I've never been married and do not have children so it's not a question of being bitter, at least with respect to marriage. However, I have seen the impact of broken families on others and on society.
Fair enough. I agree with you that there is an impact on families and society. After a fair amount of reflection, it seems to me that right now marriage is not really a good deal for men or women, and I think this is unfortunate and ought to change. I also wonder if, because 70% of women initiate divorce, the divorce laws are more favorable towards them. This may not be a valid syllogism.
But I am bitter about gender double standards and about how men are perceived. Many men feel this way, although most do not voice their concerns out of fear of being labeled with various derogatory names. This is one reason why women often take leading roles in the fathers movement and why half of authors on mens issues are women. Fortunately, this is beginning to change and more and more men (and women who love men) are speaking out.
I'm not bitter about them because I can't change them (at least not by myself). But I agree with you for the most part.
You are correct. As most people know, about 50% of marriages end in divorce. What most people don't know is that 70% of divorces are initiated by women. What even fewer people know is that the primary reasons women give for initiating divorce are not substantial causes such as adultery, abuse, or desertion, but "fluff" reasons such as "we grew apart" or "we fell out of love" (for example, you can check out research by Sanford Braver and others).
Such was the case in my marriage and divorce. In my state (Idaho) there are seven reasons to divorce, and the plaintiff must indicate one. The first six are among the serious kind you mention -- adultery, abuse, alcoholism, becoming a felon, etc. The last is "irreconcilable differences". I have been curious what the ratio of the first six to the last one is in filings. I would bet it is something like 90%.
But it doesn't matter what the research says because men will be blamed. If a man initiates divorce, the man will be blamed. If the woman initiates divorce, the man will be blamed. Or in case of household chores (the topic of this thread), if men spend 13 hours a week more than women on the job and women spend 10 hours a week more than men on housework, men will be criticized for not doing their share.
I mowed the lawn, did the taxes, took care of the cars, took care of the bills and accounts, vacuumed, dusted, painted, did laundry, did dishes, helped cook and clean up, changed diapers, burped kids, fed kids, helped with the kids in a million other ways, as well as either go to school and work part time or work full time out of the home during my entire marriage. I bought my wife presents on her birthday, Valentine's Day, our anniversary, and Christmas. I never committed adultery, bounced a check, became an alcoholic, committed a felony, lost my job, hit or yelled at my wife or my children.
Yet still I am divorced. And quite frankly, I don't really care who she blames and who I blame for our divorce, because we are divorced regardless of blame. I would rather see the institution of marriage strengthened in a way that it is more attractive to both men and women to stay rather than leave. If this can be done in such a way that the truly awful marriages that should be broken up can still be exited, all the better.
2Cor521
) grow out of whatever funk this is and grow a brain. Maybe it happens after they get a career? I can't say the same of guys my age, because I'd be labeled a traitor. It's like Man Rule #23.
