Do your relatives and friends know you are FIRE'd?

[Amethyst]

"Do you owe him money" is a common joke when someone seems anxious to avoid someone else. I agree it sounds kind of insulting, but it's usually just what the remarker heard their parents say once upon a time.

Sorry about the stalker! I've experienced that, myself, when younger. I hope he's harmless.

We were out to dinner with some neighbors. A well-known local contractor walked in and I said to DW "Oh crap...Johnnie just walked in"

Our neighbor said: "Oh, do you owe him money?" (pretty insulting IMO)

We said: "No. He's been stalking DW...not good" That ended the conversation.

 

[CoolRich59]

Knowing who you can't discuss FIRE with can lead to some awkward moments.

Last night the DW and I met up with a good friend for a local Christmas lighting event. It was unseasonably mild here in the Chicago area and it was a beautiful evening.

Our friend is 60 or 61 and terrible with money. She has told me she does not think she will *ever* be able to retire.

Last night she told me that one of her co-workers, who just turned 60, is *retiring* for health reasons. But, he is actually going to be a full-time babysitter because he does not have money saved for retirement and needs to do something for the next 2+ years until he can start getting social security.

I have tried talking to her before about not wasting money and saving, but it has had no impact. She learned too well from her parents who don't have a nickel to their name and survive on social security.

So, last night all I could do was nod my head and say "that's too bad".

 

[Rianne]

The definition of "retired" is ceasing to work.

The definition of "work" is activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result. Or to achieve an income.

I'm not sure I'm retired as we have an income and I'm always engaged in a mental or physical activity in order to achieve a purpose.

Maybe the better phrase is "free to be me."

 

[CoolRich59]

Maybe the better phrase is "free to be me."

For me, that's why the "Independence" part of FIRE is so important and what I've stressed to my kids.

I've told them that retirement is only part of the reason they should be saving. Equally important is that they achieve financial independence and not spend their lives as "slaves" to an employer.

 

[GravitySucks]

My first cash-paid car was the second car I ever owned. I was 28. I seriously doubt anyone suspected I had no car payment. As I recall, the dealership tried hard to interest me in leasing, and when I said I wanted to pay up front, they insisted on a cashier's check. I knew I'd get the same treatment anywhere else (being a single woman, in a cultural backwater, in the 1980's) so I went along with it.

I wouldn't take offense at this. I've always had to have a cashier's check or cash when buying a car. No personal checks were ever accepted.
Both dealerships and private party.

 

[braumeister]

I wouldn't take offense at this. I've always had to have a cashier's check or cash when buying a car. No personal checks were ever accepted.
Both dealerships and private party.

OTOH, I have always used a personal check to buy cars, and they were always cheerfully accepted. So it simply depends on the dealer.

 

[JoeWras]

OTOH, I have always used a personal check to buy cars, and they were always cheerfully accepted. So it simply depends on the dealer.

Ditto. But after they ran a credit check in the back.

 

[Amethyst]

As a couple, we've bought 3 new cars with checks. I think they must run some kind of credit check, although it doesn't show up as a "hard" check on our credit report.

I wouldn't take offense at this. I've always had to have a cashier's check or cash when buying a car. No personal checks were ever accepted.
Both dealerships and private party.

 

[Sue J]

In August I bought a car from a dealer with cash. I paid with a local bank personal check, an online bank personal check and some actual cash/currency.

For the checks I showed them the account balances on my ipad. For the cash they had 2 people count it and used one of those markers to check that the bills were authentic.

They had a form for the salesman to fill out showing what method he used to verify that we had the funds in the bank. I don’t think they did a credit check as we never asked for a loan.

 

[Souschef]

In August I bought a car from a dealer with cash. I paid with a local bank personal check, an online bank personal check and some actual cash/currency.

For the checks I showed them the account balances on my ipad. For the cash they had 2 people count it and used one of those markers to check that the bills were authentic.

They had a form for the salesman to fill out showing what method he used to verify that we had the funds in the bank. I don’t think they did a credit check as we never asked for a loan.

We just bought a car for a combination of cash and personal check. We got a notice that they had filed a Form 8300 because there was more than $10,000 in cash. They also ran a credit report on the check.

 

[iloveyoga]

I also wrote a personal check for our last several cars and never had any trouble. I assumed they were able to run some type of check on me. They did push hard to get me to do some type of lease.

 

[aja8888]

I bought our new car with a personal check (in full) in June. The finance guy ran a "telecheck" system and pulled the funds out of our account while we were sitting in the office.

 

[Done at 49]

I lost my job at 49 so I really didn't retire on my own but I had enough saved and decided that was the perfect time to walk away. I just tell people the truth and be done with it. If someone gets jealous oh well. I've had a few friends ask for money and I tell them I don't loan people money. Family members are all doing well so no issues there.

 

[Done at 49]

The relatives of course know I don't work anymore. People in public don't ask and I don't volunteer any information. I think it would just cause resentment. I am in my late 40's and it's unusual to not have to work at that age. I don't care what anyone thinks. Maybe they think I can't find a job. But to answer your question, yes, those who know me well at all know I'm FIRE'd.

I do not go around advertising in public I don't work. Nobody asks me, and I like it that way, because I do not feel the need to explain anything to them. I just do my own thing quietly.

I'm sure people are curious how much I have and they think I'm rich. I'm not even close to rich, but I"m far from hurting. I'm sure some of the relatives would like to ask me for money.

But where would it stop? It would be hard to put a stop to it once it started. Usually a loan turns into a gift. I have found that out from experience. So the best thing to do is just not mention money at all.

^^This^^

 

[mickeyd]

When I hung it up in my 50s, relatives and friends noticed that I was at home a lot and answered the phone regularly when I had not done so in the past. They never asked why I had all of this free time on my hands, but I know that they were itching to dig into my private life. I still have not notified them, but I bet DW has spilled the beans after about 15 years.

 

[45th Birthday]

We have bought cars with only personal checks for years. No problems, and I don't remember whether they checked credit or not. However, a recent (two years ago) purchase was a head-scratcher. We wanted to title the car in my wife's trust. The check was from my trust. They said they couldn't accept it that way because of new regulations. They let us take the car without having paid for it (although they kept unacceptable check). After looking at our options the next business day, we decided to just wire the funds from my trust and title it in our names jointly. It actually took them an extra day to get me their wire instructions, they seemed unconcerned about getting their money quickly.

 

[iloveyoga]

We have bought cars with only personal checks for years. No problems, and I don't remember whether they checked credit or not. However, a recent (two years ago) purchase was a head-scratcher. We wanted to title the car in my wife's trust. The check was from my trust. They said they couldn't accept it that way because of new regulations. They let us take the car without having paid for it (although they kept unacceptable check). After looking at our options the next business day, we decided to just wire the funds from my trust and title it in our names jointly. It actually took them an extra day to get me their wire instructions, they seemed unconcerned about getting their money quickly.

Yes, to add on, they seemed very unconcerned about my check being valid, I assumed they ran some type of check on us.

 

[NW-Bound]

Do my relatives and friends know I am FIRE'd?

Of course they do. How else can we not work, just goof around between the two homes, if not taking long trips abroad or cross-country treks with the motorhome?

What they do not know is how much money we really have, and I don't want to advertise that. I am not afraid of anyone asking me for money, because none of our siblings are in need, the ones still working as well as the ones retired.

We do not share financial info, but I believe we have a significantly higher networth than all of them, except for my sister and her husband.

Not wanting to brag, so I often lament about how we had to survive until 59-1/2 to be able to tap our IRA, and then how tough it is to have no SS, and also no Medicare. And the above is half-truth because of course we will have even more income when we get older.

 

[Curmudgeon]

It seems most of my relatives/friends are big spenders, and rely (or will rely) on fat government pensions + SS to see them through their old age. I'll have ~zero pension, so rely on investments for income. If they knew my NW I'm sure it would change the way they thought of me - so I don't tell anyone.
I'm happy with being the 'millionaire next door' type - my wife is driving a car with 220K miles on it, mine has about 180K. I have money because I don't spend it on things I don't need.

My RE started when I got laid off from MegaCorp, so many of our acquaintances think I'm down on my luck and still looking for work...

 

[Sunset]

Yes, to add on, they seemed very unconcerned about my check being valid, I assumed they ran some type of check on us.

And they can easily make a copy of the key, and send a repossess fellow with the key to pick it up.

 

[USA]

About 10 years ago my Sis took us to a high end restaurant to celebrate her hourly salary going over $75 per hour. That year she also bought me an Italian sweater I loved. About 5 years later we did a dinner celebration with them that our mortgage was paid. Joy back to us was not reciprocated. I’m cautious now as I didn’t know we were in competition. Our salaries didn’t even equate. (Mine lower) It’s been 10 yrs now. We keep in touch but feels different. With friends only the real close ones know the picture.

 

[JoeWras]

We are starting to let the idea get out that in 2018, we're done.

At Christmas, we let an older SIL know. She's been retired for a while.

The next day, she gave us a little gift, with a wonderful poem/story similar to the RayInPenn story about the Mexican fisherman.

She said she was so glad we are going for it and getting a chance to enjoy life.

My heart was so touched! What great support and encouragement. I married into a good family.

 

[GravitySucks]

Everyone knows I'm RE'ed. Most think I'm FI.
DSis both think I have enough to hold me over till SS starts and that's what I'll live on then. DM thinks I'll be starving in the street if I don't find a wife with an income soon. DDad thinks I'm flush with maybe a half a million. Most friends think a couple hundred thousand is FI. In Laws suspect I'm living off DW life insurance. All are mistaken.

Only DDs know the whole story. I don't want them to worry and they are my go to advisors.

 

[Mdlerth]

The horizon is a function of your viewing elevation

Most friends think a couple hundred thousand is FI... (they) are mistaken.

It probably was... in 1970. Today, not so much.

But if you're flat broke, it probably seems like a lot.

 

[cranberryjoe]

I RE'd at 55. All my friends and family that I care about know I'm retired. I don't talk about finances, but my closest family and friends are pretty sure I'm FI.

If anybody ever starts probing, I mention that I left my job when the company offered a package to older employees to leave (true). I then also talk about my current hobby which has taken over my life, and how I have a web site setup to sell my creations (true, but I haven't made a sale yet).

If certain distant relatives ever come knocking at my door asking for a handout, hopefully I can convince them I can't possibly have any extra money if I'm trying to sell stuff on a web site.