Adult Children Still Living at Home?

[TrophyWife]

Wife and I discussed it last night and will probably charge $300-400 if she wants to stay at home. Conventional wisdom says rent is supposed to be 30% of your income, so that's roughly what I based it on. That's still half what she'll pay for a place of her own. Just waiting for a day when we're all home to discuss it.

That sounds reasonable. I had a friend who lived in govt housing for a bit. They couldn't be kicked out but were required to pay 30% of their income for rent.

Another option,(don't flame me) Maybe you can get her on some kind of govt assistance to get her going. The waiting list for section 8 is about 5 years around here. That way if 5 years pass and nothing has changed, she will be able to launch.

 

[RetiredGypsy]

I've lived with parents on three occasions over the last decade, each in response to dealing with some medical issue and recovery. Made more sense than all the expenses of getting an apartment each time I needed to travel back. Short durations each, but each time there was a very friendly and open discussion about living arrangements. Rent, general care in taking care of my own food/dishes/laundry/cleaning/etc, and how much involvement I was willing to put up with in my own personal coming and going.

Contrast this with a relative who lived with my extended family until they were in their mid 30s, rent free and not at all interested in being independent enough to manage any of their own affairs, who moved out only after getting married.

I think the response you'll get when trying to introduce independence - rent, chores, whatever- depends on either of those two general personalities. If they're independent to begin with, it probably won't be a big issue. If not, you'll probably wind up with resentment, arguments, and a big tug of war trying to force someone over the line into maturity who is very happy having others do all the work for them.

I'd imagine not giving in to any arguments is a win-win. Either they are forced into maturity through capitulation, or get so fed up they move out, forcing them to learn to do all the things you're trying to get them to do anyway.

 

[Hermit]

...
Another option,(don't flame me) Maybe you can get her on some kind of govt assistance to get her going. The waiting list for section 8 is about 5 years around here. That way if 5 years pass and nothing has changed, she will be able to launch.

That is, IMHO, a very poor suggestion for someone that is able bodied and has a college degree. There are people, who through no fault of their own, truly need government assistance. She is not one of them. I do know people who have chosen the government assistance path basically because they are lazy. I would not want to encourage anyone in that direction.

 

[ivinsfan]

That is, IMHO, a very poor suggestion for someone that is able bodied and has a college degree. There are people, who through no fault of their own, truly need government assistance. She is not one of them. I do know people who have chosen the government assistance path basically because they are lazy. I would not want to encourage anyone in that direction.

+1....

 

[Fedup]

That is, IMHO, a very poor suggestion for someone that is able bodied and has a college degree. There are people, who through no fault of their own, truly need government assistance. She is not one of them. I do know people who have chosen the government assistance path basically because they are lazy. I would not want to encourage anyone in that direction.

They may not get it. I'm not sure it's that easy, otherwise everybody will sign up.

 

[Redbugdave]

If she does not have a mental condition of some sort stopping her from leaving the nest, (yes, I realize she has parents that enabled), I suggest she go into the military. It will be be best growing experience she could get. She will become independent. She may get into a field that she can do something with. With the degree, she may even go in as an officer. The older she gets, the less opportunity she may have in the future to sink her teeth into a career with benefits, (such as a health insurance and retirement). Another other option...and to be blunt...is to marry into money.

 

[TrophyWife]

That is, IMHO, a very poor suggestion for someone that is able bodied and has a college degree. There are people, who through no fault of their own, truly need government assistance. She is not one of them. I do know people who have chosen the government assistance path basically because they are lazy. I would not want to encourage anyone in that direction.

I guess I should clarify, i would use this as a wake up call. I wouldn't want to take advantage of the system if she doesn't need it. For some adult children this strategy might work, others not so much.

If things are cozy and easy at home, a large majority of kids would never leave and some will always want to leave and build their own life. I think it's our job as parents to help them launch knowing that it's painful for us to see them struggle but knowing that in the end it's good for our kids to be self supporting.

 

[TrophyWife]

Any update?

 

[mountainsoft]

Any update?

Daughter still lives at home, but is paying $400 per month for rent. Since my mom had her stroke in May we have been busy tending to her affairs and are hardly ever home. So it has been kind of nice to have our daughter "house sitting" while we've been so busy. With our different schedules we rarely see our daughter anymore.

 

[TrophyWife]

Sounds like a good option. Our son pays rent and it makes it easier.

 

[Chuckanut]

Alas, my children grew up in what is now a very high cost of housing area. So, as one might imagine, any of us in our 50's and 60's have found that the kids have moved back. Some for just a few months, others for year.