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Old 04-25-2016, 02:09 PM   #21
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I can tell you what makes the adjustment less rocky.

Get divorced. No more compromise or disagreement, no more whose work is more important, no more random resentments. While not impossible, it is hard to resent yourself. Usually a bit more vodka, perhaps longer dry spells, but maybe not.

Never again a break-up fee for doing what you want to do.

Has its downsides for sure, but don't overlook the positives.

Ha
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Exactly. I take a very dim view of marriage (too many downsides versus upsides for my taste), which is why I am so thankful at this point in life I never got sucked into any of it. Oh, I did the whole relationship thing (and then some) and am in fact "relating" now. But marriage, like money, changes everything. YMMV

You might find this interesting:

Men and Women in Retirement
Very different takes on relationships and RE on this forum. I lost my DW when we were looking at the retirement property where I am currently building my house. Treat your DW with the respect and gratitude she deserves along with perhaps an occasional thought of life without her and I would think every thing else will turn out fine. It likely will be much better than the alternative I have experienced.
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Old 04-25-2016, 02:17 PM   #22
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Treat your DW with the respect and gratitude she deserves along with perhaps an occasional thought of life without her and I would think every thing else will turn out fine. It likely will be much better than the alternative I have experienced.
I am very sorry for your loss.

However, embedded in your directive to husbands is an assumption that to exit a marriage with both partners still alive means somebody was doing something wrong. In particular it implies that the husband was not acting well. While this may sometimes be true, it is not a rule that can be applied across the board.

Ha
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Old 04-25-2016, 02:29 PM   #23
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I am very sorry for your loss.

However, embedded in your directive to husbands is an assumption that to exit a marriage with both partners still alive means somebody was doing something wrong. In particular it implies that the husband was not acting well. While this may sometimes be true, it is not a rule that can be applied across the board.

Ha
Hmm... With all due respect, if correct, his assumption was a lot more subtle than your suggestion to the OP that he dissolve what sounds like a happy marriage.
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Old 04-25-2016, 02:35 PM   #24
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"Oh, one more finding from the TIAA survey that might surprise you: an impressive 95 percent of respondents said their relationship with their spouse or partner either improved or stayed the same in retirement compared to before."

I guess I am an outlier on this one. I our marriage is hitting a rough spot as my wife seemed to like the life of me going off work all day as an Exec for Mega-corp. She retired years ago but I just retired 8 months ago. It seems the thought of me being retired makes her feel less successful or young, I am not sure which it is.
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Old 04-25-2016, 02:43 PM   #25
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I realize nobody can answer the question of how "my" marriage will be affected. But I am interested in your experience. Seems like it has the potential for major change -- either good or not.
Since my husband retired we bicker a lot over inconsequential things. So all in all I would have to say we haven't experienced any changes.
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Old 04-25-2016, 04:11 PM   #26
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Hmm... With all due respect, if correct, his assumption was a lot more subtle than your suggestion to the OP that he dissolve what sounds like a happy marriage.
With similar respect due to you, you do not realize that this is humor?

I would not even suggest what someone should do with the quarters that he gets out of his pants at night, let alone what he should do in his domestic relations.

Ha
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Old 04-25-2016, 04:19 PM   #27
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Very different takes on relationships and RE on this forum. I lost my DW when we were looking at the retirement property where I am currently building my house. Treat your DW with the respect and gratitude she deserves along with perhaps an occasional thought of life without her and I would think every thing else will turn out fine. It likely will be much better than the alternative I have experienced.
+1 (and I am so sorry for your loss). Every day I am thankful DH is retired right alongside me, which I had looked forward to for years because I really really like being with him. When our nest emptied of the younger child we experienced an immediate "back to us" feeling. Everyone is different but that is what we encountered and obviously I am glad of it.
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Old 04-25-2016, 04:37 PM   #28
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I am very sorry for your loss.

However, embedded in your directive to husbands is an assumption that to exit a marriage with both partners still alive means somebody was doing something wrong. In particular it implies that the husband was not acting well. While this may sometimes be true, it is not a rule that can be applied across the board.

Ha
Thank you for the condolences.

I would give the same advice to the wives. That mutual respect thing worked for our marriage for 30 years. I'm pretty sure it would have carried us through retirement. I'm not sure it could be accomplished in a marriage with other problems.

Had DW lived I would likely have retired 3 years later. DW still had goals she wanted to accomplish while working. She had also committed to moving from Virginia to the Colorado mountains for retirement although I'm pretty sure we would also have a condo in Williamsburg, Virginia which was her desire for the winter months. No issues with SAHM space because we both worked when the kids were older.
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Old 04-25-2016, 04:55 PM   #29
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With similar respect due to you, you do not realize that this is humor?
Good to know. I thought that you had lost your mind or perhaps too much Popov? Maybe use one of these just to let us know -
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Old 04-25-2016, 05:11 PM   #30
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With similar respect due to you, you do not realize that this is humor?

I would not even suggest what someone should do with the quarters that he gets out of his pants at night, let alone what he should do in his domestic relations.

Ha
Of course I knew your response was an attempt at humor. It might even be the kind of humor I'd express if I'd been divorced. But Hermit's respect and gratitude message did not deserve (IMO) to be nitpicked. Of course he did not mean to imply that only the husband can be at fault. My point was your post was much more likely to be misconstrued. Anyway, I see I won't win the point.
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Old 04-25-2016, 06:06 PM   #31
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Of course I knew your response was an attempt at humor. It might even be the kind of humor I'd express if I'd been divorced. But Hermit's respect and gratitude message did not deserve (IMO) to be nitpicked. Of course he did not mean to imply that only the husband can be at fault. My point was your post was much more likely to be misconstrued. Anyway, I see I won't win the point.
I had no idea that anyone was trying to win points.
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Old 04-25-2016, 07:32 PM   #32
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This seems like a good point to remind all of our members, not any specific member or members in particular, that if desired they can put other members on their "ignore" list. Just click on the member's name at the top left of their post (just above the avatar), and select "Add (member) to your Ignore List".
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Old 04-25-2016, 09:48 PM   #33
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My husband retired in July of 2017. I continued with my full-time job.

About two months into his retirement, after having a nice dinner, he informed me I was not doing enough around the house.

The good news is that he has been able to get past this, and now prides himself on having dinner ready when I get home each night.
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Old 04-26-2016, 07:03 AM   #34
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My husband retired in July of 2017. I continued with my full-time job.

About two months into his retirement, after having a nice dinner, he informed me I was not doing enough around the house.

The good news is that he has been able to get past this, and now prides himself on having dinner ready when I get home each night.
LOL! Did he REALLY? That's hilarious. Thanks for the morning laugh.
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Old 04-26-2016, 07:49 AM   #35
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...............The good news is that he has been able to get past this, and now prides himself on having dinner ready when I get home each night.
A few nights on a lumpy couch seem to bring enlightenment.
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Old 04-26-2016, 09:20 AM   #36
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Retired at 54 about eleven years ago and wife was pretty much a SAHM. Can't say it impacted our relationship one way or another. I stayed out of the way of the sweeper and she doesn't mind my golfing and motorcycle addictions. I think if you have a pretty good relationship prior to retirement you should have a pretty good one in retirement.
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Old 04-27-2016, 10:20 AM   #37
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It took a while maybe almost 2 years, partly due to issues I had with not working. Looking back I was probably in a low grade depression.

After getting through my crap, the last year has been the best year of the almost 41 we've been married. Doesn't mean perfect, but great.
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Old 04-27-2016, 07:54 PM   #38
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Since my husband retired we bicker a lot over inconsequential things. So all in all I would have to say we haven't experienced any changes.
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Old 04-27-2016, 11:00 PM   #39
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This seems like a good point to remind all of our members, not any specific member or members in particular, that if desired they can put other members on their "ignore" list. Just click on the member's name at the top left of their post (just above the avatar), and select "Add (member) to your Ignore List".
Does that include the Administrators?
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Old 04-28-2016, 03:43 PM   #40
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Does that include the Administrators?
No, you cannot put Administrators or Moderators on ignore. The flip side is that they can't put anyone on ignore either. Not, of course, that any of them would ever, ever, want to put a member on ignore....
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