It's funny joke Thursday! 2005 - 2020

[Qs Laptop]

Puns about poop are not my favorite, but they are a solid number 2.

 

[Car-Guy]

Found in the personal section of a local newspaper. It read;


Man with Corona virus seeks woman with lime disease.

 

[TrvlBug]

Found in the personal section of a local newspaper. It read;


Man with Corona virus seeks woman with lime disease.

 

[Walt34]

So let me get this straight. I go to the grocery store and buy a pound of sliced ham wrapped in plastic, a loaf of bread in a plastic bag, a gallon of milk in a plastic jug, a pack of napkins wrapped in plastic, a Greek salad in a plastic container, a plastic bottle of mustard and a plastic bottle of ketchup. They won't give me a plastic bag to carry it home in because plastic is bad for the environment

 

[CardsFan]

So let me get this straight. I go to the grocery store and buy a pound of sliced ham wrapped in plastic, a loaf of bread in a plastic bag, a gallon of milk in a plastic jug, a pack of napkins wrapped in plastic, a Greek salad in a plastic container, a plastic bottle of mustard and a plastic bottle of ketchup. They won't give me a plastic bag to carry it home in because plastic is bad for the environment

Too logical. There is nothing to see here. Move along.

 

[braumeister]

John Travolta was admitted to the hospital for COVID-19, but it turned out to only be Saturday Night Fever. Doctors assured people that he was staying alive.

 

[doneat54]

Will trade 3 rolls of toilet paper and a sealed 50 count Clorox wipes for a '68 Camaro.

Toilet paper is 2-ply.

 

[Winemaker]

Will trade 3 rolls of toilet paper and a sealed 50 count Clorox wipes for a '68 Camaro.

Toilet paper is 2-ply.

I'll match the offer and throw in some bottles of wine.

 

[REWahoo]

...

 

[Jeb-NY]

Because of the possible shortage of TP please start using both sides before flushing.

 

[Dtail]

Because of the possible shortage of TP please start using both sides before flushing.

That could work with this site's LBYM philosophy.

 

[Mdlerth]

Too bad there are no more Sears catalogs

Because of the possible shortage of TP please start using both sides before flushing.

We now know the real answer to all those questions about dryer sheets.

 

[TrvlBug]

 

[Amethyst]

It's truly not funny when walking into the store and seeing empty shelves when you need TP!!!

 

[Chuckanut]

It's truly not funny when walking into the store and seeing empty shelves when you need TP!!!

Soap, water and an old wash rag will do wonders to offset TP shortages.

 

[aja8888]

It's truly not funny when walking into the store and seeing empty shelves when you need TP!!!

I said this before.....Depends.

 

[Alan]

Because of the possible shortage of TP please start using both sides before flushing.

That could work with this site's LBYM philosophy.

What makes you think they don’t already do this?

When Charmin first started selling TP in the UK they just couldn’t get their sales up to expectations. They did a big study to discover that British folks are folders while Americans are bunchers. Once Charmin reformulated TP for the UK and made the sheets thicker then sales increased.

 

[braumeister]

British folks are folders while Americans are bunchers.

Amazing! Who would have thought of that as a national characteristic?

Amazing industry. I spent a few years developing custom software for Procter & Gamble, and visited most of their diaper manufacturing plants. Truly enormous buildings where they took in whole tree trunks at one end and output boxes of Pampers at the other. Impressive to say the least.

 

[ls99]

There are two kinds of people, those who fold and those who crumple TP. Some claim typically 9 sheets per.

 

[TrvlBug]

wrt to TP, it appears the 'shortage' in our area anyways, it at Costco. No TP, paper towels or water to be had unless you arrive within an hour of opening. Other stores do have these items...albeit their shelves are somewhat bare so you may not get your choice of brand, size or volume! Not so with hand sanitizers, rubbing alcohol and the like. We're running short of rubbing alcohol and I've told DH he can only injure himself one more time before this is over.

 

[Jerry1]

This TP thing drives my crazy. There’s millions, probably billions of people in the world that don’t use TP. Not that I want to go there, but is that really what I need to worry about? Something that has a number of alternatives is not something I’m going worry about in a crisis. I’ll figure it out. As long as the water stays on, I think I’ll be fine.

BTW, you can get a very basic bidet attachment for about $35. Much easier that standing in line at Costco begging for TP.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075MMHQX...olid=1X1RBILQIM7TV&psc=1&ref_=lv_ov_lig_dp_it

 

[Sunset]

This goes to show that a family should always have a 30 day supply of TP in the house at all times.
You never know when SHTF

 

[frayne]

There are two kinds of people, those who fold and those who crumple TP. Some claim typically 9 sheets per.

Sounds like a good topic for a poll ! Crumple or fold and how many squares per wipe ! And for the clincher, how many wipes does it take to complete the paperwork ?

 

[Jeb-NY]

Depends a lot on how much fiber and cheese is in your diet.

 

[Qs Laptop]

I was going to tell you a joke about the coronavirus, but you probably wouldn't get it.