Dad are we rich?

[OddGuy]

I posed the same question at the same age.

The answer I received was, "We're rich in the ways that matter. We're rich in love and family and friends and laughter."

Which I translated as, "We're wealthy, and I'm uncomfortable acknowledging that to you."

I was correct.

 

[Sunset]

Once a month, I savor the liver from our annual Black Angus beef. Marinated in milk for 24 hour minimum, then flash cooked on the grill with a large sweet onion. I'll stretch a pound out a week for my lunch. Not poor here.

Well that sounds a lot better than the baked dry liver, slighty curled up on my plate when Mom would serve us liver, she did cook some onions in a fry pan so we could cover over the dry liver taste as we gnawed on it.

The dog was always happy on liver night

 

[Sunset]

Yeah, us too... sometimes twice a week. I knew I was "rich" when I could choose not to eat liver anyone.

Actually I felt I was becoming a success when I could go into a restaurant and order liver.

I was able to risk ordering something I might not like, because I knew I could just order another thing, or eat at another restaurant the same week.

 

[Gumby]

When I was 12, I knew we were poor and didn't have to ask any questions.

Same here. The thing that makes me feel richest now is simply the ability to walk into the grocery store and buy anything that looks tasty, without knowing or caring how much it cost. That was most certainly not the case when I was young.

PS -- we have no children, so I don't know how I would respond. Sounds like the OP had it just about right, though.

 

[copyright1997reloaded]

When my son asked me that question (probably somewhere around 12), I responded:
Do you get to eat when you are hungry? Answer: Yes
Do you get to sleep in a bed in a house, and not outside (well, except when we are camping)? Answer: Yes
Do you have clothes to wear to keep you warm in the winter? Answer: Yes
Are you able to go to the doctor when you are sick and get medicine if needed? Answer: yes.
Do you have parents who love you? Answer: Yes
Then yes you are rich. Everything else is meaningless.

 

[travelover]

......... Everything else is meaningless.

I've PMed you my address. Please send me a check for all the meaningless excess.

 

[spncity]

Can't vouch for the stats, but I get the idea.

Save
Save​

 

[rodi]

I agree it's a teachable moment. I have had similar conversations with my teens. I usually explain we have "enough" if we watch what we spend. I point out we're "rich enough" for me to have retired at age 52. I point out we live in a nice neighborhood in a paid off house. And I point out that we have money saved for them to get a bachelor's degree at a public university. But they also know I pay attention to how much we spend... I cap off their data plans on their phones because I'm cheap. That we try to find the balance between consumerism and cheapness... leaning towards the cheap side of the spectrum.

 

[iloveyoga]

I describe it as I don't have to worry about money after quite a few years of doing so.

 

[FUEGO]

But they also know I pay attention to how much we spend... I cap off their data plans on their phones because I'm cheap. That we try to find the balance between consumerism and cheapness... leaning towards the cheap side of the spectrum.

Same here. I've offered to let my daughter pay the $8/month for unlimited texts (instead of free using an app ). I suppose if data is ever an issue she could pay the $25/month to upgrade to unlimited data. She has plenty of money from b-days, Christmas, random chores, etc so that if she really really wants to spend the money she can.

It's really no different for her as a 12 year old than it is for all of us adults. We all have to decide on money trade offs to buy up for quality or quantity. You want premium in life, you pay for premium. But good enough often gets the job done and usually costs a lot less.

 

[Walt34]

Can't vouch for the stats, but I get the idea.

Save
Save​

I've posted this link before, but if you're ever feeling poor about your situation. key in your numbers here (they don't ask for any personal information).

Global Rich List

On a global scale we are very, very well off.

 

[523HRR]

Funny scene from The Cosby Show: "Your mother and I are rich. You have nothing."

 

[brokrken]

We struggle with this rich/poor discussion, as well. Our daughter attends the most expensive school in Chicago. We have placed a premium on education and we have the good fortune of having parents that do, as well (they help with the tuition). And, we only have one, which makes it easier. But, as previous posters have said, the other kids in her class are very wealthy. I mean, there are kids of people that own sports teams and large, well known private companies, etc. We feel like the Beverly Hillbillies of the school. Our child is only in 4th grade now, so competition among the kids for stuff (clothes, cars, etc) hasn't really gotten bad yet. But, my daughter goes to their mansions and they come over to our condo and the difference is apparent. It's tough to teach a child that the wealth she sees all around her isn't the norm and that we, and our parents, got to where we are by living the frugal lifestyle that we do.

 

[6miths]

Private school is problematic in my mind. DW was born in UK and it seemed that it was the standard there. Her older sister's children went to private boarding schools as she remained in the UK. I always felt that public schools were great and in Canada, private schools were very much the exception. DW wanted private schools for children so we reached a deal that they would go K-8 in private schools and then 9-12 in public school. We had an excellent public school nearby. Deal worked for 3 of the 4 children as one felt that she couldn't handle the transition. The youngest decided to go to public school after grade 6 as he could see how it was working out well for his elder sibs. My feeling was that they just did not get a realistic world view going to private school and that there was a real danger of them losing sight of how privileged they truly were. There is no doubt that we were 1 percenters but we were always LBYM and the chance that they will all be as affluent as we were seems unlikely for many reasons. One bonus of private schools is that university tuition now seems like we are getting a break!

 

[ugeauxgirl]

How interesting! I went to private schools all my life (had trouble coming up with outfits in college as I'd never had to do it before- always having worn uniforms) but DH went to public schools and was kind of adamant that our kids attend public schools too. I caved with the caveat that the MOMENT I didn't feel like public schools were working for them, they would be pulled out and sent to private school. They are 13 and 10 and it hasn't happened yet. The interesting part is that they are beginning to know how lucky they are- they are the only ones they know who have passports and have vacationed out of the country, etc.

I am rather oblivious to middle school fashion trends, but we are sure to buy an item or two of "status clothing" though they do not stand out from the crowd. I haven't yet come up with a reason to put them in private school- they are doing great and are well adjusted and we are happy with their progress.

I think this is an advantage. I did not have a realistic world view when I was a kid. Every kid I knew was well-to-do and was headed to college. I'd never met anyone unlike myself, anyone out of our social class. My kids have, and I hope they are better for it.

 

[Texas Proud]

How interesting! I went to private schools all my life (had trouble coming up with outfits in college as I'd never had to do it before- always having worn uniforms) but DH went to public schools and was kind of adamant that our kids attend public schools too. I caved with the caveat that the MOMENT I didn't feel like public schools were working for them, they would be pulled out and sent to private school. They are 13 and 10 and it hasn't happened yet. The interesting part is that they are beginning to know how lucky they are- they are the only ones they know who have passports and have vacationed out of the country, etc.

I am rather oblivious to middle school fashion trends, but we are sure to buy an item or two of "status clothing" though they do not stand out from the crowd. I haven't yet come up with a reason to put them in private school- they are doing great and are well adjusted and we are happy with their progress.

I think this is an advantage. I did not have a realistic world view when I was a kid. Every kid I knew was well-to-do and was headed to college. I'd never met anyone unlike myself, anyone out of our social class. My kids have, and I hope they are better for it.

Public schools can range from excellent to not worth the building it is in... as long as you live someplace where the schools are good to great then public is the way to go...


I can tell you that houses where I live are 10% to 25% higher than a few miles away due to the school district we live... but even then a school district by itself is not always the answer since our good school district has some schools in a bad part of town and those schools are horrible... teachers even refuse to work there if they can get a job somewhere else...


Me, I would not pay for private school.... I was just checking one out that I heard about and it cost $26K per year for high school!!! That is more than we pay for our DS to go to a top university...

 

[chrisaukcam]

Dad are we rich = well to do

My grandfather owned a department store. I remember asking if he was rich. He said that we are "well to do - I make a very good income, and can afford some nice things and nice cars. But that is the proper thing to say - well to do, one should never call oneself rich."

 

[Mdlerth]

How interesting! I went to private schools all my life (had trouble coming up with outfits in college as I'd never had to do it before- always having worn uniforms)...

... I did not have a realistic world view when I was a kid. Every kid I knew was well-to-do and was headed to college. I'd never met anyone unlike myself, anyone out of our social class.

I'm with you there on the uniforms, but I had very much the opposite experience in the social class arena.

I grew up in an affluent suburban area with very good public schools, where I would unquestionably have thrived, but my parents sent us to private schools anyway. However, these were not pampered country clubs for the children of millionaires. They were Catholic schools run on a shoestring. We had a microscope or two; each of the surrounding public schools had a dozen in every class. Half the students in my high school came from very rough neighborhoods in DC. The bishop was paying their way, and college was out of the question for many of them.

I suppose it was an enlightening experience, but at the time I was too young and naive and self-centered to appreciate it. All I was thinking about was wanting a girl named Dierdre to go to the prom with me. She declined, breaking my heart and leaving me the hollow, crushed shell I am today!

Oh well. C'est la guerre. Hey, I remembered some French! Maybe my some of that education sunk in after all!

 

[FUEGO]

I'm with you there on the uniforms, but I had very much the opposite experience in the social class arena.

I grew up in an affluent suburban area with very good public schools, where I would unquestionably have thrived, but my parents sent us to private schools anyway. However, these were not pampered country clubs for the children of millionaires. They were Catholic schools run on a shoestring. We had a microscope or two; each of the surrounding public schools had a dozen in every class. Half the students in my high school came from very rough neighborhoods in DC. The bishop was paying their way, and college was out of the question for many of them.

I suppose it was an enlightening experience, but at the time I was too young and naive and self-centered to appreciate it. All I was thinking about was wanting a girl named Dierdre to go to the prom with me. She declined, breaking my heart and leaving me the hollow, crushed shell I am today!

Oh well. C'est la guerre. Hey, I remembered some French! Maybe my some of that education sunk in after all!

Similar experience here. There are perhaps a few above average private schools here but many are mediocre to average. And many are the places where the somewhat troubled kids (probably because their family is troubled) get sent because their parents think it's the public school that makes them bad. As we used to joke, they do coke at the private school where they have money while we're smoking weed at the public school because we're broke.

And then there are the religious conservatives that send their kids to private schools for religious reasons. From what I've seen the local religious schools are pretty dumpy options compared to the public schools. One in particular, while not that expensive, offers some pretty crappy academic options (1 AP class in HS from what I remember, vs 20+ at many public high schools). No way I'd send my kids to that school over any of the public schools in our county, even if they paid me.

 

[Texas Proud]

Similar experience here. There are perhaps a few above average private schools here but many are mediocre to average. And many are the places where the somewhat troubled kids (probably because their family is troubled) get sent because their parents think it's the public school that makes them bad. As we used to joke, they do coke at the private school where they have money while we're smoking weed at the public school because we're broke.

And then there are the religious conservatives that send their kids to private schools for religious reasons. From what I've seen the local religious schools are pretty dumpy options compared to the public schools. One in particular, while not that expensive, offers some pretty crappy academic options (1 AP class in HS from what I remember, vs 20+ at many public high schools). No way I'd send my kids to that school over any of the public schools in our county, even if they paid me.

Religious conservatives also seem to home school around here.... I have met a few people at the gym who home school their kids... religion came up in conversation (by them) in all I met...

 

[brokrken]

The main issue for us is that in Chicago the public schools are not so good and the teachers are striking, or threatening to, often. I also went to public school and turned out fine. Actually private wasn't even an option in the rural Alabama town where I grew up. But, my wife always went private and when we started to look at the differences in what were offered and visited both there was a clear difference. But, I agree with you all that my child will miss a little bit of the world view that not everyone is well off.

 

[Koolau]

We struggled with the "rich or poor" question with our kids. We tried to teach them how to shop for "nice" things at bargain prices. We tried to explain that having "choices" was what made you rich (this dress or that skirt today, these shoes or those, etc. etc.)

Our youngest got it and she does very well on her own with one decent salary. Eldest does fairly well with family of 4 but they do get help from his parents (and us occasionally). Son has been boom to bust. One year I offered to help him fund his Roth IRA, but he made too much money! Now, he struggles in a new j*b that doesn't pay very well.

We never did really tell the kids what we earned. We were concerned that (especially son) would think only in terms of how many video games that would buy!

The whole Rich - Poor concept is so relative that it's almost not worth talking about - but it's interesting and fun, I suppose. YMMV

 

[Amethyst]

We were a working-class family in a middle to upper-middle-class neighborhood, and I never had stuff the other kids did, so my question was "Mom, are we poor?"

As an immigrant and an orphan during the Great Depression, she had plenty to say about what being "poor" was actually all about.

Somehow I came out of it all with the notion of "class" (as in behavior, not social status) being the most important thing. Class is how you behave in the world, especially how you behave toward others.

 

[Nightcap]

Growing up the eldest of ten in a house headed by a public school teacher and a full-time homemaker, I knew there were things unavailable to me, like expensive holiday gifts and college funds. I fumbled through my twenties for a variety of reasons. When the Penultimate Wife wanted a divorce, I had to do the paperwork myself since we couldn't afford a lawyer. (Thank goodness we were in a no-fault state.) It wasn't until I hit 30 that things started coming together. It's largely thanks to the Unindicted Co-Conspirator that we hit FI - she was absolutely committed to maxing out our retirement plans. She had a grandfather who took her aside and told her she was poor, but she had something very valuable that older people don't have: time. He explained the miracle of compound interest to her, and the lesson stuck. And now here we are - not rich, but comfortable enough that our money is working for us and not vice-versa.

There's someone here who says that he's not a rich man, he's a poor man with money. That's the way I feel.

 

[pjigar]

My 12 year old asked me the same question last year. My short answer was "Yes, we are rich but we are not super rich". Longer answer was along the same line as others (fortunate, hardworking, happiness, etc.) but with one distinct point: We are rich because we save a lot or rather we don't spend a lot. We also went in to discussion about how you shouldn't focus on other people spending lot of money because that may alter your saving pattern and in turn, you will never be rich, etc.

We are very transparent with my daughter about how much we make and how much we have. But with very clear message that she can get there if she get good graduate level education and saves candidly. My daughter know we are rich but she also knows that we are very frugal and always expect value for our money.