Looking for advice. I daydream about divorce. Literally. My wife and I are going through a bit of a rough patch but it is more than that. I think I genuinely enjoy being alone. I am very introverted by nature, she is not. We have been together since age 16 (28 now, married since 22). We have never really experienced life without each other and I'm starting to think that was a big mistake.
Now we do have 2 very little kids. She stays home with them, and I let her know constantly how much I appreciate the hardwork that it takes for her to do that, however it is also her choice as I've told her if she wants to work I support her fully. The moment I get home I am fully in the mix and have no problem with that. I don't expect to come home and watch TV. I take the kids, feed them, baths, get them ready for bed, help with household chores. Lately she is so resentful that I go to work and it has caused tension with us. I am supposed to feel bad for supporting the family with the only income?? My job is air traffic control and also is very stressful and I feel I get no return of appreciation for busting my a$$ everyday with the stress and shiftwork. Every week I work night and day shifts which often leaves little time to sleep. I absolutely love my children and spending time with them and teaching them and being their father. However, I realize when she is NOT around (grocery store or something) I love it 10x more. There is less stress. I don't feel her eyes watching/judging me.
To clarify, with 2 little kids I DO NOT expect to come home and vegetate. I expect to come home and help, which I do fully! My problem is I know these kids won't be little forever, and eventually it will be just her and I again. Our life together before having kids, I never felt like I could relax. If I try to take a nap, she is upset. I am lazy. If I just want to watch a show, not go to another farmer market, it is a fight because I am lazy. I feel like down the road in retirement, I don't want the stress of living with anyone.
I daydream about retirement and being able to do whatever I want (that is the goal right?). After a career of inconsistent sleep and constant stress I'd like to stay up as late and lseep as late as I want. But in the back of my mind I know that won't be the case. I will be doing whatever it is she wants or plans for us to do each day. I also don't want to be a person who avoids going home or HAS to find some hobby outside of the house to avoid my wife. If I want to sleep until noon, I want to be able to do it guilt-free!
So here is the dilema. I have a great federal career where I can retire early with a good pension and good amount of retirement savings. Do I cut the cord early to minimize the bleeding on my retirement? She would likely only get half of my current earned pension and half of my current retirement savings. OR Do I wait until we are retired or almost retired to see if my predictions come true, which at that point a divorce would completely derail the type of retirement I want. The first sounds like a no-brainer but it breaks my heart for my kids sake and I'm scared to death about not being able to see them all the time.
In my dream world there is only my kids and I. I know she will never be out of the picture as she is their mother, but is this any way to live the rest of my life? Dreading coming home to her? I'm very confused.
Now we do have 2 very little kids. She stays home with them, and I let her know constantly how much I appreciate the hardwork that it takes for her to do that, however it is also her choice as I've told her if she wants to work I support her fully. The moment I get home I am fully in the mix and have no problem with that. I don't expect to come home and watch TV. I take the kids, feed them, baths, get them ready for bed, help with household chores. Lately she is so resentful that I go to work and it has caused tension with us. I am supposed to feel bad for supporting the family with the only income?? My job is air traffic control and also is very stressful and I feel I get no return of appreciation for busting my a$$ everyday with the stress and shiftwork. Every week I work night and day shifts which often leaves little time to sleep. I absolutely love my children and spending time with them and teaching them and being their father. However, I realize when she is NOT around (grocery store or something) I love it 10x more. There is less stress. I don't feel her eyes watching/judging me.
To clarify, with 2 little kids I DO NOT expect to come home and vegetate. I expect to come home and help, which I do fully! My problem is I know these kids won't be little forever, and eventually it will be just her and I again. Our life together before having kids, I never felt like I could relax. If I try to take a nap, she is upset. I am lazy. If I just want to watch a show, not go to another farmer market, it is a fight because I am lazy. I feel like down the road in retirement, I don't want the stress of living with anyone.
I daydream about retirement and being able to do whatever I want (that is the goal right?). After a career of inconsistent sleep and constant stress I'd like to stay up as late and lseep as late as I want. But in the back of my mind I know that won't be the case. I will be doing whatever it is she wants or plans for us to do each day. I also don't want to be a person who avoids going home or HAS to find some hobby outside of the house to avoid my wife. If I want to sleep until noon, I want to be able to do it guilt-free!
So here is the dilema. I have a great federal career where I can retire early with a good pension and good amount of retirement savings. Do I cut the cord early to minimize the bleeding on my retirement? She would likely only get half of my current earned pension and half of my current retirement savings. OR Do I wait until we are retired or almost retired to see if my predictions come true, which at that point a divorce would completely derail the type of retirement I want. The first sounds like a no-brainer but it breaks my heart for my kids sake and I'm scared to death about not being able to see them all the time.
In my dream world there is only my kids and I. I know she will never be out of the picture as she is their mother, but is this any way to live the rest of my life? Dreading coming home to her? I'm very confused.