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Old 11-01-2019, 08:03 AM   #21
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The brother and I will be lucky to get out without inheriting debt. My parent's legacy is not one of financial genius. They did managed to accumulate pensions sufficient to provide a modicum of assisted living care. Given that my Mom grew up as a sharecropper and was poor as dirt, they ended up all right. But they also made decisions that hampered them their whole lives. So I guess I am inheriting lessons on what *not* to do. I know both my brother and I have done much better than they did, so that's a silver lining...

You do know that in the US you can't inherit debt, legally speaking, right? (Not being sarcastic, I want to make sure you don't get coerced into paying a debt that isn't yours!)
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Old 11-01-2019, 08:07 AM   #22
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I already wrote myself out of DDís will.
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Old 11-01-2019, 08:11 AM   #23
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If I ever had a child who asked how much they could expect to inherit from me, the answer would be zero, no matter how much was sitting in my bank account.
I hear you but if not them then who? I think that is how strangers take them to the cleaners. No family member knew how much money the old folks had. Many times I have heard a senior taken for $xxx,xxx none of the kids knew they had that much money. My father always told me one day this or that will be yours. That day has come and gone. I am very grateful but I would rather have my father back than the stuff.
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Old 11-01-2019, 08:16 AM   #24
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Just make sure they know you worth more to them alive than dead ;-)
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Old 11-01-2019, 08:36 AM   #25
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I knew exactly how much I would (and did) inherent as I handled my father's finances at the end. And I did factor that amount into my retirement. It worked out well.
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Old 11-01-2019, 08:50 AM   #26
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I've shared my ideas of investing with my 2 grown children. I've given them a listing of where our money is sitting.........not the valuations, just the names of banks/institutions/investment accounts. We've shared the location of spreadsheets listing items that we have purchased worth a decent amount of money....when bought and for how much. One child lives more local and one quite a distance away. I feel bad for the local one who will probably be 'stuck' handling a lot of the matters when the time comes. Both are adults, married, and financially responsible, so no big worries there.
How much we leave them, of course, depends a lot on how long we live/need money/long-term care, etc. They know we are financially sound right now and would probably be quite surprised at the amount if we both 'left' right now. We intend to live, spend, and enjoy while we can.
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Old 11-01-2019, 08:51 AM   #27
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I've been managing mom's (age 90) money for about 40 years now.

I know exactly how much we would inherit as the money is already in our name. I just don't touch it (and never would) until she passes, which the way she's going could be another 20-30 years. Seriously, we have a twice a year review of her assets, growth, income and such just to keep her in the loop.

Almost all of mom's assets are already in trusts so there's no issue or concern about where the money is or where it's going.
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My parents bequeathed me the gene for zero musical talent
Old 11-01-2019, 09:11 AM   #28
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My parents bequeathed me the gene for zero musical talent

I inherited eyes the color of tiny IHOP restaurant roofs. That's pretty much it.

DF died in June. DM will probably deplete the estate about the time she joins him. Their will says their five children (including yours truly) are to split the residue equally. If there is anything left, I plan to disclaim my share in favor of my penniless siblings. I fully expect they won't appreciate it.
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Old 11-01-2019, 09:13 AM   #29
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We expect to inherit nothing. I suspect we will inherit something.

Our parents are not Bill Gates or Jeff Bezos.

I suspect society will just need to benefit from our spending.
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Old 11-01-2019, 09:34 AM   #30
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I hear you but if not them then who?
That, my friend, is a very interesting question. And, given that we don't actually have any children, one that I may need to answer in the not too distant future. Now, if all goes according to plan, I will predecease the young wife. She will then get everything, and she can spend it all on Lorenzo the Pool Boy for all I care. And if she doesn't, then it will be her problem to pick an heir. But if I am the survivor, I'll need to pick.

At this point, I have no good ideas. I have four nephews and a niece, but they are not particularly good candidates. Maybe by the time I shuffle off, my great nephews will be grown and I can pick one of them. My ideal candidate will be the one who has drive, self discipline and a sense of responsibility - one who has already established himself and would do fine even without a bequest. I would prefer one with no children, so that the assets are not dissipated. It is of course unenforceable, but I would suggest to that heir that he use the same criterion when his time comes. And maybe someday, a few generations down the road, the descendants of my parents will rise from our hereditary peonage to enjoy the power that comes with great wealth.
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Old 11-01-2019, 09:34 AM   #31
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My parents actually gave me a pretty good indication of their NW in their final years. I think my dad was concerned some of his money might be "lost" somehow so he told me generally where everything was. (unless he forgot to tell me about something) If so, I haven't found any indication of it.

I haven't been as diligent talking to my DD about our estate but I have told her she is listed in our wills as the only heir and she knows in general terms what out NW is (nearest mil). Maybe as I get older I'll start getting into the details where the money/assets are, although for now, she knows where the "master file" is located.
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Old 11-01-2019, 10:00 AM   #32
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MY parents shared much financial wisdom as I was going up. As they aged, I never knew exactly how much they had, but had a ballpark figure. Parents always said everything was split equally amongst us (4) siblings; Dad joked about "we're spending your inheritance " whenever they bought something or went on extended trips. I always told him that's how it should be.
Never planned on any inheritance, but knew there probably would be some. Dad needed extensive care at the end of his life and I was grateful he had the means to get the best of care.
We have shared with our kids that anything left is to be shared equally. They know we have a will and trust, and savings. And I have shared where our info is and how to access it.
Hopefully, we have a good 20-30 years left, so financial discipline is still a part of our decision making.
As we age, we will most likely include them more.
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Old 11-01-2019, 10:34 AM   #33
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I was aware of my parents finances because I handled them in their later years.

Neither of our children, both in their late 30's/early 40's have absolutely no idea what our financial position is. Nor do they need to know at this stage. They only know that we are comfortable.

They have never inquired, we have never volunteered any data. But, this could be attributable to a Scots family upbringing where matters of finance were very private, as was any sort of bragging about money, position, etc. Don't know if it is the norm or not. Don't really care.
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Old 11-01-2019, 10:36 AM   #34
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At the advice of my dad's FA, my brother (who is wealthier than I am), my dad, and I met with an estate lawyer 11 years ago so we could draw up a will, an IAMT (Irrevocable Asset Management Trust), and a Health Care Proxy. (His wife, our mother, has been deceased since 1995.) We put only his house into the IAMT to keep things simple for tax purposes.


My dad has been living comfortably on his small pension, SS, and his savings, of which about half is in an annuity (not subject to any AUM fee). A few years ago, I reviewed his investments with his FA and was satisfied with her lengthy explanation of why she chose them, although some of them seemed rather exotic.


Once in a while, my dad needs to spend some extra money on something such as costly dental work. He jokes to my brother and me, "There goes some more of your inheritance!"
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Old 11-01-2019, 11:28 AM   #35
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For some reason, I find this whole thread distasteful. The way our family finances are set, itís been the adult children contributing to the parents so far. That could change for the next generation but more than anything else I hope to leave them without the burden of supporting us as we age.
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Old 11-01-2019, 11:32 AM   #36
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We never discussed inheritances with our parents except to assure them that they did not need a life insurance policy to pay for their funeral as there would be enough money in their house to pay for everything.

My wife inherited her mother's wedding ring as it was the one she wore when we were married (long story, my fault ). Today we walked into town and took it into a "we buy gold store" and then walked over the road to a local animal shelter to donate the £143 proceeds.
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Old 11-01-2019, 11:55 AM   #37
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On Mr. MM forum it’s interesting how many people are worried about having to support their parents in old age. Many financial train wrecks out there.
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Old 11-01-2019, 01:31 PM   #38
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Surviving parent tells me I'll inherit 1/3...1/3 to their current spouse, my sibling other 1/3.

But based on history they are so easily manipulatable I seriously doubt the above will happen...expect spouse will get it all...tried warning my sibling, not sure I've gotten through.

I don't share absolute figures with my kids, but tell them first priority remains us parents not being a burden on them...I had to give up my career in my 30s to take care of an ill parent.
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Old 11-01-2019, 02:00 PM   #39
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You do know that in the US you can't inherit debt, legally speaking, right? (Not being sarcastic, I want to make sure you don't get coerced into paying a debt that isn't yours!)
Well their estate/probate may end in debt, not really sure about that. Which won't leave anything for us. Which was mostly my point
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Old 11-01-2019, 02:06 PM   #40
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Well their estate/probate may end in debt, not really sure about that. Which won't leave anything for us. Which was mostly my point

OK, sorry to hear it. A good friend of mine had to pay out of his own pocket for his dad's funeral when his dad passed away because, despite his dad having a good pension, every check he received went straight to the local liquor store, just like his paychecks did when my friend was growing up. At least I was able to advise my friend that he wasn't responsible for his father's debts, and to just ignore any threatening letters from creditors.
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