It's funny joke Thursday! 2005 - 2020

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A guy sitting at a lake with fish in a bucket. A cop comes up and says "you need a license to fish, let me see it or I'll give you a ticket."
Guy says, "oh no, these are my pet fish. I bring them out to the lake and let them swim, get some exercise. Then they jump back in the bucket and I take them home."
Cop says, "I don't believe you. Put them in the lake and let me see them come back after they exercise."
OK, guy dumps the bucket in the lake, fish swim away.
They sit there and shoot the breeze for awhile.
Then cop says "OK where are the fish? They didn't come back."
Guy says "what fish?"
 
I took my eight-year-old to the office on Take Your Kid to Work Day. As we were walking around, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked her what was wrong.

As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed, 'Daddy, where are all the clowns you said you worked with?!'
 
frayne said:
My father was a dentist and my mother was a manicurist...
for most of their married life they fought tooth and nail.
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That reminded me of the cartoon of 2 stuffy looking people at a cocktail party. Another guest remarked to his friend;
They are a perfect match- he is a proctologist and she is a pain in the a$$
 
Here are some Monday morning groaners.

My wife screamed in pain during labor so I asked, 'What’s wrong?' She screamed, 'These contractions are going to kill me!' 'I am sorry, honey,' I replied. 'What is wrong?’

"My son told me he didn't understand cloning. I told him, 'That makes two of us.’"

"I just saw my wife trip and fall while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes. I watched it all unfold.”

"Cop: 'I’m arresting you for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia.' Man: 'Wait! I can explain everything!’"
 
frayne said:
Here are some Monday morning groaners.

My wife screamed in pain during labor so I asked, 'What’s wrong?' She screamed, 'These contractions are going to kill me!' 'I am sorry, honey,' I replied. 'What is wrong?’

"My son told me he didn't understand cloning. I told him, 'That makes two of us.’"

"I just saw my wife trip and fall while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes. I watched it all unfold.”

"Cop: 'I’m arresting you for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia.' Man: 'Wait! I can explain everything!’"
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Sounds like the type of jokes told in the Catskills years ago. :LOL:
 
Not really a joke but I was filling out some form online and turned to DW

Me: How many numbers are in a 10-digit zipcode?

DW looked at me like I had a third eyeball.

Me: What?

DW: What did you just ask?

Me: How many numbers are in a 10...digit....DUH! :facepalm:
 
Lawrencewendall said:
Not really a joke but I was filling out some form online and turned to DW

Me: How many numbers are in a 10-digit zipcode?

DW looked at me like I had a third eyeball.

Me: What?

DW: What did you just ask?

Me: How many numbers are in a 10...digit....DUH! :facepalm:
Click to expand...

Just a senior moment.:D
 
Lawrencewendall said:
Not really a joke but I was filling out some form online and turned to DW

Me: How many numbers are in a 10-digit zipcode?

DW looked at me like I had a third eyeball.

Me: What?

DW: What did you just ask?

Me: How many numbers are in a 10...digit....DUH! :facepalm:
Click to expand...

Reminds me of the time I told Lena I wanted to pop into the dollar store to check on the price of something.

She thought I'd lost my marbles, but I wanted to see how much of something you got for $1.
 
Lawrencewendall said:
Not really a joke but I was filling out some form online and turned to DW

Me: How many numbers are in a 10-digit zipcode?

DW looked at me like I had a third eyeball.

Me: What?

DW: What did you just ask?

Me: How many numbers are in a 10...digit....DUH! :facepalm:
Click to expand...

What’s even funnier is that there are actually 9 digits in the expanded zip code....:LOL::LOL:
 
braumeister said:
No, he was just getting ready to send a postcard to an ayatollah. Thoughtful bloke.
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That is nice. I once sent an important time-sensitive letter to DD when she was in college in Houston and used only the first four digits of the Zip code. It took three weeks for the USPS to find her. The mocking on her part and shame on mine continued long after.
 
braumeister said:
Iran uses ten.
https://www.post.ir/fa-IR/postportal/1/Articles/view/10768/10337
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From the above link:

... As the parliament ratified in 1997 that every Iranian national should have a national ID number and postal code, using a ten-digit postal code was legalized aiming at meeting two objectives.

• Firstly, to replace all the municipality, water, power and gas company numbers with the ten-digit postal codes.

• And, secondly, to standardize the addresses in personal and administrative correspondence.
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Every individual having his/her own postal code?

Does that mean that wherever an Iranian is, a letter sent to his personal postal code will get routed to him? Amazing! Have they implanted a GPS receiver with a radio link for position reporting inside every citizen?
 
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Oh, my sides...you guys have gotta ease up on these jokes...you're killing me here.
 
NW-Bound said:
From the above link:



Every individual having his/her own postal code?

Does that mean that wherever an Iranian is, a letter sent to his personal postal code will get routed to him? Amazing! Have they implanted a GPS receiver with a radio link for position reporting inside every citizen?
Click to expand...

Sounds like a SS number! I guess they debate whether they can collect their junk mail at 62 or at 70 on their IRAN.org forum.:LOL:
 
Winemaker said:
Sounds like a SS number! I guess they debate whether they can collect their junk mail at 62 or at 70 on their IRAN.org forum.:LOL:
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But an Iranian already has a National ID number. And they add a postal code, which implies geolocation. :confused:

... every Iranian national should have a national ID number and postal code...
Click to expand...

On reflection, I think the postal code is not really personal. The Web page also mentions that each building or home would have a unique postal code. It then means that an individual can simply report his current residence using the postal code of his dwelling. The postal code is not his.

It then makes a lot of sense, and is very efficient. Their database simply has this kind of entry:

"Suspect 0044592826 has recently been spotted at 6458766321", or succinctly "0044592826 6458766321".
 
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