Am I burnt out???

[82-T/A]

Hey guys, I've really appreciated the advice I've gotten from you guys over the past ~14 years. I know I haven't posted a whole lot... but I'm "in a place," right now... and really would like some reflection from others.


I first posted back here in 2007
Then again in 2019
And again in 2021





I apologize in advance, I really don't want my post to sound bragy (I guess), and I'm not asking for pity either (I apologize for even suggesting this) ... but I think I'm burnt out.


Financially things are going well... (and again, I am so sorry for laying out this out, but just want to lay it out like when you speak to a doctor)...




I left my previous job (from my post in 2021) and about doubled my salary. I make about $200k, and with rental income, and my spouse's income, we bring home about $260k a year now.


We have a rental which we break even on (my fault for not being a more aggressive landlord, I leave about $800 on the table compared to going rate). But we have about $500k in equity in that home right now.


We have a nice home that we live in, with about $200k in equity. We also have some vacant land which doesn't do anything.


I have about 350k in retirement accounts, $150k in personal investment / savings accounts, and a few other assets. No debt except the mortgage for the two homes. A 529 for the daughter.





I like what I do, but I feel like I'm completely burnt out. I have very little enthusiasm anymore for my work, even though most people would give their right arm to be working in the field that I do, and do what I do... and I realize this, which makes me feel really bad for feeling sorry for myself because I know how lucky I am.


I'm 44... my family is great, finances are great, home life is great... but I'm tired of working. At the same time, I know that I would go insane if I wasn't working.



I'm also finishing up another degree (I have like 5 of them). I have one more class to get this next Masters degree, which has been a lot of work... but I'm a perfectionist so I force myself to get straight As every time. I'm so totally burnt out that I don't know what to do.




Live is great... I'm not depressed, and again, I apologize if any of this sounds bragy or lame... and I don't want sympathy... because I realize how lucky I am. Just looking to see if others have felt this way, if it's maybe a mid-life crisis? I don't know...



I have millions of hobbies, and would love to do them if I was retired... but what drives me is wanting to do big things... I'm just at a loss.


Am I making sense? Negative comments welcome to, I appreciate it...





Thank you...

 

[MichaelB]

To state the obvious, it sounds like you need a change in your life. What specifically are you doing to slow things down, rein in the competitive push, and maybe even develop a pastime or hobby you enjoy, instead of a million you don’t?

 

[Act2]

Change something up, for sure. If you take a sabbatical for six months to a year to think about it, do you have sufficient income for a year’s expenses?

 

[RunningBum]

5 degrees? What are those doing for you, other than soaking up a lot of time?

 

[emmaswan]

"I'm a perfectionist so I force myself to get straight As every time."

I realize this statement was in reference to your upcoming degree, but any chance this sentiment of "letting perfect be the enemy of good" is carrying over to other parts of your work life that is contributing to the burnout?

 

[Jenna]

I don't mean to sound snarky, but you may want to get your hormone levels checked. It could be just a low T level that could be fixed fairly easy. I find that when I should be happy but Im not and I can't pinpoint it, it's either low hormones, endotoxins (fixed with activated charcoal or antibiotics) or a thyroid issue. I would seek out an MD that specializes in hormones or natarual meds. The Ray Peat Forum is good for that sort of stuff too

 

[livingalmostlarge]

why not retire?

 

[Morgan22]

5 degrees? What are those doing for you, other than soaking up a lot of time?

Are these required to keep yourself employed?

You sound like an over achiever that hasn't found a good balance in life yet. You need to give yourself a break. It sounds like you've accomplished a lot so far and are on a good path.

I think many of us go through phases where it is difficult to be enthusiastic about work. Maybe take on a new project, or try to remove the dreaded part of your job to a more appropriate department/person in your organization. Or start mentoring younger employees.

After you finish this last degree you are working on, you really should get into a hobby you can enjoy now while you are plugging away at work.

Keep saving like you are doing and plan to retire at 57 when your pensions will start paying out. Or as you approach your early 50's re-evaluate to see if you can retire earlier.

 

[82-T/A]

To state the obvious, it sounds like you need a change in your life. What specifically are you doing to slow things down, rein in the competitive push, and maybe even develop a pastime or hobby you enjoy, instead of a million you don’t?

I do... I don't know. I'm not really doing anything to slow things down. I suppose I'm only taking one class next semester for my latest degree. There are a lot of things I want to get done though, that I just haven't had the time to do. Several home renovations.

Change something up, for sure. If you take a sabbatical for six months to a year to think about it, do you have sufficient income for a year’s expenses?

I do... but I'm not sure I want to do that. I want to make sure I have more than enough to pay for my daughter's college education in 4-5 years.

5 degrees? What are those doing for you, other than soaking up a lot of time?

At the time they helped. I'm sure they help somewhat now, I know I wouldn't be in the position I'm in if I didn't have them. This organization and the one before required advanced degrees.

"I'm a perfectionist so I force myself to get straight As every time."


I realize this statement was in reference to your upcoming degree, but any chance this sentiment of "letting perfect be the enemy of good" is carrying over to other parts of your work life that is contributing to the burnout?

It's possible... I always feel like I'm not doing enough. And little imperfections on things I do (like a building project) drive me nuts. I could redo a room, like a master bathroom... tile, plumbing, vanity, whatever... and I will focus on the one thing that I didn't do 100% perfect. No one else will notice it.

I don't mean to sound snarky, but you may want to get your hormone levels checked. It could be just a low T level that could be fixed fairly easy. I find that when I should be happy but Im not and I can't pinpoint it, it's either low hormones, endotoxins (fixed with activated charcoal or antibiotics) or a thyroid issue. I would seek out an MD that specializes in hormones or natarual meds. The Ray Peat Forum is good for that sort of stuff too

Hahah... maybe? I'll check it out... thanks.

why not retire?

I would go insane if I retire... I think.

Are these required to keep yourself employed?

You sound like an over achiever that hasn't found a good balance in life yet. You need to give yourself a break. It sounds like you've accomplished a lot so far and are on a good path.

I think many of us go through phases where it is difficult to be enthusiastic about work. Maybe take on a new project, or try to remove the dreaded part of your job to a more appropriate department/person in your organization. Or start mentoring younger employees.

After you finish this last degree you are working on, you really should get into a hobby you can enjoy now while you are plugging away at work.

Keep saving like you are doing and plan to retire at 57 when your pensions will start paying out. Or as you approach your early 50's re-evaluate to see if you can retire earlier.

I think you're right... I absolutely do. I've already told myself... 57, 100%... I'm out. But that's 13 years from now. :/


I do have a lot of hobbies that I like to do. Hopefully now that I'll only be taking one class this semester, I can slow down. I'm going to make sure I don't work more than 40 hours for work either... I'm just going to cut it off.









Thanks for the replies everyone. It seems like everything has just been driving me nuts too. I've managed to not take it out on my family, but I get a lot of friends that call me after 8:00... like... people calling my phone at 9:00+ that just want to shoot the breeze, and I just go irate (I don't answer). We're not 20 anymore... I've got a family... I want to unwind. I don't want to sit on the phone for an hour at 9:00 at night and talk about politics or whatever the hell...

 

[RunningBum]

At the time they helped. I'm sure they help somewhat now, I know I wouldn't be in the position I'm in if I didn't have them. This organization and the one before required advanced degrees.

Well, where you are now is burned out, so maybe it's time to stop doing that.

 

[CCdaCE]

Sounds like you put too much pressure on yourself. Or, mid-life crisis? Whatever that means. I just play psychologist on the internet.

Yep, find something that makes life worth living. Similar to my response to this thread:

https://www.early-retirement.org/forums/f30/impatience-and-dealing-with-it-112503.html#post2744925

On the flip-side, be grateful for what you have; take time to pat yourself on the back? The problem with overachievers is we always want more. You've worked hard to get here, coast for awhile!

At the same time, apply your talents and more stuff you like doing at your job (if you aren't already doing that). Make it worth going in to work every day. Sure, there's a certain number of tasks needing completion, but do more of what you really like about the job. Problems need solutions, not just filing out the usual reports, etc. Maybe you're already doing this.

It's not that life is short, it's that some people waste so much of it. Surely, there's something you want to learn or read or do or see that doesn't need its productivity measured.

Hang in there, I can relate.

-CC

 

[WhenIsItTime]

You should focus on getting the balance you want in life. I'd suggest looking at the five degrees and your current job dissatisfaction and reconcile what to make of this for the next 13 years (as you noted). Maybe stay in the job and stop pursuing more degrees. Learning is good, but maybe certifications (usually pass/fail) or something with less commitment.

You have made good progress financially. Have you spent any time thinking through budget/plans/objectives in retirement? Use that to set a financial goal and then make a plan to realize the goal. Maybe that is a productive way to channel some of your energy to something that gives you control and makes you happy.

Don't feel bad about ignoring texts/phone calls after a certain time in the evening. I do my share. My phone ringer is off 24/7.

 

[pacergal]

"I'm a perfectionist so I force myself to get straight As every time."
".. and I will focus on the one thing that I didn't do 100% perfect. No one else will notice it."

Quoting your statements, OP have you ever been evaluated for anxiety or OCD?
Not saying you have either one, however, those two statements do say a lot.

 

[SnowballCamper]

If you're asking the question, then you're definitely on the way there, if not already there. Just an observation...

It's hard for a lot of folks to disengage, you're not alone.

 

[RxMan]

You might just need a new professional challenge. Something to engage you at work. It doesn’t necessarily mean a new position but maybe a new assignment or responsibility.

Otherwise think about your long term plans including how long you plan to continue to work as well as what happens after you leave the workforce. Lots of hobbies will be beneficial to you but you need to figure out what you’ll be retiring to as much as knowing what you’ll retire from to make the transition smoothly.

 

[bend]

Have you considered seeing a therapist? A good one is worth their weight in gold.

 

[cyber888]

Are you tired of managing your rental ? You can sell that and get that $500K in equity + you have $500K in equity savings - then you have $1 million. Then, take a 1-2 year break, because you're still young. Now, if you really don't want to work anymore .. sell that "Land - that does not do anything" and then you can retire and work on your hobby in your own time.

 

[almost there]

Lose the vacant property and go from there. You will feel better.

 

[F.I.R.E User]

How is your health?

 

[segfault]

Have you considered seeing a therapist? A good one is worth their weight in gold.

In my experience, a good one is not accepting new patients, and a bad one will completely turn you off to the idea of therapy.

 

[teetee]

I am in a similar situation except my income is no where near yours. I am burning out because of the work stress and the silicon vellay culture. I am not even a developer. I am just someone that gets involved in technical troubleshooting cases.

I think pandemic also added negative effect to my psyche, plus the mid life crisis. I just don't see any fire or originality in myself any more. All I think about is limitations and things that can go wrong.

I started doing things that may not be the best for me but I just felt like to. Nothing illegal or addictive or anything like that. I used to dream about having a PlayStation game console despite I am not familiar with any good video games. I bought the console and some games on sale and stayed up late playing them. It did not really change much except that after I went through the game playing, I knew more about what I like. It also made me realize that my attention span is not what it used to be.

I guess what I am trying to say is don't get your hopes up on trying different things. But at least after you try different things, you will know more about the things you like and things you don't care for.

I also want to try reading books. Haven't done that for years and I am hating myself because of it.

 

[Pellice]

You have a wife and teenaged daughter, correct? What are their opinions on your burnout? I think they could be allies in learning to slow down. Even just taking slow walks with your wife and talking, or cooking together.

I'm a big proponent of outdoor hobbies, but many can lend themselves to obsession, and you don't want that. Just slowing down and walking and noticing might be the ticket. Something where you really cannot compete.

For learning to be accepting of your imperfections, I wonder if something like cards would help - probably impossible at your age and location to find a "foursome," but a quiet game of cards with a lot of laughter, where the luck of the draw counts as much or more as skill, might demonstrate some equanamity in the face of losing, (Actually, poker, with its proponderance of luck, might be ideal, except that there are stakes, lol.)

 

[eytonxav]

Sounds to me like you need more vacation time away from the home, job and college front as a first step. If that helps you unwind, it might be a clue of what to do beyond that. Leave you cellphone home or turned off for most of that time.

 

[mystang52]

You have a school-age daughter, so a family vacation is presumably out, right now. How about a weekend getaway, or the next 3-day weekend? Book a cruise, or land-based vacation, for Christmas-week holiday. As in another reply, get outdoors when you're not working, even if it's only for a 1/2 hour, to recharge.

 

[Bamaman]

"I'm a perfectionist so I force myself to get straight As every time."
".. and I will focus on the one thing that I didn't do 100% perfect. No one else will notice it."

Quoting your statements, OP have you ever been evaluated for anxiety or OCD?
Not saying you have either one, however, those two statements do say a lot.

I agree with the above. You might need a little professional help. Sometimes people like you that are unhappy just need a pill a day to improve their lives greatly.