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Old 08-08-2013, 12:37 PM   #3261
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Q: How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to change the lightbulb, and one to hold the penis. I mean ladder.
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Old 08-08-2013, 01:21 PM   #3262
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Two days from now tomorrow will be Yesterday


Maybe not a joke - but makes you think
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Old 08-09-2013, 05:10 PM   #3263
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Amazon reviews.....

Amazon.com: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200ml: Health & Personal Care
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Old 08-12-2013, 11:36 AM   #3264
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Almost missed it.... must read the reviews!!!
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Old 08-12-2013, 02:18 PM   #3265
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I sure hope this is a joke, but I suspect it is not: The Accessories: Corn Holer

What in God's name were they thinking?
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File Type: png cornholer.png (164.1 KB, 19 views)
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Old 08-12-2013, 02:28 PM   #3266
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Be sure to wear your official hat when installing yours!
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Old 08-14-2013, 06:15 PM   #3267
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I sure hope this is a joke, but I suspect it is not: The Accessories: Corn Holer

What in God's name were they thinking?
I'm sure it's not a joke. I know a lot of hunters that set up bait sites to attract deer.
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Old 08-15-2013, 06:45 AM   #3268
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I'm sure it's not a joke. I know a lot of hunters that set up bait sites to attract deer.
I do believe it's the name rather than the function.
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Old 08-15-2013, 07:28 AM   #3269
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Ya'll have dirty minds. Cornholing is almost a national past time here in the south, especially when kin get together.
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Old 08-15-2013, 08:47 AM   #3270
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Ya'll have dirty minds. Cornholing is almost a nation past time here in the south, especially when kin get together.
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Old 08-15-2013, 10:37 AM   #3271
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Ah, wise one, you are familiar with the hole of corn !
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Old 08-15-2013, 10:53 AM   #3272
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Ya'll have dirty minds. Cornholing is almost a national past time here in the south, especially when kin get together.
Like granny used to say:

"Dinner won't be ready for another hour, so you boys go into the backyard and do some corn holing."

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Old 08-15-2013, 11:58 AM   #3273
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Ah, wise one, you are familiar with the hole of corn !
But one must be careful when googling "cornhole"...
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Old 08-15-2013, 02:41 PM   #3274
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Some like their cornhole googled, not that there is anything wrong with that !
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Old 08-16-2013, 09:16 PM   #3275
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IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
---------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
---------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
---------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.

ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
---------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
---------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
WITNESS: ??
---------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
---------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
---------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
---------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid.
---------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
---------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
---------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
---------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
---------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
---------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
---------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
---------------------------------------------------------------

And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
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Old 08-18-2013, 07:47 PM   #3276
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ARE YOU A PILOT?
ITHOUGHT I WAS

You think after having lived to be 80 + and know who you are,





then along comes someone and blows it all to hell!










An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old


USMC flight jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.



She turned to the pilot and asked,


Are you a real pilot?



He replied, ‘Well, I’ve spent my whole life flying planes,


first Stearmans, then the early Grummans... flew a Wildcat


and Corsair in WWII, and later in the



Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars.



I’ve taught more



than 260 people to fly and given rides



to hundreds,



so I guess I am a pilot, and you,



what are you?

She said, Im a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking



about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning,


I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about


naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women.


It seems everything makes me think of


naked women.

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side



of the old pilot and asked:


Are you a real pilot?

He replied,

I thought I was, but I just found...out Im a lesbian!

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Old 08-21-2013, 09:31 AM   #3277
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Old 08-28-2013, 06:46 PM   #3278
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Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer.
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Old 08-28-2013, 09:53 PM   #3279
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or you can enjoy the beer while you experience the whole deal and be happier still....
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Old 08-29-2013, 03:56 PM   #3280
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or you can enjoy the beer while you experience the whole deal and be happier still....
Or skip the whole thing, and head straight for the nineteenth hole.
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