Financial expectations of a God parent?

[MarieIG]

I feel as if my best friend is a little angry with me. I am the Godparent to her 2 children and I just sent her my will which outlines that I will be leaving 5 percent of my estate to each of her children. I’m married woman with no children and I’m planning to leave 50 percent to my husband, 40 percent to my siblings and ten percent to her children. I give my God children generous gifts at Christmas , birthdays, fundraisers etc. But she also often makes comments about how I am so lucky to not have the expenses that she will have when putting her kids through college and drops hints about how I should contribute to their college expenses etc. she makes the same amount of money as I do and has a husband that makes good money. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY 10% number ?

I think your number is VERY generous, as is your ongoing involvement with the children. Your friend needs to put a sock in it.

 

[Biracialgirlie]

Thank you

I've never had or been a God-child so I have no idea what the expectations are. This sounds like a personal issue. When you were asked to be a God parent, was there a discussion (actual or implied) at that time about what the expectations were, on both sides?

If not, I think there should have been. This won't help you but may be a warning to folks in the future to clarify expectations up front.

thanks for your reply

 

[Biracialgirlie]

Thanks

Dropping hints about how you should contribute to her children’s college education is weird to me. Her children are not your family. And why are you sending your best friend your will anyway?

FWIW, Iwas neither a godparent nor a godchild so I have no experience with that. Religious upbringing was not part of my childhood. Just the Golden Rule.

Yes it’s annoying and weird. I sent a copy of my will to everyone that I included in it along with advance directive (I just lost my father a few months ago and he was pretty out of it when he got sick and none of us knew his wishes on anything), so I figured that I’d send this stuff off while too if mind. Thanks

 

[Biracialgirlie]

Thanks

I think your number is VERY generous, as is your ongoing involvement with the children. Your friend needs to put a sock in it.

I feel better as I began to second guess myself .

 

[Dash man]

I have to agree with most here that being a Godparent is a commitment to teach the child about their faith if both parents die. There is no financial commitment.
I also question leaving only 50% to your husband since your primary concern being married is to ensure he will be financially secure after you go.
We recently discussed our will and trust with our attorney and DW and I have agreed to gift our sons and her siblings small amounts when the first of us goes. This will avoid the PA inheritance tax they’d have to pay if it were passed through a will or trust. But the bulk will go to each other.

 

[RobbieB]

Yeah, especially here in CA. Your hubby may have to sign off on your will and have it notarized just like if you want to allocate other than 100% to spouse on your 401K.

 

[njhowie]

I feel as if my best friend is a little angry with me. I am the Godparent to her 2 children and I just sent her my will which outlines that I will be leaving 5 percent of my estate to each of her children. I’m married woman with no children and I’m planning to leave 50 percent to my husband, 40 percent to my siblings and ten percent to her children. I give my God children generous gifts at Christmas , birthdays, fundraisers etc. But she also often makes comments about how I am so lucky to not have the expenses that she will have when putting her kids through college and drops hints about how I should contribute to their college expenses etc. she makes the same amount of money as I do and has a husband that makes good money. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY 10% number ?

They aren't your biological kids. In the grand scheme of things you have absolutely no responsibility to them whatsoever, financial or otherwise. That you are generous enough to include them in your will and leave them anything is a tremendous gesture on your part.

I probably would not have given a copy of the will to best friend. The godkids would eventually find out when the time comes and the executor reaches out to them. Now, you have the ill will of best friend to deal with. If it escalates, you may need to have a heart to heart talk with her and ask her to back off and not discuss anything related to finances with you.

At the end of the day, while she's alive, they are her kids and nobody else is responsible or should be made to feel responsible for their well-being.

Just my personal views.

 

[jollystomper]

I agree with the others, so this is just a "climbing on the bandwagon" post . No financial obligation, whatever you give or choose not to give is your choice. Leave Spouse with more than 50%, consider their needs if you die first. As others have mentioned upon either of our deaths, our surviving children with be gifted something, but nothing that will impact the financial condition of the surviving spouse.

 

[Golden sunsets]

I agree with everyone else's comments and am also curious as to your husband's will/wishes. Have you discussed what would happen if he predeceases you? If in fact his money would not go to you, in the same proportion as your will stipulates, but might for example go to his children from a prior marriage, then I think that does impact the thought process on your own will.

As regards the BF's children, do you possibly have neices or nephews that might be candidates for bequests.

I too was put off by the assumption that you should contribute to their college funds and even more dumbfounded that she would balk at "only" a 10% bequest. It appears that she has expectations for your assets.

I would redo my will and would not feel the need to share the new arrangements with the BF.

 

[Biracialgirlie]

Thank u each and everyone one of u

You gave all given me food for thought and out my mind at ease

 

[Chuckanut]

I don't ever recall seeing any financial requirement or promise when somebody becomes a god parent. Check out the baptism ceremonies different churches use. I doubt if you will find a requirement to give money to the child. You're a god parent, not a financier parent.

 

[Aerides]

I feel as if my best friend is a little angry with me. I am the Godparent to her 2 children and I just sent her my will which outlines that I will be leaving 5 percent of my estate to each of her children.

What did she say/do that makes you think she's angry with you?

 

[badatmath]

If it helps my god parents left me nothing.

If your lawyer drew the will I assume it is properly done but as mentioned above that does sometimes require notarized consent.

Also, not really kidding here i think it is a bad idea to discuss anything too specific with people regarding your will as they might have a motive to bump you off.

Husband of course, but I would not have told siblings or friend. Especially as you might change your mind later. For people not your spouse/kids I think it could just come as a nice surprise later.

 

[CRLLS]

Like others, I think your planned amount (greater than zero) is way more generous than anyone has thought of me. My godchildren are now well-established adults, and our godparenting days are well over. They will get what I got.

I do have to ask, am I the only one who doesn't distribute copies of our current and possibly changing Wills to all the beneficiaries before we are "gone"? It certainly opens up the possibility of some very hard feelings when the time comes to distribute per the Will. We told our chidren where to find our wills when the time comes. Following some other threads on the subject, many plan on TOD's or Trusts leaving very little assets that are controlled by the Will. If this is the case won't the friend be surprised!

 

[Dash man]

I do have to ask, am I the only one who doesn't distribute copies of our current and possibly changing Wills to all the beneficiaries before we are "gone"? It certainly opens up the possibility of some very hard feelings when the time comes to distribute per the Will. We told our chidren where to find our wills when the time comes. Following some other threads on the subject, many plan on TOD's or Trusts leaving very little assets that are controlled by the Will. If this is the case won't the friend be surprised!

We’ve discussed our will and trusts with our boys and told them where to find them when the time comes. Our attorney also has a duplicate with original signatures. I would never give them or any other beneficiaries a copy, especially outside the family.

 

[Sunset]

...
I do have to ask, am I the only one who doesn't distribute copies of our current and possibly changing Wills to all the beneficiaries before we are "gone"? It certainly opens up the possibility of some very hard feelings when the time comes to distribute per the Will. We told our chidren where to find our wills when the time comes. Following some other threads on the subject, many plan on TOD's or Trusts leaving very little assets that are controlled by the Will. If this is the case won't the friend be surprised!

I told my kids 1 thing they will inherit, but nothing else. Guess I should tell them to look in my file cabinet for my Will.

 

[EastWest Gal]

No one but you and your lawyer should have a copy of your will. Your executor needs to be able to access it when the time comes, so they need to know where to find it. The contents are nobody’s business but your own.

Consider redoing your will so any money bequeathed to people who are currently minors is in the form of a trust. Your friend is not in the will, just her children, correct? So why did you give her a copy? I worry in the unlikely event that you die before they are 18 that she will take the money that belongs to her children, and that is the reason she is angry with you. She wants more. She has no reason to even think about other people’s (her children’s) money.

I’m working on a binder which has essential information for when DH and/or I are gone.

The information includes locations of wills, insurance policies, financial account information, lawyer, tax accountant, and will include prearranged funeral/cremation services when we get to it, car pink slips, property deeds, etc. DH and DS will know about it.

 

[brett]

Zero.

Your money, your choice.

What kind of friend would try to intimidate you?

Do exactly what you want to do, not what others think you should do.

Besides...once you have passed it will hardly matter. Does it matter if she does not place flowers on your grave once a year for a few years

In our family all monies flow down to direct family members.

 

[pb4uski]

In my church's tradition, a godparent is responsible for sponsoring their godchild's baptism and pledges to help with the child's religious upbringing. There is no financial expectation. Some people may name their children's godparents (or any other willing adult) as a guardian in the event of both parents' death, but that is a separate issue.

+1. IME being a godparent has zero financial responsibility, just spiritual. However, in many cases it might be an aunt or uncle or close friend of the parents who would become a guardian of the child if something happened to the parents but that has no relevance to being the godparent.

IMO the OPs friend is crazy for thinking that the OP should financially support the kids just because the OP is the godparent of the kids.

Also, I've never heard of someone being godparents for more that one kid in a family... very strange.

 

[Letj]

I find it interesting that many are questioning the % left to the husband without knowing any specifics. The husband may be well off himself, is likely to inherit a substantial sum, not a great husband, new husband, her extended family is poor and would greatly benefit from her gift, etc. It could be any number of reasons so this is not for us to judge. OP, you don’t have a financial obligation as a God Parent, just a spiritual one but it’s really nice of you to consider them.

 

[SecondAttempt]

So there seem to be aa few different interpretations of what a godparent is. My understanding has always been (vaguely) that they would take care of the child in the event both parents die. But given that others have stated alternative roles, I would say that your obligations depends on what YOUR understanding of the role was at the time you agreed to it.

I would certainly not think there would be a financial obligation unless both parents died. And paying for college? No. Even if the parents died, they should have had life insurance or savings if they were concerned with paying for their kids college.

 

[Act2]

I agree with all those who say there is no financial obligation. I do recall a vague understanding that if parents both die then godparents would step in if no one else was designated. I was not close to my godmother, but she and my mom were very dear friends. And my dad was very close to my godfather. I maybe met him a few times. Both were nice people.

 

[SecondAttempt]

Just for kicks I was curious what wikipedia says:

In infant baptism and denominations of Christianity, a godparent (also known as a sponsor, or gossiprede) is someone who bears witness to a child's christening and later is willing to help in their catechesis, as well as their lifelong spiritual formation. In the past, in some countries, the role carried some legal obligations as well as religious responsibilities. In both religious and civil views, a godparent tends to be an individual chosen by the parents to take an interest in the child's upbringing and personal development, to offer mentorship or claim legal guardianship of the child if anything should happen to the parents.

It goes on to say quite a bit more. Jews of course don't do baptism but there is a similar role in a circumcision that are sometimes called godparents (so presumably only boys have them in Judaism). Chinese sometimes have them but not in a religious sense.

 

[Sunset]

I find it interesting that many are questioning the % left to the husband without knowing any specifics. The husband may be well off himself, is likely to inherit a substantial sum, not a great husband, new husband, her extended family is poor and would greatly benefit from her gift, etc. It could be any number of reasons so this is not for us to judge. ....

I think some questioned it as it's not the normal thing. I didn't feel anyone was judging it, simply by wondering why.

 

[SecretlyFI]

Thanks taking the time to reply! We are not religious

This is an interesting point. Given what you said about your friend’s expectations of entitlement to your money, it‘s looking like that was the reason she chose you as a god parent. Normally you’d choose someone who IS religious to some extent, so they can fulfill the role of guiding the child’s religious upbringing. Sounds like that was not a consideration at all when your friend asked you to be the god parent for both her kids.

I was child-free for many years and I definitely got the vibe from some people like they looked at me as the custodian of a pile of $$ they would like to have funneled to their kids somehow. People start to think that way and then make opportunistic choices to help broker the outcome they want.

One other comment, in my opinion, if you ever change your mind and re-do your will, make sure the latest one is iron-clad official and done through a lawyer, as I would expect her to challenge its validity - since she has a copy of the current one.