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Re: Need Help with Delicate Matter............
Old 01-18-2007, 03:51 PM   #21
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Re: Need Help with Delicate Matter............

Quote:
Originally Posted by Caroline
One final thought...

I think this fund came up before, when you were selling your sister's car? Am I right on that? If so, it seems as though this is something very important to you.

This may be a completely crazy idea, but what would it be like if your wife contributed to that fund in exchange for some of the furniture? Would that allow you to increase the memorial fund to the level you'd like it to be at, while allowing your wife to feel that she'd had a voice in this family decision?
I decided to set up this fund to do a few things:

1)create a legacy to honor her contributions to the field of food science.

2)To help future deserving students financial help in their field of study.

3)Provide a place where coporate donations could go which are still in process.

4)As the only signatory donor, I get to be involved with which student/students get the award.

I thought it was fitting that when I sell off some of her belongings, the memorial fund gets the cash.....that way, I get to take material posessions and turn them into something for the greater good.............

BTW, on DW's suggestion, I consulted with my attorney and "upped" my adminstrators fee, which DW and I are going to use to increase the memorial fund.

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Re: Need Help with Delicate Matter............
Old 01-18-2007, 04:20 PM   #22
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Re: Need Help with Delicate Matter............

Quote:
I decided to set up this fund to do a few things:

1)create a legacy to honor her contributions to the field of food science.

2)To help future deserving students financial help in their field of study.

3)Provide a place where coporate donations could go which are still in process.

4)As the only signatory donor, I get to be involved with which student/students get the award.
And how about:

5) Help yourself to remember, in the middle of your pain and loss, that her life on earth MEANT something. That she was a valuable and wonderful person, and the world is better for having had her in it.

If 5 rings a bell, than I can see how you might want to maximize the fund in every way you can. She must have been a special person. Again, is it possible that if your wife were able to contribute something to the foundation from her own funds, assuming she has some seperate monies, that this might eliminate one underlying reason why this is an issue? (I think I remember that you are SELLING some things to friends, but I don't see you giving valuable things away... did I miss something here?)

It sounds like it might not help much, since you are already unhappy with levels of clutter. But I think the overall question remains -- what feelings are lying unnoticed? If your wife wants a say in cookware that she never uses, then I have to wonder if the cookware is the issue. It's not logical, so there must be an emotional component.

Have either / both of you done work around the loss, and your responses to it?

As I said, I've been in a similar boat -- it's rough seas -- hang in there!



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Re: Need Help with Delicate Matter............
Old 01-18-2007, 05:38 PM   #23
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Re: Need Help with Delicate Matter............

Wait a year.
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Re: Need Help with Delicate Matter............
Old 01-18-2007, 10:38 PM   #24
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Re: Need Help with Delicate Matter............

Another thrower here married to a hoarder.

My husband has a hard time letting go of anything. If he is walking down the street and sees a screw in the gutter he will pick it up "just in case". Needless to say he ends up with a massive collection of useless junk taking up space and accumulating dust. It drives me absolutely bonkers.

However in this case it is your sister and I think you should follow your gut. Sounds as if the memorial fund is where your heart lies, and I guess you need to ask yourself if you really need these "things". Would you have purchased these items at this time?

As to having something to remember your sister by, I have nothing of my father who died 10 years ago. That is a result of the usual dysfunctional antics that went on at the time of his death. However, it does not bother me, because I have the most important thing he could ever have given me - that is the happy memories of time we spent together. I don't need any physical memories of my father to invoke his memory.

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