Single men of ER...chime in pls

[athena53]

My first-date proposal was always happily accepted. Except for one time. Some gold-digger woman demanded a complete dinner on a first date and would accept nothing less. I refused. She then berated me and called me cheap. I told her it was good to know she saw me as only a free meal so I could move on to someone else.

Your first-date philosophy is similar to mine. Glad you were able to eliminate a gold-digger!

 

[Fedup]

First date with total stranger should be very short. Coffee or drink. I also was very never ordered anything expensive. I had money and enough money to eat well on my own. If it was transactional then maybe I would up the bid. Theoretically, I don't mind to be a gold digger, but the gold has to be worth it, not for a few bucks.

 

[Aerides]

To make sure the women were not after me for simply free meals, and to reduce the pressure of a first "date," I asked to meet her for something less than a meal, such as a snack or cup of coffee at a Starbucks (which I would happily pay for). If we hit it off fairly well (read: she wasn't total idiot), and had another date, I was perfectly willing to have a more conventional date which included dinner and I'd be happy to pay for it.

When I was single, I would arrange for a meet-up date at a non-dinner time, either earlier or later, usually at a restaurant/bar type place, so that if things went well we could decide to stay and eat, or could leave after an hour as planned. But the date was arranged for drinks only. Two, tops, to ensure I made smart decisions.

I don't know any women would want to spend the horror of a full dinner date with someone non-compatible, just for a free meal. I have to think that's more of a worry than a reality.

Most blind/internet first dates I knew in the first 10 minutes were only going to result in another hour of my life I would never get back.

 

[Totoro]

I don't know any women would want to spend the horror of a full dinner date with someone non-compatible, just for a free meal. I have to think that's more of a worry than a reality.

It's real.

 

[Amethyst]

These are probably the same women who wear an outfit and then return it for a refund - constantly. LBYM by grifting....

Wns.

I don't know any women would want to spend the horror of a full dinner date with someone non-compatible, just for a free meal. I have to think that's more of a worry than a reality.

.

 

[Fedup]

I can't imagine there are that many out there. I'm sure there are people like that but not in large number of the dating pool.

 

[Sojourner]

DGF and I visited her friend one evening. This woman had just signed up on Tinder. She called it the Free Dinner app.

Hahaha... I met a woman several years ago who said the exact same thing. We dated three or four times, and if I remember correctly, I always paid. The second time we went out, she told me all about how great Tinder was and how she was using it (and would continue to do so) to experience all the cool restaurants around town for free. Thinking back on it, this should've been a big red warning flag that she wasn't for me. Ah, the crazy world of dating

 

[Sojourner]

I saw this the other day and thought of the conversation here.

Note that initially, the overwhelming majority of the audience said the guy should pay.

+1

Gotta agree with pretty much everything in that video. I don't mind paying for everything on the first few dates, but once it's clear that there is genuine interest on both sides, the woman should start offering to pay in some form or fashion. I'm a fan of the reciprocation approach, where the man and woman take turns paying for things. Easier than splitting checks, which can get uncomfortable and awkward sometimes for various reasons.

 

[Amethyst]

I hope you don't mean sex. "Paying" is not how I like to think of something that is done voluntarily, for no other reason than because one wants to.

+1

once it's clear that there is genuine interest on both sides, the woman should start offering to pay in some form or fashion. .

 

[Music Lover]

I hope you don't mean sex. "Paying" is not how I like to think of something that is done voluntarily, for no other reason than because one wants to.

Don't assume that paying "in some form or fashion" is only about sex. Perhaps the wording was a little cumbersome, but "paying" usually means a paid date by the other party, or a home cooked meal, or a night out.

 

[Fedup]

Who says that only men have one thing in mind. Lol!

 

[haha]

I refer you to none other than physicist and Nobelist Richard Feynman, as told in "Surely You Are Joking Mr. Feynman." He said he is happy to pay for a dinner date, but wants it established beforehand that the lady will reciprocate with sex later that evening. He thinks that it is unwise for a man to go on a date without that established.

I think you women who assume that the pleasure of your company should be worth a couple hundred, are might we say, very confident. Though no doubt this confidence is right on for this distinguished group.

Ha

 

[Meadbh]

I refer you to none other than physicist and Nobelist Richard Feynman, as told in "Surely You Are Joking Mr. Feynman." He said he is happy to pay for a dinner date, but wants it established beforehand that the lady will reciprocate with sex later that evening. He thinks that it is unwise for a man to go on a date without that established.

I think you women who assume that the pleasure of your company should be worth a couple hundred, are might we say, very confident. Though no doubt this confidence is right on for this distinguished group.

Ha

My mother warned me about men like that.

 

[FlaGator]

Who says that only men have one thing in mind. Lol!

After 30 years of marriage, with kids late in life and a high stress/reward career, was quite shocked to learn there are women over 50 keenly interested in sex. seriously. Still adjusting, happily

 

[Amethyst]

I have no idea if my "worth" is what it used to be, but hey, I didn't date geeky physicists either. I dated college boys and, later, foreign service officers, military officers, and various types of spy. We didn't just eat dinner. We went to the beach, shows, parties, fireworks, walked around the mall, you name it. I don't know how this dating thread got so obsessed with dinner and eating. While someone's table manners certainly influence how far you want to go with them, I think it's better to see how they act, react, and treat other people in a variety of situations. That's how you build trust. To me, sex is based on trust as much as lust!

I only remember being pressured for sex a couple of times, and both were when I deviated from my usual pattern and dated some random guy I'd met in some random way. Maybe random guys are randier?

A.

I refer you to none other than physicist and Nobelist Richard Feynman, as told in "Surely You Are Joking Mr. Feynman." He said he is happy to pay for a dinner date, but wants it established beforehand that the lady will reciprocate with sex later that evening. He thinks that it is unwise for a man to go on a date without that established.

I think you women who assume that the pleasure of your company should be worth a couple hundred, are might we say, very confident. Though no doubt this confidence is right on for this distinguished group.

Ha

 

[Amethyst]

Hey, I just thought of something. Most of the single women in the ER group need to worry about male gold-diggers. They certainly don't have to worry about the cost of a dinner. If "typical" dates involve men expecting sex from a woman who can't afford to pay for her own dinner....what kind of "payment" should ER women be demanding from their dates? Hmmm?

 

[Gumby]

Hey, I just thought of something. Most of the single women in the ER group need to worry about male gold-diggers. They certainly don't have to worry about the cost of a dinner. If "typical" dates involve men expecting sex from a woman who can't afford to pay for her own dinner....what kind of "payment" should ER women be demanding from their dates? Hmmm?

Lots and lots of kitchen cleaning.

 

[athena53]

Hey, I just thought of something. Most of the single women in the ER group need to worry about male gold-diggers. They certainly don't have to worry about the cost of a dinner. If "typical" dates involve men expecting sex from a woman who can't afford to pay for her own dinner....what kind of "payment" should ER women be demanding from their dates? Hmmm?

In my case, just reciprocate by planning/paying for other dates. If your budget is more modest than mine, find a free concert in the park and buy me a beer. If a guy shows imagination in finding fun and interesting things to do that don't cost much, that's a very good sign. I'm not interested in someone who maxes out his credit card to impress me.

Interesting point you made earlier about how much the discussion focused on restaurants- I guess that's a traditional date setting and I enjoy a good restaurant meal but not that often- not only do the costs add up, but I'm not a big eater and I'm VERY happy with my current weight. I'm definitely open to alternatives.

 

[kcowan]

Hey, I just thought of something. Most of the single women in the ER group need to worry about male gold-diggers. They certainly don't have to worry about the cost of a dinner. If "typical" dates involve men expecting sex from a woman who can't afford to pay for her own dinner....what kind of "payment" should ER women be demanding from their dates? Hmmm?

In my Dad's case, it was some difficult household chore in return for a home-cooked meal. Since Dad lived alone and cooked for himself, he turned down repeat business.

 

[Chuckanut]

Over the years, when I was not in at least a semi-serious relationship, I have tried various ways of meeting good single women in my age group.

It can be frustrating but, I think most of us enjoy life more having the right partner. In other words, it's like exercise. I don't don't do it because I love going to the gym, sweating and grunting along with others, and then bragging about it on Facebook. I do it because I know that in the future I will be better off overall for my efforts.

I know I will be happier, healthier and enjoy life more with a good partner to share life with. So all the costs (time, dollars, effort, embarrassment, rejection, etc.) I experience in finding 'her' are well worth paying.

 

[Amethyst]

This is well said and applies to men and women alike.

I know I will be happier, healthier and enjoy life more with a good partner to share life with. So all the costs (time, dollars, effort, embarrassment, rejection, etc.) I experience in finding 'her' are well worth paying.

 

[Fedup]

Hey, I just thought of something. Most of the single women in the ER group need to worry about male gold-diggers. They certainly don't have to worry about the cost of a dinner. If "typical" dates involve men expecting sex from a woman who can't afford to pay for her own dinner....what kind of "payment" should ER women be demanding from their dates? Hmmm?

Ain't that the truth and not just ER. Friends of my sister have been scammed by gold diggers even though they told me to watch out for them.

 

[Souschef]

I remember reading about a dating service in an in-flight magazine called "It's Just Lunch". It was for professionals to meet in a non stressful setting.
It seems to be a good idea.

 

[W2R]

I know I will be happier, healthier and enjoy life more with a good partner to share life with. So all the costs (time, dollars, effort, embarrassment, rejection, etc.) I experience in finding 'her' are well worth paying.

That has been so true for me! It is wonderful to have Frank in my life. I am so glad I am not dating around any more. All those awful dates through the dating websites back in 1999-2000, as miserable as they were, sure paid off.

Life is even better now that I have my dream home next door to Frank. We had great fun chatting and conversing about everything under the sun last night, until almost 2 AM. Then he just walked home through the gateway opening in the backyard fence. Sheer bliss for both of us, and spending time together costs nothing.

No problems with gold digging in either direction, since we don't share money at all. Our arrangement is comparable to going steady permanently. We split the costs of our dates now that he is retired and no longer earning so much more than me. We go to less expensive places, too.

 

[SecondCor521]

Our arrangement is comparable to going steady permanently. We split the costs of our dates now that he is retired and no longer earning so much more than me. We go to less expensive places, too.

Is there a ready term you use for this kind of arrangement that women would generally readily understand? It sounds like possibly the kind of arrangement I want, and if there were a term for it that would be helpful.