-make invitations that are clever and silly. When I left California, I made Burmashave-type signs directing guests to my hard-to-find condo. Guests showed up at the front door already laughing.

>Asking people to bring limericks (found or composed) always works. Only a handful will participate but that's all that's needed. "Help say good bye to the year of the monkey" was one really fun party theme.

I'm moving soon and can't wait to hostess my next party in my new home!

I'd stop after the first item...

 

[rodi]

I've mentioned this book before. It was an interesting read, at least for me.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quiet:_The_Power_of_Introverts_in_a_World_That_Can't_Stop_Talking

I really enjoyed this book.

As far as hosting or attending parties. I'm somewhat more comfortable hosting rather than attending... When I attend I tend to find ways to make myself useful, helping the host/hostess... it's my coping strategy to avoid too much interaction. When that doesn't work you'll find me in a corner observing the crowd rather than diving in.

As a hostess I have lots of excuses not to be mingling/chatting.

I definitely feel drained after parties...

That said - it's not a lack of confidence... I had no trouble standing up in front of a group of about 100 people last week at a community planning group meeting to argue my side of a contentious infrastructure project. I knew my points were relevant and needed the city planning department to hear them.