It's funny joke Thursday! 2005 - 2020
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steelyman
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steelyman
Moderator Emeritus
Car-Guy
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Pickup lines; some good ones and some, well......Man: Do you have a picture of yourself?
Woman: Why?
Man: So I can show Santa what I want for Christmas!
Guy: Excuse me, is your name Gillette?
Girl: No, Why?
Guy: Because you're the best a man can get!
Man: He must be so happy!
Woman: Who?
Man: Your father.
Woman: Why?
Man: Because he gets to see an angel everyday
Guy: Is you dad still in jail?
Girl: For what?
Guy: For stealing all the stars in the sky and putting them in your eyes!
Man: Do you know C.P.R?
Woman: No why?
Man: Because you just took my breath away!
Man: Whats your name?
Woman: Tammy
Man: You should change it to Campbells, cause you're mmm mmm GOOD!
Man: Excuse me Miss, but were you born in Tennessee?
Woman: No, why?
Man: Because your the only ten-I-see!
Guy: Miss, do have a bandaid?
Girl: Yes, why?
Guy: Because I scraped my knees when I fell for you!
Guy: Do you have a map?
Girl: No, why do you ask?
Guy: Because I think I just got lost in your eyes.
Boy: Did you eat Lucky Charms this morning?
Girl: No, why?
Boy: Cause you're looking magically delicious
BOY: Are you tired?
GIRL :Why?
BOY: Because you've been running through my mind all day.
Man: (to woman) I'd buy you a drink but I'd be jealous of the glass.
Man: Excuse me Miss are you from Hollywood?
Woman: Why?
Man: Because you are the only "Star" I see
Man: Did it hurt?
Women: Did what hurt?
Man: When you fell from heaven, did it hurt?
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Straight from the book "14 Ways to Get Slapped With a Sexual Harassment Suit" By Ima Bliveus.
Man: Do you have a picture of yourself?
Woman: Why?
Man: So I can show Santa what I want for Christmas!
Guy: Excuse me, is your name Gillette?
Girl: No, Why?
Guy: Because you're the best a man can get!
Man: He must be so happy!
Woman: Who?
Man: Your father.
Woman: Why?
Man: Because he gets to see an angel everyday
Guy: Is you dad still in jail?
Girl: For what?
Guy: For stealing all the stars in the sky and putting them in your eyes!
Man: Do you know C.P.R?
Woman: No why?
Man: Because you just took my breath away!
Man: Whats your name?
Woman: Tammy
Man: You should change it to Campbells, cause you're mmm mmm GOOD!
Man: Excuse me Miss, but were you born in Tennessee?
Woman: No, why?
Man: Because your the only ten-I-see!
Guy: Miss, do have a bandaid?
Girl: Yes, why?
Guy: Because I scraped my knees when I fell for you!
Guy: Do you have a map?
Girl: No, why do you ask?
Guy: Because I think I just got lost in your eyes.
Boy: Did you eat Lucky Charms this morning?
Girl: No, why?
Boy: Cause you're looking magically delicious
BOY: Are you tired?
GIRL :Why?
BOY: Because you've been running through my mind all day.
Man: (to woman) I'd buy you a drink but I'd be jealous of the glass.
Man: Excuse me Miss are you from Hollywood?
Woman: Why?
Man: Because you are the only "Star" I see
Man: Did it hurt?
Women: Did what hurt?
Man: When you fell from heaven, did it hurt?
aja8888
Moderator Emeritus
FYI.....there is no such thing as EXTRA toilet paper!
street
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
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An 84-year-old man is having a drink at the bar in Harpoon Harry's.
An exceptionally gorgeous woman enters and sits down a few seats away.
She is so attractive that he just can't take his eyes off her and,
after a while, she notices him staring, then slowly gets off her stool to approach him.
Before the man has time to apologize for his rudeness, the woman looks deep into his eyes and says in a sultry voice, "I'll do anything you like, anything you can imagine in your wildest dreams, no matter how extreme or unusual, I'm game. I want $100 but there's one condition."
Completely stunned by the sudden turn of events, the man asks what her condition is and she replies, "You must tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
The old man takes a moment to consider the amazing offer from this
beautiful stranger, whips out his wallet and puts $100 dollars into
her hand before she can change her mind. Then, looking her square in
the eyes, he says slowly and clearly, "Paint my house."
Our needs change as we get older, we get smarter and tend to look for bargains.
An exceptionally gorgeous woman enters and sits down a few seats away.
She is so attractive that he just can't take his eyes off her and,
after a while, she notices him staring, then slowly gets off her stool to approach him.
Before the man has time to apologize for his rudeness, the woman looks deep into his eyes and says in a sultry voice, "I'll do anything you like, anything you can imagine in your wildest dreams, no matter how extreme or unusual, I'm game. I want $100 but there's one condition."
Completely stunned by the sudden turn of events, the man asks what her condition is and she replies, "You must tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
The old man takes a moment to consider the amazing offer from this
beautiful stranger, whips out his wallet and puts $100 dollars into
her hand before she can change her mind. Then, looking her square in
the eyes, he says slowly and clearly, "Paint my house."
Our needs change as we get older, we get smarter and tend to look for bargains.
Car-Guy
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
This guy was pulled over for running a stop sign.
When the cop checked the man's driver's license, he said, "You are wearing glasses on your driver's license and you're not now.
I'm going to have to give you a ticket."
The guy said, "Officer, I have contacts."
The cop said, "Look, buddy, I don't care who you know, ... I'm giving you a ticket."
Car-Guy
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Just a "few" of the crazy things people do and/or say that make me wonder about them:1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2 People who are willing to get off their @ss to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". D@mn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it?
5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there did ya?
7 When people say "your life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest d@mn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
8 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumb@ss?
Car-Guy
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
GAMES WE PLAY WHEN WE ARE OLDER: 1. Sag, you're It.
2. Hide and go pee
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Musical recliners.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy
Car-Guy
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Ok, maybe not the greatest joke but I thought it was funny. It's early....A lady sees some Chinese characters on a Chinese menu.
She likes them, so she goes home and makes a shirt with the symbols on it.
Later that day, she bumps into a Chinese man.
The person looks at her and says "Lady, do you know what your shirt says?" The lady admits that she doesn't know and asks the man to translate. The man says, "Your shirt says 'Cheap but Very Good'."
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2 People who are willing to get off their @ss to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
Let's see...my smart TV as well as my 2 dumb TVs are monitors. I NEED the remote to change the channel
. I can pull the plug to turn them off but that's it!!!
Let's see...my smart TV as well as my 2 dumb TVs are monitors. I NEED the remote to change the channel
. I can pull the plug to turn them off but that's it!!!- Status
