How did ER affect your marriage?

[haha]

Hmm... With all due respect, if correct, his assumption was a lot more subtle than your suggestion to the OP that he dissolve what sounds like a happy marriage.

With similar respect due to you, you do not realize that this is humor?

I would not even suggest what someone should do with the quarters that he gets out of his pants at night, let alone what he should do in his domestic relations.

Ha

 

[Bestwifeever]

Very different takes on relationships and RE on this forum. I lost my DW when we were looking at the retirement property where I am currently building my house. Treat your DW with the respect and gratitude she deserves along with perhaps an occasional thought of life without her and I would think every thing else will turn out fine. It likely will be much better than the alternative I have experienced.

+1 (and I am so sorry for your loss). Every day I am thankful DH is retired right alongside me, which I had looked forward to for years because I really really like being with him. When our nest emptied of the younger child we experienced an immediate "back to us" feeling. Everyone is different but that is what we encountered and obviously I am glad of it.

 

[Hermit]

I am very sorry for your loss.

However, embedded in your directive to husbands is an assumption that to exit a marriage with both partners still alive means somebody was doing something wrong. In particular it implies that the husband was not acting well. While this may sometimes be true, it is not a rule that can be applied across the board.

Ha

Thank you for the condolences.

I would give the same advice to the wives. That mutual respect thing worked for our marriage for 30 years. I'm pretty sure it would have carried us through retirement. I'm not sure it could be accomplished in a marriage with other problems.

Had DW lived I would likely have retired 3 years later. DW still had goals she wanted to accomplish while working. She had also committed to moving from Virginia to the Colorado mountains for retirement although I'm pretty sure we would also have a condo in Williamsburg, Virginia which was her desire for the winter months. No issues with SAHM space because we both worked when the kids were older.

 

[RobbieB]

With similar respect due to you, you do not realize that this is humor?

Good to know. I thought that you had lost your mind or perhaps too much Popov? Maybe use one of these just to let us know -

 

[niven]

With similar respect due to you, you do not realize that this is humor?

I would not even suggest what someone should do with the quarters that he gets out of his pants at night, let alone what he should do in his domestic relations.

Ha

Of course I knew your response was an attempt at humor. It might even be the kind of humor I'd express if I'd been divorced. But Hermit's respect and gratitude message did not deserve (IMO) to be nitpicked. Of course he did not mean to imply that only the husband can be at fault. My point was your post was much more likely to be misconstrued. Anyway, I see I won't win the point.

 

[haha]

Of course I knew your response was an attempt at humor. It might even be the kind of humor I'd express if I'd been divorced. But Hermit's respect and gratitude message did not deserve (IMO) to be nitpicked. Of course he did not mean to imply that only the husband can be at fault. My point was your post was much more likely to be misconstrued. Anyway, I see I won't win the point.

I had no idea that anyone was trying to win points.

 

[W2R]

This seems like a good point to remind all of our members, not any specific member or members in particular, that if desired they can put other members on their "ignore" list. Just click on the member's name at the top left of their post (just above the avatar), and select "Add (member) to your Ignore List".

 

[cat wrangler]

My husband retired in July of 2017. I continued with my full-time job.

About two months into his retirement, after having a nice dinner, he informed me I was not doing enough around the house.

The good news is that he has been able to get past this, and now prides himself on having dinner ready when I get home each night.

 

[ugeauxgirl]

My husband retired in July of 2017. I continued with my full-time job.

About two months into his retirement, after having a nice dinner, he informed me I was not doing enough around the house.

The good news is that he has been able to get past this, and now prides himself on having dinner ready when I get home each night.

LOL! Did he REALLY? That's hilarious. Thanks for the morning laugh.

 

[travelover]

...............The good news is that he has been able to get past this, and now prides himself on having dinner ready when I get home each night.

A few nights on a lumpy couch seem to bring enlightenment.

 

[frayne]

Retired at 54 about eleven years ago and wife was pretty much a SAHM. Can't say it impacted our relationship one way or another. I stayed out of the way of the sweeper and she doesn't mind my golfing and motorcycle addictions. I think if you have a pretty good relationship prior to retirement you should have a pretty good one in retirement.

 

[MRG]

It took a while maybe almost 2 years, partly due to issues I had with not working. Looking back I was probably in a low grade depression.

After getting through my crap, the last year has been the best year of the almost 41 we've been married. Doesn't mean perfect, but great.

 

[scrinch]

Since my husband retired we bicker a lot over inconsequential things. So all in all I would have to say we haven't experienced any changes.

 

[Lucantes]

This seems like a good point to remind all of our members, not any specific member or members in particular, that if desired they can put other members on their "ignore" list. Just click on the member's name at the top left of their post (just above the avatar), and select "Add (member) to your Ignore List".

Does that include the Administrators?

 

[Walt34]

Does that include the Administrators?

No, you cannot put Administrators or Moderators on ignore. The flip side is that they can't put anyone on ignore either. Not, of course, that any of them would ever, ever, want to put a member on ignore....

 

[AnIntentionalRoad]

My wife was and is a SAHM with our two kids (now teens). ER at 43 was fantastic for our marriage and family. We are much more connected and on the same page, with similar priorities.

It might have even saved our marriage because things got pretty rough the last few years before the ER.

Sent from my SM-T237P using Early Retirement Forum mobile app

 

[petershk]

I'll admit it. I am not a sentimental person and I tend to forget to do small things so I have to remind myself as my DW appreciates more than anything.

A couple ideas
1) learn what her favorite food is and make it. I have become really good at making creme brulee, Carmel corn and apricot scones... and can honestly say I make them better than most restaurants now... In her eyes anyway.

2) flowers. I don't do this enough but she loves flowers. Picking them is much better than buying .

3) giving her time. We have 2 young kids. I enjoy spending time with them so I try to find time (weekly if not not more) to take the kids out and give her some time.

The key is... she does lots of nice little things for me.

I'm amazed at how many couples go the other way. Spend time and energy comparing how little the other person does and trying to nit pick and irritate each other (often through sarcasm). Our relationship isn't perfect... but neither are we.

I'm not religious but I think there much wisdom in there... I think this is a great guide:

"Let not the sun go down in your wrath."


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[rodi]

One thing no one has mentioned (or I missed it as I skimmed the answers)... With both parties ER'd there's more opportunity for ... ahem... physical companionship.

That can be considered a benefit or a negative...depending on your attitude. LOL.

 

[Souschef]

It has been pretty good. I have learned to relax, and I asked my wife how she feels. Her response was "contented". We enjoy each others company and she is more practical than me in some aspects.
The attached sign pretty well sums it up

 

[2017ish]

One thing no one has mentioned (or I missed it as I skimmed the answers)... With both parties ER'd there's more opportunity for ... ahem... physical companionship.

That can be considered a benefit or a negative...depending on your attitude. LOL.

+1. We look forward to spontaneity unhindered by lack of sleep!

 

[Bryan Barnfellow]

My brilliant and very capable wife left her j*b at my urging about 20 years ago. She was not built for stress and we both realized that. So she decided to take on most household duties and supported me in my career quite flawlessly. Prior to my early retirement we had a planning meeting to define how we would approach finally achieving our dream of being able to spend so much more time together. I offered to take on all the house chores and give her relief from them. She said she wanted to keep some anyway. So, I suggested she give me at least all the ones she hated. Seemed only fair. It gives me great satisfaction each week knowing that I am saving her from these tasks. It's her retirement also.

-BB

 

[imoldernu]

Wish I had something to add.
On July 12th, we'll celebrate 58 years of very happy marriage.

Our mutual observation:
"Between the two of us, we almost make one person."

Wouldn't have it any other way.