HFWR
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Objects in the mirror are larger than they appear...
Objects in the mirror are larger than they appear...
It's funny joke Thursday! 2005 - 2020
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JPatrick
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
No glasses required, I was blessed with enough space to allow the use of quite a large font
Sheryl said:I hope your wife/lady friend doesn't have to put on her reading glasses.
No glasses required, I was blessed with enough space to allow the use of quite a large font
HFWR
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Shorty's...
Unrolled, it says:
Eat at Shorty's Truck Stop in Chattanooga, Tennessee
8)
Shorty's...
Unrolled, it says:
Eat at Shorty's Truck Stop in Chattanooga, Tennessee
8)
REWahoo
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
The size of the font doesn't matter much if the typeface is "QuickType Condensed"
JPatrick said:No glasses required, I was blessed with enough space to allow the use of quite a large font
The size of the font doesn't matter much if the typeface is "QuickType Condensed"
MikeD
Full time employment: Posting here.
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
You know that joke is very popular even in other countries. In China, the joke says the tattoo reads something simple in one condition and something very complicated in another. The interesting thing is that the whole message is changed by adding a few chinese characters interspersed with the originals. I only remember that the ultimate message is "A river runs through it."
Mike D.
You know that joke is very popular even in other countries. In China, the joke says the tattoo reads something simple in one condition and something very complicated in another. The interesting thing is that the whole message is changed by adding a few chinese characters interspersed with the originals. I only remember that the ultimate message is "A river runs through it."
Mike D.
JPatrick
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Not only that, my pupils double in size when I'm excited
Not only that, my pupils double in size when I'm excited
REWahoo
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a
candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile
hand, tears running down her face. Her praying roused
him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips
began to move slightly.
"Becky my darling" he whispered.
"Hush my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk."
He was insistent "Becky," he said in his tired voice,
"I have something that I must confess."
There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping
Becky, "Everything's all right, go to sleep."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I ... I slept
with your sister, your best friend, her best friend,
and your mother!"
I know, sweetheart," whispered Becky,
"Let the poison work."
Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a
candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile
hand, tears running down her face. Her praying roused
him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips
began to move slightly.
"Becky my darling" he whispered.
"Hush my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk."
He was insistent "Becky," he said in his tired voice,
"I have something that I must confess."
There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping
Becky, "Everything's all right, go to sleep."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I ... I slept
with your sister, your best friend, her best friend,
and your mother!"
I know, sweetheart," whispered Becky,
"Let the poison work."
T
TromboneAl
Guest
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
A man has less than 24 hours to live, and he and his wife are discussing what they should do during his last night.
"Let's start by having a wonderful dinner," he says, "Then we'll stay up all night talking and making love."
"Well, that would be good," she replies, "But you know, some people have to get up and go to work in the morning."
A man has less than 24 hours to live, and he and his wife are discussing what they should do during his last night.
"Let's start by having a wonderful dinner," he says, "Then we'll stay up all night talking and making love."
"Well, that would be good," she replies, "But you know, some people have to get up and go to work in the morning."
T
TromboneAl
Guest
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
"Well, I've got some bad news for you," says the doctor. "Your wife has Alzheimer's and aids. So, if she finds her way home, don't make love to her!"
"Well, I've got some bad news for you," says the doctor. "Your wife has Alzheimer's and aids. So, if she finds her way home, don't make love to her!"
T
TromboneAl
Guest
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
"I've got bad news and worse news," says the doctor. "The bad news is that you have 24 hours to live. The worse news is that I forgot to tell you yesterday."
"I've got bad news and worse news," says the doctor. "The bad news is that you have 24 hours to live. The worse news is that I forgot to tell you yesterday."
T
TromboneAl
Guest
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
"I've got bad news and good news." says the doctor. "The bad news is that you've only got one month to live."
"That's terrible," replies the patient, "What's the good news."
"The good news is that I finally got a date with that beautiful nurse over there."
"I've got bad news and good news." says the doctor. "The bad news is that you've only got one month to live."
"That's terrible," replies the patient, "What's the good news."
"The good news is that I finally got a date with that beautiful nurse over there."
T
TromboneAl
Guest
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Phew, glad to get those out of my system!
Phew, glad to get those out of my system!
OP
OP
cute fuzzy bunny
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Thats the short version.
The long version is that a guy calls the hospital to check up on his wife, who went in for a doctors appointment that morning and he hadnt heard from her all day.
The person he talks to says "well, we have two Mrs. Smiths here...hmmm...one has aids and the other has alzheimers...both have left the hospital"
"So what do I do?"
"When your wife comes home, send her out for a walk. If she comes back, dont **** her..."
TromboneAl said:
Thats the short version.
The long version is that a guy calls the hospital to check up on his wife, who went in for a doctors appointment that morning and he hadnt heard from her all day.
The person he talks to says "well, we have two Mrs. Smiths here...hmmm...one has aids and the other has alzheimers...both have left the hospital"
"So what do I do?"
"When your wife comes home, send her out for a walk. If she comes back, dont **** her..."
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Things to do at Wal-Mart while the significant other is taking his/her sweet time:
1. Get cans of cat food and randomly put them in people's carts when they don't realize it.
2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in house wares," and see what happens.
5. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10."
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Put M&M's on layaway.
8. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
9. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
10. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
Things to do at Wal-Mart while the significant other is taking his/her sweet time:
1. Get cans of cat food and randomly put them in people's carts when they don't realize it.
2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in house wares," and see what happens.
5. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10."
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Put M&M's on layaway.
8. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
9. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
10. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
OP
OP
cute fuzzy bunny
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Funny. I went shopping at sams club the other day and only had half my stuff when i got out to the car. Must have put it in someone elses cart by accident. Bet that had them guessing...
Wasnt as good as when i unloaded my cart at the checkout line and unbeknownst to me, my dad took off with the cart and the baby to "keep him entertained". I turned around and theres this dude holding an empty cart behind me. "Where the hell is my kid you SOB?!?" was halfway out of my mouth when I saw my dad whiz by behind us...
Sorry sir...uh...I think this adams apple belongs to you...
Martha said:
Funny. I went shopping at sams club the other day and only had half my stuff when i got out to the car. Must have put it in someone elses cart by accident. Bet that had them guessing...
Wasnt as good as when i unloaded my cart at the checkout line and unbeknownst to me, my dad took off with the cart and the baby to "keep him entertained". I turned around and theres this dude holding an empty cart behind me. "Where the hell is my kid you SOB?!?" was halfway out of my mouth when I saw my dad whiz by behind us...
Sorry sir...uh...I think this adams apple belongs to you...
JPatrick
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
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- 2,610
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Great bathroom, JP.
Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having breakfast at the White House.
The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like, and he
replies, "I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit."
"And what can I get for you, Mr. President?"
George W. replies with his trademark wink and slight grin, "How about a quickie this morning?"
"Why, Mr. President!" the waitress exclaims. "How rude! You're starting to act like Mr. Clinton, and you've only been in your second term of office for a year! ''
As the waitress storms away, Cheney leans over to Bush and whispers...
"It's pronounced 'quiche'."
Great bathroom, JP.
Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having breakfast at the White House.
The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like, and he
replies, "I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit."
"And what can I get for you, Mr. President?"
George W. replies with his trademark wink and slight grin, "How about a quickie this morning?"
"Why, Mr. President!" the waitress exclaims. "How rude! You're starting to act like Mr. Clinton, and you've only been in your second term of office for a year! ''
As the waitress storms away, Cheney leans over to Bush and whispers...
"It's pronounced 'quiche'."
OP
OP
cute fuzzy bunny
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
"...and by the way, its also pronounced 'noo-cle-ahr' you moron! We're not going to let you fire them off until you pronounce it right!"
"...and by the way, its also pronounced 'noo-cle-ahr' you moron! We're not going to let you fire them off until you pronounce it right!"
HFWR
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Amen, brother!!
Amen, brother!!
Outtahere
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- Sep 15, 2005
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- 1,677
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Good to be back after two weeks in FL, nice place but really don't want to live there.
God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for me."
Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"
God said, "Go down into that valley."
Adam said, "What's a valley?"
God explained it to him.
Then God said, "Cross the river."
Adam said, "What's a river?"
God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill."
Adam said, "What is a hill?"
So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.
He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave."
Adam said, "What's a cave?"
After God explained, he said, "In the cave you will find a woman."
Adam said, "What's a woman?"
So God explained that to him, too.
Then, God said, "I want you to reproduce."
Adam said, "How do I do that?"
God first said (under his breath), "Geez!"
And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.
So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.
Then, in about five minutes, he was back.
God, his patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?"
And Adam said,
"What's a headache?!
Good to be back after two weeks in FL, nice place but really don't want to live there.
God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for me."
Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"
God said, "Go down into that valley."
Adam said, "What's a valley?"
God explained it to him.
Then God said, "Cross the river."
Adam said, "What's a river?"
God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill."
Adam said, "What is a hill?"
So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.
He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave."
Adam said, "What's a cave?"
After God explained, he said, "In the cave you will find a woman."
Adam said, "What's a woman?"
So God explained that to him, too.
Then, God said, "I want you to reproduce."
Adam said, "How do I do that?"
God first said (under his breath), "Geez!"
And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.
So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.
Then, in about five minutes, he was back.
God, his patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?"
And Adam said,
"What's a headache?!
haha
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Welcome back Outtahere. We've missed your jokes.
Ha
Welcome back Outtahere. We've missed your jokes.
Ha
Outtahere
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
- Joined
- Sep 15, 2005
- Messages
- 1,677
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Thanks Ha, definately good to be home ( and back to cable internet)
Thanks Ha, definately good to be home ( and back to cable internet)
REWahoo
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Confucius say: (expletive)
Charity dinner for children mistakenly serves up naughty fortunes
NEW YORK (AP) -- There is great embarrassment in your future.
A box of X-rated fortune cookies was mistakenly delivered to a fundraiser hosted by a Brooklyn politician.
The 350 cookies stuffed with "the most graphically lurid" fortunes got mixed up in a batch of 1,750 cookies ordered for the Chinese New Year event, Borough President Marty Markowitz said Friday. Some guests "were stunned, to say the least."
The annual event -- to raise money to send poor children to summer camp -- was attended by some 700 guests Tuesday evening, but only about 80 were still there when the dirty cookies were opened, Markowitz said.
The borough president was on the second floor of the two-level restaurant when a guest "yelled to me from the first floor: 'Marty, did you order these cookies? Did you see what's inside them? I think you better get your butt down here!' " Markowitz said.
Markowitz, who was not wearing his glasses, had the "fortunes" read to him by some of the guests.
"I'm sure they were meant for a raunchy bachelor party," he said. "They were not cutesy. Triple X to say the least."
http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/02/10/naughty.cookies.ap/index.html
Confucius say: (expletive)
Charity dinner for children mistakenly serves up naughty fortunes
NEW YORK (AP) -- There is great embarrassment in your future.
A box of X-rated fortune cookies was mistakenly delivered to a fundraiser hosted by a Brooklyn politician.
The 350 cookies stuffed with "the most graphically lurid" fortunes got mixed up in a batch of 1,750 cookies ordered for the Chinese New Year event, Borough President Marty Markowitz said Friday. Some guests "were stunned, to say the least."
The annual event -- to raise money to send poor children to summer camp -- was attended by some 700 guests Tuesday evening, but only about 80 were still there when the dirty cookies were opened, Markowitz said.
The borough president was on the second floor of the two-level restaurant when a guest "yelled to me from the first floor: 'Marty, did you order these cookies? Did you see what's inside them? I think you better get your butt down here!' " Markowitz said.
Markowitz, who was not wearing his glasses, had the "fortunes" read to him by some of the guests.
"I'm sure they were meant for a raunchy bachelor party," he said. "They were not cutesy. Triple X to say the least."
http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/02/10/naughty.cookies.ap/index.html
T
TromboneAl
Guest
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Means more dessert for me!
Means more dessert for me!
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