Adult Children Still Living at Home?

[Walt34]

Not trying to be mean here, but it seems part of the problem is you.... why can't she live in a crappy part of town?

Because that is a dangerous place to be for a 28-year-old female who looks 16. If it was my daughter I'd much prefer her to be living with us if that was the alternative.

 

[W2R]

How to live on your own despite working for crummy pay

Here are some ideas and I'll leave it up to the reader to guess where I got them from. Hint: I didn't read them somewhere.

1) unusually low priced, ugly, tiny, horrid studio or 1 BR apartment, with one or two roommates, probably in a borderline bad neighborhood to keep the prices down but not the middle of the worst neighborhood if possible

2) job

3) moonlighting job too

4) school too, yeah, working insanely long hours is part of the deal and life isn't fair

5) no car, just walk or take the bus until you can afford a bicycle

6) no expensive textbooks for school, just read your friends' copies while they are reading other textbooks, or read them at the library or bookstore and do your best

7) cheap box of mac 'n' cheese is very filling

8) learn some serious LBYM when the money runs out before the days in the month do.

 

[pb4uski]

....Opinions cannot vary much considering everyone has to conform to the rules. ....

When should I start SS? Should I pay off my mortgage? What is the optimal AA for an early retiree? Ponyboy's right... nothing but groupthink around here.

 

[2017ish]

When should I start SS? Should I pay off my mortgage? What is the optimal AA for an early retiree? Ponyboy's right... nothing but groupthink around here.

And what about that Wade Pfau character/professor/expert/charlatan?

 

[pb4uski]

Regardless of my daughters motivation, there are still real world realities. She works 35-40 hours a week now between her two jobs, but at minimum wage only brings home 1200-1500 a month. The cheapest rent in the area is at least 800 for a tiny 1BR studio in a slummy part of town. No way she could afford that.....

If she works 40 hours a week then she should be bringing home about $1,400/month... even at the $11/hour minimum wage in Washington state.

Consistent with my DS... he does factory work and brings home about $1,500/month. He also could not afford an apartment on his own, so he rents a room ... about $350/month. He also pays his own subsidized ACA health insurance, car insurance and a $210/month car payment. Living on his own. And still saving money after food and all.

What would a room in a home or a 1/3 of a 3 bedroom apartment cost in your area?

 

[Sunset]

Im not saying one is better than the other. The person commented how well mannered everyone is...its because they have no choice. Opinions cannot vary much considering everyone has to conform to the rules. Again not necessarily a bad thing...just an observation everyone should be aware of.

I totally disagree.
Yes there are topics that cannot be discussed, but they number very few. It is true we should be polite, but politeness does not mean agreement.

If you want to see a topic where people disagree, just look at all the threads on taking SS at some age.

 

[Sunset]

Despite my griping, I am proud of her. She has always been happy and respectful, never went through a rebellious stage, never dabbled with drugs or alcohol, and doesn't sleep around. She pays for her own car license and insurance, pays her own health insurance, and I even convinced her to start an IRA last year. While she technically lives at home, we rarely see her as she's busy with her two part time jobs, volunteering, and recreational activities.

Chronologically she may be 28, but she still looks like she is 16. Everywhere we go people ask her "so are you graduating high school this year". She also acts much younger and has such a naive view of the world. She's one smart cookie, but very immature for her age. I suppose that's why it hasn't felt so weird that she lives at home, she still seems so young.

You should tell her to open a ROTH instead of an IRA, as she does not sound like she needs a deduction.

 

[folivier]

One option is to charge them rent and put that money aside for when they do move out to help them get started either with expenses or savings. Up to you if you want to tell them about that.
We did a version of that when our oldest son was in high school. We bought his car but had him pay us back for it and his insurance. He lived at home while attending college. When he finished college we handed him a nice check to help him get started.

 

[Car-Guy]

I would definitely charge a fair amount to cover the cost to you for her living expenses. (call it rent if you like).

 

[pb4uski]

You should tell her to open a ROTH instead of an IRA, as she does not sound like she needs a deduction.

The other thing she should take full advantage of is the retirement savings tax credit... for the last 4 years, DS has put a little bit in a tIRA to reduce his income below $18,000 so he will maximize the credit and then additional contributions to his Roth IRA.... between the two the total contribution is 2x his tax liability... he gets a tax credit for 50% of what he contributes to retirement savings which offsets his tax, making his net tax a big, fat $0.... and he gets a refund for every penny of federal income tax withheld.

IMO, every person with incoem below $18,000 shoudl take full advantage of the tax credit if they can... like a government sponsored retirement savings match.

OP's DS can also convert tIRA to Roth IRA.

 

[mountainsoft]

If she works 40 hours a week then she should be bringing home about $1,400/month... even at the $11/hour minimum wage in Washington state. What would a room in a home or a 1/3 of a 3 bedroom apartment cost in your area?

Her theater hours are variable, but she typically brings home between 1200 and 1500 per month. I went with 1200 as that's all she can really count on.

What would a room in a home or a 1/3 of a 3 bedroom apartment cost in your area?

I looked yesterday and the cheapest I could find was around 650 per month. I did see one or two cheaper room rentals, but "I" wouldn't feel comfortable with her living there.

The cheapest apartment I found was 800 for section 8 housing, and one dumpy apartment someone was renting. Most studios or 1BR in the area are going for 900-1000 per month. I even checked some of the outlying towns to see if rent was cheaper, it wasn't.

Real eye opener for me as we paid 225 per month back when we rented an apartment.

 

[mountainsoft]

The other thing she should take full advantage of is the retirement savings tax credit.... gets a refund for every penny of federal income tax withheld.

Yes, she uses the savings tax credit and she has been getting 100% of her tax refunded.

Two years she actually got back more than she paid in because of the earned income credit.

 

[Bestwifeever]

I would just charge her the $225 a month (harken back to your original rent) if your DW is on board with it and bank it for her. Your DD sounds like a hardworking lovely young woman and the amount won't hurt her but might focus her a bit on the future.

Sometimes we don't get the life we expected. If yours includes an adult daughter who needs to live with you for a while longer and an aging MIL that your DW wants to care for, that sounds like the hand you've been dealt.

 

[mountainsoft]

I would just charge her the $225 a month (harken back to your original rent) if your DW is on board with it

Wife and I discussed it last night and will probably charge $300-400 if she wants to stay at home. Conventional wisdom says rent is supposed to be 30% of your income, so that's roughly what I based it on. That's still half what she'll pay for a place of her own. Just waiting for a day when we're all home to discuss it.

 

[ivinsfan]

Wife and I discussed it last night and will probably charge $300-400 if she wants to stay at home. Conventional wisdom says rent is supposed to be 30% of your income, so that's roughly what I based it on. That's still half what she'll pay for a place of her own. Just waiting for a day when we're all home to discuss it.

You pay all the utilities and for all her food...400 should be the minimum...500 wouldn't be out of line either. If you want her to become moneywise it's a good place to start.

 

[Fedup]

I think any amount is good. I'm glad your wife and you are on board.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

Mountainsoft, that sounds like a great start. Another option is to let her know if she moves out now you would subsidize her for X dollars or X years so she could live in a safe places until she improves here career prospects and can live in a safe place on her own or with a roommate. We paid for one our kid's share of rent and utilities and part of the roommates share in college so they could live in a nicer place than what the roommate was able to spend on housing. It was still cheaper for us than paying for a studio or one bedroom for our kid without the roommate. They are good friends and are still roommates post college so it worked out well for all of us.

 

[pullmyfinger]

I would just charge her the $225 a month (harken back to your original rent) if your DW is on board with it and bank it for her. Your DD sounds like a hardworking lovely young woman and the amount won't hurt her but might focus her a bit on the future.

Sometimes we don't get the life we expected. If yours includes an adult daughter who needs to live with you for a while longer and an aging MIL that your DW wants to care for, that sounds like the hand you've been dealt.

+1

 

[jollystomper]

To the OP - If she is an English major has she looked into teaching overseas? There is a big demand for english teachers and the pay is enough to support oneself and save, even if just for a few years. One of my kids is doing that.

In terms of a job, has she signed up with local temporary agency? Another kid did this, and ended up having a part time job evolve into a full time job with good pay and benefits.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Since she has an English degree it can be very quick in many states to obtain a temporary teaching license while she goes to school to obtain the credits she needs to be a teacher. Especially for the jobs at the junior high or HS level.

 

[pb4uski]

Mountainsoft, that sounds like a great start. Another option is to let her know if she moves out now you would subsidize her for X dollars or X years so she could live in a safe places until she improves here career prospects and can live in a safe place on her own or with a roommate. We paid for one our kid's share of rent and utilities and part of the roommates share in college so they could live in a nicer place than what the roommate was able to spend on housing. It was still cheaper for us than paying for a studio or one bedroom for our kid without the roommate. They are good friends and are still roommates post college so it worked out well for all of us.

I was thinking something similar... if a decent and safe place is $650/moonth and 30% of her gross income is $500 then help her out for the extra $150/month initially... then grade it off over time until she is totally on her own.

$1,800 a year to have her out of the house and on her own is cheap.

 

[Sunset]

Wife and I discussed it last night and will probably charge $300-400 if she wants to stay at home. Conventional wisdom says rent is supposed to be 30% of your income, so that's roughly what I based it on. That's still half what she'll pay for a place of her own. Just waiting for a day when we're all home to discuss it.

Perhaps it would be more instructive to charge her $200 or $250 plus 1/3 of the utilities each month (gas, electric, condo fee, water) as it gets her used to the idea rent may not include those, plus the actual sharing of costs. Which would be good when she gets a room-mate.

 

[beppie58]

My son who just turned 30 still lives at home however he lives in my basement apartment and pays rent. He also mows the grass carries heavy things for me I am Greek so it might be a cultural thing but he can live with me forever if he wants.

 

[Golden sunsets]

Wife and I discussed it last night and will probably charge $300-400 if she wants to stay at home. Conventional wisdom says rent is supposed to be 30% of your income, so that's roughly what I based it on. That's still half what she'll pay for a place of her own. Just waiting for a day when we're all home to discuss it.

Glad to hear this, and I may have missed this, but she should also be responsible for certain household chores in and outside of the home, particularly since you and your DW have heavy responsibilities with your parents. But beyond this the greatest need is some form of vocational counseling, so that her job prospects improve and the current situation doesn't continue indefiniteltly. There are folks who provide vocational counseling who with an objective perspective could address what appear to be some serious issues leading to her underemployment. The OP and his wife are confronting significant elder parent issues and their daughter's failure to launch probably appears less urgent.


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[street]

Interesting subject. I see nothing wrong with adult children living at home but I see it at a benefit for them to get out on there own also.

My neighbor has both of their sons living at home and they are late 30's and early 40's. I'm not so sure that is a good thing but everyone for their own.