Banjo player jokes:
A banjo player calls a pharmacy and asks if she needs an infant scale to weigh a baby. The clerk explains that many women figure out an infant's weight by weighing themselves while holding the baby on an adult scale, then the mother weighs herself alone and subtracts the second amount from the first. "Oh, that won't work," replies the banjo player. "I'm not the mother -- I'm the aunt."
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A banjo player went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to banjo players," he replied.
The banjo player was very angry about this. She hurried home and dropped off her banjo, picked up her guitar case, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to banjo players," he replied.
The banjo player didn't know how the salesman had recognized her but she was determined. She put on a business suit, got a nice Gucci briefcase, got a new hair do and new "smart looking glasses. She then waited a few days before she approached the salesman.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to banjo players," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a banjo player?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.
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A banjo player suspects her lover of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, opens the door and, sure enough, finds him in the arms of a bassist. The banjo player is furious. She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She turns the gun and aims it at her head. The boyfriend yells "No, honey, don't do it." The banjo player replies "Shut up. You're next, you bastard."
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A young guitar player goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so it goes on, everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a guitar player, are you?"
She says, "No, I'm really a banjo player."
"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."