kitesurfer2
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I can't understand why any branch of our military is not an option for you.
tough love -- college decisions
- Thread starter Luck_Club
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PoorOldCountryBoy
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+1
The sooner you stop making decisions for your son, the sooner he'll grow up. Some major parental regret and helicopter parenting going on here. You'd rather listen to everyone else (including people on internet boards) rather than your son.
Wow.
ivinsfan
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If it went as planned they are in Ireland right now...
OP
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Luck_Club
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We leave next Friday. I stopped responding, because it was getting repetitive.
Why Ireland? If not Uni then CC. Why not the Armed Services?
Those that shared stories of kids who weren't ready and the approaches they took were helpful. It has reassured me that kids are resilient, and even if he isn't ready he will eventually find his path.
I will update everyone when I get back. All the data on the Ireland option indicates it isn't what he wants but is exactly what he needs. We may visit the school and it goes horribly wrong and he chooses the CC option. However, we are seeing some glimmers of excitement about Ireland, he actually asked some positive questions about it the other night.
DW & I speculate that he told some of his friends who responded saying that would be cool, and all of a sudden it isn't such a bad option after all. We also found out that at least one of them is also doing another year of HS, in a prep school for "sports". So I guess I'm not the only one holding their child back a year at this stage.
Katsmeow
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I guess that I am just having trouble with the idea that "all the data" indicates he needs to go to another country for a year. All the data you have presented really supports the idea that he isn't ready to leave home yet. There is nothing wrong with that. People mature at different timelines. I struggle with the concept that someone who isn't ready to go live in a dorm in the US somehow needs to go live in a foreign country.
I get the idea of why he might need to live at home and go to CC. It just seems the opposite of thinking he needs to go to another country. I think there is a good chance that if your son faces a choice of live at home and go to CC or go live on your own in Ireland away from parental supervision and oversight that he will get very enthusiastic about Ireland (no, I don't think the friends in Ireland change this). That won't mean he needs it either....
Anyway, good luck and hope it all works out for him.
ivinsfan
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OP don't take it personally, it's getting repetitive because many posters won't wade thru 8 pages of replies before posting their opinion.
But you might ask yourself why you are getting so many repetitive opinions. Or to put it another way, why so few people think Ireland is a good idea, or the best idea. Many mature adults resent the He$$ out of somebody telling them what they "need" and teenage boys aren't too likely to feel good about it either.
But you might ask yourself why you are getting so many repetitive opinions. Or to put it another way, why so few people think Ireland is a good idea, or the best idea. Many mature adults resent the He$$ out of somebody telling them what they "need" and teenage boys aren't too likely to feel good about it either.
If he does end up headed for Ireland, be sure to have a frank discussion with him about the expectations surrounding drinking (both behaviorally and financially). I left for an international boarding school in the UK when I was 17. There was a VERY heavy drinking culture there, and no one carded you at the pubs. I was pretty responsible, but drank more in my first year than I should have. My second year I did not drink because I wanted to be sure I kept my grade up and saved my money. Not all teenagers are able to control themselves when the social pressure is there and there is no disincentive from the legal system.
Nemo2
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Sounds to me like helicopter parents searching for their own Black Hawk Down......but I'm just an untutored oaf...so...carry on.
brett
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I left high school and was not ready.
So I worked on the railway for nine months, the travelled with a friend through the US and Canada in an old VW van for two months.
Then I was ready. My comment is that if someone is not ready then let him or her go out and work for a spell. Hopefully in a low pay, low skill, repetitive, boring job with poor hours of work. Then see what happens.
You might want to conserve those funds that you would otherwise shell out for a gap year and apply the to college or university should this come to fruition. I am not a believer in coddling at that age. Keep your powder dry.
If he or she is not ready, sending overseas to party, flunk out, or barely get through will hurt more than it will help. I think you need to ask yourself if you are doing this for you or are you doing it for your child?
As an aside, in two of my post university jobs we were sent for training. The exam pass mark was 80 percent. Those who missed were sent home and their probationary period was not extended to permanent employment. That's the real world
So I worked on the railway for nine months, the travelled with a friend through the US and Canada in an old VW van for two months.
Then I was ready. My comment is that if someone is not ready then let him or her go out and work for a spell. Hopefully in a low pay, low skill, repetitive, boring job with poor hours of work. Then see what happens.
You might want to conserve those funds that you would otherwise shell out for a gap year and apply the to college or university should this come to fruition. I am not a believer in coddling at that age. Keep your powder dry.
If he or she is not ready, sending overseas to party, flunk out, or barely get through will hurt more than it will help. I think you need to ask yourself if you are doing this for you or are you doing it for your child?
As an aside, in two of my post university jobs we were sent for training. The exam pass mark was 80 percent. Those who missed were sent home and their probationary period was not extended to permanent employment. That's the real world
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Maybe you could take rayinpenn's kid with you?
marinauser
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The article referenced on alcohol deaths seems to have conflated total deaths and deaths per 100,000. I believe the 1825 number was actually total deaths. There were about 9.6 million college students in that year so if the number were per 100,000 then there would have been 175,000 alcohol related college student deaths in one year. That never happened. You can look at the original article here: Hingson, R.W.; Zha, W.; and Weitzman, E.R. and see Table 1 ( https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2701090/ ) that lists the actual total deaths of 1825 so the death rate was 1825/9600000 which equals 0.019%. Not good if you were one of the 1825 but not the extreme number discussed above. I am still trying to wrap my head around an 18 year old that is not mature enough to go to State U but is mature enough to leave the country and go to a foreign school where, although they speak "english", it is not the english an american is used to.
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gayl
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
GS2 is doing a gap year .... I want him in USAF, friend wants him in USMC .... DD (single parent) wants him working FT & in his own place so he'll know how hard it can be ... but we cannot (and rightly so) decide for him.
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HawkeyeNFO
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Nothing the kid does will make Luck Club happy, unless he goes to the land of Guinness. It sounds like he expects him to fail in his endeavors, and has never been happy with his performance. Sad.
OP
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Luck_Club
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Visit went well
As promised an update. DS & I visited the school over the weekend. All went pretty well, except he didn't get much sleep, claiming I snored.
Logistics:
Easy Peazy. Get on the plane in our town land about 6 hours later in Ireland. Customs was quick and easy, barely waiting 6 minutes. Picked up two coffees and scones, walked out the door to the bus stop and about 6 minutes later the bus opened the doors and let us on. 60 minutes after the bus rolled out of the airport we got to our stop, right in front of the school. Reverse was similar though we ended up arriving at the airport a bit earlier then desired because the buses run every hour and the express takes 60 minutes and the non express 90. cost 10 euro.
We were able to walk from the school to the center of town, and easily catch a bus back. The housing is about 400 feet from the door of the school. The housing showed no signs of excessive out of control partying (beer cans all over the place). Cant say the same for US school housing I've seen.
School visit:
The visit went well. There were few large auditorium size lecture halls, and most of the classes will be smaller 13-15 students. Most of the classes will be based on project work and continual assessment. The program is pretty intense in the first year including about 25 hours of lecture & lab time per week. Co-ed baths were a bit odd, but they are full stalls with about a 2 inch gap between the door and the floor. NO HEAVY push for progressive groups observed.
Employ-ability:
The school is boasting a 94% job or further study placement for grads. The internships are paid. Recruitment companies are multinationals. Abbott, Medtronic, Boston Scientific etc. It had an incubator center for startup companies.
From my observations of walking through most of the engineering schools in New England for my job, I would put the school somewhere between WPI & Northeastern.
Cool things according to son:
Continuous assessment (project based grading). Drop off laundry. Internships start early (2nd year) and are paid.
So he did warm up significantly after the trip. He was pretty positive with our friends in Ireland and the grandparents about his upcoming school year.
As I've said this is a year of maturing in our eyes. If he steps up to the plate it has great potential for launching and not losing a year of college.
As promised an update. DS & I visited the school over the weekend. All went pretty well, except he didn't get much sleep, claiming I snored.
Logistics:
Easy Peazy. Get on the plane in our town land about 6 hours later in Ireland. Customs was quick and easy, barely waiting 6 minutes. Picked up two coffees and scones, walked out the door to the bus stop and about 6 minutes later the bus opened the doors and let us on. 60 minutes after the bus rolled out of the airport we got to our stop, right in front of the school. Reverse was similar though we ended up arriving at the airport a bit earlier then desired because the buses run every hour and the express takes 60 minutes and the non express 90. cost 10 euro.
We were able to walk from the school to the center of town, and easily catch a bus back. The housing is about 400 feet from the door of the school. The housing showed no signs of excessive out of control partying (beer cans all over the place). Cant say the same for US school housing I've seen.
School visit:
The visit went well. There were few large auditorium size lecture halls, and most of the classes will be smaller 13-15 students. Most of the classes will be based on project work and continual assessment. The program is pretty intense in the first year including about 25 hours of lecture & lab time per week. Co-ed baths were a bit odd, but they are full stalls with about a 2 inch gap between the door and the floor. NO HEAVY push for progressive groups observed.
Employ-ability:
The school is boasting a 94% job or further study placement for grads. The internships are paid. Recruitment companies are multinationals. Abbott, Medtronic, Boston Scientific etc. It had an incubator center for startup companies.
From my observations of walking through most of the engineering schools in New England for my job, I would put the school somewhere between WPI & Northeastern.
Cool things according to son:
Continuous assessment (project based grading). Drop off laundry. Internships start early (2nd year) and are paid.
So he did warm up significantly after the trip. He was pretty positive with our friends in Ireland and the grandparents about his upcoming school year.
As I've said this is a year of maturing in our eyes. If he steps up to the plate it has great potential for launching and not losing a year of college.
Nemo2
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Only 17 sexes are acknowledged?
OP
OP
Luck_Club
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At one of the campus visits we walked through there were several progressive bring down the man type tables set up on campus along with posters advertising other anti establishment groups.
Most of the others were omnipresent, though not in your face literally shouting at and engaging people on the campus tour.
Most of the others were omnipresent, though not in your face literally shouting at and engaging people on the campus tour.
OP
OP
Luck_Club
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OP
As promised an update.
Just returned from a 14 day drop the son off at school trip. The settling in has gone fairly well, with a few hiccups.
We arrived and drove directly to his apartment, and moved him into his apartment. We had to pick up a few things like sheets and bedding, which we did, and then we left him to rest until picking him up later that evening for dinner. He was the only one out of 4 housemates to be in the apartment for the next two days. They were by far the toughest on Mamma bird. The apartment was typical of a college apartment..sparsely decorated and clean but dirty. So all and all pretty depressing image. This anger and depression was very obvious to our friends and us.
On the 3rd day after arriving he started school activities along with the other international students, and the first of the house mates began to arrive. He hung out with the Canadians during the orientation day, who were living in a hostel. There was a Mexican who had just arrived, and had no place to live. The Canadians offered up their hostel, and my son was grateful to have a roof over his head.
By the 4th day all the roommates had arrived, and he had gone out with them that evening. We saw him the next night, and then took off for a 4 night trip. He seemed better than in the beginning now that he no longer was all by himself. Mamma bird was feeling less anxious. But concerned since all the house mates returned home for the weekend. He was also more upbeat and positive at this point.
We returned for two nights before coming home. He gave us several indications that he appreciated a few things about his college introduction. Being able to cook for himself, and not having to share a room being a couple of them he mentioned. He mentioned some of the bad experiences his friends were having during there intro weeks. Like 1 friend not from high school be matched up with a bad actor (drug user) from his high school. He also mentioned some of the activities they have sign ups for next week. All very positive goal oriented stuff. Mood and attitude was much better despite a few setbacks on getting the banking sorted out.
There are some real growing opportunities surrounding this option. For example opening a bank account in a foreign country, and jumping through the hoops required to get a visa stamp to name a couple. He is already learning to shop for himself, and get around the town via bus, and get his laundry done.
Being a micro-manager by nature, I'm doing my best to take a hands off approach.
Our observations from the area:
1) No obvious drug use
2) No begging on the streets
3) No baseball caps (pet peeve)
4) No pajamas and slippers in the grocery store
Two weeks down, there will be some more challenges to overcome, but so far he seems to be accepting, and adapting to his new surroundings. Being a naturally quiet person, he is tolerating our need for constant check ins and communication.
Next couple of weeks will be activity signups and the visa application, which will give more feedback.
As promised an update.
Just returned from a 14 day drop the son off at school trip. The settling in has gone fairly well, with a few hiccups.
We arrived and drove directly to his apartment, and moved him into his apartment. We had to pick up a few things like sheets and bedding, which we did, and then we left him to rest until picking him up later that evening for dinner. He was the only one out of 4 housemates to be in the apartment for the next two days. They were by far the toughest on Mamma bird. The apartment was typical of a college apartment..sparsely decorated and clean but dirty. So all and all pretty depressing image. This anger and depression was very obvious to our friends and us.
On the 3rd day after arriving he started school activities along with the other international students, and the first of the house mates began to arrive. He hung out with the Canadians during the orientation day, who were living in a hostel. There was a Mexican who had just arrived, and had no place to live. The Canadians offered up their hostel, and my son was grateful to have a roof over his head.
By the 4th day all the roommates had arrived, and he had gone out with them that evening. We saw him the next night, and then took off for a 4 night trip. He seemed better than in the beginning now that he no longer was all by himself. Mamma bird was feeling less anxious. But concerned since all the house mates returned home for the weekend. He was also more upbeat and positive at this point.
We returned for two nights before coming home. He gave us several indications that he appreciated a few things about his college introduction. Being able to cook for himself, and not having to share a room being a couple of them he mentioned. He mentioned some of the bad experiences his friends were having during there intro weeks. Like 1 friend not from high school be matched up with a bad actor (drug user) from his high school. He also mentioned some of the activities they have sign ups for next week. All very positive goal oriented stuff. Mood and attitude was much better despite a few setbacks on getting the banking sorted out.
There are some real growing opportunities surrounding this option. For example opening a bank account in a foreign country, and jumping through the hoops required to get a visa stamp to name a couple. He is already learning to shop for himself, and get around the town via bus, and get his laundry done.
Being a micro-manager by nature, I'm doing my best to take a hands off approach.
Our observations from the area:
1) No obvious drug use
2) No begging on the streets
3) No baseball caps (pet peeve)
4) No pajamas and slippers in the grocery store
Two weeks down, there will be some more challenges to overcome, but so far he seems to be accepting, and adapting to his new surroundings. Being a naturally quiet person, he is tolerating our need for constant check ins and communication.
Next couple of weeks will be activity signups and the visa application, which will give more feedback.
Nemo2
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Wow, that's great, he'll be the envy of many 5 year olds.
OP
OP
Luck_Club
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Special place in Vancouver
I get the sarcasm. Though slightly misdirected in this case, since he is facing a higher level of self reliance than most college freshman face. In a foreign country no less.
Interviewing with immigration officials, currency conversions, international banking. There aren't even dorms, some students don't have a place to live yet, let alone safe spaces with puppies to calm them during exams and elections
You must live in a special place...
https://bc.ctvnews.ca/dad-told-children-too-young-to-ride-bus-by-themselves-1.3576620
"The ministry launched an investigation, and had Crook sign a safety plan requiring that he ride the bus with his kids until the probe was completed. In the end, the province ruled his kids required supervision.
Crook, who runs a blog on parenting called 5 Kids 1 Condo, said he was told children under 10 should not take the bus – or go anywhere outside the home – at any time of day without adult accompaniment."
I get the sarcasm. Though slightly misdirected in this case, since he is facing a higher level of self reliance than most college freshman face. In a foreign country no less.
Interviewing with immigration officials, currency conversions, international banking. There aren't even dorms, some students don't have a place to live yet, let alone safe spaces with puppies to calm them during exams and elections
You must live in a special place...
https://bc.ctvnews.ca/dad-told-children-too-young-to-ride-bus-by-themselves-1.3576620
"The ministry launched an investigation, and had Crook sign a safety plan requiring that he ride the bus with his kids until the probe was completed. In the end, the province ruled his kids required supervision.
Crook, who runs a blog on parenting called 5 Kids 1 Condo, said he was told children under 10 should not take the bus – or go anywhere outside the home – at any time of day without adult accompaniment."
Nemo2
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haha
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Wow, just wow. DW was sent to a dentist appointment at age eight in Washington, D.C. with two bus changes each way. (She lived in College Park, MD at the time, just outside D.C.)
And at age five I was sent walking to school about a mile each way. We thought nothing of it.
What a bunch of nanny state wusses creating a generation of wimps.
