For those who have open communication with your family about money, how much will you

[Momcpa]

I've shared my ideas of investing with my 2 grown children. I've given them a listing of where our money is sitting.........not the valuations, just the names of banks/institutions/investment accounts. We've shared the location of spreadsheets listing items that we have purchased worth a decent amount of money....when bought and for how much. One child lives more local and one quite a distance away. I feel bad for the local one who will probably be 'stuck' handling a lot of the matters when the time comes. Both are adults, married, and financially responsible, so no big worries there.
How much we leave them, of course, depends a lot on how long we live/need money/long-term care, etc. They know we are financially sound right now and would probably be quite surprised at the amount if we both 'left' right now. We intend to live, spend, and enjoy while we can.

 

[marko]

I've been managing mom's (age 90) money for about 40 years now.

I know exactly how much we would inherit as the money is already in our name. I just don't touch it (and never would) until she passes, which the way she's going could be another 20-30 years. Seriously, we have a twice a year review of her assets, growth, income and such just to keep her in the loop.

Almost all of mom's assets are already in trusts so there's no issue or concern about where the money is or where it's going.

 

[Mdlerth]

My parents bequeathed me the gene for zero musical talent

I inherited eyes the color of tiny IHOP restaurant roofs. That's pretty much it.

DF died in June. DM will probably deplete the estate about the time she joins him. Their will says their five children (including yours truly) are to split the residue equally. If there is anything left, I plan to disclaim my share in favor of my penniless siblings. I fully expect they won't appreciate it.

 

[VanWinkle]

We expect to inherit nothing. I suspect we will inherit something.

Our parents are not Bill Gates or Jeff Bezos.

I suspect society will just need to benefit from our spending.

+1

 

[Gumby]

I hear you but if not them then who?

That, my friend, is a very interesting question. And, given that we don't actually have any children, one that I may need to answer in the not too distant future. Now, if all goes according to plan, I will predecease the young wife. She will then get everything, and she can spend it all on Lorenzo the Pool Boy for all I care. And if she doesn't, then it will be her problem to pick an heir. But if I am the survivor, I'll need to pick.

At this point, I have no good ideas. I have four nephews and a niece, but they are not particularly good candidates. Maybe by the time I shuffle off, my great nephews will be grown and I can pick one of them. My ideal candidate will be the one who has drive, self discipline and a sense of responsibility - one who has already established himself and would do fine even without a bequest. I would prefer one with no children, so that the assets are not dissipated. It is of course unenforceable, but I would suggest to that heir that he use the same criterion when his time comes. And maybe someday, a few generations down the road, the descendants of my parents will rise from our hereditary peonage to enjoy the power that comes with great wealth.

 

[Car-Guy]

My parents actually gave me a pretty good indication of their NW in their final years. I think my dad was concerned some of his money might be "lost" somehow so he told me generally where everything was. (unless he forgot to tell me about something) If so, I haven't found any indication of it.

I haven't been as diligent talking to my DD about our estate but I have told her she is listed in our wills as the only heir and she knows in general terms what out NW is (nearest mil). Maybe as I get older I'll start getting into the details where the money/assets are, although for now, she knows where the "master file" is located.

 

[pacergal]

MY parents shared much financial wisdom as I was going up. As they aged, I never knew exactly how much they had, but had a ballpark figure. Parents always said everything was split equally amongst us (4) siblings; Dad joked about "we're spending your inheritance " whenever they bought something or went on extended trips. I always told him that's how it should be.
Never planned on any inheritance, but knew there probably would be some. Dad needed extensive care at the end of his life and I was grateful he had the means to get the best of care.
We have shared with our kids that anything left is to be shared equally. They know we have a will and trust, and savings. And I have shared where our info is and how to access it.
Hopefully, we have a good 20-30 years left, so financial discipline is still a part of our decision making.
As we age, we will most likely include them more.

 

[brett]

I was aware of my parents finances because I handled them in their later years.

Neither of our children, both in their late 30's/early 40's have absolutely no idea what our financial position is. Nor do they need to know at this stage. They only know that we are comfortable.

They have never inquired, we have never volunteered any data. But, this could be attributable to a Scots family upbringing where matters of finance were very private, as was any sort of bragging about money, position, etc. Don't know if it is the norm or not. Don't really care.

 

[scrabbler1]

At the advice of my dad's FA, my brother (who is wealthier than I am), my dad, and I met with an estate lawyer 11 years ago so we could draw up a will, an IAMT (Irrevocable Asset Management Trust), and a Health Care Proxy. (His wife, our mother, has been deceased since 1995.) We put only his house into the IAMT to keep things simple for tax purposes.


My dad has been living comfortably on his small pension, SS, and his savings, of which about half is in an annuity (not subject to any AUM fee). A few years ago, I reviewed his investments with his FA and was satisfied with her lengthy explanation of why she chose them, although some of them seemed rather exotic.


Once in a while, my dad needs to spend some extra money on something such as costly dental work. He jokes to my brother and me, "There goes some more of your inheritance!"

 

[jazz4cash]

For some reason, I find this whole thread distasteful. The way our family finances are set, it’s been the adult children contributing to the parents so far. That could change for the next generation but more than anything else I hope to leave them without the burden of supporting us as we age.

 

[Alan]

We never discussed inheritances with our parents except to assure them that they did not need a life insurance policy to pay for their funeral as there would be enough money in their house to pay for everything.

My wife inherited her mother's wedding ring as it was the one she wore when we were married (long story, my fault ). Today we walked into town and took it into a "we buy gold store" and then walked over the road to a local animal shelter to donate the £143 proceeds.

 

[Teacher Terry]

On Mr. MM forum it’s interesting how many people are worried about having to support their parents in old age. Many financial train wrecks out there.

 

[ncbill]

Surviving parent tells me I'll inherit 1/3...1/3 to their current spouse, my sibling other 1/3.

But based on history they are so easily manipulatable I seriously doubt the above will happen...expect spouse will get it all...tried warning my sibling, not sure I've gotten through.

I don't share absolute figures with my kids, but tell them first priority remains us parents not being a burden on them...I had to give up my career in my 30s to take care of an ill parent.

 

[dixonge]

You do know that in the US you can't inherit debt, legally speaking, right? (Not being sarcastic, I want to make sure you don't get coerced into paying a debt that isn't yours!)

Well their estate/probate may end in debt, not really sure about that. Which won't leave anything for us. Which was mostly my point

 

[The Cosmic Avenger]

Well their estate/probate may end in debt, not really sure about that. Which won't leave anything for us. Which was mostly my point

OK, sorry to hear it. A good friend of mine had to pay out of his own pocket for his dad's funeral when his dad passed away because, despite his dad having a good pension, every check he received went straight to the local liquor store, just like his paychecks did when my friend was growing up. At least I was able to advise my friend that he wasn't responsible for his father's debts, and to just ignore any threatening letters from creditors.

 

[dixonge]

OK, sorry to hear it. A good friend of mine had to pay out of his own pocket when his dad passed away because, despite his dad having a good pension, every check he received went straight to the local liquor store, just like his paychecks did when my friend was growing up. At least I was able to advise my friend that he wasn't responsible for his father's debts, and to just ignore any threatening letters from creditors.

It is possible that they are out of debt, and they have basic insurance to cover funeral/burial expenses. But given the meager leftovers from that, and their long stay in assisted living, I'm sure there are plenty of opportunities to take those leftovers as close to zero as possible. And then there are the *surprises* of which I'm sure there are at least one or two out there. At least my brother is on their bank account and has POA.

 

[youbet]

It is possible that they are out of debt, and they have basic insurance to cover funeral/burial expenses. But given the meager leftovers from that, and their long stay in assisted living, I'm sure there are plenty of opportunities to take those leftovers as close to zero as possible. And then there are the *surprises* of which I'm sure there are at least one or two out there. At least my brother is on their bank account and has POA.

From my point of view, your situation is fortunate from a financial standpoint. In our case, DW and I received a negative inheritance since we needed to help our folks financially in their final years. And we did so gladly since we could afford it and they had provided for us as best they could when we were growing up.

Since you don't need the money and since you want your folks to enjoy what little they have themselves, knowing they're paying their own way in assisted living and spending anything left beyond that would be a good thing.

 

[socca]

In our case, DW and I received a negative inheritance since we needed to help our folks financially in their final years.

The concept of negative inheritance can be extended to wealthy people who die leaving an estate in disarray. It's true that at least the executor is well-compensated for straightening out the mess, but what if time is more valuable than money to the executor? Some executors feel a moral obligation to serve, so declining is not always an option.

Getting back to the original question, my long range financial planning does not include the receipt of an inheritance. I can't say 'retirement planning' because the most I will ever do is semi-retire, not because of financial constraints but because working in the family biz is intellectually stimulating and not too burdensome (except during tax time). My Dad is still working in the family biz in his 80s.

 

[NW-Bound]

... I would prefer one with no children, so that the assets are not dissipated...

Is it possible that an heir with children might be able to use the money to raise the children to be productive, lawful, tax and SS-paying citizens? Would that be as good as donating to charity?

 

[NW-Bound]

I recognize that in some families, money is a taboo topic, fraught with emotion wrapped in insecurity

However, for those who have been fortunate to be able to have frank and open communication with family about money, inheritance and legacy, how much are you expected to inherit?

The OP asked about the money that forum members expect to inherit.

I and my 3 siblings all have a rough idea of what my mother's assets are. My youngest brother was assigned to look after her day-to-day finance, and would know more details. Besides her bank accounts which my brother is a co-owner, we all know she hoards some unknown cash in her safety box in the bank vault, but it probably does not exceed $100K.

At this point, we are all fortunate to have more than a 7-figure networth each, according to my estimate although we do not share personal financial info. As the result, no one is looking to get anything from my widowed mother.

PS. My mother's financial situation never comes up in our sibling-to-sibling talk, except for some time in the past when my mother complained of cash-flow problems. My youngest brother dismissed our concern, saying she had more money than she spent.

 

[lemming]

We did not have open communication but my father had me type up a paper that said a certain stock that he owned would be given to my sister and I upon his death. The rest of his estate went to his second wife.
After he passed she tried to hide the total amount of that stock holding by turning over only the certificates that he had not the stock account. We froze the account so no one could transfer out funds but it took a year to get settled. The amount turned out to be more then expected . It was about a third of what my portfolio was at the time $145,000.So very helpful to me but not a make or break on my totals. If I had known it would not have changed how much I was setting aside. I always worried about my future and stashed away what I could.

There was a phrase "per stirpes" that I did not recognize. He joked that it was so my sister and I did not kill each other off, but also said since I did not have children that she would inherit anyway. Somehow that hurt my feelings so much that I never appreciated the inheritance and have been frustrated trying to untangle myself from it.

 

[Music Lover]

On Mr. MM forum it’s interesting how many people are worried about having to support their parents in old age. Many financial train wrecks out there.

A lot of people on MM plan on retiring early on a bare bones budget. Supporting their parents would definitely throw a wrench into their plans...but just as likely some of them could end up being supported by their kids.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I have tried to warn them that is dangerous. In my family we all live on what we have and don’t expect others to support us.

 

[Perryinva]

Like everyone here, we never planned for anything. I wish our family was more open about finances and everyone was doing well. At one point, (perhaps 20 years ago) my parents (and DWs) had considerable assets, considering both parents came from nothing, neither had a HS diploma, and DM was a SAHM that “handled” the family business. They FIRED in their early 50s, and were pretty clueless about investing. They lived well and we thought, pretty happy, for maybe 15 years & lived a large but relatively simple life. Unfortunately boredom got the best of them both, DM turned in to a gambler, DF got bitter and they divorced. I suspected we (5 siblings) would have to help out DM eventually but she passed away at 69, 11 years ago, and left us each about $35k. It was one of the factors that kept me working so many years beyond a comfortable FIRE. You never know what can happen. I envy really close families.

At the end she got all concerned about how she blew money on gambling and a “boyfriend” and like everyone else here, I told her it was always her money to enjoy as she wanted. At the end, when she saw us all getting together to help her out, she was so happy (and we were a bit out off that she was surprised at that) and felt like she had screwed up. It didn’t matter to us, and we all were glad she didn’t suffer. She was very human with human demons and weaknesses. Like many here, I would rather have had more memories of great times.

Then DF turns around and does practically the same thing, after she passed away, blowing even more on girlfriends and gambling, over the next 11 years, but he had a different take on his money, and put aside an (random number be thought would be enough) amount specifically for his long term cate that we would split if he didn’t use it. That was his way of making sure one way or the other he would be taken care of by one or all of us, He remained bitter about DM till the end, even though the truth was he would have nothing if not for her. His parents (as was DMs father) were terrible parents, and while he always welcomed the kids & grands on a visit, he was only really glad to see them when he was still married and at the end. In between he made it clear he wanted to live “his” life, as he felt like he had spent his whole life living for DM or to raise kids. He was also very human with his own demons. He also passed quickly , just last month, and like my mother was surprised at how we all came together. He ended up spending the last 3 months living with my retired sister, which we insisted she get paid for.

The irony is that for years, as the only one local to him, she tried to get him healthy and involved, and he told me many times that she drove him crazy and he just wanted to live his own life. We all live at totally different parts of the US, much inspired by the desire to get away and be on our own, away from good, but difficult at times, parents. I totally regret not visiting and calling them more often when I was working. The times I did visit (no grands from me) it was never really awkward or felt unwelcome but there was that “well, thanks for the visit, but there was that “don’t you have things to do?” in the air. I’m not sure why I am even writing this. Just thinking to myself. In the end, DF left us a bit more than DM. We all would have preferred more memories of better times together, as they were fewer than they could have been. Ironically, trying to have more memories with step son & daughter are few, as DW is more along the “this is my time” as well as difficult issues. Sigh.

 

[target2019]

I recognize that in some families, money is a taboo topic, fraught with emotion wrapped in insecurity

However, for those who have been fortunate to be able to have frank and open communication with family about money, inheritance and legacy, how much are you expected to inherit?

More importantly, how do you plan to benefit society with this fortunate windfall?

1. For 15 years I took care of inlaws finances, so I knew the total that would be split by their children. I was able to guide the will preparation too, so that the split would be even for each child. Spouse's inheritance added 15-20% to our total portfolio. It gave us a margin of comfort.
2. Our immediate family will benefit from the inheritance. In a limited way we'll help extended family when they need assistance. We'll benefit the neighbors by upgrading our house exterior.

The plan is to leave at least 2-4 times the inherited amount to be split 2 ways. We don't burden our kids with too much about this, although it's right there for them to look at.