Lessons from My First Year of Retirement

[martyp]

It has been 10 years since I retired. I made a very serious spreadsheet to help me understand my income and expenses in order to make my retirement decision. I continued to track expenses in detail for about 18 months. In my case I found I was spending somewhat less than I thought I would. We spent money to paint the house and replace the roof during the first 6 months but I didn’t go on a spending spree. Everything remained within budget.

During the first five years I did find something meaningful and intellectually stimulating to do. I took classes and taught science classed for our branch of the Osher Lifelong Learning Institute. Now I am enjoying the life and culture in my new home in Thailand.

My overall retirement experience is similar to yours.

 

[bmcgonig]

Lessons from the First Year of Retirement

I’m approaching my one-year retirement anniversary, so I thought I’d share the main lessons I’ve learned. If you’re approaching retirement, you might find some of this helpful. If you’ve already retired, maybe you’ll relate to some of this, or perhaps your experience has been different.

1. Hey, an economic collapse. Neat.

The economy went into a tailspin 9 months after I retired. After only 9 months, my retirement felt like a newborn baby, and baby was getting smacked around pretty early in life.

But, as it turns out, economic catastrophes aren’t so catastrophic after all. At least so far. The world is burning, but I’m doing okay. Sing along now: “It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.”

2. I figured out when I’m going back to work: never

Approaching retirement, in the back of my mind, I had a fallback option of turning retirement into a “gap year” or two, if it didn’t pan out. That is, I thought that I might choose to return to part-time work, after a year or two’s hiatus. That wasn’t the plan, but it was a failsafe option.

I wondered, “What if I miss the intellectual stimulation or challenge of work? What if I miss interacting with smart people in my profession? What if I can’t find enough activities that feel meaningful and productive?”

Well, none of that happened. I am more intellectually stimulated and challenged now in retirement than I was at work. I occasionally miss some of the interaction with colleagues, but interactions in the workplace were narrow in scope, because of the professional roles and tasks. I interact with a wider range of smart people now, and I feel freer to express what I think about a variety of issues I’d never talk about at work. And I haven’t had any trouble finding meaningful things to do.

So, my career is over. It feels a little sad to say that, but also freeing. I don’t say it with any negativity. I never got “sick of” my job or anything like that. I always liked it at least a little. I just know that I’m done with it. My career is part of my past now. It’s in the rear-view mirror, and I’m not going back.

3. I significantly underestimated my expenses

I tracked spending before I retired, but I sort of half-assed it. I used old, limited data from a time when I was in “saving for retirement” mode.

When I actually retired, I ended up spending a lot more money than normal, especially in the first 6 months. I opened the spigot. I was celebrating. I bought whatever I felt like buying -- a bike, camping gear, a dog, some furniture, a ton of books and music, clothes, some stupid ****. Also, once I retired, I noticed a bunch of stuff that needed replacing or upgrading, which I’d been putting off while working.

Yearly expenses were $5000/yr. higher than expected. Not a lot in actual dollar terms, but looked at as a percentage, that’s 15% higher than what I projected (38K vs. 33K/yr.). That’s not a problem – I jacked up my spending on purpose, and I’ve got plenty of headroom -- but it is substantially higher than what I estimated.

In retrospect, I think I unconsciously kept the estimates as low as I could, because by doing that, I could feel safer and more secure when pulling the plug.

We’ll see how this plays out over the next few years. I feel better now that I have a more realistic estimate of my spending. And I take some comfort knowing that I can dial back expenses 15% if I need to.

However, if you’re approaching retirement, be aware you might tend to underestimate expenses, just like I did.

4. The honeymoon lasted about 6 to 9 months

I was very happy in retirement for the first 6 to 9 months. Gradually, though, that feeling ebbed, and eventually, I returned to my baseline levels of happiness.

I think it’s called hedonic adaptation. If I remember right, most people who win the lottery are back to baseline levels of happiness in about 6 to 12 months, and so are most people diagnosed with cancer. So, it’s not surprising that something similar happens with retirement. We adjust to changes. Retirement becomes “the new normal.”

One distinction, though: If you ask me whether I’m more satisfied with my life now that I’m retired, I’d say “Yes, absolutely.” I’m just saying my day-to-day mood is not all that much better than it was before I retired. Probably a little.

So, just be aware that retirement doesn’t put a permanent smile on your face. If my experience is any gauge, you’ll have a honeymoon period where everything feels great, and then you’ll gradually return to baseline. You might feel a little better on a day-to-day basis, but don’t expect huge changes.

Two caveats:

1.I always enjoyed my work (at least somewhat), and I had already been working in a very easy part-time schedule for years prior to retirement, so I didn’t experience what many people here do -- a miserable/stressful work life, contrasted with the blissful release of retirement. If you have the latter, I’ll bet your honeymoon period will be more enjoyable and long-lasting.

2.It’s possible that the virus and economic collapse took a little wind out of my sails. That might be a factor, too. It’s hard to say.

I don’t want to leave the impression that I’m unhappy in retirement. Not at all. I’m enjoying my retirement and have no regrets.

5. I needed “meaningful work” sooner than I expected

Once, on another retirement forum, I got blasted for suggesting that people need a sense of meaning/purpose in retirement. Some guy got really pissed with me for saying so, and despite my assurances that if it didn’t apply to him, never mind, he continued to rant and rave about it in all caps. Apparently, some people get very upset with the suggestion that having a sense of meaning in life is important.

So, if this doesn’t fit for you, junk it. I’m talking about me. I’m not talking about what you or anyone else “should” do. I’m just speaking for myself.

I need a sense of meaning and purpose in life. That doesn’t mean I need to be engaged in meaningful activities all the time or even most of the time. I can fart around and waste time with the best of them, and I spend plenty of time just resting, relaxing, and doing nothing in particular. No problem with that.

However, at the end of the day (or life), I need to also feel like I did something meaningful with some of my time. I can’t just fart around all day, every day, and feel good about myself. I’m not wired that way.

So, I knew that part of what happy retirement meant for me was to eventually find “meaningful work.” By that I don’t mean paid employment – I mean an enjoyable project that uses my skills/knowledge and that also, hopefully, makes the world a little better place, even in a small, minor way. My career supplied some of that, so I knew that eventually, I’d need to find something else that scratched that itch.

I didn’t expect to feel that need for a couple years into retirement, though. It was way down my priority list, when planning. I had other sources of meaning (e.g., learning, growth, taking care of animals, etc.) which were more important to me than my career, so I didn’t think I’d feel the need for “meaningful work” right away.

And I didn’t. For the first six months of retirement, I wanted nothing to do with anything that even remotely resembled “w*rk.” Yuck. I just wanted to do whatever I felt like doing, day to day. I wanted to be completely free and unencumbered.

However, after about six months, I felt the need asserting itself. I’ve pondered and experimented quite a bit, and I’m still experimenting, but blogging is working out well for me so far. It’s a good fit for me. I get absorbed in it; the subject (animal afterlife) feels worthwhile to me, and I feel better after doing it.

I am usually able to keep a pretty good balance, where I work on it a couple hours a day, then have the rest of the day “free.” If I go for long stretches (which I can do sometimes, because I lose track of time), I will take a break for as long as I need. I want it to stay enjoyable and not turn into a “job” or an obligation.

So, for anyone who’s like me, the issue of meaningful work may pop up sooner than you expect. It has been a significant piece of the puzzle for me.

6. The lure of social media

I’m single, don’t have a family to occupy my time, and I’m not into watching TV or movies, travel, going to sporting events etc.. So, now that I am retired and don’t have a career, I have a ton of free time. I like it that way – lots of freedom, peace, and spaciousness. But along with that comes the temptation to waste that time on social media.

Social media has its upsides, of course, but the downsides are pernicious and covert. I have to keep an eye on my consumption, or I end up wasting too much time and energy on it. I’ve been aware of the problem for many years, but retirement has made it more salient, because of all the increased free time. I have to keep an eye on it.

For example, it’s very easy for me to go on a Facebook or Reddit group and spend an hour reading threads and making posts. Then I get sucked into discussions that don’t amount to a hill of beans. On Youtube, it’s very easy to spend a lot of time scrolling through the recommendations or subscriptions. News/politics in particular are very toxic and distracting.

So, in retirement, I’ve had to become pretty vigilant about my use of social media. If I’m not careful, I can end up wasting too much of my time and energy on it, and my life suffers. It may sound like a trivial thing, but it has a huge impact on the quality of my day to day life.


------

So, those are my main lessons from the first year of retirement. I learned some other things, but they only pertain to me, not others, so I’ll leave them out. Hopefully, you found something to relate to or some food for thought. Cheers.

Great post.

The best definition of happiness that stuck with me personally was that happiness is a combination of Purpose and Pleasure. Maybe we can only arrange so much pleasure so purpose fills it up.

 

[NateW]

Thanks for sharing. I too am nearing my one year anniversary of no more w*rk! July 5th is the date. I can identify with you in that I do not want to w*rk any more. I discovered this after about 6 months into retirement when the department director where I worked contacted me and asked me to do contract work (from home) for some ridiculous amount of money and I politely declined after thinking about it over the weekend.

I am somewhat of an introvert and have this thought that I need to do more with my life, like get out and meet people and make friends and do something meaningful with my life. I have this thought in my mind daily, which makes it hard for me to relax fully. The pandemic has made getting out more difficult.

DW and I moved to a different city in the same state (bought a new house in October and sold our old one in December), so I was real busy with the move and fixing up the new place until about March. It's also been a little stressful learning where everything is in the new town.

I've been staying at home, puttering around the house and yard and watching a lot of YouTube and I keep thinking that each day I'm getting older and need to do something very meaningful before it is too late. So I too feel the need to have a purpose in retirement.

As for expenses, we have been spending a lot of money on new furniture and other things for our new house. Since we have bought just about everything we need, we can begin to get an idea of what our monthly expenses are.

 

[scrabbler1]

I remember reading your posts in the lead-up to your ER, and I found them very interesting, especially as a fellow single person who worked part-time prior to ER as I did.


Much of what you wrote rings true with me although some things in your experience aren't like my 12 years in ER. For me, the honeymoon has never ended. I find myself saying, "I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that CRAP any more!" when it comes to anything I hear about work or, especially, the long, awful commute on the trains I used to have.


Because I had regained control over my personal life when I began working part-time 7 years before I fully ERed, going from working 2 days a week to zero days a week wasn't nearly as big a change to my everyday life as going from working full-time to part-time. All the nonwork activities remained intact with some expansion of them.


Being an introvert has meant that the COVID-19 pandemic has had very little effect on my life, other than some minor inconveniences.


One big difference between my original move to ER from yours is that mine began prior to the ACA (in 2008). In the 5 years (2009-2013) before the ACA exchanges went into effect, my health insurance premiums and policy type were very volatile. Even since 2014, my HI premiums have remained volatile since being diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes in 2015. However, I made a big change to my portfolio to get me back on the ACA subsidy train and get that rapidly rising expense under control again.


I don't miss work one bit even though I enjoyed much of it up through the final years. I have designed some good spreadsheets for my volunteer and other personal activities over the years.

 

[Which Roger]

I also had disappointing experiences with volunteer work, so you're not alone there. To me, it felt too much like I was doing unpaid grunt work that benefited the organization more than the clients. It also came along with lots of rules and policies that you had to follow and a time clock to punch. Bottom line, it felt too much like a job, and not a very good one at that.

I've avoided such organizations like the plague. Seems like their roles are to (1) give retired type A micro-managers some continuation of their career and (2) give bored volunteers an opportunity to socialize.


But, there are volunteer organizations that are the opposite - minimal rules and policies, no time clock, focused on the mission, and eager to have people who can contribute in whatever way suits their abilities and interests. So don't give up.

 

[ER Eddie]

Much of what you wrote rings true with me although some things in your experience aren't like my 12 years in ER. For me, the honeymoon has never ended. I find myself saying, "I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that CRAP any more!" when it comes to anything I hear about work or, especially, the long, awful commute on the trains I used to have.

Hey, scrabbler. Just a note about the "honeymoon" thing. I wasn't clear what I meant by that. When I say "honeymoon," I don't mean the good feelings about being retired. Those haven't gone away. I feel them every morning at 8, when I see people headed to work, or I think about how fortunate I am to have the money to do this, and all this freedom.

By "honeymoon," I meant the initial feeling of giddy intoxication you get when you first leave work for good. The initial "high" you get when you realize, "Wow, I am finally retired!"

Here's an an exaggerated metaphor to illustrate. Imagine you're making a long hike through a dark, dingy cave or dungeon. You've got a dim lantern, but the walls are tight. It feels kind of claustrophobic. After hours of making your way through this dungeon, you eventually reach the entrance. You suddenly emerge into a broad, expansive landscape full of sunshine, hills, and meadows. You can breathe free. It feels fantastic. You look around at all the beauty, and you feel absolutely incredible.

That's the "high" I'm talking about. That high depends on the contrast effect -- the contrast between the long trek through the dark dungeon, juxtaposed with the sudden emergence into sunshine and sky. The Buddhists construct their walks to create the same effect -- a long, narrow, enclosed path, which at the end opens out into wide-open view of the mountains. It's meant to produce a feeling of liberation.

But that initial feeling fades, because it depends on the contrast effect. That effect only works as long as the contrast is present or recent.

That doesn't mean you stop enjoying the sunshine, the landscape, and the meadows. But the initial "high" produced by the contrast between darkness/constriction and light/freedom fades with time, because the contrast effect is temporary/conditional.

Anyhow, that's what I mean by "honeymoon." I see a lot of people saying they're still in the honeymoon period, which tells me I wasn't very clear. By honeymoon, I don't mean good feelings about retirement. I mean the initial intoxicating, giddy feeling produced by the contrast effect. That will fade with time. I think that's inevitable.

One reason I'm belaboring the point is that I would like people to go into retirement with realistic expectations. I think unrealistic expectations about retirement can undermine people's actual happiness with it.

Even since 2014, my HI premiums have remained volatile since being diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes in 2015.

Do you know about ketogenic or low-carb diets that may have the ability to reverse Type II Diabetes? If not, you might check them out.

I am somewhat of an introvert and have this thought that I need to do more with my life, like get out and meet people and make friends and do something meaningful with my life. I have this thought in my mind daily, which makes it hard for me to relax fully. The pandemic has made getting out more difficult.

Yeah, I'm the same -- introverted, but with some sense that I should interact more, yet the virus has made that tough. Pre-virus, I found that getting out once or twice a week was enough for me, but it will be different for everyone.

It's also been a little stressful learning where everything is in the new town.

Yeah, moving can be stressful. I think some people underestimate how hard it can be.

I've been staying at home, puttering around the house and yard and watching a lot of YouTube and I keep thinking that each day I'm getting older and need to do something very meaningful before it is too late. So I too feel the need to have a purpose in retirement.

Well, they say look for something that you enjoy, preferably love to do, and you're good at, which also can serve others somehow, even in a small way. Personally, if anything feels like an externally imposed "should" to me -- a "responsibility" or a chore -- rather than something I genuinely want to do because it makes me feel more alive and better, I avoid it. It can definitely take a while to figure out. And it doesn't have to be one thing, it can be several different little things.

But, there are volunteer organizations that are the opposite - minimal rules and policies, no time clock, focused on the mission, and eager to have people who can contribute in whatever way suits their abilities and interests. So don't give up.

I won't. I expect there are volunteer gigs out there that don't feel like a chore and an obligation. I have given myself a project, so I'm sort of my own boss right now, which suits me. After that wraps up, though, I might try out another volunteer gig.

My self-assigned project involves writing, which is good in a way, but it's also a solitary activity, and I'm already a pretty introverted, solitary fellow. One of the advantages of volunteer work is that you mix with other people.

 

[Aus_E_Expat]

I am enjoying this thread - very interesting.

I retired in mid 2019, it lasted 3 weeks before I got offered a new job. The Covid 19 shutdown has seriously impacted on the job. Although I am still working as at now but it could change any day so I need to be able to rapidly pivot to retirement again.

 

[martyp]

Regarding the "Honeymoon" period. The giddy feeling lasted about a week. I also felt great at 30 days. I had not not worked for a full 30 days ever so it was both happy and a little strange. A little like the feeling I got my first September working and not starting school again. The real milestone though was 6 months. Most people have a bucket list when they ER. It take about 6 months to go through the bucket list and do some of the things and decide the rest isn't important anymore. After 6 months you then realize that this is real and long term (forever).

 

[scrabbler1]

Hey, scrabbler. Just a note about the "honeymoon" thing. I wasn't clear what I meant by that. When I say "honeymoon," I don't mean the good feelings about being retired. Those haven't gone away. I feel them every morning at 8, when I see people headed to work, or I think about how fortunate I am to have the money to do this, and all this freedom.

By "honeymoon," I meant the initial feeling of giddy intoxication you get when you first leave work for good. The initial "high" you get when you realize, "Wow, I am finally retired!"

Here's an an exaggerated metaphor to illustrate. Imagine you're making a long hike through a dark, dingy cave or dungeon. You've got a dim lantern, but the walls are tight. It feels kind of claustrophobic. After hours of making your way through this dungeon, you eventually reach the entrance. You suddenly emerge into a broad, expansive landscape full of sunshine, hills, and meadows. You can breathe free. It feels fantastic. You look around at all the beauty, and you feel absolutely incredible.

That's the "high" I'm talking about. That high depends on the contrast effect -- the contrast between the long trek through the dark dungeon, juxtaposed with the sudden emergence into sunshine and sky. The Buddhists construct their walks to create the same effect -- a long, narrow, enclosed path, which at the end opens out into wide-open view of the mountains. It's meant to produce a feeling of liberation.

But that initial feeling fades, because it depends on the contrast effect. That effect only works as long as the contrast is present or recent.

That doesn't mean you stop enjoying the sunshine, the landscape, and the meadows. But the initial "high" produced by the contrast between darkness/constriction and light/freedom fades with time, because the contrast effect is temporary/conditional.

Anyhow, that's what I mean by "honeymoon." I see a lot of people saying they're still in the honeymoon period, which tells me I wasn't very clear. By honeymoon, I don't mean good feelings about retirement. I mean the initial intoxicating, giddy feeling produced by the contrast effect. That will fade with time. I think that's inevitable.

One reason I'm belaboring the point is that I would like people to go into retirement with realistic expectations. I think unrealistic expectations about retirement can undermine people's actual happiness with it.

I can't say there was any initial "high" which wore off, Eddie. Simply going from a 2-days-a-week work schedule to a zero-days-a-week schedule felt completely natural and expected. Perhaps it was more due to seeing my ER as the elimination of a negative, mainly the commute, rather than adding a big positive, which caused this.

I think of my ER like someone sitting on a thumb tack for a long time, then pulling the thumb tack out of my butt. I would never become tired of not sitting on the thumb tack; it just became the new normal which has never ended.

 

[Markola]

I am enjoying this thread - very interesting.

+1. I’m learning a lot about the psychology involved. Restructuring is happening at work and it appears I’ll get to conduct my own experiment starting in early July. I’ll attempt to verify other posters’ results!

Also, one thing I’ve noticed is that at least some prolific FIRE-ees stop posting on ER Forum once they call work quits. Hello Senator. Wonder why?

 

[ER Eddie]

I can't say there was any initial "high" which wore off, Eddie. Simply going from a 2-days-a-week work schedule to a zero-days-a-week schedule felt completely natural and expected. Perhaps it was more due to seeing my ER as the elimination of a negative, mainly the commute, rather than adding a big positive, which caused this.

I think of my ER like someone sitting on a thumb tack for a long time, then pulling the thumb tack out of my butt. I would never become tired of not sitting on the thumb tack; it just became the new normal which has never ended.

Yes, same idea, just flipped to pain relief rather than pleasure/intoxication. I experienced more intoxication, and you experienced it more as a relief from a pain in your rear end. But it's the same idea in terms of the "honeymoon" (not a great label, but oh well).

It feels great when you finally pull the thumbtack out of your butt. "Oh, what a relief! That feels better!" But then, eventually, not sitting on a thumbtack becomes "the new normal," as you say. That's what I'm talking about. However you experience those first few months -- intoxication, relief from the acute pain in your butt, etc. -- those initial feelings do fade.

That's okay. That's natural. I'm still enjoying retirement, so are you. That's the main thing.
We can recreate a little of that feeling by remembering how life used to be.

+1. I’m learning a lot about the psychology involved. Restructuring is happening at work and it appears I’ll get to conduct my own experiment starting in early July. I’ll attempt to verify other posters’ results!

Good luck to you.

One other thing I'll throw in here, in terms of the psychology, is that I've found that I do need to work at enjoying my retirement. Maybe it's just me, but if I just drift, I usually end up enjoying my retirement at a fairly mediocre level. Let's say a 5 on a 10-point scale. However, if I "work at it" (pardon the "w" word), my level of enjoyment takes off. It's more like 8 or even 9 out of 10, when I'm really attending to using my retirement well.

Some examples of what I mean by that:
- reflecting about what's working and what's not, then putting those insights into practice
- being careful about how I spend my time
- reading old notes or journals to remind me of key ideas I've forgotten
- reading good books or listening to good audio that inspires me, educates me, helps me keep a good attitude, etc.
- making sure I'm taking good care of myself with getting outdoors and exercising, eating right, making sure my needs are met

All that was true when I was working, too, and all my life -- my enjoyment or contentment depended a lot on whether I was doing those things and how well.

But I think it may be even more true now that I am retired. I believe it's because now I am completely in charge of what I do, every day, 24/7. It's all up to me. My choices and their consequences are magnified. At least it seems that way.

There's also a sense of mortality that comes along with retirement, I think, at least for me. I'm very aware that my career is over, and I am in the last phase of my life. I don't know how many years I have left -- 10, 20? -- but I know the conveyor belt is moving me closer to the end every day, and I have limited time. I don't want to waste it. I've always thought that way, to some degree, but I think retirement has amplified it. (I don't mean this to sound like I'm worried about death. I'm not. I'm just saying I feel like how I use my remaining time is important.)

It may also be the equation of freedom and responsibility. Retirement is great freedom, and you know what Spider-Man says.

 

[neihn]

I retired on June 30th 2018, that would make 2 years anniversary soon. the first 18 months, mostly travel (road trips to US national parks, couple cruises to the Caribbean, Europe, Vietnam, Costa Rica), the last six months was busy selling the home and moving then COVID. I can't complain, it was all good.

However, I just accepted an offer from my mega-corp for a nine months contract, working from home. My thinking was, since I don't have any traveling plan until next summer, perhaps doing something useful

 

[CoastboundPNW]

4. The honeymoon lasted about 6 to 9 months

Really enjoyed this thread. I am just 10 weeks into retirement but do wonder about the differences between the giddy high (I remember taking a walk on a beautiful day a few days post-retirement and the Who's song 'I'm Free' popping into my head almost as loud as if I was listening to my stereo), the normal state of happiness, and, on the other side of that, the time that it takes for the stress of work to truly dissipate. My brother, who retired years before me, told me it took a full year for the background tension (both mental and physical) to fully go away. The subconscious 'readiness' for having to address an emergency at work, etc. was buried there and took time for full relaxation to happen. I think that is the case and due to that think I will have a higher 'baseline' once I've fully shaken off the remnants of a stressful job. But it is all different levels of happiness/lack of stress, and the process of getting there, which is a wonderful thing to experience.

 

[bmcgonig]

Yes, same idea, just flipped to pain relief rather than pleasure/intoxication. I experienced more intoxication, and you experienced it more as a relief from a pain in your rear end. But it's the same idea in terms of the "honeymoon" (not a great label, but oh well).

It feels great when you finally pull the thumbtack out of your butt. "Oh, what a relief! That feels better!" But then, eventually, not sitting on a thumbtack becomes "the new normal," as you say. That's what I'm talking about. However you experience those first few months -- intoxication, relief from the acute pain in your butt, etc. -- those initial feelings do fade.

That's okay. That's natural. I'm still enjoying retirement, so are you. That's the main thing.
We can recreate a little of that feeling by remembering how life used to be.



Good luck to you.

One other thing I'll throw in here, in terms of the psychology, is that I've found that I do need to work at enjoying my retirement. Maybe it's just me, but if I just drift, I usually end up enjoying my retirement at a fairly mediocre level. Let's say a 5 on a 10-point scale. However, if I "work at it" (pardon the "w" word), my level of enjoyment takes off. It's more like 8 or even 9 out of 10, when I'm really attending to using my retirement well.

Some examples of what I mean by that:
- reflecting about what's working and what's not, then putting those insights into practice
- being careful about how I spend my time
- reading old notes or journals to remind me of key ideas I've forgotten
- reading good books or listening to good audio that inspires me, educates me, helps me keep a good attitude, etc.
- making sure I'm taking good care of myself with getting outdoors and exercising, eating right, making sure my needs are met

All that was true when I was working, too, and all my life -- my enjoyment or contentment depended a lot on whether I was doing those things and how well.

But I think it may be even more true now that I am retired. I believe it's because now I am completely in charge of what I do, every day, 24/7. It's all up to me. My choices and their consequences are magnified. At least it seems that way.

There's also a sense of mortality that comes along with retirement, I think, at least for me. I'm very aware that my career is over, and I am in the last phase of my life. I don't know how many years I have left -- 10, 20? -- but I know the conveyor belt is moving me closer to the end every day, and I have limited time. I don't want to waste it. I've always thought that way, to some degree, but I think retirement has amplified it. (I don't mean this to sound like I'm worried about death. I'm not. I'm just saying I feel like how I use my remaining time is important.)

It may also be the equation of freedom and responsibility. Retirement is great freedom, and you know what Spider-Man says.

For me the sense of mortality is the downside of retirement. Never gave much thought to it before except in an intellectual way. Now it's personal. I'm in the last third of my life. In the gogo part of retirement (60s) and even aside from dying, realizing that my active years are slipping away.

 

[ER Eddie]

For me the sense of mortality is the downside of retirement. Never gave much thought to it before except in an intellectual way. Now it's personal. I'm in the last third of my life. In the gogo part of retirement (60s) and even aside from dying, realizing that my active years are slipping away.

Yeah, everyone dies, no getting around that. And retirement does have a way of focusing the mind on, "Ok, what am I going to do with the rest of my life?" In a way, that's exciting -- it reminds me of how I felt as an adolescent, when I had the whole rest of my life in front of me, and I was free to decide. The difference now is, of course, I no longer have "the whole rest of my life in front of me." Most of my life is behind me. I've still got some years, though, and I plan to make them count.

I've found it helps to avoid negative stereotypes of aging. You know, stuff like "Your mind gets weaker with age," or "Your health declines." There is research showing that negative stereotypes about aging correlate with negative outcomes. It's correlational, so it could just be that people with poor outcomes say more negative things about aging. But it could be the other way around, too -- that people who believe negative things about aging tend to end up with more negative outcomes. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Same would apply to negative stereotypes about retirement. Those aren't very common around here, but still, there are some subtly negative ideas about retirement floating around in the culture, and you can pick them up. For instance, thinking of retirement as the end of your productive years, a period of lazy indulgence, a time of boredom and not having enough to do, as "being put out to pasture," etc. It helps to watch for those kind of negative stereotypes and root them out. They are less common than they used to be, but they still come up. Being a part of a forum like this helps.

 

[jollystomper]

By "honeymoon," I meant the initial feeling of giddy intoxication you get when you first leave work for good. The initial "high" you get when you realize, "Wow, I am finally retired!"

....

Anyhow, that's what I mean by "honeymoon." I see a lot of people saying they're still in the honeymoon period, which tells me I wasn't very clear. By honeymoon, I don't mean good feelings about retirement. I mean the initial intoxicating, giddy feeling produced by the contrast effect. That will fade with time. I think that's inevitable.

I would disagree about the high fading. I think whether on not that initial "high" fades" may depend on either or both of:

1) What one felt about their job/career
2) If they are retiring FROM something, rather than TO something

If you felt your job/career was a burden, then is of course than initial high when that burden is shed... but then soon you might be reminded that some aspects of that burden you actually enjoyed, and no you miss... something of the "grass always seems greener on the other side" syndrome.

If you are retiring TO something, that new something sustains the high. Otherwise, retiring FROM something can cause the high to fade, as you try to look for another something. The "if I retire, what am I going to do?" syndrome voiced by more than a few of my work colleagues when discussing retirement.

I enjoyed my career, and left it on a high note, and that leaves me with everlasting satisfaction. Meanwhile, I retired to a lot of things I can now choose to do. So, in my view, that high has never ended.

 

[ER Eddie]

I would disagree about the high fading. I think whether on not that initial "high" fades" may depend on either or both of:

1) What one felt about their job/career
2) If they are retiring FROM something, rather than TO something

If you felt your job/career was a burden, then is of course than initial high when that burden is shed... but then soon you might be reminded that some aspects of that burden you actually enjoyed, and no you miss... something of the "grass always seems greener on the other side" syndrome.

If you are retiring TO something, that new something sustains the high. Otherwise, retiring FROM something can cause the high to fade, as you try to look for another something. The "if I retire, what am I going to do?" syndrome voiced by more than a few of my work colleagues when discussing retirement.

I enjoyed my career, and left it on a high note, and that leaves me with everlasting satisfaction. Meanwhile, I retired to a lot of things I can now choose to do. So, in my view, that high has never ended.

I agree with the first point. The high or sense of relief you might feel depends on a variety of factors.

As for the second point or your overall disagreement, I think you're confusing the "initial high" (or the initial sense of acute relief) with an ongoing feeling of enjoyment or satisfaction. The former is a product of the contrast effect, and it must fade over time, since it depends on a contrast which is temporary, and because brain chemistry adjusts to novel situations, good or bad.

I don't want to belabor it, though. If you see it differently and think you're in a perpetual, permanent "high," I won't try to harsh your buzz.

 

[NXR7]

Thanks for the post. #3 hits the mark for us. We want to retire next year and when I run the simulations with "normal" spending, we are good to go. Then I get the what ifs and convince myself that one more year would be a nice buffer. Then I simulate three more years and we would never worry about money. Then I simulate a market crash followed by stagflation. And on, and on, and on it goes until I can never retire. A $47k COLA pension and $55k SS @ 70 should be plenty. But what if....?

Did the same eval but bailed anyway. While another year would have been a LOT better, too many of my friends younger than me and my age have passed. Tomorrow is promised to no one.

Ray

 

[socca]

As for the second point or your overall disagreement, I think you're confusing the "initial high" (or the initial sense of acute relief) with an ongoing feeling of enjoyment or satisfaction. The former is a product of the contrast effect, and it must fade over time, since it depends on a contrast which is temporary, and because brain chemistry adjusts to novel situations, good or bad.

I find that in order to maintain the contrast, it's useful to never forget what it was like to be an employee.

This brings up some interesting questions:
• how can someone appreciate money if they've never been without it?
• how can someone appreciate being a business owner if they've never been an employee?
• how can someone appreciate being a homeowner if they've never been a tenant?

I have distant relatives who have never been without money, never been an employee, and never been a tenant. Oddly, they don't seem overly thrilled with their relatively privileged status. On the contrary, they seem quite adept at finding ways to make themselves miserable.

 

[I am He]

Prep the spouse as best you can, too. I've been good but she's finding that lack of meaning.

 

[HI Bill]

I'm hoping to get 'the high'. Since I don't particularly enjoy my j#b or my coworkers, I think it will be more of a 'relief' thing. But I fear that the uncertainties associated with financial performance of retirement assets over a 30+ year period will weigh on my mind, and negatively affect my outlook.

But I'm hoping that it's more like the first dozen times I landed at the airport in Kona to go diving, amidst the rolling pahoehoe lava fields, azure seas, and dramatic Mauna Kea and Mauna Loa volcanoes. I used to get excited just landing. Knowing that a weekend or week of diving, adventure, and eating out lay ahead. I've been going there for the past 26 years, and have wanted to move there since the first visit. Interisland travel just resumed in Hawaii today.

Hoping to make the move by the end of January!

 

[jollystomper]

As for the second point or your overall disagreement, I think you're confusing the "initial high" (or the initial sense of acute relief) with an ongoing feeling of enjoyment or satisfaction. The former is a product of the contrast effect, and it must fade over time, since it depends on a contrast which is temporary, and because brain chemistry adjusts to novel situations, good or bad.

Maybe what I bolded is the difference.

I did not feel "relief" at retirement. I felt like "I have completed a good career, well done". I do not need anything beyond that knowledge.

I like to build things, and for me the satisfaction of what I have built remains every time I view it. My plans, my handiwork - the object might be 40 years old, but I still feel the same satisfaction at completing it, and how it is still being used and enjoyed.

I completed a career that I never expected to have, was paid way more than I expected for a job that was more a hobby than work, gave my family a good life through it, and left behind items that people are still using to do their job and be productive. That type of satisfaction (or "high") never fades.

Our different views may just be based on different attitudes about our careers.

 

[Olejoe]

1st year retirement.

Thanks Eddie.

I’m in my 6th month and totally lost of what to do with my time. Retired in December with plans to visit and travel but then I remembered I have kids still young that require my attention. So waiting to see how the school will begin in August.

Lessons from the First Year of Retirement

I’m approaching my one-year retirement anniversary, so I thought I’d share the main lessons I’ve learned. If you’re approaching retirement, you might find some of this helpful. If you’ve already retired, maybe you’ll relate to some of this, or perhaps your experience has been different.

1. Hey, an economic collapse. Neat.

The economy went into a tailspin 9 months after I retired. After only 9 months, my retirement felt like a newborn baby, and baby was getting smacked around pretty early in life.

But, as it turns out, economic catastrophes aren’t so catastrophic after all. At least so far. The world is burning, but I’m doing okay. Sing along now: “It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.”

2. I figured out when I’m going back to work: never

Approaching retirement, in the back of my mind, I had a fallback option of turning retirement into a “gap year” or two, if it didn’t pan out. That is, I thought that I might choose to return to part-time work, after a year or two’s hiatus. That wasn’t the plan, but it was a failsafe option.

I wondered, “What if I miss the intellectual stimulation or challenge of work? What if I miss interacting with smart people in my profession? What if I can’t find enough activities that feel meaningful and productive?”

Well, none of that happened. I am more intellectually stimulated and challenged now in retirement than I was at work. I occasionally miss some of the interaction with colleagues, but interactions in the workplace were narrow in scope, because of the professional roles and tasks. I interact with a wider range of smart people now, and I feel freer to express what I think about a variety of issues I’d never talk about at work. And I haven’t had any trouble finding meaningful things to do.

So, my career is over. It feels a little sad to say that, but also freeing. I don’t say it with any negativity. I never got “sick of” my job or anything like that. I always liked it at least a little. I just know that I’m done with it. My career is part of my past now. It’s in the rear-view mirror, and I’m not going back.

3. I significantly underestimated my expenses

I tracked spending before I retired, but I sort of half-assed it. I used old, limited data from a time when I was in “saving for retirement” mode.

When I actually retired, I ended up spending a lot more money than normal, especially in the first 6 months. I opened the spigot. I was celebrating. I bought whatever I felt like buying -- a bike, camping gear, a dog, some furniture, a ton of books and music, clothes, some stupid ****. Also, once I retired, I noticed a bunch of stuff that needed replacing or upgrading, which I’d been putting off while working.

Yearly expenses were $5000/yr. higher than expected. Not a lot in actual dollar terms, but looked at as a percentage, that’s 15% higher than what I projected (38K vs. 33K/yr.). That’s not a problem – I jacked up my spending on purpose, and I’ve got plenty of headroom -- but it is substantially higher than what I estimated.

In retrospect, I think I unconsciously kept the estimates as low as I could, because by doing that, I could feel safer and more secure when pulling the plug.

We’ll see how this plays out over the next few years. I feel better now that I have a more realistic estimate of my spending. And I take some comfort knowing that I can dial back expenses 15% if I need to.

However, if you’re approaching retirement, be aware you might tend to underestimate expenses, just like I did.

4. The honeymoon lasted about 6 to 9 months

I was very happy in retirement for the first 6 to 9 months. Gradually, though, that feeling ebbed, and eventually, I returned to my baseline levels of happiness.

I think it’s called hedonic adaptation. If I remember right, most people who win the lottery are back to baseline levels of happiness in about 6 to 12 months, and so are most people diagnosed with cancer. So, it’s not surprising that something similar happens with retirement. We adjust to changes. Retirement becomes “the new normal.”

One distinction, though: If you ask me whether I’m more satisfied with my life now that I’m retired, I’d say “Yes, absolutely.” I’m just saying my day-to-day mood is not all that much better than it was before I retired. Probably a little.

So, just be aware that retirement doesn’t put a permanent smile on your face. If my experience is any gauge, you’ll have a honeymoon period where everything feels great, and then you’ll gradually return to baseline. You might feel a little better on a day-to-day basis, but don’t expect huge changes.

Two caveats:

1. I always enjoyed my work (at least somewhat), and I had already been working in a very easy part-time schedule for years prior to retirement, so I didn’t experience what many people here do -- a miserable/stressful work life, contrasted with the blissful release of retirement. If you have the latter, I’ll bet your honeymoon period will be more enjoyable and long-lasting.

2. It’s possible that the virus and economic collapse took a little wind out of my sails. That might be a factor, too. It’s hard to say.

I don’t want to leave the impression that I’m unhappy in retirement. Not at all. I’m enjoying my retirement and have no regrets.

5. I needed “meaningful work” sooner than I expected

Once, on another retirement forum, I got blasted for suggesting that people need a sense of meaning/purpose in retirement. Some guy got really pissed with me for saying so, and despite my assurances that if it didn’t apply to him, never mind, he continued to rant and rave about it in all caps. Apparently, some people get very upset with the suggestion that having a sense of meaning in life is important.

So, if this doesn’t fit for you, junk it. I’m talking about me. I’m not talking about what you or anyone else “should” do. I’m just speaking for myself.

I need a sense of meaning and purpose in life. That doesn’t mean I need to be engaged in meaningful activities all the time or even most of the time. I can fart around and waste time with the best of them, and I spend plenty of time just resting, relaxing, and doing nothing in particular. No problem with that.

However, at the end of the day (or life), I need to also feel like I did something meaningful with some of my time. I can’t just fart around all day, every day, and feel good about myself. I’m not wired that way.

So, I knew that part of what happy retirement meant for me was to eventually find “meaningful work.” By that I don’t mean paid employment – I mean an enjoyable project that uses my skills/knowledge and that also, hopefully, makes the world a little better place, even in a small, minor way. My career supplied some of that, so I knew that eventually, I’d need to find something else that scratched that itch.

I didn’t expect to feel that need for a couple years into retirement, though. It was way down my priority list, when planning. I had other sources of meaning (e.g., learning, growth, taking care of animals, etc.) which were more important to me than my career, so I didn’t think I’d feel the need for “meaningful work” right away.

And I didn’t. For the first six months of retirement, I wanted nothing to do with anything that even remotely resembled “w*rk.” Yuck. I just wanted to do whatever I felt like doing, day to day. I wanted to be completely free and unencumbered.

However, after about six months, I felt the need asserting itself. I’ve pondered and experimented quite a bit, and I’m still experimenting, but blogging is working out well for me so far. It’s a good fit for me. I get absorbed in it; the subject (animal afterlife) feels worthwhile to me, and I feel better after doing it.

I am usually able to keep a pretty good balance, where I work on it a couple hours a day, then have the rest of the day “free.” If I go for long stretches (which I can do sometimes, because I lose track of time), I will take a break for as long as I need. I want it to stay enjoyable and not turn into a “job” or an obligation.

So, for anyone who’s like me, the issue of meaningful work may pop up sooner than you expect. It has been a significant piece of the puzzle for me.

6. The lure of social media

I’m single, don’t have a family to occupy my time, and I’m not into watching TV or movies, travel, going to sporting events etc.. So, now that I am retired and don’t have a career, I have a ton of free time. I like it that way – lots of freedom, peace, and spaciousness. But along with that comes the temptation to waste that time on social media.

Social media has its upsides, of course, but the downsides are pernicious and covert. I have to keep an eye on my consumption, or I end up wasting too much time and energy on it. I’ve been aware of the problem for many years, but retirement has made it more salient, because of all the increased free time. I have to keep an eye on it.

For example, it’s very easy for me to go on a Facebook or Reddit group and spend an hour reading threads and making posts. Then I get sucked into discussions that don’t amount to a hill of beans. On Youtube, it’s very easy to spend a lot of time scrolling through the recommendations or subscriptions. News/politics in particular are very toxic and distracting.

So, in retirement, I’ve had to become pretty vigilant about my use of social media. If I’m not careful, I can end up wasting too much of my time and energy on it, and my life suffers. It may sound like a trivial thing, but it has a huge impact on the quality of my day to day life.


------

So, those are my main lessons from the first year of retirement. I learned some other things, but they only pertain to me, not others, so I’ll leave them out. Hopefully, you found something to relate to or some food for thought. Cheers.

 

[doneat54]

Interesting thread for sure. First, we are ALL different people. Keep that in mind.

I am around 3.5 years out from FIRE at age 54, but DW is still working 2+ more years (her choice). Here's my thoughts:


Honeymoon is over, and it was great. When you get yours, ENJOY it. Don't second guess your decisions. If you want to go wild, do it. I hitched our RV trailer to my SUV, loaded up our two dogs and when DW said when will you be back??, I said "not sure".... I was back home after visiting distant family and friends in about 21 days I think. Your honeymoon will NOT be your norm. But just let it flow, you earned it. Enjoy it.



I am never bored. Not while working, nor not now. I have far more interests than I have time for, has always been that way. I'll spare the details, but I have to "do stuff", make stuff, be productive BUT, the best thing about being FIRE, is when I feel like grabbing a cold drink, and snack, or an adult beverage... and sitting down, I do!!!! But this is where we are all different. Not all are like me. I easily can find my own "meaningful work".

When I am going back to work? NEVER. Period. Even more so than the day I FIRE'd. I tell DW, I will "live in a van down by the river" before I go back to work.


Expenses? We have done OK. Reasonable budget, recent isolation has helped.

Social Media, look at it every day, enjoy it, but take it for what it is. Don't get sucked in. My basic rule is that after coffee, e-mail and social e-mail, I have to be on my feet and doing something productive by 10 am.

I know this not health/weight related, but stepped on the scale a couple days ago after getting up, and was happy to see my High School senior year weight show up on the display.....

 

[pdxgal]

Lessons from the First Year of Retirement

I wondered, “What if I miss the intellectual stimulation or challenge of work? What if I miss interacting with smart people in my profession? What if I can’t find enough activities that feel meaningful and productive?”

Well, none of that happened. I am more intellectually stimulated and challenged now in retirement than I was at work.

This is my fear too. Glad to hear you found it unfounded. In what ways are you more intellectually stimulated now? What are you doing?