My life vs children life

Seems like your son is doing great. Good to enjoy some of life now because we are not guaranteed tomorrow. Be thankful.
 
I am 35 and live a similar life. I save over 35% of my gross income, which according to my calculations will allow me to reach my financial goals and retire early. Skiing, boats, trips with friends...sounds like he is LIVING!
 
Our 32 year old son has 11 years in a county agency job with a state pension so he's on the path to a good retirement. His salary is not huge compared to the private sector but we live in a fairly low cost of living area. He has no debt and reasonable living expenses so he lives on just about 1/2 his take home pay.

He's single and not particularly frugal, he just doesn't want to bother with thinking about his expenses. I've seen coupons for stuff I know he uses and if I cut it out and save it for him he leaves it behind or forgets to use it, so I don't bother any more. He is not always aware if it's a pay week or not because he doesn't bother to check his bank account, he knows there is plenty there because he didn't bother to transfer last months (or the last couple of months) excess paychecks.

Seeing how he doesn't pay attention to his money would bother me if I let it but I let go of that a long time ago. He earns plenty, doesn't spend a lot and saves and invests on a regular basis. I think some day he will want to buy a house and I won't be surprised if he pays cash for it.

We are extremely proud of him.
 
Last edited:
Thanks! I just read the reply's and it has brought some new light on the subject. I take your word that he is on the right and has done well for himself. I know it's just me but if he wouldn't spend so much he could be very wealthy in a hurry. Lol If I would of been making what he did when I started I would of been doing all of things different with my money.

I'm very proud of him but my frugalness always comes in to play. He does know that he will receive an inheritance someday. I really don't know if that is a factor in his plan or not. Knowing him I honestly would say he isn't banking on it. He has never and I mean never asked for money or help. If he can't get it done he will find some one to help him or gets things done some way or another.

Yes I would love to see him find a future wife and have some grand kids but not holding my breath. Lol If that happened then I would have more to worry about.
 
street said:
Thanks! I just read the reply's and it has brought some new light on the subject. I take your word that he is on the right and has done well for himself. I know it's just me but if he wouldn't spend so much he could be very wealthy in a hurry. Lol If I would of been making what he did when I started I would of been doing all of things different with my money.

I'm very proud of him but my frugalness always comes in to play. He does know that he will receive an inheritance someday. I really don't know if that is a factor in his plan or not. Knowing him I honestly would say he isn't banking on it. He has never and I mean never asked for money or help. If he can't get it done he will find some one to help him or gets things done some way or another.

Yes I would love to see him find a future wife and have some grand kids but not holding my breath. Lol If that happened then I would have more to worry about.
Click to expand...
You say he would be "wealthy" quickly. Is that how you measure success and happiness? Let me ask you, whats the point to being frugal? Is it to just have a stash of cash sitting somewhere?

Seems to me he's more than fine. He's enjoying his life, he's in no way irresponsible.
Good for him.
 
His life sounds wonderful. And with that NW, he's doing great. He's got his house half paid off at age 31. At that age, we bought our first house. Moved, sold the first one and bought another one, which was paid off at age 54. You should be proud.
 
I didn't save anything until my first full time job at age 30--I was in school getting my PhD all that time. So at age 31 I had little to nothing. And while not yet retired by choice I will have a very comfortable retirement. In comparison to me at that age he's doing just great!
 
Amethyst said:
Maybe he had enough of frugality growing up, and is getting it out of his system?
Click to expand...

I think this is what happened to me!

But I still stayed relatively frugal. I just made sure I made a heck of a lot more money than my parents so that I could spend a lot more and still be LBYM.
 
street said:
Thanks! I just read the reply's and it has brought some new light on the subject. I take your word that he is on the right and has done well for himself. I know it's just me but if he wouldn't spend so much he could be very wealthy in a hurry. Lol If I would of been making what he did when I started I would of been doing all of things different with my money.

I'm very proud of him but my frugalness always comes in to play. He does know that he will receive an inheritance someday......
Click to expand...

Here is the other side of the coin.
My Mother grew up in the depression, and had a lot of frugal ways because of that.
She and Dad did once make a big trip to FL and stayed with friends..

After Dad died at 65 :(
I encouraged Mom to travel with her interest groups as they did trips now and then. (church, clubs, etc).
So here she was going to take a tour to Europe, cost about $6,000, and she wondered if she should extend the tour by 7 days to include Russia for about $1,000 more.
I knew she was thinking .. $1,000 is a LOT of money.. :facepalm:

I told her to do it, spend my inheritance and enjoy life, you only get 1 shot at it. :flowers:
 
Many have made the point about his being single vs. being married. If he was married, with kids and a "stay at home wife" (meaning only his income), and he was spending the same amount he now spends on "enjoyment" on an extra "kid hauler" vehicle, and the usual costs of raising a family instead, would you not be praising him as a "responsible" dad/wage earner? Would you not be amazed by he and his wife's saving accomplishments while raising a family?

I had not really considered that trade off before reading the OP's question and the follow up comments. Thanks for the challenging thoughts.
 
BTW, I certainly think you could mention that many high income people reach their peak earnings in mid to late 40's. And quite a few get laid off in early 50's which results in major financial re-adjustments as they scramble to find new employment (usually at lower pay). I have mentioned this to my own adult kids making the point that the future is uncertain due to "invisible" ageism, and they need to have their ducks in a row (paid off home, investments in place, no debt) going into that time of their lives.
 
Son has always asked me about the big decisions. What I do is write a few pages about the subject, and post that in an online doc. There is a ten year history now. This started with his first job offer.

I try to keep advice general, and not tell him what to do. Also try to pull into the paper examples of other topics that are affected by the new decision.

It is more like a friendly executive summary. Can't believe I put those two modifiers together.

I think any son would appreciate such advice, so long as you are not telling him about what you did, when you were young, and so on.
 
I have a friend from HS that sounds like the 55 year old version of your son. He posts pictures of himself hunting and fishing all over the country. One day some asked him if he had any pictures of him working. He's having the time of his life like your son. You can get taken out by an illness or accident at anytime, so live you life along the way makes sense.
 
Amethyst said:
Maybe he had enough of frugality growing up, and is getting it out of his system?
Click to expand...

LOL! There were 5 kids in my family and my parents made it clear from the beginning that they were saving to put us all through college. And they did, God bless 'em. I learned very good lessons form them about how to pinch pennies and the importance of not running up debts or spending too much on cars, but family vacations were all car-based (try sleeping in a car on an overnight from Ohio to the Outer Banks squashed against your siblings) and nothing fancy. When some kids in my HS went on a trip to Europe I would have KILLED to go but it didn't happen- my babysitting income wasn't enough and it wasn't in the parents' budget.

I joke that I've spent the rest of my life making up for that lost trip to Europe- I've lost track of the number of times I've crossed the Atlantic and I'm not done yet. Travel was always a big splurge for me and, thanks to the lessons I learned from my parents, I knew how to cut back on areas that were less important and still save money along the way.

Anyway- the OP's son sounds just fine- enjoying what's important to him even if it's not what his parents would choose, but still setting himself up for a secure future.
 
street said:
Thanks! I just read the reply's and it has brought some new light on the subject. I take your word that he is on the right and has done well for himself. I know it's just me but if he wouldn't spend so much he could be very wealthy in a hurry. Lol If I would of been making what he did when I started I would of been doing all of things different with my money.

I'm very proud of him but my frugalness always comes in to play. He does know that he will receive an inheritance someday. I really don't know if that is a factor in his plan or not. Knowing him I honestly would say he isn't banking on it. He has never and I mean never asked for money or help. If he can't get it done he will find some one to help him or gets things done some way or another.

Yes I would love to see him find a future wife and have some grand kids but not holding my breath. Lol If that happened then I would have more to worry about.
Click to expand...
I'd be more concerned with you. Son sounds like he knows what he is doing. Are you spending enough? Your son sounds like he doesn't really need a big inheritance.

Our son is 32 and is way behind yours in net worth. But he is doing well and enjoying the challenges of a decent working environment. Has a nice girl friend too with a head on her shoulders (unlike the previous ones).

He will receive a very good inheritance most likely and just might need it. But we will not need to scrimp to make that happen as there should be plenty for all assuming a decent economic future.
 
Stop worrying Dad.

Your son is doing great. Far better than I was at his age. Compared with his peers? Probably top 2%. Compared with most "young dreamers" on this forum? In the top 10%.

He's doing just fine, and enjoying his life along the way.
 
street said:
Growing up with a very conservative frugal life style and living my life that way is hard sometime to see my son live it differently.

He was raised to be a save and he had to work for his money and his first job was at 12 picking corn in fields for market. Worked after school and all summers till he went to college. When he was 18 he started his career job and is still at the same company and has worked himself up the ladder.

He makes a low 6 figure salary but he spends a lot of money. This is the part I have a hard time with but he is 31 so I really don't have a lot to say. He saves a lot of money also and has 401K plus a pension/IRA and a savings account. He saves monthly I know that.

He skies, owns a large boat, fishes, hunts, snowmobiles and goes on trips each year some place in the US. He is gone all the time doing something and many out of state hunting and sporting activities.

He is a good man but it drives me crazy all the stuff he has and places he goes. I would have never did all those things grown up because it wasn't a frugal life.

My question is he on the right track enjoying life as life goes by or am I wrong to even think he shouldn't be doing what he is doing?

I would say his net worth is about 400K plus a full pension after 30 years.
Click to expand...

He's doing great. I wish I had been half as wealthy when I was 31! At that age my NW was about $20K.

I think you must enjoy suffering.
 
Last edited:
He sounds like me at that age. I made decent money and kept my fixed expenses low, and saved a big chunk of my income. However, the rest I spent without spending too much time worrying about it, and much of it was spent pretty frivolously.

We all need to balance saving and spending, with an eye toward's making our life as enjoyable as possible before we die. It sounds like he is doing pretty well at that.
 
bclover said:
Let me ask you, whats the point to being frugal?
Is it to just have a stash of cash sitting somewhere?
Click to expand...

This is a very intriguing observation. I often wonder, reading these pages, to what extent frugality might be involuntary regardless of NW.

Certainly many of the posters here amassed millions by deliberate planning and patient execution in pursuit of FI. But we also read accounts from people who indicate they have lived modestly for so long they would be uncomfortable living larger despite having the resources to do so. Others report that frugality became reflexive due to learning firsthand from examples (both good examples and bad examples) in their lives. Still others approach frugality as an irresistible challenge, feeling a compulsion that extracting maximum value is their mission in life.

Maybe it's worth starting a thread on this. Tomorrow.
 
bUU said:
If I could trade some of my financial security for having enjoyed life more when I was younger and healthier, I probably would.
Click to expand...

+1

Additionally, he seems to be doing things that he genuinely enjoys (loves). I wish I would have found some of that earlier in life. If I were the OP, I'd get on that boat and go hunting with my son before it's too late. Hopefully, it's not already.
 
street said:
My question is he on the right track enjoying life as life goes by or am I wrong to even think he shouldn't be doing what he is doing?

I would say his net worth is about 400K plus a full pension after 30 years.
Click to expand...

I grew up with very little money and was taught to be frugal. This put a fire in me to be successful and made my first million by 26 (ie. saved). However, I lived at home and saved everything and didn't have the mindset to fully enjoy life until I met my wife (physician who is not a spender but balances enjoyment of life). Anyways, I have to tell you that I had never vacationed until then (made 65K at 22 and 300K+/yr by 26).

While I still lived below my means, we traveled and saw the world (though I couldn't bring myself to do first class growing up poor). We ended up buying a mini mansion and cars (was still below our means). I had porches, etc. but I always bout 2 to 3 years old and still enjoyed them while saving about 40%. I think you may want to teach him some of these things that luxury items can be enjoyed/obtained frugally as well (ie. don't waste the money).

I am very glad that my wife showed me how to enjoy my hard earned money and now I still struggle to feel "rich" enough to spend on things like first class but I really enjoy my life. I wouldn't trade all those years of travel for anything. I am going to RE at 50 but if I spent nothing, I could easily be retired but I would not give back my lifestyle after 26 for anything. What is the point of getting the pinnacle - i.e. earning six figures if you are just going to save it all ? I don't want to enjoy the world after 50 when I can enjoy it still in my 30's and 40's and maybe have to work a few more years in 50's.

Talk to him about what he wants in life and give him your point of view and I think it may make sense to understand his point of view and maybe you both will impart some important lessons to each other. Either way, he is doing awesome so don't worry :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

T
Any Leap Year Babies out there?
Replies
12
Views
295
Ronstar
Ronstar
folivier
Scam artists
2 3
Replies
51
Views
3K
Koolau
Koolau
M
Ladder Injuries
4 5 6
Replies
130
Views
5K
Sunset
Sunset
street
What has been your act of Kindness Lately
2 3
Replies
63
Views
2K
TickTock
T
Qs Laptop
When Friends Claim They Need to Keep Working...and You are Doubtful
2 3
Replies
59
Views
4K
TheWizard
T

Latest posts

Back
Top Bottom