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Old 02-12-2019, 08:52 AM   #4661
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Old 02-12-2019, 08:53 AM   #4662
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I always wanted to be somebody. I guess I should have been more specific.
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Old 02-12-2019, 10:28 PM   #4663
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You've got to hand it to a blind prostitute...
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Old 02-12-2019, 10:40 PM   #4664
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blind man walked into a bar. and a table. and a chair.
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Old 02-12-2019, 10:41 PM   #4665
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An irony: duct tape should not be used on ducts, though it is useful for other purposes.

You don't believe this? See: https://servicechampions.com/why-duc...eal-air-ducts/
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Old 02-13-2019, 07:42 AM   #4666
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NW-Bound View Post
An irony: duct tape should not be used on ducts, though it is useful for other purposes.

You don't believe this? See: https://servicechampions.com/why-duc...eal-air-ducts/
Wow. Plus, it was originally called duck tape!
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Old 02-13-2019, 05:32 PM   #4667
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Did you know the chicken is the only species of animal that eats with its pecker?
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Old 02-19-2019, 07:02 AM   #4668
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Ronald Reagan telling jokes about the Soviet's, back in the day. I heard the first one on FOX news yesterday.. Pretty funny.


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Old 02-20-2019, 07:43 AM   #4669
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Old 02-20-2019, 08:06 AM   #4670
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Two turtles went into a bar and ordered whiskey. One turtle asked the bartender if whiskey would make him faster. The bartender said "no, but it will make you come out of your shell."
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Old 02-24-2019, 12:24 PM   #4671
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Old 02-24-2019, 12:27 PM   #4672
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The Fake Plane Challenge:



https://twitter.com/RadioSCOOPOff/st...626472960?s=09
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Old 03-01-2019, 04:46 PM   #4673
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Old 03-02-2019, 08:32 PM   #4674
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Old 03-02-2019, 08:40 PM   #4675
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Quote:
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My wife went to self-help group for compulsive talkers. It's called "On an' On Anon."
Along the same lines...
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Old 03-02-2019, 09:22 PM   #4676
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some how i can laugh at this still

the house where i am supposed to be 'couch-surfing is under repair from water damage to the roof , in 2016 partly caused by faulty repairs made in 2014

so far after 3 years since the pivotal rain event rooms complete ( fit to move the furniture back into ) equals ZERO , the house has been rewired 3 times completely , the tile flooring replaced TWiCE ( the entire house has ceramic floors ) the bathroom is being torn up for the 4th time in an attempt to make it waterproof , most of the internal walls have been replaced ( at least once ), all the ceilings has been replaced ( some of that 3 times ) the kitchen bench-top is on version 4 ( one arrived broken , one arrived the wrong size , and one broken during the ceiling repair ....

the loo won't be installed until AFTER the painters and other workers are finished ( the plumber is trying to avoid a disaster there .. and who could blame him )

things to do finish the shower ( hopefully before 2030 ) paint 100% of the walls ( AGAIN ) and most of the ceiling check for new broken floor tiles , install the kitchen , shower and toilet plumbing ... put the lock on the back door and toilet door , clean and vacuum the house and move in the furniture ( which gas been sitting in shipping containers for about 3 years


sigh , bound to be something we have missed , the good thing is it is only a single storey house with no stairs ( it could have been worse ... but it DOES have a tile roof , [ wink ] )
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Old 03-04-2019, 06:26 PM   #4677
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Old 03-05-2019, 09:51 AM   #4678
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A SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE IN VANCOUVER READs: We will heel you


We will save your sole


We will even dye for you.
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Old 03-05-2019, 09:52 AM   #4679
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A SIGN ON A BLINDS AND CURTAIN TRUCK:
“Blind man driving.”
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Old 03-05-2019, 09:52 AM   #4680
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Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”






In a Podiatrist's office:


"Time wounds all heels.”
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