Like everyone here, we never planned for anything. I wish our family was more open about finances and everyone was doing well. At one point, (perhaps 20 years ago) my parents (and DWs) had considerable assets, considering both parents came from nothing, neither had a HS diploma, and DM was a SAHM that “handled” the family business. They FIRED in their early 50s, and were pretty clueless about investing. They lived well and we thought, pretty happy, for maybe 15 years & lived a large but relatively simple life. Unfortunately boredom got the best of them both, DM turned in to a gambler, DF got bitter and they divorced. I suspected we (5 siblings) would have to help out DM eventually but she passed away at 69, 11 years ago, and left us each about $35k. It was one of the factors that kept me working so many years beyond a comfortable FIRE. You never know what can happen. I envy really close families.
At the end she got all concerned about how she blew money on gambling and a “boyfriend” and like everyone else here, I told her it was always her money to enjoy as she wanted. At the end, when she saw us all getting together to help her out, she was so happy (and we were a bit out off that she was surprised at that) and felt like she had screwed up. It didn’t matter to us, and we all were glad she didn’t suffer. She was very human with human demons and weaknesses. Like many here, I would rather have had more memories of great times.
Then DF turns around and does practically the same thing, after she passed away, blowing even more on girlfriends and gambling, over the next 11 years, but he had a different take on his money, and put aside an (random number be thought would be enough) amount specifically for his long term cate that we would split if he didn’t use it. That was his way of making sure one way or the other he would be taken care of by one or all of us, He remained bitter about DM till the end, even though the truth was he would have nothing if not for her. His parents (as was DMs father) were terrible parents, and while he always welcomed the kids & grands on a visit, he was only really glad to see them when he was still married and at the end. In between he made it clear he wanted to live “his” life, as he felt like he had spent his whole life living for DM or to raise kids. He was also very human with his own demons. He also passed quickly , just last month, and like my mother was surprised at how we all came together. He ended up spending the last 3 months living with my retired sister, which we insisted she get paid for.
The irony is that for years, as the only one local to him, she tried to get him healthy and involved, and he told me many times that she drove him crazy and he just wanted to live his own life. We all live at totally different parts of the US, much inspired by the desire to get away and be on our own, away from good, but difficult at times, parents. I totally regret not visiting and calling them more often when I was working. The times I did visit (no grands from me) it was never really awkward or felt unwelcome but there was that “well, thanks for the visit, but there was that “don’t you have things to do?” in the air. I’m not sure why I am even writing this. Just thinking to myself. In the end, DF left us a bit more than DM. We all would have preferred more memories of better times together, as they were fewer than they could have been. Ironically, trying to have more memories with step son & daughter are few, as DW is more along the “this is my time” as well as difficult issues. Sigh.